The steaming coffee made me realize how cold I was. I wrapped my fingers around the mug.
“So can I sit with you for a minute?” he asked.
I nodded.
“What’s your name?”
“Veronica.”
“That’s a nice name, girl. I’m Jimmy. But folks call me Jinx.”
“Why would they call you that?”
“Oh, it’s kind of a joke. My friends tell me I’m bad luck.”
I looked at his face. Acne covered his pale skin. I couldn’t tell if his hair grew that shade of black or if he’d dyed it. He wore a jean jacket over a flannel shirt.
“Why are you bad luck?” I asked.
“You’d have to ask that, right? Man, I hate to be embarrassed in front of such a pretty girl.” He laughed, flirted with his eyes. “Something to do with me being a klutz. You know. I fall down a lot. Knock stuff over.”
“Oh.” I drank the coffee black. No sugar. I wanted him to see how strong and grown-up I was. I wouldn’t allow my face to pucker from the bitterness.
“You want some milk for that?”
“Nope. I like it this way.”
“That’s my girl.” He reached across the table and touched my hand. “I like you, Veronica. I can tell you’re a pretty special girl.”
“I’m not,” I said, pulling my hand away.
“Sure you are. How old are you? Fifteen? Sixteen?”
“I’m twelve.”
“No way. You look way older than that.” He looked at his hands, then back up at me. “You’re really pretty. As soon as I walked into this place, I noticed you.”
“Thanks,” I said. His face looked so sincere. No one had said anything nice to me in so long. But I felt in my gut that I shouldn’t trust that guy.
“So, tell me a little about you. Where do you live?” he asked.
“I don’t really have a place right now.”
“You get kicked out or something?”
“Kind of like that.” I drank deeply of the coffee.
“You could come stay at my house. Sleep on my couch.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know you.”
“Oh, come on Veronica.” He reached for my hand again. I flinched, put my hand on my lap under the table. “Are you really scared of me?”
“I’m not going to live with somebody I don’t know. I’ve done too much of that the past couple years.”
“Ah, I see.” He leaned back in the booth. “You been in the system, right? Foster care kid?”
I nodded and looked down, ashamed.
“I been there, Veronica. I got moved around every couple weeks or so. It’s tough.”
“Yeah. It is,” I said. “How’d you get out?”
“I ran away. Stayed with my friends for a while. They got me work.”
“How old were you?”
“Thirteen.” He drank from his cup. “The streets are scary, ain’t they?”
“I didn’t know it was going to be so bad.” I cried, even though I tried so hard to be strong. “I wanted to find a nice place. I just didn’t think it through.”
“How long you been out here?”
“Just last night.”
“Aw, honey,” he said, his voice deep and soft. “And it was so cold last night.”
“Yeah. I was so scared.”
“I know, babe.” He leaned in closer and whispered. “I’m not trying to scare you or nothing, but a beautiful girl like you got to be careful. You don’t know how many guys out there wouldn’t think twice about snatching you up. Using and abusing you.”
“Maybe I should just go back to my case worker.”
“No. You can’t do that. You know what they’d do? Put you straight in juvy until you’re eighteen.” He looked at me. “You think I’m kidding? I’m dead serious. I can’t tell you how many of my friends done that.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Let me help you out, Veronica. I swear I won’t let anything bad happen to you. My friend Rhonda’s got an extra room. I’m sure she’d love to have another girl around the house.”
“I don’t have any money.”
“Don’t worry about that. We’ll talk about that later.” He pushed himself out of his seat and stood. “Come on. Let’s get you outta here.”
He extended his hand. Dirty fingernails, scarred knuckles. I reached out and put my hand in his. He held mine in his firm grip. We walked for a few blocks, not talking. Some kind of nagging tugged at me. A warning.
“Get away,” a voice seemed to say. “Run as fast as you can.”
But then Jinx put his arm around my waist. Almost a hug. I let him guide me.
He took me to a small, dingy house, the yard full of junk.
“Ready to meet Rhonda?” he asked. “She’s gonna love you.”
“I’m nervous.”
“Don’t worry. She’s cool.”
We walked up the steps to the front door. Dense stench from the house hit me before it opened. It smelled like animals lived there and that they’d taken over the house.
“I don’t know, Jinx. Maybe I should just go back.”
“You don’t want to do that, babe. Do you trust me?” He put his hand on my back, almost pushing me forward.
“Sure,” I said, but my instincts told me otherwise.
He pushed the doorbell a couple times. “I forgot my key.”
A large woman opened the door. She looked me up and down.
“Who’s this?” she asked.
“This is my new friend,” Jinx said, smirking. “Her name’s Veronica.”
“Nice name, sweetie.”
“Thanks,” I said, eyes on my feet.
“She needs a place to stay for a while,” Jinx said. “You mind letting us in? It’s kind of cold out here.”
“Yeah. Come on,” Rhonda said.
We walked in, and she closed the door behind us. My eyes stung from the thick, earthy smelling smoke. Like cigarettes with something else blended in. Stomach turning. Animal fur and waste covered everything. Empty beer bottles scattered on the coffee table. I thought I saw something dart under the couch. I didn’t want to sit down in that place.
