“Let’s go,” I said, buckling my seat belt and locking the door. “I don’t need to get beat up again.”
“You will never regret this.” She put the Jeep into drive and stepped on the gas. “So will you please tell me your name?”
“My name is Dorothea Schmidt.”
“What a lovely name.” She smiled. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Dorothea.”
It took awhile for me to stop regretting my decision. Detoxing from heroin felt like death. Eventually, though, I began to experience life again. Pain and joy and boredom. Some days, I couldn’t figure out what to do with my emotions. They terrified me. But Lola stayed close to hug me and laugh with me and play a card game at the kitchen table.
A few other girls lived with Lola at the time. In my five years at the house, many girls came in and out of the program. Some graduated and moved on to have whole lives. Others ran away and went back to the life.
I stayed longer than most. Lola became my legal guardian a few weeks after I moved in. I had no family in Michigan. The idea of going to live with the Wests scared me. It would have been too hard for me to tell them what happened to me.
~*~
“So, did your pimp ever come looking for you?” Paul asked.
We sat in the living room at his parents’ house. We’d talked every night since Sunday. It was Wednesday. I yawned, stretching my arms.
“Yes. Mack came around a few times,” I answered. “But our neighbors made sure he knew that he wasn’t welcome back.”
“I just hate how they treated you like an animal.”
“Me, too.” I sighed, pulling the sleeve over my tattoo. “They knew I wouldn’t fight back. I was too scared.”
“What happened when he came looking for you?”
“He got beat up every time. Eventually, he just gave up.”
“Wow.” He stood up and stretched. “So is that the end of the story?”
“Yeah.” I rubbed the nape of my neck. “I think I should go home now. Tomorrow is my visit with Mom.”
“Right.” He grabbed his keys. “I’ll drive you.”
“Thanks.”
“Okay.”
We walked to his car. He went directly to his side and climbed in. I opened the passenger’s side door and sat down. He’d always opened the door for me before. I tried not to take it personally. But it made me wonder if I was cheapened to him.
“Listen, Paul, I know what I told you is some pretty heavy stuff,” I said after a few minutes of him driving in silence.
“Yeah. It was a lot worse than I expected.”
I thought about Lola’s boyfriend. How he left her after he learned about her life.
“You know, this whole thing with us probably isn’t going to work,” I said.
“You don’t think so?” He looked at me quickly.
“Yeah. I mean, I’m not what you deserve. You need a girl who’s innocent. That’s just not me.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m giving you an out. And I understand if you take it. I really do.”
“An out?”
“Seriously, I don’t want you to feel like you have to be around me just because of what happened to me. And don’t feel like you have to be my friend out of obligation. I could always find another college.”
“Stop. Just stop that, Dot.” He pulled the car over, put it in park. He turned to me. “I know I’m breaking Lola’s rules, but I don’t care. You need to hear me.”
I looked at my hands.
“I’m not mad at you.” He softened his voice. “What happened to you was evil. But it didn’t take away who you are. You are no less of an amazing person.”
I lifted my eyes to look into his.
“Actually, you might be more amazing for surviving it,” he said.
I shook my head. I didn’t fight the tears that spilled over.
“Yes you are.” He touched my hair. “And I’m going to make it my personal mission to show you how valuable you are.”
“You are?”
“Yes. It’ll be great,” he whispered. “Dot, I am so glad to have you in my life. Do you believe that?”
I nodded. He used his thumb to wipe the tear that rolled down my cheek.
We drove the rest of the way to Lola’s in silence. A good kind of comfortable quiet.
When we got to the house, he walked me to the door.
“I can’t wait to hear how things go with your mom,” he said.
“I’ll call you right away.”
“You are amazing, Dot.”
He bent down and kissed me on the forehead.
Cora – 55
The night before Dot’s visit, Lisa brought me a bag.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Look inside,” she answered.
I reached my hand in and felt soft fabric. Silky material. Pulling out one dress after another, I held them up to myself.
“You have to find the perfect one for when you see Dot,” Lisa bubbled. “It’s like we’re picking out your prom dress.”
“I never went to prom,” I said. “And I’m not too upset about that.”
“Trust me, it’s overrated. It’s more for the popular kids than anything. Just too much drama.”
“I’ve had plenty of that without ever attending high school.”
We laughed as we took the dresses to my room. She stood outside as I tried each on. I slipped on a brown one. It made me feel more like myself from my happily married days. Confident, friendly, calm. I opened the door.
Lisa inhaled quickly, putting her hands over her mouth. Tears collected in her eyes.
“I guess I don’t have to ask what you think,” I said, twirling in the dress. The fabric swung wide around my legs.
“Cora Schmidt, I do believe you are the loveliest creature.” She hugged me. “It’s like you’ve grown up right in front of my eyes.”
“Just remember, I’m old enough to be your mother.”
“Hardly,” she said. “So how do you feel about tomorrow?”
“I can’t wait. In fact, it might be hard to sleep.”
“Do you want the nurse to give you something to help?”
