My Cowboy Freedom

by Z. A. Maxfield

  Maisy and I didn’t wait in the exam room for long before Doc Winters came in, iPad in hand. “Rockne McLean. What’s going on?”

  “I had a tonic clonic seizure last night.”

  “So I gather. Let’s get some blood work going and see what’s what.” He tucked his tablet under his arm to open the door to call for Marge. “Andi’s going to be so pissed she missed you. She and Ryder took Jonas to see a movie.”

  “I’m sorry I missed them too. How are they?”

  “They’re all doing just fine.”

  He flipped through some pictures on his iPad, showing me Andi and Ryder and Jonas, him and Ryder, and several of the four of them together. It looked like they were having a blast and for a terrible, bitter few seconds, I resented him for it.

  “The Hanks—excuse me, the Henry Greenwood Band—is playing in Austin next weekend, so Jonas, Ryder, and I are going to make little getaway out of it.”

  “The boss misses Andi something fierce.” Even so, I hoped Andi’d stand her ground. If Sterling Chandler was going to be an asshat about Ryder and Declan, then maybe he deserved to spend some time alone thinking about things.

  “His attitude doesn’t leave a lot of room for compromise.”

  “He doesn’t know how to compromise.” I moved to the paper-covered exam table and sat on its edge. “You know why this is such big issue for him, don’t you?”

  “Because of Jonas, I assume.” His blue eyes narrowed. “Because now he doesn’t know who Jonas’s biological father is. I guess that matters to some people, more than who the child is.”

  “The boss ain’t like that, exactly.” I shook my head. “He only wants to put his people in nice, safe little boxes. They just don’t always want to stay there.”

  “That’s a little cynical.” Declan sat on his stool with his arms folded. That was Maisy’s cue to slip under the visitor chair. She hated that rolling stool with a biting passion, but she was too well-trained to say so.

  “That doesn’t make it any less true.”

  “And Andi’s box is Ryder?” he asked.

  “She was supposed to grow up, marry a nice guy, have a family.”

  “As far as I’m concerned, she did exactly that.”

  “Sure she did. But not the way Sterling wanted. The standard white picket fence life.”

  “My mother wanted that for me,” he said. “Isn’t that what most people hope for when their kid grows up?”

  “Sure. But Andi doesn’t fit in some one-size-fits-all box.”

  The Doc rolled closer. “Who does?”

  “Someone does.” I said. “Someone must. Otherwise why would we have so many people and so few boxes?”

  Declan’s pale eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed. “I have to hand it to you. I’ve never thought of it that way.”

  “Anyway, I don’t fit in a box either, unless it’s labeled damaged goods.”

  “Look straight at me.” He used his penlight to blind me, one eye at a time. “Who says?”

  “No one. I just know that’s what they think. Nobody sees me as an adult. I’m not a man to them. I’m just—”

  “Wait. What?” Doc’s handsome face filled with concern. “Who doesn’t see you as an adult?”

  My mind went back to that picnic basket. “I guess Elena might see me as a young adult, maybe? But my parents refuse to see me that way and it’s going to make me crazy.”

  “Wait. I’m still not following.” The doc set his tablet aside. “How come?”

  “I’m pretty sure they hoped I’d never meet a guy who’d want me, and now I have.”

  “You met someone? Really?”

  I sagged from the sheer relief of saying that out loud. His surprise wasn’t very flattering.

  “Sorry it’s such a shock.”

  “Of course it isn’t a shock.” He frowned. “Give me all the details, though. Is he nice? Is he from around here? Do you need instructional materials? I have a pamphlet somewhere called How to Bottom Like a Porn Star, and—”

  I gasp. “You’re shitting me.”

  “Yes, I am.” He folded his arms again. Smug bastard. “Tell me you practice safe sex and we can skip the terrifying dick pictures.”

  “Not only do I practice, I’m damn good at it. Jesus.” I covered my eyes with my hands. It felt cool and nice but I decided not to keep them there. “Does everyone think I’m a fucking Muppet?”

  Doc’s smile was blindingly white. “Rockne McLean, you potty mouth, you. What is going on at that ranch?”

  “We have a new hand.”

