by Cydney Rax
“Nicole, thank you for my ‘Don’t Mess With Texas’ speech, but I paid my debt. I was a model prisoner. I hated that place. And I don’t plan to go back.”
“It doesn’t matter. That part of you that got you there in the first place is still inside of you, Ajalon.”
She hoped her words weren’t hurting him but she knew they could be.
“Are you trying to say once a criminal always a criminal? Are you saying you stopped believing in me because of one careless mistake? Ha! Drugs should be legalized anyway.”
“I am saying—”
“You’re saying that you’ve changed, Nicole. That you’ve forgotten where you came from. Or that you were a liar all along and I just didn’t know it.”
He jumped to his feet and angrily paced the floor, his voice loud with passion.
“You were the one who made me believe in myself at one time. You told me that I had it in me to be a great man, and that I could do good things with my life. And when I come to tell you that in spite of what I just went through, that I believe in myself for the first time in my life, you don’t welcome it but you coldly turn me down? You tell me that I am nothing but a criminal who doesn’t deserve a second chance at life. Even though you got a second chance you’re saying that I cannot have one? Is that what you’re trying to tell me, Nicole?”
“I-I don’t know—”
“It sounds like that’s what you’re doing. You forgot about me and moved on with your life. You had a dream like Martin Luther King and you are living it now and you don’t want me to mess it up.” He paused. “Why do you deny me the right to dream when it’s probably because of me that you can even live your dream?”
She had no words. This grown-up Ajalon wasn’t going to back down. She stared at him as he pointedly stared at her.
“Bella, what type of job do you have? Where do you work?”
“Ajalon—”
“Where?”
“I-I work at a college. I do a lot of PR activities for our unit and handle a lot of journalism type duties. It’s cool because I’m working in my field.”
His eyes lit up. “That sounds very professional and much better than that job at Taco Bell.”
She laughed and nodded. Taco Bell was where they first laid eyes on each other. Nicole was a spirited UAB student carrying twelve hours a semester and working part-time. And one evening Ajalon Cantu bounced into the restaurant with a friend of hers. Ajalon joked with Nicole, took up a lot of time in her line asking for ridiculous things that weren’t even on the menu, and made a nuisance of himself. She couldn’t resist his youthful charm and after a lot of relentless persuasion, she gave him her phone number. She was curious. Ajalon seemed different. He called her the very night that they met. They chatted on the phone for three hours, and he had spent his time chasing Nicole ever since.
“I like my job a lot. It’s given me everything I need at this point in my life.”
“Everything?”
“Just about,” she replied, thinking of Rashad and her plans of being his wife.
“And this is where you met the . . . the mysterious Jody and father of your child?”
Nicole lowered her eyes. When Ajalon first got locked up and she went to visit him, he warned her not to let a “Jody” into her life. So she knew he was referring to a man who steals the ladies of inmates. And she resented his implication. “You have no right to ask me that.”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t want to discuss that with you.”
“You don’t? Are you ashamed of your Jody?”
“His name ain’t no Jody!”
“Then what is it?”
“I ain’t telling you.”
“Don’t matter. I can still find out. I picked up a lot of new skills while I did my bid. Remember, I’m just a criminal.”
“Why would you say some young-sounding shit like that? You’re crazy.”
Ajalon felt he needed to scale back. He didn’t want to anger Nicole. So he calmed down.
“If I am crazy, I’m crazy for you. You make me crazy. So tell me about him. What does he do for a living? Riding around in that white van? What is Eason and Son? He’s a junk dealer?”
“That’s ridiculous. You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, feeling nervous that he had noticed all those details about Rashad. “And I-I just don’t think it’s right for you to be questioning me, okay?”
Her eyes clouded with anger. His being in her presence was unexpected. Why did he come by bus and why now? She was afraid the happy police had come to snatch away her joy. She’d been through hell and deserved better. Her mother always warned Nicole about karma, but Nicole refused to listen.
Ajalon studied the woman who had turned him into a man. She was deliciously hot to him. She was so unlike the type of women his family pushed him to date. Nice Catholic girls who were seemingly perfect on the outside but crazy as fuck on the inside.
The woman he chose to love was rough around the edges, but he knew Nicole’s sweet side. He knew it before, when life with her went from carefree to careless. He was handcuffed and escorted to jail for selling drugs. Nicole tried to hold onto her sweetness until she grew afraid, then tired. Even so, Ajalon realized Nicole still possessed her warm, nurturing quality. He recognized it on the TV screen when he saw a news reporter interview her. She had a quality that allowed her to care about people who had nothing to give her in return. And he remembered how Nicole cared about him when he was an uncontrollable bum running the streets.
“You still love me.”
Ajalon stated this like it was a fact. He noticed that Nicole let him in the house where she probably made love with her man. She could have rejected him, but she let him in.
Ajalon lifted her chin with his fingers. “Do you love me?”
“Don’t ask me that.”
“If we tried again, we could make it work this time.”
“I-I don’t think so,” she said softly.