“No. I want to feel every moment of this. If I don’t sleep, then I don’t sleep. But I don’t want to miss out on this feeling of excitement.”
Lisa went home after helping me pack a few of my things for the move the next day.
I decided that I would stay at her house. Temporarily, at least. I wanted to ease my way into a relationship with Marlowe. I knew that she would understand.
That evening I struggled to keep myself calm. It was like waiting for Dot to be born all over again. I couldn’t wait to see her and hold her in my arms.
Dot – 56
The night before I saw my mom, I hardly slept. My brain wouldn’t slow down. I tried to imagine what she looked like, if her voice would sound the same as I remembered it, if she’d let me hug her.
I tried to remember the last time I’d seen her. The night I found her in the kitchen. The thought of her being like that scared me. I had to hope that she had gotten better.
My alarm screamed at me so early. Seven a.m.
“Shut that stupid thing off!” Grace yelled from her bed.
I hit the off button, proud of her for not swearing even that early in the morning.
When I got to the kitchen, I noticed that Lola wasn’t home. She left a note on the kitchen counter.
“Went out for the day. I shall be home before dinner. Kristi West will be here for lunch. Have a lovely day, my dears.”
I wrote a note on the bottom of the paper, “Oops, forgot to tell you all. Seeing my mom today! Love, Dorothea.”
She’d made coffee before she left. I poured a cup and read my Bible at the table. But I couldn’t concentrate for all the excitement. My mind kept wandering away from the words. An hour later, I stood on the porch waiting for Lisa to pick me up. I zipped up my black hooded sweatshirt, wondering if I had ti
me to change into something nicer. I looked down at my jeans. But before I could go back inside, someone pulled up to the curb. A woman waved at me.
“Lisa?” I asked, opening the car door.
“Yup. Dot?” she asked.
“That’s me.”
“Just a sec.” She had to move papers from the seat to make room for me. “Sorry, I’m kind of messy.”
“And you’re friends with my mom?” I laughed, sitting in the car. “She’s the cleanest person I’ve ever met.”
“Well, I can tell you that some things haven’t changed.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Dot, I’m so excited about today. I’ve been praying for a really long time for you two to get back together.”
“Me, too.” I felt my hair. “I feel like I’m going to puke.”
“Well, that’s understandable.” She sped away from the neighborhood. “Gosh, you really look like your mom.”
“Thank you.” I smiled.
“That smile,” she said. “Just like your mom’s.”
I loved having little pieces of my mom. Within the next hour I’d have the whole thing.
Cora – 57
I didn’t sleep at all the night before seeing my daughter. At breakfast I couldn’t eat. I’d never been that nervous before. It felt akin to panic. However, I realized the sweetness to that sensation. That sweetness was joy. The panic, really just anticipation. And that, I concluded, was a very healthy emotion.
The way the brown fabric of the dress danced around my legs as I walked made me feel glamorous. I dug into the small bag of makeup Lisa had brought for me. Applying the powder and eye shadow, I realized that it had been almost a decade since I’d done up my face. I hoped I didn’t make myself look too much like a clown. I left my hair to sweep across my shoulders.
Walking into the dayroom, I glanced at the clock. Visitors would begin arriving soon. I sat on the old couch, refusing to look out the window. I wanted my first look at Dot to be when she walked through the door.
My heart pounded.
The door opened. I stood up so fast that I got stars in my eyes and a dizzy feeling in my head.
Wesley’s wife walked into the room.
Next came Edith’s parents.
I sat, feeling frail and tired and hungry.
“They’ll be here,” the orderly reassured me.
“Thank you, Antonio,” I said.
“You remembered my name.” He smiled. “You know, sometimes people are just late. I know your daughter will be here real soon.”
My heart couldn’t decide whether to thump out of my chest or sink into my gut.
Dot – 58
Lisa and I arrived at the state mental hospital. It was the kind of place you would never notice if you were just passing by. A tan building with tan doors and a tan roof. Boring.
“Look in that window,” Lisa said, cutting the ignition. “See that head?”
I looked and saw a small brown ball.
“I think so,” I answered.
“That’s your mom.” Lisa smiled at me. “Hey, I should have told you this on the way here. I actually found your aunt.”
“Aunt?” I asked. “My dad didn’t have any siblings.”
“Oh,” she winced. “You didn’t know that your mom has a sister?”
“No. She never mentioned that.”
“Well, I guess she’s really good at keeping secrets.”
“Who is this aunt?”
“Her name is Marlowe.”
“Oh, my gosh. My mom was screaming that name when she had her breakdown. Marlowe and Tim or Tom.”
“Could it have been Titus?”
“Yeah. That’s it.”
“Titus was her brother.”
“Was?” I asked.
“Yes. He was murdered.”
“Right in front of the sister?”
“Yes.” She squinted her eyes. “I thought you didn’t know about this.”
“Right. How did I know that?” I asked, confused. Too many thoughts bounced in my mind. “Maybe she was yelling about it that night. When she had her breakdown.”
“Maybe. That would make sense. Well, anyway, I found her sister. She doesn’t know it, but Marlowe’s going to be here today, too.”