“This here’s Rhonda,” Jinx said, plopping down on the couch. “Everybody calls her ‘Mama.’”
“Why do they call you that?” I asked Rhonda.
“’Cause they all like my kids. And I takes care of them,” Rhonda answered.
“Ain’t that the truth?” Jinx said, grabbing of glass bottle from the side table.
“So what’s your story?” she asked, dragging on her cigarette. “Why do you need a place to stay?”
I made up stories. Somehow, I knew that I shouldn’t tell them anything true about me. She listened to me. Gave me a hug after I finished talking.
“Mama’s gonna take good care of you, Veronica.” She handed me a glass. “Drink up, honey.”
I sipped the liquid. Some kind of strong, stinging liquor slid down my throat. It burned and soured my stomach. But I didn’t want them to think I was a little kid. So I kept drinking.
Within a week I drank with them every day. Not long after that I started smoking pot. I slept on the couch. Sometimes Jinx tried things with me. When I was really drunk, I didn’t have the strength to push him away. He told me I owed it to him for sleeping on the couch and getting high.
“You know I love you, Veronica,” he said one night, sitting on the edge of the couch.
I nodded, pulling a cigarette from his pack.
“Don’t you love me?” he asked. “Even a little?”
“Yes.” It was just another story.
“I got a problem, baby.” He pulled me close to him, smoothed my hair. “We’re out of money. We spent it all on booze last night. And if we don’t pay the rent tomorrow, we’ll get kicked out. We’ll be on the streets.”
“That’s not good,” I said, exhaling a lungful of smoke. Trying not to cough.
“We all got to find a way to make money.�
��
“I can’t get a job. I’m not old enough.”
“I got one for you.” He kissed my forehead. “Just remember that I’m the one who loves you. I’m the one who takes care of you. Right?”
“I guess.”
“And sometimes we got to do things we don’t want to. And we do it because we love people.”
“What job is it?”
“I need you to go on dates. You know, have a good time with guys. They’ll pay you and we give the money to Rhonda for the house.” Jinx touched my face. “All that stuff we do, well, you gotta do that with them.”
“I can’t do that,” I said, pulling away from him.
“You’ll do it for me,” he said, pinching my cheeks with his fingers. It hurt. “You’ll do whatever I tell you.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“Listen, Veronica, you’re going to get used to this life. It’s better than juvy.”
“What do I have to do on the dates?”
“Anything they want, like I said. Might as well. You already do that stuff with me.” He moved away from me, like he was disgusted. “It ain’t like you’re a virgin or nothin’.”
I pushed my legs together, held my knees tight with my hands. Looking around the room, I realized that I’d let all of it happen. And I was stuck.
That night Rhonda had me put on a short skirt and tank top. She did my makeup and pulled my hair into pigtails.
“Don’t want you looking too old,” she said. “Some guys like young girls.”
She took a picture of me and put it online. Within minutes I had six appointments.
“Jinx’ll drive you there,” Rhonda said. “He’ll wait outside till you’re done. Whatever you do, don’t forget to use protection.”
She handed me a bottle of beer. I drank it, hoping it would make me numb. I still had no idea what they expected me to do on the date.
Jinx drove me around from apartment to motel to home to office building. Each place had a man who raped me. It didn’t matter how much beer I’d had, I still knew what was happening. And it hurt. I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was going to die.
“You got to pull it together, babe,” Jinx said. “If you don’t get in there and act happy, I’m gonna have to punish you.”
“I can’t go in. How many more do I have to do?”
“As many as I tell you. Now get in there.” He pointed to the motel.
“It just hurts so bad.”
He made a fist. I flinched, covering my face.
“No!” I yelled.
I doubled over from the pain. I rubbed my side, checking to see if he’d broken any of my ribs. I glared at him out of the corner of my eye, gasping for breath. He rubbed his knuckles.
“I told you to get in there.” His voice was a growl.
I obeyed him.
Cora – 51
I sat, waiting in the dayroom for Lisa to arrive. The sun shone in the window, making a grid pattern on the floor.
There would be a day when I could look out a window that was free of bars or grids. Just glass set in a frame. And a window that could open and let in the fresh air. In my own room. Light would glow through that window and I would welcome the warmth. I looked forward to living in Lisa’s house.
“Miss Cora,” an orderly said. “Lisa called. She’s gonna be a few minutes late.”
“That’s fine. Thank you for letting me know.” I looked at his face. His dark brown eyes smiled at me. “Please forgive me, I can’t remember your name.”
“My name’s Antonio.”
“Thank you for reminding me, Antonio. You’re doing a fine job here. You’ve only been here a few days and you remembered my name.” I touched his arm. “I’m worried that you won’t have a job when they close this place down.”
“Well, I’m just doing my training here. I’ll get transferred to the downtown hospital. It’s closer to where I live anyway.”
“I’m glad.”
“Thank you. I’d better get back to work. It was nice talking to you.”
“You, too, Antonio.”
The sun from the window made me sleepy. I closed my eyes, promising myself that I wouldn’t fall asleep. But the warmth comforted me, soothed me. I dozed off.
