by Cydney Rax
Snoring, at peace, and with Eddison protectively by her side.
* * *
Even though the New Year started out promising, Rashad’s world had gotten so complicated. Three weeks into January, Kiara’s attorney filed some motions that required Rashad to have to meet with Lily Tangaro, pay her more money, plus it caused him to be away from his job due to legal battles. To make matters worse, Nicole became grouchier whenever she got sick from her pregnancy. He tried to be supportive but at times he felt the pressure.
By the beginning of February, the only woman he felt he could be around that halfway understood him was Alexis. He hated how things had gone down the last time she popped up at their house; he wanted to make sure that she was all right. He wanted a face-to-face. So he took a chance and drove to her spot.
He got out of the car and went to stand outside Alexis’s front door. His underarms were damp. He mopped his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt. He rang the doorbell and knocked. He felt excited to get to see Alexis, his original baby mama.
When the door opened, the smile that was on his face vanished.
“What do you want?”
“Hello, ma’am,” he said to Mona Hooker, Alexis’s mother. “I’m here to see Skillet.”
“Skillet?” Mona Hooker frowned. “Is that what you call my daughter or my granddaughter?”
“Oops, my bad. I’m here to see your daughter so she can let me see my daughter. Are they here?”
“You, young man, will learn how to respect my household or you won’t set one foot inside this house. Wait out here.”
Mona slammed the door in his face and left him alone. Ten whole minutes passed and he began to pound on the door with his fist.
Seconds later, the door swung open.
Alexis emerged. “Have you lost your mind? Don’t make my mama pull out her rifle.”
“Oh, it’s hunting season for Rashad now. All I want to do is hang out with Hayley and I wanted to talk to you, too. Why is everybody treating me like I’m some damned criminal?”
Alexis’s voice softened. She studied him. He looked a hot mess, like he hadn’t shaved. “Sorry about that, Rashad. I feel for you and what Kiara is putting you through.”
“Does this mean you’re on my side now instead of my ex’s?”
“Y’all divorced?”
“Not yet.”
“But you may as well be, huh?”
“She treats me like I work for ISIS or something. It’s starting to piss me off.”
Alexis smiled. “I just think your ego is a little bruised. You’re used to women throwing themselves at you like you’re Michael B. Jordan. But now you’re getting treated like you’re Columbus Short.”
“Wow! That ain’t funny. Stop laughing at me.”
“Okay, my bad. Um, give me a sec. I’ll go get Little Bit, then we can go somewhere.”
“I appreciate that.”
Alexis smelled good and looked even better. She always knew how to apply just the right amount of makeup. Less was more. Her hair was swept up in a ponytail. She looked five years younger. To him it never seemed like she had any drama in her life, which amazed Rashad. It made him think she had a lot of strength. And that’s the type of woman he needed in his life.
Alexis got Hayley quickly dressed in some knit leggings, a cotton-polyester long-sleeved top, and a cute purple hoodie jacket. Rashad insisted that they drive in his vehicle. Instead of arguing, Alexis said okay. While he jabbered away, she discreetly texted Kiara to let her know that Rashad was hanging out with Hayley, and she had agreed to join them. They wouldn’t be with each other long.
“Where are we going?” Alexis asked Rashad.
“You got some place to be?”
“I want to be available in case Varnell calls.”
“Okay, no problem. We’ll just ride around. I just want to be near my daughter.”
Rashad drove until they ended up downtown. He turned on Bagby Street. He parked in a big lot.
“What are we doing?” Alexis protested.
“We are here. We are going to have fun. We are going to think about Hayley for a change.”
“Rashad! I feel like I’ve been kidnapped.”
He coaxed Alexis out of the car and laughed as he followed behind her. They were at the ticket window for Downtown Aquarium, a six-acre entertainment and dining complex.
“This is nice,” Alexis said, “but it’s wack at the same time. I’m not prepared.”
“I’m disappointed in you. Back in the day, you would’ve been game to do something spontaneous like this.”
“Things have changed.”
Rashad allowed Alexis to bitch and moan. He didn’t mind. He loved it. He felt happy to spend some time with her and his daughter.
Alexis quieted down once she learned that they’d be seeing some big-ass sharks while they rode a train.
“I’ve never seen a shark up close,” she said. “Except for you.”
“Good one, Skillet.”
“Why you keep calling me that?”
“You don’t want to know why.”
Soon they boarded their wooden bench seats. Rashad sat on the left, Alexis on the right, and Hayley squeezed in the middle. A bell began clanging.
“All aboard,” said the loud audio recording that described the tour. And they were off.
“Choo choo train,” Hayley happily declared.
They passed by tiny ponds and loads of green, exotic looking plants and shrubbery. As soon as they entered the tunnel they were shrouded in darkness. The lit-up two-hundred-thousand-gallon aquarium was filled with all kinds of fish that swam over their heads and in two tanks on either side of the train. Hayley squirmed in her seat and excitedly pointed at the fish.
Alexis shivered in awe. She felt like she was sitting in the middle of the ocean. The light shone on her face. Rashad knew she loved the adventure. While she whispered to their daughter and described the big fish, Rashad discreetly placed his arm around the back of her seat. Then he squeezed Alexis’s shoulder.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
He smiled innocently, then ignored her.
