by Minna Howard
Later that day Saskia went out to buy more food, though she wondered if she should leave the house at all. What if while she was out the dreaded Mrs Tracy Morton locked the front door behind her, or somehow persuaded Richard to chuck her out?
She wondered if Ivor was home. She’d heard nothing from him since that night she’d heard that woman with him. She did not want to knock on his door in case she was there, so she crept down the stairs taking extra care outside Mrs Tracy Morton’s door, holding her breath as if escaping from some danger. She teased herself for her foolish thoughts. She could hardly stay in her flat holed up forever, and if she didn’t dare to go out when she wanted, Mrs Tracy Morton would have won. Anyway, tomorrow she must go to work, take back the clothes she had finished for the clients to collect, and do a couple of fittings.
It was late afternoon. The house was shadowy and silent behind the thick doors of the flats. There was a feeling that it was deserted, waiting for a past life that would never return, though behind each door lurked someone living out their last years. What adventures had they had in their lives, she wondered as she went down the main staircase with its faded air of glamour, a stoic remnant of when the house was fully lived in by one family, the rooms beautifully decorated, scenes of parties and comfort, an oasis of privilege.
It was cold and dark outside; it had been raining and the air smelt clean almost fresh. The reflection of the streetlights danced on the river and she walked along the Embankment awhile before crossing the road and walking up to King’s Road to buy food before the shops shut.
As she reached the house again, she saw Ivor getting out of his car. She was relieved to see he was alone, so whoever the woman he’d bought home that night was not with him.
He saw her, and smiled, heaving out a suitcase from the boot of his car. ‘Saskia. Been somewhere nice?’
‘Just went to buy some things. Have you had a good time? Been away working?’ No longer living together in the same flat she knew little of his life now; they went days without seeing each other.
‘Bit of both, but I’m back now for a while. You well?’ He glanced at her stomach before looking away.
‘Yes, thanks, but… well, I had a visit from Mrs Tracy Morton today.’ They crossed the road and reached the front door. She dropped her voice in case one of the occupants would hear her. ‘She said that the house was no place for a screaming baby and that she was going to take it up with Richard. She thinks he will ask me to leave in case the baby disturbs everyone else. She even suggested I have the baby adopted,’ she said sourly.
‘She’s an interfering old thing. Richard said you could stay there until the house emptied, and I suppose a screaming baby, as she put it, might well cause a mass exodus. Perhaps that was Richard’s hope, a way of getting them all to leave so he could sell it.’ He put down his case and fumbled in his pocket for his key.
‘Do you really think that?’ she asked. If it were true, she might be homeless in a few weeks.
‘No, only teasing. I don’t suppose it crossed his mind. I don’t know much about babies, except that my sister has so many and seems able to cope, though her husband is often away,’ he said, unlocking the door and standing back to let her in. ‘But now you have a family, a father and Verity is very kind. I’m sure they will help.’
‘I don’t know, Verity works during the term-time anyway and I wouldn’t like to land a baby on her in the holidays. I’ll manage somehow,’ she said more bravely than she felt. It would be difficult to cope without Darren by her side. Annabel had said she could bring the baby to work – it would be a companion for Mungo, her little terrier, she’d joked – but she could hardly take it to the restaurant. She’d have to find a nursery or someone to babysit, and that would be expensive, or she must give up her work in the bar, but then she wouldn’t have enough to live on. Darren had promised to help out as he would have done if they were still together, but she didn’t know what this would actually mean in practice. She couldn’t expect Nathan to fund them; he had his sons, both at uni and not working. He had told her to ask if she needed anything and she wondered if that was why Verity didn’t seem quite so friendly towards her now it was proved that she was Nathan’s daughter, her thinking that the money that should go to their sons would now be shared out between the three of them.
She should have faced this sooner and not coasted along, hardly considering her pregnancy. It had taken over her body now, the child kicking and moving in the ever-decreasing space it lived in. It was impossible to ignore it. She should have put plans in place earlier. She hadn’t even bought a scrap of baby wear or a cot, or whatever else she’d need.
