“I’m all right. I’ll be fine.” Lee stared out the side window, jaw clamped, rigid.
Ryan indicated left and turned the corner, heading towards Lee’s old house. “So you say, but—”
“He said he’d fucking have you. I didn’t like that.”
Ah, so that’s what it was.
“Shit, Lee. How come you can take that crap for years when it’s about yourself, but—”
“It’s obvious, isn’t it?”
Yep, but I want you to say it. I want to hear it… “No.”
“Stop messing about. I don’t have to spell it out.” Lee palmed his face.
“Spell what out?”
“Stop playing games!” He stared at Ryan.
“I’m not!”
Everything stilled for a beat then Ryan burst out laughing. Releasing the pressure, he didn’t know, but when Lee laughed too, relief loosened Ryan’s knotted shoulder muscles.
“Look, Ryan. You want it straight, you’ve got it. I fucking love you, all right? And when he…when he said… Fuck.” He laughed again. “Just pack it in, yeah? You know why I went for him, you just wanted me to say it. Bloody sap.”
Ryan smiled, turning into Lee’s old street and pulling up outside. He cut the engine and put the keys in his pocket. “Damn right I did. About time you smacked one of them too.” He stared at Lee, holding out his hand. Lee took it, and the familiar sense of belonging stole over him as it always did when they touched. “I love you, man.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“You’re supposed to say you love me too.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Ryan laughed hard then, head thrown back. Once he stopped, he said, “Ah, fuck you. Come on. Into the house.”
* * * *
Wakes were difficult at the best of times, but this one set Ryan on edge. Their earlier laugh in the car, the elevated feeling of euphoria, left as soon as they walked into the house. Lee looked uncomfortable, still and unbending, and he stayed away from the guests after the initial flurry of condolences had been made. Oh, he nodded, made all the right facial gestures, but he wasn’t himself. Not by a long shot.
Ryan stood leaning against the kitchen doorjamb, Coke in hand, watching Lee tip whiskey down his throat—the second tumbler in the space of a few minutes. Stood to reason he’d need the crutch of alcohol, but Lee wasn’t a drinker and had never handled spirits too well. They made him maudlin—like he needed any extra help there. God, he loved him, wanted more than anything for everyone to get out and leave them in peace. Lee looked over once or twice, offered a wonky smile, and Ryan returned it, feeling like he hovered too much, worried too much.
Later, once all the guests had gone, they’d cleared up the plates and glasses, wrapping them in newspaper and packing them away in cardboard boxes. Everything but the sofa and dining table and chairs had been moved to the garage last week, the house bare and uninviting for those who had gathered today. But hey, Lee hadn’t wanted the wake anywhere else, and Ryan doubted very much the guests were bothered about the lack of homeliness. Not on a day like today, anyway.
They left the house, dropping the keys to the elderly neighbour, who promised to let the removal men in to do their job then hand the keys in to the estate agent. Lee had bought her flowers and chocolates, thanking her for her help and giving her a hug. With the final arrangements over and done with, Ryan drove them out of that street for the last time. Lee never looked back, never stared at the road he’d been brought up in, with eyes misty, or a wistful expression on his face. He stared ahead as though unmoved, and Ryan couldn’t blame him. Shit, he’d have left that house a long time ago, as soon as he’d hit sixteen.
But I’m not like Lee. He had a reason for staying there long after he should have. Some sense of duty to his mother, I’ll bet, even though he’d never admit that.
On the journey to Ryan’s flat—another place up in the air with half-filled cardboard boxes and suitcases—he thought about his own feelings for a bit. His parents had divorced, and man, that was a shock and a half. He had no reason to stick around now. His mum had gained a new lease of life, off out to the pub and meals with friends, and his dad had met someone new already. Yeah, there was the rumour he’d had Janet on the go for some time prior to leaving Ryan’s mum, but it didn’t matter now. Not really.
What’s done is done. Can’t change the past, only learn from it.