They watched as Pacific white sharks, swordfish, sand tiger sharks swam through the blue water.
Before she knew it, Rashad grabbed her hand. She let him hold it for a second. Then she snatched it back. “Rashad, what the hell?”
“What?
“You’re trying to be slick.”
“I thought you were Hayley.”
“No, the hell you did not.”
“Skillet, c’mon, now cut me some slack.”
* * *
Alexis felt the weight of her reality bear down on her. Some women sought the attention of a man, but the wrong type of attention from the wrong man just felt . . . wrong.
“I wish I were invisible,” she said to her friend Regina. They met at a Mexican restaurant where they were enjoying chicken enchiladas and drinks.
“Why would you wish to be invisible?”
“My ex keeps hounding me. Pressuring me.”
“Just tell him to fuck off.”
“I have. But he’s like these big-ass Texas cockroaches. You can spray and watch ’em as they lay on the floor dying. But you know they’re going to come back again one day.”
“Well, damn. If my man did that, it would make me think that he loves me.”
A few months ago, Regina had gotten rid of one married man, just to meet another dude who seemed promising at first, but she was starting to have doubts.
“He hasn’t called, has he?” Alexis asked.
“Nah. And it pisses me off,” Regina said. “He can call me when he wants to beat up this pussy, but when my car breaks down, or when it’s a three-day holiday weekend, I can’t get him to pick up his phone. It sounds like he’s married, too.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“Why do I keep putting up with this?”
“You’re dumb—”
“I’m dumb?”
“But I got self-esteem,” Regina protested. “I know I look hot!”
“If that were true, you could leave your man behind and concentrate on giving your hot self to someone that really deserves it, am I right?”
“I, um, well.”
“Girl, I was proud of you when you eliminated that other man. You had the strength to do what I couldn’t even do back then. But I eventually got rid of no-good Rashad. And now?”
Alexis rose to her feet and twirled around in a circle. She stopped and hugged herself.
“I am free. I’m so empowered. I got me a real man. And I never would have had him if I had held onto Rashad and continued letting him do me wrong. I only deal with him because of Hayley. But I might have to get Varnell to have a little talk with him. In fact, I think I will.”
That night, after Alexis arrived home from the meeting with Regina, she called Varnell. He came right over to her house. They put Hayley in the backseat of his Chevy pickup and drove until they reached Nicole’s house. On the way there, Alexis called Rashad and let him know she was stopping by.
“Let that female Shrek know. Tell her right now.”
Alexis didn’t want any increased bad blood between herself and Nicole.
When they reached the house, Alexis emerged from the car. Varnell followed her with Hayley in tow.
She rang the doorbell and took a deep breath.
Rashad opened the door. He smiled when he saw her. But when she stepped aside and he took one look at Varnell, he came out onto the walkway.
“Why is he holding her?” Rashad demanded.
“Why not? He’s with me.”
“I don’t need another man to hold my daughter.”
“Grow up, Rashad. He’s not a threat to you. He’s my man and he’s helping me out because I asked him to.”
Rashad clenched his fists.
Varnell didn’t flinch.
Rashad jumped at him like he was about to punch Varnell, but the man stood perfectly still. Rashad reached out for Hayley. But she resisted her father and covered her face with her hands as she leaned against Varnell.
“What the fuck? Are you trying to turn my own daughter against me?”
“Rashad, what I’m trying to do is get you to leave me the fuck alone.”
Alexis winced. She hated to curse in front of a toddler.
“I’m not too good with these things. Varnell, can you handle this, please?”
“Sure can.” Varnell placed Hayley in Rashad’s arms. He turned her face into her daddy’s shoulder so she couldn’t see. And Varnell pointed his finger at Rashad.
“Hey man. Let Alexis go. Do what you gotta do as this child’s father but anything outside of that is stepping into my territory. You get what I’m saying?”
Rashad looked like he wanted to explode. But he couldn’t. Not then.
He nodded and shot Alexis a hateful, hurt look.
When Alexis felt the message had sunk in, she gently removed Hayley from Rashad’s arms.
They quietly got back in the pick-up and went on about their way.
And after Varnell made sure that she and Hayley were safely at her house, he told her he’d call her later. She said okay and gave him a kiss. She stood on the front porch after he left and she placed a call to Regina.
“This love thing is complicated sometimes, but slowly but surely I am finally figuring it out,” Alexis told her.
“Tell me, please, because I can use all the help I can get.”
“The day you discover your true self-worth is the day you can walk away from anyone who isn’t good for you. You can set him free and not give a damn. You won’t use the excuse that you ‘love’ him anymore. When you can walk away, that’s when you will realize who you really love.”
“Who?”
“Yourself, girlfriend. Love yourself.”
* * *
A few days later, Alexis was at the home she shared with her mother. The one-and-a-half-story bungalow had always been big enough for two people, but lately the place seemed cramped. Alexis was sick of her mother always getting on her about her life, how to raise the baby, and more.