‘You okay? You seem quite subdued. That old battle axe hasn’t upset you, has she? I’m sure her bark is worse than her bite,’ Ivor said as they toiled up the stairs.
‘No.’ She paused to get her breath finding the stairs harder now with the extra baby weight. ‘It’s just that I should be getting organised for this baby. I’ve got nothing for it and haven’t really thought about my life after it is born.’
‘You’ve got a bit of time yet, haven’t you? Though I’d get things for the baby before the Christmas rush is really underway. I could give you a hand if you want, or you could order it all online. Hasn’t the hospital given you a list of things you’ll need?’ He said it lightly as if he was talking about something as simple as Christmas shopping. ‘I remember having to go shopping with my sister when she was having her first. She made me carry everything for her.’ He laughed. ‘So I’m well trained. I’d ask her if she had any old clothes to lend you, but I expect they are all worn out by now.’
‘That’s kind, but I’ll see to it,’ she said.
They’d reached her flat now and she was overcome by a sudden wish he would take her in his arms and hold her close. As a friend, not a lover – just to make her feel safe and wanted. She moved away from him and unlocked her door.
‘I wouldn’t want to bother you. Verity did say she’d help and I’ve a couple of girl friends who have been through it.’ She didn’t say that one of these friends lived in Scotland and the other in France so meeting up for a shopping spree for a baby shower would be complicated.
‘You wouldn’t bother me. As I said, I trailed around enough shops with my sister. This was before the internet and click and collect.’ He laughed and she heard herself saying, ‘Fancy a cup of tea or something stronger?’ Then she felt a bit shy. What if his girlfriend – if that’s who the woman in the night was – was arriving or he was about to go and meet her?
He paused a moment before agreeing. ‘Great, yes I’d like that. It’s been a long drive from Cambridge. Let me dump my things then I’ll come down.’
Saskia went into the flat, leaving her door ajar for Ivor. She took her shopping into the minute kitchen and was unpacking it when she heard Mrs Tracy Morton’s voice booming through the flat.
‘I saw you come in and just to say I happened to see a few of the other people living here and they all agree with me, that a crying baby will disrupt them far too much. I have requested an interview with Richard, and we will tell him that you will have to leave.’
Ivor had just come down from his flat. He stood on the landing behind Mrs Tracy Morton, and Saskia came out of the kitchen and stood in front of her, so she was caught between them, ham in a sandwich.
Ivor said, ‘I’m sure Richard won’t chuck Saskia out. In fact, he probably encouraged her to stay here with her baby hoping it would finally inspire the rest of you leave!’
Mrs Tracy Morton gasped and thrust her hand over her amble bosom as if experiencing a heart flutter. Saskia looked over at Ivor who winked at her, a cheeky grin on his face. Whether what he said was true or not, Saskia knew he was on her side and though was not willing to be a surrogate father, would, if necessary, fight her corner with Richard, who was a good friend of his. She felt she was safe here a little while longer.
‘We’ll see about that.’ Mrs Tracy Morton barged out and strode off to her fla
t.
Ivor came in. ‘It looks great now you’ve finished it. It’s quite small though.’
‘That’s fine, it’s all I need for now,’ she said. ‘Some people bring up families in far smaller places than this.’
‘They do.’ He sat down on the sofa and she made him a strong coffee to give him energy after his long drive. He said, ‘So what about your new family, your father and half-brothers, will they help you out?’
‘Yes, I’m sure they will, but Nathan had to go back to Singapore temporarily. The boys, my half-brothers, are busy with seeing their friends. Verity is still working. Her term breaks up in a few days and…’ She paused, looked away, wondering whether to tell him her fears.
‘And?’ He watched her, cradling his mug of coffee in his hands.