Ryan glanced at Lee to gauge whether he wanted to talk. It didn’t look like it, so, when on a stretch of straight road, he rested his hand on the other’s thigh and gave a slight squeeze.
“I’m fine. Honestly.” Lee turned and smiled. “Let’s just get back to yours. Go to bed. And tomorrow we’re out of here.”
“Thank fuck.” Ryan smiled and took the right-hand turn into his street, coming to a stop outside his flat. “Though I love this place, my flat, I mean, there’s nothing here for me now. Gotta move on.”
“Yeah.” Lee smiled and held up his hand for Ryan to take. “We’ll be all right once we get out of here. Told you before that some people in Biddingford are dodgy with me, but shit, they’ll get over it. Not like we’re living right under their noses. We should be cool up on the hill out of the way.”
“I’ve never given much of a shit what other people thought, you know that. Come here.”
Lee leaned across, and Ryan kissed him softly, wanting to be tender when Lee’s emotions were probably raw. He brought his hand up to cup his lover’s cheek, thumb stroking the beginnings of stubble. Lee opened his mouth, and Ryan dipped his tongue inside, tasting the whiskey. A small whimper left Lee, his hand rising to twine in Ryan’s hair, and Ryan’s heart twisted in sympathy for how Lee must be feeling. He wouldn’t want an open show of sympathy—hence Ryan avoiding the subject of the day in general—but that one whimper said a thousand words. Lee needed him, needed to forget everything in the midst of their kiss.
It deepened, and Ryan’s cock stirred. As he had before, when he’d returned to Lee’s after giving him time to adjust to news of his mother’s death, Ryan was unsure how far to push. It was one thing for him to feel the need to lose himself in Lee, in their touches, the sensations those sweeping hands brought, but if Lee wasn’t ready…
Lee broke away, his cheek against Ryan’s, and whispered, “I need you.”
Brushing his nose to Lee’s, Ryan nodded and backed away, getting out of the car. With Lee out and on the other side, arms folded across the car roof, Ryan studied him for signs of emotional wear and tear. His eyes were bloodshot and deep lines scored the sides of his mouth, no doubt about that, but he looked as though he could do with pampering. Loving.
They entered the flat, taking the stairs with a weary tread, the day having taken its toll on their bodies. But Ryan’s mind remained alert, and he ushered Lee inside his bedroom, guiding him to the bed and pressing him down onto it by his shoulders. Lee shirked off his jacket, undoing the black tie and throwing it to the floor. He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it, tossing it across the room to land haphazardly, half in and half out of the laundry basket. He flopped back, arms above his head, and Ryan gazed down at him, his lover so open and trusting. Ryan’s heartbeat picked up speed, and he stood at the end of the bed.
“Roll over, yeah?” he said.
Ryan climbed onto the bed as Lee did as he’d asked. He took off his jacket and threw it to the floor, uncaring that it had cost an arm and a leg. He stared down at Lee’s muscled back, studying the jutting shoulder blades and knobbly spine. Reaching into the bedside drawer, he took out a bottle of oil and settled between Lee’s splayed legs. He flipped up the lid and drizzled oil across Lee’s back, dropping the bottle to the bed. After warming his hands, he placed them to Lee’s hot skin, smoothing the oil over his shoulders. Ryan kneaded, feeling the muscles loosen with every glide, every press of his fingers.
“Feels good,” Lee said, voice muffled by the quilt. He rested one cheek on his folded hands and sighed.
“You need it, man.”
“Better?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. Much.”
Ryan’s cock strained against his boxers, but he didn’t want to stop to undress. Then again, the shape of Lee’s arse looked too appealing to ignore, what with the tightness of the trouser fabric across it. Easing his hands under Lee’s belly, Ryan fumbled with the button, Lee lifting slightly, and undid the zip. He pulled Lee’s trousers and boxers down his legs, taking off his shoes and socks and discarding them all in a pile on the floor. Back on the bed, Ryan poured more oil and gave Lee’s arse the attention it deserved. The rounded globes, soft yet firm beneath his hands, turned him on as he spread the cheeks and caught a glimpse of the shadowed valley there. Would they ever explore that side of sex? They hadn’t so far—hadn’t done anything too adventurous yet—but Ryan wasn’t sure if he was comfortable bringing the subject up. He didn’t even know if he would like to take Lee’s cock there—or whether Lee wanted Ryan inside him.
