by Leanne Davis
And hearing.
She drew him out and refused to accept any excuses. Once Brianna showed up, it was like she unintentionally stole all the oxygen in the air. An effervescence and energy seemed to radiate off her that was unlike anything he’d seen before. He wanted to see her. Well, shit, she was gorgeous so it was nice to just stare at the eye candy. But he liked her animation. Perhaps because it was so unlike him and his experiences in life. She was a kick to him even though he couldn’t hear her. He liked to imagine hearing her. He wished he were lucky enough to just turn his head and catch whatever chatter fell out of her mouth.
She also motivated him and got him out of his head. No one else could do that but her. The last time he remembered feeling like that was when he communicated with his favorite translator using ASL. Such a long time ago.
He began looking up and around himself more frequently. He never knew when she’d pop in and now that he had someone to look for, he eagerly looked forward to seeing her.
Anticipating her arrival was a joy he hadn’t felt in years, more like decades. They were long, lonely, silent years. Naturally, he liked the feelings Brianna evoked. But it was way too fucking easy so he pulled back. He kept his distance by erecting an invisible wall between them. He refused to trust or believe her. Her friendliness and kindness and constant effort to hang around him were suspicious. Sure, his deafness was all new, and no doubt, a novelty for her. She wasn’t the first girl to feel sorry for him… or to pity him… Those things weren’t genuine and they wouldn’t last long. He knew that even if she didn’t.
He believed her intentions were good but reality kept chanting it won’t last. He couldn’t blame her when she eventually got bored and quit coming around. How could he be stimulating enough for someone as friendly, outgoing, and socially popular as she? He had nothing to say of any importance. He worked with horses all day. Went home. Ate. Watched TV. Browsed the internet for nothing of any particular interest. In fact there was nothing of his life that particularly interesting.
Days later, he was more than a little startled when he came around the corner of the barn and there she was out in front of her mom’s house, hugging a guy. Wow. Yeah. The guy looked her type. He was tall, blond and smiling at her. Someone just as lovely, lively and filled with words and sounds as Brianna Starr was.
Not ten minutes later, she was standing at the barn door and her mouth was moving. She always did that. For another split second, he couldn’t make out her words. The light from the outside of the barn was too bright and she was silhouetted. He stared at the outline of her slim body, and didn’t miss the slope of her shoulders or her plump breasts and small waist. It would have been physical torture to be around her for too long. Especially when she was so damn nice on top of it. He moved closer, shaking his head. Her lips stopped moving and she rolled her eyes at herself. Patience wasn’t her best quality but she waited until he was closer before she turned so she wasn’t standing against the glare.
“We’re going swimming. Come with us?”
“We?”
“Cami. And some friends. You don’t have anything else going on, Finn. Right? We both know that. So… come. I want you to.”
He rolled his eyes. “Maybe I don’t want to. I worked all day and I’m tired.”
She stepped forward, surprising him by moving right into his space. Setting a hand on his shoulder, she lifted her mouth directly in front of him. “You need friends. If you don’t show up, I’ll come get you. You have exactly one hour.”
She stared hard into his eyes as if she were punctuating her point before she turned and left him.
He gathered all his courage, which wasn’t much, since no one usually required him to be brave. But Brianna insisted upon it. He hated anything spontaneous and unexpected but he dutifully put on his shorts and a t-shirt. The few clothes he had were new and cheap, purchased with his first paycheck from Jack Rydell. Before then, he dressed in a mishmash of thrift store items he’d picked up here and there. He found a towel and walked down to the stupid beach.
He paused in the shadows when he saw three guys, one girl, Brianna and Cami. Why would she insist he join them? He paused to catch Brianna’s name on one of the guy’s lips. He was talking to another guy, saying something about Brianna looking hot as fuck and that he should tap that again… Finn sighed.
The last thing he needed to hear. He gritted his teeth, glancing at her. In his head, that’s exactly what Brianna was: hot as hell. She wore a bikini and her wet hair dangled in long strands behind her. She and Cami floated on the river together, and she never stopped smiling, she was so happy to have her best friend near her. He observed genuine affection from the small, dark-haired girl Brianna claimed was her best friend.
And either Brianna still fucked or once fucked the guy who was talking about her. He was not the same one Finn saw her hugging earlier that afternoon. No. That guy was rubbing his hair dry, and sitting with the other two strangers.
He dreaded encountering three guys he didn’t know. He barely knew Cami. The only reason he left his apartment and the barn was Brianna.
They heard him. First, the guy with the towel stopped rubbing his head. He turned and called out something. Brianna instantly straightened up in the water and turned toward Finn. She smiled and waved. True warmth shone in her features and that was why Finn found her so hard to resist. She was so kind, welcoming, inclusive and comfortable with him. No one else treated him like that or at least, not for many years.
Not since his family was alive.
He banished those thoughts, slamming the door on that subject. He tried to never think of them. He didn’t talk about them either. Brianna was the first person he mentioned them to in probably six years. No good ever came of it.