‘As you know Verity was wonderful in the beginning. It can’t have been easy for her.’ She grimaced. ‘Me, her husband’s surprise love child, turning up cold like that on her doorstep. Then that other man appeared also claiming to be my father. Not to mention all the drama with Delia.’ She smiled wryly. ‘Poor Delia is now having to swallow her words and accept that I really am her grandchild.’
‘So are you saying that Verity is not being so wonderful at the moment?’
‘I can’t explain it, she’s being kind but underneath I can sense she wishes I’d go away, and that it had never happened. Nathan has been very understanding and seems to have been very fond of my mother… maybe she’s finding that hard to cope with. Nathan’s mind is also on some drama in Singapore, and the boys are not really at home much now. I think she’s lonely without them.’ Saskia didn’t mention how much she yearned for her own mother. There was no point. She had gone and could never return.
‘It was all going to work out, Darren and I moving in together and caring for our child, but now that’s over and it’s very hard to come to terms with,’ she said quietly, staring at the floor, not wanting to see Ivor’s expression.
‘You’ve been spooked by Mrs Tracy Morton. Don’t worry, Richard won’t chuck you out. Not until we all leave, anyway, and that doesn’t look like anytime soon, unless there is a flu epidemic or something.’ He grinned. ‘Some gruesome lurgy that will carry us all off.’ Saskia couldn’t help but laugh, warmed by the gentleness in his eyes.
‘Well, I hope you’re right, but I must get prepared, get everything ready for this poor child.’ She patted her bump.
Ivor did not stay long. He had to unpack and get ready for work the next day. ‘What are you doing for Christmas?’ he asked as he got up to leave. ‘I’m going skiing with friends. It will be very cold, but we always have a good time.’
‘Sounds lovely,’ she said though she felt wretched. She wanted him nearby, like a comfort blanket, even though she’d accepted that she had no right to ask him that as a friend. There was quite a long break over Christmas and all her friends took advantage of that, going away on holiday or visiting friends and family outside London. Verity had asked her for Christmas, and she’d accepted though she could not help a certain level of dread at the idea of spending the holiday with Delia.
TWENTY-NINE
Verity collected up all the exam papers, the end-of-term ones the college set to get the students familiar with them before the important ones at the end of the course.
Justin had spent most of the time staring arrogantly out of the window as if such a task was beneath him. For a moment she felt sorry for him. It was unkind of his family – or his bullying father – to send him here when he so obviously couldn’t cope. He knew himself that he wasn’t up to it and that was one of the reasons he tried to disrupt the others. Surely there were many other things he could do that he might shine at?
Nathan was due home the day after tomorrow and the boys were already home, though they’d gone off to a party somewhere out of London tonight.
It was bitterly cold. She’d forgotten her gloves and hurried along from the tube longing to be inside. She reached her door and had just put her key in the lock when she felt a movement behind her. She turned, fear creeping through her.
‘Good evening, Verity.’ Mark Gilmore stood in front of her.
‘What are you doing here, stalking me?’ she said. ‘Go away before I call the police.’
‘My dear, isn’t that a little melodramatic?’ Mark asked genially, though she noticed he took a step back.
‘No, you have no right to come to my house and harass me.’ She had not yet unlocked the door and she closed her hand over the keys, readying herself to run down the street back to the green where there were shops and people, as she had the last time he’d accosted her.
‘I’m not going to hurt you, Verity. Look, why don’t we have a drink together in that pub on the corner? I just want to discuss something important with you.’ His voice held laughter as if she amused him, as if he were a friend asking her for a drink instead of the predator she felt him to be.
‘We have nothing to discuss,’ she said sharply, wishing that Nathan was here to see him off. ‘Please leave me alone.’ She was about to say she would report him to the college but decided that might antagonise him further. She was afraid of being here alone with him in the street, in the dark. He was a bully, with a strong sense of entitlement, and he could ruin her job even though he was entirely to blame for his menacing behaviour and probably the behaviour of his son.
‘Sure you won’t have a drink with me? I just want to discuss the best way to engage my son’s interest and I’m sure you are the person to ask. After all you have children of your own.’ His voice had changed now, soft and seductive, and it spooked her more than his anger.
