The emotion in Clara’s voice peaked. I wanted to say something to her as she continued her story, but even as I listened to every word I could still hear Sara’s voice inside my head. Clara’s experience had pieces of what had happened to me, but with specific differences. While we had dug our way out of Naxum there was no cover-up of our escape. If Clara was telling the truth then it was obvious it was yet another manipulation created by Richard. Still, I had no true reasoning behind his actions.
“I must have fainted because I awoke at the edge of the crater to the sound of metal footsteps.” Clara continued. “I ran as fast as I could away from the sound. It was pitch dark, but somehow I was able to run without falling. Before I knew it I had arrived at our home. Something was calling me inside. The house was shambles. It looked as if someone had ransacked it. By then I could barely stay conscious and fell asleep in our bed.
It did not feel as if I had even closed my eyes when I heard the metal footsteps again. By then I had no strength to run. I just laid there waiting for them to come. Massive metal suits of armor ripped though the house towards me. I didn’t cry or scream. I just didn’t care. One stood over me and lifted its hand over my face. I saw a yellow light shine from the palm of its hand. I closed my eyes and prepared for death and then everything went silent.”
The timeframe did not match what I remembered. Clara would have been freed long before we were able to dig our way out. What I was beginning to understand was that Clara’s story was not so much to shed light on what was happing to us, but more to let me know that even she did not have the answers. Clara was in the same state I was. She did not know the truth of her past. She was holding on to what she thought was a constant in her life, me.
“When I awoke I was here.” Clara continued. “An older man was with me and told me that everything I experienced was a fabrication. He told me that while he did not know my true past that it was not what I had been shown. I did not believe him, but he was able to show me that we were all trapped in some type of containment unit. He said we had all died and our life energy was being used by an alien being.
It took some time, but I came to believe him and we began working to free others from their false afterlives. When we discovered you had died I asked to be the one to free you. I don’t know why, but you were the hardest to free. After you disappeared from the forest I thought I had lost you and finally we were able to locate you. That is when I saw what kind of life you had and for a moment I did not want to take you away from that. I knew you would hate me, but I had to save you.”
“Wait.” I interrupted. “You said in the forest? What about in the life stream and the beach?”
The look she gave threw everything I thought I knew even further out of cohesion. She had no idea what I was talking about. Richard had orchestrated the other times I had encountered Clara. He had planned the entire event in the life stream to make me believe she had been destroyed. The dream on the beach was also part of Richard’s plan, but I was still missing the reasoning.
“How long has it been for you since you have seen me last?” I asked.
Clara looked at me not wanting to answer. As far as I knew at the time I believed I had been gone almost nine years.
“Three days.” Clara answered.
The military conducted extensive mental tests on all of its soldiers, but members of Alpha Factor were put though even more advance tests. Before our VR training all members were questioned by a man named, Jacob Hill, who was the head of the Alliance division of mental health. During my sessions with him he would ask about the effect of growing up in an Alliance schooling facility.
I gave the answers I felt he wanted to hear. There was no need to discuss something I could not change and I felt it would not affect my performance. Jacob knew what I was doing and just began talking. He spoke about the mind and how in his studies he found it is easy to control the human mind if you could understand the frequency and wave lengths the brain runs on. In his experiments he found that exposure to different emotional scenarios could lead to the creation of a specific brainwave pattern that would be the easiest to manipulate.
He talked for almost an hour about the subject until I stopped him and asked why was he telling me all this. He asked me if I thought my experience had led me to joining the military. I told him yes. He smiled and asked what I would do if everything in my life was specifically planned out so it would lead me to join. I scoffed and responded that if the alliance needed soldiers they would and have forced people to join. He leaned back in his chair and replied; what is the fun in that.
“This is about control.” I exclaimed. “Everything we remember be it real or created by Richard is designed to control us. This isn’t just a matter of using our life energy to feed some God. If that was Richard’s plan we would have all been taken by now. Richard said that he created a heaven-like world for us originally and that we would not accept it. I believe what he meant was that our life energy was not compatible.”
“What do you mean?” Clara asked. “I don’t understand.”
It ached to do so, but I forced myself to stand. While I did not have the complete answer to why everything had happened it began to make more sense. As much control that Richard had over our realities there was a definite lack of control as well. It was more than just the inability to retrieve the lost souls who escaped him.
“There were people who could not use the virtual reality training when I was in the military.” I began. “Something about their brains being hardwired not to accept the reality created for them. The same thing happened to some of us. You said you were freed by someone and I am sure they were freed by someone as well. If this containment unit was Richard’s creation there would not be a blind spot or somewhere he could not access. I don’t think wherever we are is in Richard total control.”