His cheeks heated at the thought, and he slid his hands down Lee’s outer thighs, the skin changing from smooth softness to hair-covered rough. His palms tingled, so he resumed his attention on his lover’s arse—until Lee rolled over and presented him with the sight of his rigid cock. He reached up and unknotted Ryan’s tie, pulling it off and holding it up.
“Tie my hands?” he asked.
Ryan took the tie and bound Lee’s wrists, loose enough that he could free himself if he chose. Lee lay back and put his hands above his head and jerked his abdomen, clearly eager for Ryan to take him in hand again.
Grabbing the oil bottle, Ryan poured a small amount into his hand and fisted Lee, drawing his grip down slowly. The oil added swiftness to the glide, and he took his oily hand from Lee and freed then clasped himself. He took Lee’s stiffness in his other hand and matched the up-and-down motions on both cocks, making eye contact with Lee.
His eyes conveyed many things—love, adoration, and trust among a jumble of others. Ryan looked down at Lee’s legs and nodded, indicating that Lee close them when Ryan lifted one knee. He straddled Lee’s thighs, still pumping their cocks, and pushed out his hips. Letting go of himself, he pressed his length to Lee’s and grasped both cocks in two hands, massaging them together in slow, even strokes. Lee sucked in a breath and licked his lips. Ryan gritted his teeth, the burn of orgasm close—too close—and gazed at Lee through half-lidded eyes.
“Faster?” he asked.
Lee nodded, and his cock vein throbbed along with Ryan’s, the sensation powerful and heady. Ryan worked them faster, clasping them tighter. His balls gently slapped against Lee’s, heightening his desire. Lee bucked and closed his eyes, a strangled grunt leaving him with panted breaths. Ryan’s tummy somersaulted at the sight of him, Lee’s cheeks flushed with desire, his lips slightly parted.
“Undo my shirt,” Ryan gasped, fighting to hold back his orgasm.
Lee brought his joined hands up and raised his torso, fumbling with the buttons.
“Lay back down.”
He did, and Ryan arched over their cocks, watching his hands moving, turned on to such a degree he released a stuttered moan. Every twitch and throb of Lee’s cock matched his own, the sensations too much to take. Their cocks exploded together, cum shooting out and coating Ryan’s chest and belly. He pumped on, revelling in the waves of ecstasy as ripple after ripple undulated up and down his shaft and throughout his balls. Their scents combined, the aroma coaxing more cum from Ryan, and Lee’s body jolt and “Ah, fuck!” spurred a last rope of cum to leave Ryan. Lee’s cock spewed three quick jets at the same time he cried out, and he clenched his fists and teeth, riding out the pleasure.
Spent and sweating, Ryan released them and lowered onto Lee, covering the other’s fists with his cupped hands. He bent his head for a long sweet kiss, the breaths dashing out of their nostrils indicating their quickened heartbeats. Tongues duelling, Ryan explored Lee’s mouth until his breathing regulated and his cock stopped throbbing.
He snuggled by Lee’s side then, arm draped over his belly, leg hooked over his, holding him possessively close. Sleep called quietly, luring him in, and he closed his eyes, sated and exhausted, ready for their busy day tomorrow. The start of their new life together.
INFERNO
~
Chapter Three - Lee
Ryan settled in at the cabin like he’d always been there, you know? I didn’t mind his things being in places that usually lay bare—in fact, I welcomed them. I’d wanted him for so long, and this…us as a couple. After we’d left his flat, Ryan bringing quite a few belongings with him, the car loaded up so we couldn’t see out the back window, we’d travelled to Biddingford for a fresh start. Yeah, I’d already done that by leaving the town I’d known all my life, but this time was different. I was free of all burdens, had the knowledge that I answered to no one but me from now on. Ryan’s excitement transferred to me. He’d never been away from home, and despite a tearful goodbye to his parents, he was raring to go.