Vainly, Verity looked round the street for a neighbour, a friend, someone she could call out to, but it was dark and cold, and everyone was inside. She dared not open her front door with him standing so close. She felt that he would push himself in, and she’d be alone with him with her sons and husband away.
‘Just go home,’ she said tartly. ‘Anything you want to ask about Justin must be done in the college. I thought you’d had a long session with the principal. He is far more experienced about people’s educational needs than I am.’ She knew that wasn’t strictly true. Tony was good at running a business, soothing over the fears of anxious parents, but not so good when it came to counselling parents about their offspring’s failings.
‘Not until you’ve answered my questions about my son,’ he said, standing firm.
Verity tensed her muscles, ready to sprint down to the green, when someone turned into the street and made towards them. It was Saskia.
‘Oh,’ she said, seeing them both standing outside the house. ‘Sorry, I was delivering a jacket not far away and I thought I’d pop in to see you, but if you’re busy—’
‘No, Mr Gilmore is just leaving,’ Verity said with relief. ‘It’s lovely to see you, Saskia. Come in, I want to hear all your news.’
‘But I’ve come to discuss my son.’ Mark Gilmore’s tone changed now to one of power. ‘I understood when I paid out the considerable fees that parents could check in with the teachers at any time.’
‘Only at the college. Make an appointment,’ Verity said clearly, enunciating her words. ‘I don’t know how many times I need to say this to you. Now excuse me, I want to talk to my stepdaughter, and we are getting cold out here. Please do not lurk round my house again or I will report you to the police.’ Her voice was stern. She felt stronger now with Saskia beside her. She turned away from him and unlocked the door.
‘I’ll leave you for now, but I won’t forget this,’ he said, turning on his heel and disappearing into the night.
THIRTY
‘He sounded menacing, creepy. He seemed rather up himself when I met him here last time, when Delia was here,’ Saskia said, relieved to be inside the warm house and out of the damp night air. She’d dropped off an evening jacket to a client close to the Fulham Road and then on her way over the green to the bus stop, she’d suddenly decided she’d call in on Verity, just on the off chanc
e she was there. She didn’t know why, exactly. Perhaps because it was very cold, and she was tired, and Verity’s street was close to the bus stop which she took to return back up King’s Road and home. But more than anything, she’d longed for company.
Even though she was so close to their house, she’d been reluctant to do it, feeling shy. Since Darren had left her, she’d lost a bit of her courage. A part of her sensed that Verity would not welcome her with the same warmth she had before it was proved that Nathan was her father. She remembered her mother telling her not to imagine or dwell on what she thought people were thinking of her, but instead to dwell on what she herself thought of them. But as it turned out, it was fortuitous that she had turned up just at the moment that man was bothering Verity.
‘Mark Gilmore’s a bully,’ Verity said. ‘His son is in my class and isn’t doing very well academically, which he hides by disturbing everyone else. Anyway,’ she said, smiling at Saskia, ‘you saved me having to either run off and hide somewhere or fight him off in the hall. So how are things? Getting ready for the baby?’
They were sitting in the kitchen with cups of tea and a tin of homemade biscuits between them. Saskia’s back was aching, and it was a relief to sit down. ‘No, not really. I’m going to order everything online.’
‘I’ve got the basket I used for the boys. I must dig it out for you. I also have some sheets and blankets you could use,’ Verity said. ‘I’ll see what condition they’re in, but you are welcome to have them. If the basket won’t do, I’ll get you another one.’
‘Thanks, that would be a start,’ Saskia replied, suddenly feeling overcome by a fog of lassitude. It seemed to attack her most days now and she hoped she’d get her usual energy back after the birth. The thought of another human being that would be so reliant on her was beginning to scare her. If only Darren was with her, the two of them waiting to welcome their child together as they had planned. Her mother may have done it alone, but she’d been out in the sun and by the sea, with lots of people around to support her.