From the moment I pulled the pins on those grenades I came under Richard’s control. I believed that Richard was somehow able to capture human souls, but something needed to be done before he could use them. Everything he showed me was to get my mind to a state where it could be controlled. The key to it all was life energy.
“So this place, wherever we are, was not created by Richard?” Clara asked.
“I don’t think it was.” I answered. “It’s possible there is a true afterlife and that Richard has taken it over. Perhaps he is a powerful being who discovered where humans go when they die and tried to access our life energy for his own means. Throughout the realities he showed me the theory of human life energy was always present and I believe it is the reason why we are still here.
If our life energy contains who we are then perhaps when we die our memories, experience and even thought patterns pass on with us. The other Clara told me my mind could control my reality. I could change it based on my emotions. In virtual reality specific brain wave patterns were needed for the process to work. Otherwise we would reject what we see and the training would be useless.
Richard needs our energy patterns to do the same. Clara told me so much herself. She said our life energy had to stabilize in order to pass on to our afterlife. What if that is what is happening? What if we are all one big collective of life energy and Richard needs to stabilize us all in order to use us. To him we are unstable energy patterns and until he can adjust all of us to mirror the others he cannot claim any of the souls here.”
A searing pain shot though my head. I fell to my knees unable to hold my own body weight. Everything began to spin. I felt sick to my stomach. Clara kneeled down next to me calling my name. Her voice sounded like a distant whisper in the night. I had not recovered, not by a long shot. I tried to push away the pain, the agony of losing Sara. I wanted to focus on what was before me at the moment, to find an answer to everything. My body and mind were damaged. Emotions flooded back to me. I could no longer think about anything else.
“David, what’s happening?” Clara cried.
A wave of anger radiated throughout my body taking me over. I felt a
s if another part of me was awaking and killing the rational voice inside of me. I pushed Clara’s hand from my shoulder. I did not want her to comfort me. It did not matter to me at that moment that Clara may had been a victim, she had taken everything from me and I could not forgive her for that.
“Is this what you want?” I growled. “Am I just some experiment? Why is it every time I see you pain is not far behind?”
“David…”Clara stuttered. “…I”
I forced myself to my feet and staggered out towards the street. Clara screamed out my name and followed me. I was losing control of everything. All the safeguards I had created for myself to protect me from losing control were breaking down. It was pitch black, but it did not matter I just want to get away.
“Let me take you to him…” Clara called out. “…he can help you!”
“Help me!” I shouted. “You took me from the only peace I had ever known.”
I stopped and stood in the street staring blankly ahead. There were no more restrictions holding me back. I turned back toward Clara. I wanted to hurt her, to see her in pain.
“My life with Sara was better than anything I ever had with you.” I said. “Is that why you ripped me from it? Are you behind all this? Could it be that simple? You wanted me all for yourself and when I rejected you, you did all this to me?”
“David…” Clara whispered.
I fell to my knees crying. It felt as if my existence had been taken from me. While I knew that I had a life I did not know which version was real or if any of what I had witnessed or been told had been the truth. I pounded my fists against the ground in anguish. Clara stood frozen in front looking down at me, her hands were shaking.
“Please David, you have to stop!” Clara cried out. “This is what Richard wants, to break you.”
“I am broken!” I screamed. “I don’t know who I am anymore, why I’m here.”
I laid my head on the ground weakened, defeated. For me there was no reason to go on. While I felt I could continue the fight I could not find any reason to do so. I believed whatever may have come of my efforts would just had lead to another manipulation.
“He wanted to tell you himself.” Clara began. “He doesn’t know everything about your past, but he knows you are important?”
I looked up from the ground at Clara. She had wiped the tears from her eyes and took in a deep breath. Her hands were no longer shaking and her voice changed from one of fear and uncertainty to one a person of faith would have. She believed what she had said with all her being that much I could tell.
“Who..?” I asked. “Who knows I’m important?”
“The man who saved me, who saved all of us...” Clara replied. “Henry Flag, he told me you were the one who could free us all.”
The man I had come to hate was to be the man who could put an end to my suffering, to all our suffering. I did not want to believe it and yet I knew that was exactly what Richard would have wanted. There was no other choice. I reached my hand out to Clara to help me to my feet.
“Then take me to him.” I said calmly.
As we headed deeper into the night I felt the raw energy inside my body return. It felt the same as when I encountered Richard in the life stream. The energy was strengthening me as if renewing my resolve for one final task. I did not know where Clara would take me or what I would find, but there was one thing I knew for certain. If Flag did not give me the answers I needed I would unleash the rage inside off me and give Richard exactly what he wanted.
16
Clara and I had been walking for hours throughout the night. We had left the city and were heading out into a desert. The moonlight had dimmed. It seemed as if the night was getting darker the further we walked. I could not help but wonder why there would be a need for day and night in the afterlife. I could only come to the conclusion that like the decimated city we had just left it was all part of the manipulation process. We had to believe we were on earth and everything was as we knew. It would be the best way to get us to accept it and in turn control us.