I dreamed of baking cookies. For some reason, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the dough as smooth as I wanted it. The chocolate chips clumped together. The butter wasn’t melted well enough. I dropped them on the cookie sheet anyway. Within seconds the timer buzzed and I pulled them from the oven. They weren’t perfect circles. The cookies were all baked together.
“Why aren’t they perfect?” I asked in my dream.
Dot and Pete came into the kitchen and ate the cookies. All of them.
“These are good cookies, Mom,” Pete said.
“But they aren’t perfect,” I said.
“That’s okay,” he said. “They’re still good.”
“Cora, sorry to wake you up,” Lisa said, touching my arm.
“Oh, that’s okay.” I blinked my eyes, trying to regain reality. “It was just a good moment for a catnap.”
“I would have let you sleep, but I have some news for you.” She took two pieces of paper from her bag. “Which do you want first?”
“I don’t know. Which is the bad news?”
“Neither.”
“Okay. Then give me that one.” I pointed to the paper furthest from me.
“That’s an email from Dot.” She smiled at me. “She’s coming to see you on Thursday.”
Joy expanded within me. It overflowed from my full heart. I sobbed with a smile on my face.
“Are you ready for the other one?” Lisa asked.
“Yes.”
“I found Marlowe.” She pushed the paper toward me. “Cora, she’s alive.”
“Where is she?” I asked.
“Grand Rapids.” She breathed deeply. “Can you believe it?”
“Barely,” I answered, laughing.
“I found her email address and I sent her a message with my phone number.”
“Have you heard back from her?”
“Yes. She’s offering you a place to live.” She smiled. “I want you to know that it’s up to you. If you want to live with her, I understand.”
“Is it okay if I take a few days to decide?”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
“Do you think Marlowe will come visit me?”
“I think she’d like to.”
“Wouldn’t that be the greatest?” I laughed for all the joy. “I just don’t understand all this goodness.”
“You know, Cora, sometimes things don’t come together in the way we expect. But that doesn’t mean they won’t be good. God has this way of making even the ugliest things beautiful.”
The words of Jesus ran through my mind.
“Peace, be still.”
Gladly, Jesus. Thank you.
Dot – 52
My life at Rhonda’s house seemed to last for years. Jinx and I posted pictures of me to the Internet all day. The girl in those photos didn’t look like me at all. They’d dyed my hair blond and made me pose in humiliating positions.
“Tell the men your name is Ricki,” Rhonda had said. “Nobody wants to get with a girl named Veronica. Sounds too brainy.”
They still didn’t know my name. It was the one thing that I could keep for myself. The only thing that linked me to the good parts of my past.
After a while Jinx would beat me, even if I’d made enough money. He didn’t let me sleep on the couch anymore. I had to find a spot on the floor that wasn’t covered with cigarette butts or animal mess. I wasn’t allowed to take a shower. They would only let me eat after all my dates were done. It was my reward. My payment.
One morning, I woke to something crawling on me. I shoved the cat off and sat up. Rubbed my eyes. I heard Jinx talking. I looked at the couch. He held another girl in his arms.
“Who’s she?” I asked.
“This here’s Maisy.”
He kissed her light brown cheek. “Ain’t she pretty?”
The envy that clenched my stomach confused me.
“Rhonda says you gotta get outta here,” he said to me. “Got some guy comin’ over to take a look at you. You better get your stuff together.”
“What if I just leave?” I asked, making my voice hard. “I don’t want to go with that guy.”
“Where you going to go that Rhonda can’t find you?” He leered. “You in the life now, baby. Ain’t no getting’ out.”
The doorbell buzzed. Rhonda stomped through the living room, a cigarette hanging from her lips.
“Get up, Veronica,” she yelled, kicking me as she passed. “You’re leaving.”
She unlocked the door, opening it to a man. He stood in the doorway as they talked quietly. I couldn’t hear what they said. But he wore a suit and tie. His hair cut short. Like a businessman.
“Come on,” she said, stepping to the side to let him in. “She’s right there.”
“Rhonda, you have got to clean up this dump. It stinks in here,” he said, walking into the house, kicking a pile of trash.
Rhonda approached me, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me toward him.
“Strip,” he told me.
I took off all my clothes. I stood in the living room in just my underwear so he could get a good look at me.
“Why don’t you feed your girls?” he asked, touching the skin of my stomach. His fingers were cool. “She’s too skinny.”
“Who are you? My boss?” Rhonda asked. “Men don’t like fat women.”
“What would you know?” he asked, turning me. “And Jinx has to stop beating them so much. Look at her back.”
“She got out of line.”
“Put your clothes on,” he said to me. “She’s okay. Does she always use protection?”
“Every time.”
“She been tested?”
“For what? She uses protection.”
“You have to do tests. These girls could have all kinds of stuff going on.”
“She’s clean. I swear.”
“You ever been pregnant?” he asked me.
I shook my head, pulling up my jeans.
“Good.” He took me by the arm. “Rhonda, I’ll give you one-hundred-fifty for her. Next time, make sure the girl has a little more to her.”
Paint Chips Page 23