He snatched her left hand. “You are still single.”
She snatched her hand back. “I won’t be single forever.”
“You say you’ve been here over a year, and now you have a baby. Why didn’t you get married?”
“It’s complicated,” was all she could say.
“Does your Jody already have a lady?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“He does, doesn’t he?”
“Not answering that, Ajalon.”
“Answer this. Does he love you the way I love you?”
That was a good question. Nicole wasn’t really sure. She knew how she felt about Rashad, but she wasn’t positive of how he felt about her. Sometimes she felt like he was going through the motions, other times she felt like he was captivated by her, and that he appreciated her loyalty. But love? It was still up in the air.
Although the divorce was complete, Rashad never discussed getting engaged to her. With each passing day Nicole got nervous, but still held onto her hope.
“I know he cares about me. He loves our daughter.”
“All I can see is that you are single. That means you can be mine. If you marry me, Nicole, you would never be single again. We’d be together till death do us part. Just like all good Catholics.”
“Oh, Ajalon, here we go again. You know I’m not Catholic.”
“But you could be . . . we could do this, Bella. We could get a place together just like we did in Birmingham. I would apply to study at the university. You could get me in. I’d go to class while you worked. Remember how you encouraged me to give up the drug trade and do that? I could work part-time and help out around the house. And once I earned my degree, I could get a better job and take care of you, the child . . . and we could have our own child again. A handsome son that takes after his father. We could show both our families that they were wrong about us. How does that sound, Nicole? Would you like that?”
“Oh, Ajalon, why do you do this to me?”
Just then Nicole’s
cell phone rang.
The ring tone was the new song by J. Cole.
Ajalon stood back and watched Nicole as she motioned at him.
She answered, “Hey, babe.” She put Rashad on speaker.
“What you doing?” he asked. “Man, I am working so hard I can’t see straight.”
“He’s old,” Ajalon said in a loud whisper. “And he sounds like his breath stinks.”
“Um, I’m here doing nothing,” she said, trying not to laugh. “Feeding the baby.”
“I’m the baby,” Ajalon said. He pretended to pick up a fork. He pointed it straight at Nicole’s breast and acted like he was eating off of it. “Yum. Tastes delicious and juicy.”
Rashad didn’t hear Ajalon. The sound of a drill operating roared in the background at the same time he’d been talking.
“What you say? I can hardly hear you.”
“Never mind, Rashad. Um, anyway, what time will you be back here?”
“I should be home at the usual. You miss me?”
She put him off speaker. “I um, I can’t wait to see you. Talk to you later.”
Nicole hung up on him mid-sentence. She felt so bad. Rashad asking her if she missed him was extremely rare.
Ajalon’s eyes twinkled. “The gods have revealed Jody’s real name. Rashad, eh?”
“Oh, my God. I didn’t mean for you to know that.”
“I’ve got what I needed.” Ajalon rose to his feet. “And I will go now. But I will be back,” he told her, “I want to see you again real soon.”
All she could say was, “We’ll see about that.”
Chapter 14
Crazy for You
A few days later, a mere fifteen minutes after Rashad drove off to one of his weekend gigs, Nicole heard the doorbell ring.
She opened the door and placed her hand on her hip.
“Don’t think you ’bout to make this a habit.” She peeked both ways and then let Ajalon in the house.
She swung around to face him after securing the door. “What do you want?”
He just stared at her with his chipped tooth exposed and grinned.
“I swear to God,” she said and left him alone. He followed Nicole, this time to the kitchen.
“Aren’t you going to give me a tour?” he asked.
“What? It ain’t like this is a mansion. It’s just a nice little house. It’s home.”
“You’re just the happy little family now?”
“Please, Ajalon.”
“Why do I make you so nervous? You never used to be this uptight. I know what it means when a woman is uptight.” He made pumping motions with his hips.
“Ugh,” she remarked in disgust. She scuttled around the kitchen preparing Emmy’s bottles.
Soon Nicole felt the heat of Ajalon’s body against her backside. He pressed his warmth against her flesh.
“Move, Ajalon.”
He began to grind against her butt.
It actually felt good to Nicole. She waited a few seconds and managed to squeeze herself past him.
“What the fuck you doing?” she asked.
“I’m doing what you told me to do. I’m moving, baby.”
She moaned and sighed. He grabbed Nicole around her waist and started grinding against her. A sexual dance where he took the lead. Soon she was swaying with him. She closed her eyes and rocked back and forth, like she didn’t have a care in the world.
He turned her around so he could press his hard-on against her butt. He wrapped his arms around Nicole even tighter. He sniffed her neck and enjoyed the fragrance of her perfume. His lips grazed her neck as he gave her several kisses.
Nicole shuddered and continued to rock with him. She wanted to completely melt at Ajalon’s touch. It had been so long since she felt his hands on her body. They used to make love until she was exhausted. She would scream her head off with Ajalon. Not so much with Rashad, but it was still good.
Just then Rashad’s face popped into her head. She stopped moving and broke Ajalon’s embrace.