She ran up to him and took his hand, pulling him forward. No doubt, she’d already prepared her friends, as well as her boyfriend, that he was deaf. Her nice, sweet, deaf friend. Wasn’t he sweet? Cute? Her latest pet project. Finn felt like kicking his foot up his own ass for never once asking her if she had a boyfriend. He blamed himself for assuming she didn’t.
She turned towards him and pointed to the guy toweling himself off. “This is my brother, Jacob.”
Brother? Did he read her right? His expression must have been astonished because she repeated it. “Finn? My brother? Jacob?” Her puzzled expression over his reaction was obvious.
“Hey,” he said to her brother. Her eyes shone and a small smile touched her lips. She gave a slight nod as if to say, yeah, can you believe it?
Brother Jacob said, “Hey, how are you?” But Finn spotted a distinct shuffling of his feet when he didn't know what to say next. Brianna solved it by pulling Finn over to the other two guys. One huge guy was packed with muscles and a chest wide enough to flatten a door.
“This is Dawson, and that’s Tyrell. They went to college with Charlie. They came to spend a few days before saying goodbye to Cami. That’s Rosalie.” He turned to the leggy blond lying on a towel with thick glasses. She smiled and greeted him. Cami seemed by far the most natural and easy going around Finn. He quickly got into the water where it was safe. They talked and laughed. He looked up and caught some of it, but missed the thread of their conversation. It was hard. He felt cut off, lonely and bored. His thoughts drifted. A hand landed on his shoulder and he tensed before seeing Brianna.
“It’s getting too dim for you to read lips, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“My brother’s here. I can’t believe it.” Her smile beamed with pure happiness.
“Is he all better?”
Her face clouded up. “I don’t think so. Not really. But I’m pretending he is for tonight… until Cami leaves, yes, he is. He came to say goodbye to her. They are extremely close. She probably gets him better than I do. But he’s my brother and I just can’t understand why he wants to continue down the life path he’s chosen. I expect some kind of confrontation about where he’s living and all that. There usually is.” She shook her h
ead. “He causes my parents a lot of drama with his behavior. Most people would think I was the source of it, but I rarely am.”
“Do you date that one?”
“Which one? Dawson?” Her nose wrinkled up. “No. Well, to be honest, I used to. Years ago. Many, many years. Sometime between my sophomore and junior year of college.”
“He still likes you.”
“How do you know? Oh—you must read lips even from a distance. I never considered that. What did he say?”
“I was just asking.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What did he say? I know him… it must have been terribly sexist and probably crude. That’s why we aren’t dating anymore.”
“Something about tapping that and how hot you are.”
“With a few fucking hots sprinkled in there and a claim about fucking me?”
She knew her ex well.
He shrugged. She startled him when she suddenly got out of the water, which beaded off her glorious shoulders and slowly slid down her body. She was suddenly on Dawson, taking a wet towel and snapping it across his back.
He jumped up. “Hey. What the hell, Brianna?”
Finn missed what she said. When Dawson’s head jerked up, and Finn knew he’d been discovered as the source of whatever she heard. Dawson scowled at Finn and Brianna rammed her foot into his shin. He didn’t even flinch. But her point was crystal clear.
She demanded he leave and he got up, hanging his head before trudging off. She turned towards Finn and he walked closer to her. “What did you just do? Make his next move a swift kick in my ass?”
“No, I told him if he has nothing nice to say, then he’d be wise to say nothing at all. He can’t go around saying shit like that about me anymore.”
“That’s all you said?”
“Well, I actually told him to quit being such a fucking asshole and stop saying shit about me or he would be permanently eighty-sixed from here forever.”
Her brother came into view. “Wow, can you read conversations from that far away? That’d be such a nice skill to hone.”
“I’d rather hear it than read it. Besides, most of the time I miss a lot of it if I can’t see the speaker. So it’s pretty limited in its usefulness.”
“You can really understand me?”
“No. I can read what your lips are saying.”
Jacob shook his head. “Wow. Damn. Bri said you could do that, but I didn’t believe her.”
He was surprised when Brianna wrapped her towel around herself and joined him. “Don’t you want to hang out with your friends?”
She shook her head. “No. They weren’t being very friendly, were they? I don’t like to be talked about like that. You never talk like that.”
He might think things like that though. Finn nearly bit his tongue while making sure his initial reply was never uttered out loud. They walked up the beach for awhile, quiet.
She stopped to look at the moon, which was surprisingly bright. “Can you see well enough?”
“Yes.”
She flopped down. They were near the water still, halfway up the beach and not too far from his apartment. Using her big toe, she scooped sand before facing him, and said, “I didn’t know it would be so hard.”
“What?”
“You. Being you in a crowd. It’s almost impossible to follow any conversation, isn’t it?”
“I can’t see everyone equally.”
Her mouth pursed up. “That’s why you resisted my invitation. You knew.”
“Well, being deaf isn’t new to me.”
She nodded, looking glum. “It is to me. I pushed you too far, too fast. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“I do. I still think you’ve been alone for so long, you probably lost the motivation to seek anything new. I wanted to include you and I knew I’d have to push you to do it. I just have to remember how hard it is for you because of being deaf. It’s also hard because you’ve been so detached from life for so long.”