It was late at night. Alexis quietly gathered some clothing items, Hayley’s outfit, and jammed her tote bag with her umbrella, a self-help magazine, a water bottle, and her pouch that was filled with cosmetics.
She strapped her sleepy daughter in the car, buckled her own seat belt, and wildly drove away from her house in her two-seater Benz. Where she was going? She didn’t know. But she was desperate to get away.
“I need to sell this shit. Use the money to make a down payment on my own damned house.”
She and her mother were butting heads again. And she dreaded the moment she would walk into the house. She knew the fighting would start again. As she blindly drove through the streets of Houston, she couldn’t erase the scene that just happened when she tried to get her mom to babysit Hayley:
“Hey, daughter,” Mona had told her when she’d snuck and placed her daughter in her mother’s bed and told her she’d be back later. “This is the third time this week you had a sudden emergency and dumped your child on me with little warning. I love my little Hayley, but I am not about to raise another kid. I don’t have the strength. I feel bad when I’m lying around and she comes in here asking me to play hide and go seek with her.”
“I’m sorry, Mama. I really am. But I am not responsible for all the unplanned things that can happen that require me to leave the house for a little while.”
“You were already gone for a couple hours last night. I hope you weren’t away getting a quickie.”
“Mama, don’t be ridiculous. I haven’t even done anything like that with Varnell. And I told you me and Rashad don’t do that anymore, either.”
“Well, isn’t that breaking news? Heartbroken woman gets a reality check and finally dumps her horny married man. Hell, I lived that life. I know that life.” She paused for emphasis. “I must warn you, darling. Rashad will be back in your bed. They always come back. Especially if you got that good-good.”
“Ugh, Mama, I refuse to discuss this topic with you. This makes me very uncomfortable.”
“Why is that? Isn’t this the very thing you talk about with your girlfriends? Oops, sorry. You don’t have any friends.”
Alexis could only give her mom a horrified stare.
“I’ll bet every woman you know has to watch her man around you. You’re too damned beautiful. Your body is still in good shape and you were careful not to let yourself go. And anytime a beautiful single woman comes around a couple, that wife will grab her man’s hand, pull him closer, not let him out of her sight. Because my beautiful daughter, you are temptation. Y’all may not be doing it now. But that married man will be back. Creeping up my stairs, escaping behind your bedroom door, and getting you to undress. I know one thing, you better use a condom. I don’t care how much he begs.”
“Mama,” she finally screamed. “You are not describing me. You don’t even know me. I am not that woman anymore. I’ve never really been that woman.”
“What makes you so different now, Alexis?”
“I’m not you, that’s what.”
“Who the hell you think you’re talking to, little girl?” Mona screamed at Alexis.
Her mother’s voice droned on and on as Alexis quietly made her escape up those eighteen stairs into her second-floor hideaway. That’s when she began to pack some things and when she decided to take her daughter with her instead of leaving her with Mona. And Alexis began to realize that yes, even though she felt like a snake for taking Carmen Foster’s advice, she was glad that she had finally filed for child support a few days ago. As an administrative assistant, her salary was decent, but she needed more funds if she wanted to adequately take care of herself and Hayley. She’d racked up lots of credit card debt in the past year, plus she had t
o maintain two vehicles. Things were tight. Perhaps once the child support checks started being deposited into her account she could earn enough money to get her own place.
Because each time Alexis had a showdown with her mother, she felt like she just went through airport security and was forced to comply with a full-body scan by the TSA.
She felt completely naked and brutally judged.
And that’s when Alexis McNeil wished she were invisible. She wished that her mother, Rashad, and that no one else could see her, search for her, or bother her about anything. It would feel like she didn’t exist anymore. But was it possible to be nonexistent in a bar code, over-tracking world that constantly photographed every freeway, gas station, store, bank, and parking lot? What would a world be like that would give Alexis complete freedom so she could totally breathe?
Alexis continued to drive without a specific destination. It was ridiculously late and Hayley was beginning to fuss. Feeling sheepish, Alexis called Varnell’s number. She said hello and explained the situation. She asked if she and Hayley could come over right then and maybe stay over. He said yes. Alexis and Varnell may not have been having sex, but they’d be sleeping under the same roof for the first time—at least for that one night.
Chapter 11
Beautiful Princess
February and March came and went quickly. Eason vs. Eason was in full effect. They’d gone through the discovery process and Rashad knew that Kiara wanted to receive some of his properties, full custody of Myles, a portion of his pension, and spousal support. Kiara’s legal representatives informed her that because of the pregnancy, the courts would schedule their divorce hearing after she gave birth.
By April eighth, Kiara was beyond ready for all the monumental changes that would redefine her life. She finally made it to her fortieth week of pregnancy. She’d gained sixty-five pounds and she was very eager for her pregnancy to end.
It was Wednesday at two a.m.; the time of death, for not much moved and stirred at this ungodly hour. But that is precisely when Kiara’s eyes popped open as she lay in bed. Contractions had started around midnight. She contacted the hospital, but they told her to go back to bed. And she did. But now her contractions were steady and unrelenting. She could only sleep on her back by then and she began to moan.