“Holy cow, Lisa. You’re going to give my mom a heart attack.”
“I know.” She rubbed her hands together. “I can’t wait.”
“And she’s moving out today, too?”
She nodded, her hair bouncing around her face.
“That’s a lot of change for her. Do you think she’s ready?”
“I know she is. She’s made huge progress the last few months.”
“Okay. Listen, we’d better get in there. I’m about to die. I can’t wait to see her.”
We started across the parking lot. We walked in and up the steps.
“My office is downstairs,” Lisa said. “Trust me, you don’t want to see it right now. Everything’s in boxes. You’d get lost in there.”
I grabbed hold of the railing. My hand slid across the smooth, beige paint as I climbed the steps. Each movement felt heavy. At the top of the stairs, a door propped open. A black sign hung above the door frame, reading “Mental Health Ward: Check In At Nurses’ Desk.”
“Are you ready, Dot? Here it is,” Lisa said as we neared the door.
“Yes,” I answered. “I can hardly wait.”
She pulled the door handle.
Cora – 59
I sat on the couch with my eyes shut. The conversations around me made me sleepy. I heard the door open. I turned my head and slowly opened my eyes.
In walked the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I knew right away. She was my baby.
“Dot,” I said as I stood, smoothing the skirt of my dress.
She walked toward me. I wrapped my arms around her neck. She was taller than I. She’d grown so much.
“Mom,” she said. Her voice was heart-mending.
“Dot.” I pulled away from her, grabbing her hands. “I can’t get over how absolutely gorgeous you are.”
“Oh, thank you.” She blushed. Her deep brown eyes held a rich warmth against the pink of her cheeks. “Sorry I didn’t dress up.”
“I don’t care.” I squeezed her hands. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
“It’s been a really long time, hasn’t it?”
“It has. I’m so sorry.” I looked into her eyes. “Gosh, I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to see you. What was wrong with me? Why did I wait so long?”
“Maybe it just wasn’t the right time.” Dot smiled at me. “But it sure feels like the right time now. Are you ready for today?”
“So ready.”
The door opened again. I saw the outline of someone standing behind Lisa. I didn’t pay attention. Having my girl with me was all I could think of.
“Let’s go sit on the couch,” I said.
“Hey,” Antonio called to the stranger from across the room. “You come to check up on me?”
Dot started and looked around the room. She smiled.
“Oh my goodness. The lady I’ve been living with is here.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “You’ll love her. You are so much alike.”
We walked toward the stranger. Antonio reached her first and held the woman in a tight hug. He spun her around. All I could see of her was a long, gray braid.
“Everything’s changed thanks to you,” Antonio said.
“That’s fantastic, Antonio.” The woman hugged him back. “But I’m not checking in on you. I’m actually here to see Cora.”
“Lola, I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Dot said. “I didn’t think you’d get the note until later.”
The woman turned. I saw myself standing in front of me. A little rounder, with glasses and gray hair. For a moment I thought I was losing my mind again.
“Dorothea, what are you doing here?” The woman squinted, adjusting her glasses. She looked from Dot to me.
/> I closed my eyes. Grabbed hold of Dot’s arm so that I wouldn’t fall.
“Is everything okay, Mom?” Dot asked, covering my hand with hers.
I held my eyes shut so tight. The images came along anyway. Pouring rain. The truck. Marlowe screaming for me to get away. Her face bloodied.
When I opened my eyes, I looked over her face. Clean. Whole. Smiling. I could only manage a whisper.
“Marlowe?” I asked. “Is it you?”
“Yes.” She nodded, smiling, tears falling from her eyes.
“What’s going on?” Dot asked.
“I was just about to ask you,” Marlowe said. “But first, let me hug Cora.”
My sister drew me into an embrace. So relieved that she was whole, I wrapped my arms around her, my muscles tensing to hold her closer. She sobbed, so quietly, so gently. After a moment we let go.
“Marlowe, I’d like you to meet my daughter, Dorothea,” I said, pulling Dot toward us.
Marlowe laughed through her tears. “Oh, I knew the Spirit was trying to tell me something about this girl. My own niece.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand.” I looked between them. “You know each other?”
Bewildered, I couldn’t recall what Dot had said when Marlowe walked into the room. Had she told me she lived with her?
“Yes.” Marlowe pulled Dot to her side. “God brought Dorothea to me.”
“She saved me,” Dot said.
“And you’ve been taking care of my daughter?” Gratitude overpowered the disorientation. I rubbed the goose bumps on my arms with my hands. “It was all I prayed for. That someone would take care of her and love her.”
“God certainly moved in mysterious ways here, didn’t He?” Marlowe pulled Dot and me into a hug.
Surrounded by my family, calm washed over my soul. I could have rested in that embrace for the remainder of my days.
“Hold on a second,” Dot said, pulling away, looking at me. “So, Lola’s real name is Marlowe. And she’s your sister?”
“That is correct,” I said.
“Okay. That makes Lola my aunt?”
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