“Detached from life? What do you think you’re doing? Somehow re-attaching me to life? Life like you have?”
“Mostly? I think I’m being your friend. Making you part of something again.”
“Part of what?”
“Friendship? Family? I don’t know exactly. But being with those meatheads wasn’t the best place to do it. Believe me, I see that now. Cami would be okay. And Charlie, too, if he were here. I wish you could meet him. My brother? Well, he’s pretty cool. But the rest of that group? No, not the right kind of people.”
She gripped his hand in hers. “Don’t give up. Because of this one mistake, promise me you won’t give up. It can be a lot better. So much better. Don’t let this stop you from hanging out with me.”
“Why do you care so much? Do you feel sorry for me, Brianna?”
Her shoulders slumped forward. She didn’t look up for a long while. When she finally did, she replied, “I’m sorry you’re so alone, yes. That’s true. There is some of that.” She licked her lips and his body reacted. He was staring right at her lower plump lip and found it very hard not to watch her pink tongue ducking in and out. “I’m not as altruistic as you seem to think.”
“What do you mean?”
She turned towards him. “I mean, I want to be around you just because I want you around.”
“As your friend?”
She didn’t answer but glanced down, dropping her head. “I can’t see your lips, Brianna.”
She nodded but kept her head down. Then she lifted her face up. “I have to go.”
Back on her feet, she merely stared at him. He got up too, confused by her behavior. “Okay.”
She stood there for a long second. Then suddenly, she leaned forward and put her hands behind his head, pulling him closer to her. Her gaze remained fixed on his and her lips didn’t move. She touched her mouth to his and he went stock still. Frozen. In shock. Was she really kissing him? He had apparently become her pet project. And her new mission was to save him.
She softly grazed his lips and stopped. He saw her throat gulp when she swallowed. “I’m not a slut. Nothing like Dawson said. I’ve had sex with a total of four guys, including Dawson, so I doubt that makes me…”
Finn shook his head to the negative, still fully amazed that her lips just touched his. Soft and easy. Yet, there was something so innocent and sweet in how she did it. She seemed as if she were looking for something soft and pure…
“Well, I’m not a slut. And he shouldn’t have implied I was. When I slept with him, it was a sheer fluke. He came here and we were all hanging out that summer…”
“You don’t have to tell me the details. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I think you’re…”
“What?” Her mouth was so close to his. She brushed her lips over his again. He drew in a quick inhale of air. The heat of her breath warmed his face, she was that close.
“Nice. I think you’re a very nice person, Brianna.”
She dropped her face down and her mouth tipped up almost shyly. She remembered to lift her face so he could see her. “Really? People usually don’t say that about me.”
“You are though, aren’t you? Nice, that is.”
“Nice?”
“Not what you wanted to hear?”
“Actually, it’s better than I expected to hear. I always try to be. For some reason, some people erroneously assume I’m not.”
The longer Finn was near her, the more comfortable he became with her exuberance and friendliness. She also possessed one of the most outwardly beautiful packages most people had ever set eyes on.
“I should go,” she suddenly said as she stepped back, moving around him before she fled. He watched her hurrying up the beach. What the hell? What happened? Nothing. Well… that happened. But it was just a random moment. A spontaneous moment that most likely meant nothing to Brianna. It mixed up all her former sympathy towards him. She was starting to understand his life and it upset her. Being so nice, she just tr
ied to make him feel better.
By kissing him? She awoke his desires… and hopes… She really shouldn’t head-fuck with him. It wasn’t fair. And far crueler than being thrust into a crowd of her friends without knowing what was going on.
****
Brianna wasn’t sure what their kiss meant. It was such an intense moment that it seemed right. But did that mean she wanted to do it again?
She often kissed guys on dates and wasn’t any wisp of a saint. No. She wasn’t too surprised about Cami’s friend’s discussion about her. She did play around with two guys. Sleeping with one and kissing the other. She’d had plenty of first dates in her life. Too many. And kissed most of them too, even made out with a few… but it usually stopped there. She might have seemed easy, but she was not. Not at all.
But with Finn, she felt so different. There was no flirting or playing around. She simply asked for and received his attention. Oh, no. There was nothing casual in her interactions with Finn. Finn. She blew out a breath that lifted her hair. Finn was important. All the time she spent with him seemed elevated from anything normal or stupid. For once, she was not just pissing away her time by flirting with random guys. Was it because he was deaf? Maybe. She couldn’t decide if that were the only difference with Finn. But it would have been untrue to pretend it wasn’t a factor since it did make everything so different. She imagined telling her friends and Jacob about him without mentioning he was totally deaf. That would be wrong not to mention, since it was one of the most obvious things about him. The most distinctive thing. The thing that made him unique in how others reacted to and with him. So, yes, his deafness affected everything about what she thought and how she treated and interacted with him.
She had no problem distinguishing between pity and sympathy in contrast to intrigue, curiosity and passion. The indescribable feelings she had were so new to her. Her stomach never failed to flutter whenever he first cast his eyes on her. She couldn’t avoid blushing over the careless or awkward things she said. She felt sad when she saw his visible discomfort for not fitting in. Like he did with the crowd from last night.