“Look, it’s been nice hanging out with an old friend. But I-I can’t be doing this. It’s crazy. It’s too dangerous. I mean, you weren’t in my plans. Not at all. I-I’m sorry, but you need to leave. Like right now.”
“I can’t believe you’re acting brand new.”
His voice filled with hurt he grabbed his head in his hands in dramatic fashion. “I’ve listened to you, Bella, and now I need you to listen to me. Do you know how many hours I had to sit my ass on that miserable bus? Gotta sleep with my eyes open in case someone tries to jack me? That’s what I went through for you, my love. Traveling on a crowded bus across the entire South just to get back with you, to surprise you for your birthday, to let you know how much I miss you and want you. I plan to remain here in Texas. And this isn’t the welcome I wanted to get from you.”
“We can’t always get what we want.”
“And what do you want?”
Instead of replying, Nicole busied herself with the bottles that were almost ready. “Look, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t. So, before anything bad happens, I’m saying good-bye. You need to walk out that door . . . and never come back. I’m serious.”
“Don’t do this.”
She pointed to the front door. “Arrivederci, Ajalon.”
He laughed.
She did, too. But her laugh quickly faded. She heard the sound of Rashad’s van pull up into the driveway. It was early on Sunday morning. Rashad liked to play his music loud. He was banging Tupac Shakur’s “Shoot ’Em Up.”
Nicole began to hyperventilate. “Oh, fuck. My man’s home. What am I going to do?”
“I’m glad he is home. You can tell him the news for us.”
“What the fuck? There’s nothing to tell. You need to get out of here.” Nicole raced to the front and placed the double bolt on the door, which was the entrance Rashad usually came through. “You probably will have to leave through the back door. Come on.”
“No.”
“What?”
“I’m not leaving. He needs to know about me. And if you won’t tell him—”
“You’re messing with my life now. It’s not funny. I don’t play when it comes to things like this.”
“I’m not playing either. So what are we going to do, Bella?”
Nicole thought quickly. She knew Rashad would try to insert his key in the door any second. She grabbed her ex’s hand and dragged him down the hall. She stopped midway then reached toward the ceiling. She pulled down the latch that opened the small door to the attic. The stairs lowered and she pleaded with Ajalon.
“If you love me like you say you do, you won’t want to hurt me. I have a child to think about. But he’s here now so we gotta talk later. You need to go in the attic and hide out till I see what Rashad wants. Then after he leaves, I’ll come get you. We can go out to eat. I may even help you find a place to stay here. But you can’t keep coming—”
She heard a loud bang on the front door and her cell phone started ringing.
“It’s him. Please, please go upstairs and try not to make a sound.”
“Can you give me what I want?”
“I-I’ll try.”
“Do you love me, Nicole?”
“Oh, Ajalon!”
“Do you?”
“Ti amo. Now go.”
Smiling, Ajalon sprinted up the stairs and disappeared in the darkness of the attic. Nicole put the latch back. She began praying harder than she had ever prayed in her life.
“Oh, God, please get me out of this. If you do, I swear I will do better. Please don’t let anything bad come out of this.”
She choked out a quick sob and then recovered.
Nicole got herself composed, ran down the hallway, and undid the double bolt.
Rashad walked in and looked her up and down.
“Why it take you so long to answer the door?”
“I was busy and I didn’t hear—”
“Why did you put the bolt on it?”
“Uh, I dunno. I wasn’t aware that I did that.” She wandered away from his questioning eyes. “You know how some crazy people have found out where I lived since I was interviewed. All kinds of folks been lurking around . . . trying to get me to talk to the media.”
“Oh, yeah? Like who?”
“Just people. Nut cases. They pound on the front door and they scare me sometimes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You already have enough to worry about, plus I still have my gun.”
“Oh, but you don’t want to catch another case. You were lucky enough that the assault case was dropped. But don’t get any weird ideas with that gun.”
Before Nicole’s case went to trial, the prosecutor dropped the charges. Alexis was pissed, Nicole felt fortunate and vowed to never get in trouble again.
“I was very lucky,” she replied to Rashad. “I’ll do my best to never wave that gun again.”
Satisfied with Nicole’s answer, Rashad went to the bedroom. He looked around and came back out to Nicole.
“You see my toolbox lately?”
“Um, isn’t it in . . . I thought it was in the van?”
“Nah. I got some new tools and I can’t remember where I put ’em.”
“Do you really need them right now? Like, can’t you just go to Harbor Freight and get some more?”
“Not if I’ve already bought them, Nicole.”
“Oh, well.” She wrung her hands together and avoided his eyes. All she could think about was the man in the attic. Her clothes clung to her and felt wet and sticky.
Rashad disappeared from the room. Nicole followed right behind him. “Um, I thought today would be a slow day for you. Is this a big job? Are you going to be gone all day? What’s your plan?”
“I don’t know yet, Nicky. I hadn’t thought about it.”
She tried to calm down. “I haven’t been doing too much. The baby has been fussing a little.”