He also settled in at work well, and our routine slipped in without notice. We’re aware of one another’s moods from knowing each other a long time, and, well, we just get along. Always have. I can’t really remember a time when he wasn’t in my life, making everything better, making me laugh. His acute sense of knowing what to say and when to say it amazes me. Almost like he reads my thoughts, but I guess we’re so in tune he just picks up on every little thing that indicates whether I’m happy or sad, pissed off or melancholy. I’m the same with him. With a certain look from him I can tell what mood he’s in, what he’s trying to say without words.
Three months have sped by—where the hell did they go? We haven’t talked about the money Mum left me or what we should do with it. I say we, because what’s mine is Ryan’s now, know what I mean? There he is on the other end of the sofa, gaze glued to the TV, and I wonder if he’s actually taking in what he’s watching or whether he’s thinking other things like me.
“What’s on your mind,” he says; not a question but words that show he knows me inside and out.
“Just thinking.”
“About?” He turns from the TV to look at me, bringing his legs up under him and settling his back against the arm rest.
“Maybe going somewhere nice. If you’re up for it.” I shrug.
“Doubt the boss will give me time off yet. Not been there long enough, surely.”
“There is that.” I pause and stretch out so my feet rest on his knees. He smoothes his hand up and down my shin, and I continue. “No harm in asking when’s the earliest you can take a holiday, is there. I know I had shit loads of time off to go back…to…but he’s a good sort. You never know.”
“Yeah. Be nice.”
I get up and go out into the hallway, stooping to pick up my boots. “Fancy a walk? I’m bored shitless.”
Ryan swings his legs to the floor and looks out the window then back to the TV. “Could do. Going into the village for a pint?”
I shake my head and pull my boots on. “Nah. Fancied going into the forest.”
“What, in the dark?” Ryan smiles.
His cheek dimples set my stomach to clenching—fucking love those dimples—and he stands, stretching his arms toward the ceiling. I take him in, loving the way his T-shirt rises and gives me a glimpse of his belly button and the line of hair going from there down beneath his waistband. What rests below that comes to mind, a cock I love the feel of in my hands, balls I cup and fondle as though they were made for my palm.
“Yep, in the dark.” I brush the backs of my fingers down his cheek and press a quick kiss to his
lips. “We could get up to all sorts out there…”
He laughs and bends down, putting on his boots. “Get your coat on, man. I want to see what you’ve got planned.” Shirking into his, he zips it up and moves toward the front door, flicking on the external light.
A shadow passes the glass, obscured because of the net curtain, but I saw it all right. Just a fleeting swoosh of movement, but no one should be out there at this time of night. I frown and hold up my hand.
“Don’t open it yet. Saw someone out there.” I go into the living room, heart beating fast, and peer through the nets hanging at the window. Nothing’s out there except the expanse of grass, the tree-lined path that leads down the hill towards town, and the glittering lights of the village. Still, I’m a little uneasy and return to the hallway, stopping beside Ryan at the front door and shrugging on my jacket. “Nothing out there now, but I saw someone walk past the door.”
“We’re not expecting anyone, are we?” Ryan’s brow furrows, and he turns the lock to open the door.
“Are we ever? No fucker comes here except Josh.”
Ryan swings the door open, and I step outside, glancing to the right where the shadow headed. The light illuminates the immediate area, but beyond that, darkness is thick and black.
“Reckon we ought to abandon the walk?” Ryan asks.
He looks at me, and I know he doesn’t want to go out there now—and not because he’s scared for himself either. He’d rather wait and see if anyone knocks on the door and deal with them then.
“Yep, but I want to know who the fuck is out here.” I re-enter the cabin and stride to the kitchen, pulling open the drawer beside the sink. The torch we use when the power goes out sits inside, and I take it, switching it on as I walk back down the hall. “Back in a minute.”
“Fuck going out there on your own, Lee!”
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