The energy inside me was still present though not as intense as before. My flesh or whatever my body was composed of however was still weakened. With my arm over Clara’s shoulder we had walked through the darkness without saying a word to each other. My feelings had dulled, not only had the anger faded, but all other emotions as well. I knew my words had hurt Clara and though she said nothing I could see it in her eyes. The problem was I was not concerned about that.
I had always wanted to keep my emotions in check but not to the point that I could not care about others or feel true happiness and love. What Richard had done was to take everything I believed, everything that I knew and distort it. The result was that I could not trust anything from my past and could only focus on the future. Without a base to look back upon the feelings and emotions that came from them could also not be trusted. In the end love, hate, happiness, sadness, anger was unnecessary. There was something I had to do and that was all that mattered, everything else was to be disregarded.
The realization of that brought me back to my training. The Alliance wanted its soldiers to focus on the mission and to, at least temporarily, put all else aside. Once your mission had succeeded then you could focus on other things, but while you were tasked with a job only the job mattered and nothing was to stand in your way. I assumed Richard had tasked me for something, but I could not even be sure of that. Everyone I had encountered considered me special with a specific destiny I had to fulfill. My question to myself was, is my destiny to help or to harm.
The night was cold and though I could not see a thing Clara continued on into the darkness as if she was locked on to a homing beacon. Her eyes also told me she had been tasked. She had told me it was her who asked to find me and bring me home, but I wondered about that. Perhaps she was specifically chosen because she was one of the only people I would follow. As far as I was concerned we were all pawns. I was tired of playing and wanted the game to end.
“I need to stop.” I said to Clara.
I rested against a large rock and stared out into the night. There were many thoughts and questions swirling inside my mind, but I could not pick just one to isolate. Clara did not say a word. She stood silently staring in the same direction we were heading. There was a feeling inside me that once we reached our destination there would be little time for talk. If I wanted to say something then that time would be the best.
“I’m sorry.” I said softly. “I won’t lie and say that what I said was just in a moment of anger. I don’t know what is real anymore. This right now could be another illusion. Maybe you have been in one reality long enough to accept it, but what if it is ripped away like mine was. What would you say? How would you feel?”
Clara slowly walked behind me and leaned against the rock. I turned my head to see her staring up into the sky.
“To survive here I had to come to the realization that everything that has happened was real.” Clara began. “When my parents died a part of me wanted to wash away their memory. It was too painful to think about them, all the love they showed me, all they sacrificed for me. I told myself that it would not be disgracing them to try and forget. They knew I loved them, why continue to think of them now if it caused so much pain.”
She took in a deep breath and turned her head towards me. The faint moonlight shimmed off of the tears falling from her eyes. Tightness in my chest reminded me that I did care, not just for the suffering of others, but the pain Clara was feeling inside.
“The pain I felt also reminded me of the love they gave me.” Clara continued. “I could not separate the good from the bad and it reminded me that the pain I went though helped to shape who I was. Regardless of what was a true event and what was implanted it is what we do with it that matters. I was not going to drown in the pain Richard caused me. I turned it into fuel. I used it to strengthen me to find a way out of this.”
Her words made more sense than anything I had thought through on my own. The
reason the military used virtual training for its advanced soldiers was so they could experience the pain and learn from it to make them stronger. Even if Richard exposed me to those false realties to break me it was up to me to either become broken or turn the tables and gain strength from it. The energy that had built up inside me was just that, my power, my strength.
“I thought the correct thing to do was focus only on the now and disregard the past.” I said. “I was wrong. There are memories, feelings within me of our time together. Real or created they are still there and even though there were bad times, there were much more good times.”
Clara walked around from behind me and placed my arm around her shoulder.
“Faith is the confident belief in a person, thing or idea.” Clara said. “I have faith in myself and in God. I know together we will find a way out. I also have faith in you, David. In my heart I know you loved me and I still love you to this very moment. I know you do not share my religious beliefs, you never have. But, if you can just have faith in yourself then you’ll find the strength to continue and achieve any goal you’ve set for yourself.”
Once again I could feel the warmth from Clara’s body. It had been so long I had forgotten what it felt like. As we continued on into the night I came to the realization that the warmth felt just like Sara’s. It was love that I was feeling. It covered my entire body like a blanket. Wrapped in its aura I knew what I had felt with both of them was true. Knowing that made the night a little bit brighter. It was then I realized where we were.
In the distance I could see the towering mountain that was blocking out most of the moonlight. I should have realized where we were earlier, it made so much sense. From my point of view everything happened there and it was when I walked though its massive steel doors that everything began. We had returned to that place.
Life-After Page 19