  “Do you, now?” The doc’s toe dug into the highly polished wooden floor and he spun around and around . . .

  This is why Maisy hates that stool. She glared at me until he came to a stop, but then he circled around the other way in a sweeping move that was part rolling-chair ballet and part horrible accident waiting to happen.

  “Watch yourself there, Doc.”

  “I’m good. Tell me everything. You have a new hand at the ranch and—”

  And he’s a convicted murderer.

  And he is not Sirius Black.

  “And, what?” I ask.

  “We have ways of making you talk,” Declan warned in some horrible phony accent.

  “Declan.” I say this like his name is my safeword.

  “Oh, all right. It’s all good, because I know all about your tattooed coworker. Rainey over at the Feed and Seed said he’s ‘rough trade’”

  Doc actually accompanied his words with finger quotes.

  “Rainey said that?”

  “Not in so many words, no. It was more implied by the way she said it. I inferred that he was a total and complete badass. Is he what’s got Elena’s panties in a knot?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She was more upset than I’d expect her to be about your seizure. I got the feeling there was something else, but I wouldn’t let her talk about you, or at least, I didn’t answer her questions about your treatment. This drives her batshit crazy. But HIPAA forbids it unless you give me permission.”

  “Which I do not.” I crossed my legs.

  “I know this,” Declan continued. “So spill your guts, mister. I’m solid as a priest and far less judgmental.”

  “His name is Skyler. He’s on parole.”

  Declan blinked at me, blue eyes wide. “Really? Do you know what he served time for?”

  “You should ask him.”

  “I will. Oh, yes indeed. I will.” When I didn’t say anything, he glanced at his tablet. “So . . . you had a tonic-clonic seizure last night.”

  Wait. Really? “A new hand—an ex-con—comes to the ranch and you’re not even a little bit curious about anything but my seizure?”

  His smile was wry. “He’s not my patient. It’s you I’m concerned about.”

  Irritably, I said, “I don’t remember anything about the seizure.”

  “Did Maisy alert?”

  “Pastor said she did.” I got off the exam table and sat on the floor beside her. “She was a champ. Weren’t you, girl? She warned me and I must have listened. They said I got to the ground on my own. Of course, I was singing in front of the whole church at the time.”

  The doc’s face fell. “I’m so sorry, Rock.? You want to talk about that?”

  “You changin’ specialties to head-shrinking now?’

  “No, I’m still just a humble country doctor. I have a bona fide shingle outside to prove it.”

  “So I should save my answer for group.”

  “You could.” His gaze was more probing than usual. “But I’d really like you to tell me how you felt about the incident at church.”

  Just thinking about it—high school kids laughing at me while I was helpless. While I pissed myself.

  It was a god-awful pain in the as
s. “How do you think I felt? I hated it.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Then Elena shows up with the new guy to help. How’d you feel if Ryder saw you puke-sick and helpless? Or worse—combative and delirious.”

  The doc’s jaw tightened. “So he saw you right after?”

  I nodded.

  “How’d he react?”

  “He did what he needed to do without being a dick about it. But at the same time—” I took a deep breath. “It’s hard to describe how much I hated him. Just for that moment, I wished I’d never met him.”

  Doc nodded, very slowly. And he never acted like there was anyone waiting to see him after me. I was learning to appreciate that more with each visit.

  His gaze lifted from his notes. “I’ve known doctors who’ve worked in prisons—not just here but in parts of the world where conditions are truly appalling. Incarceration is responsible for many, many significant physical and psychological problems.”

  “Dad’s church has an active prison outreach, Doc. I know all this stuff.”

  “Then you know the system works pretty badly but in a prison, it totally breaks down. Prisoners have all the time in the world to dream up new ways to manipulate people.”

  “I’m keeping my options open.”

  He nodded again. “Good. Since I’m about to meet this paragon I’ll keep an open mind. In the meantime, I’ll need blood and urine.”

  “But Doc, this is all so sudden.”

  “Shut up.” He threw his stylus at me.

  The doc did a routine exam, after which Marge took me into a different room for a blood draw. She worked quickly and quietly, and like I said, she had good hands. She’d just folded my arm up to put pressure on the needle stick when we heard the front door open and then slam closed.

  Marge narrowed her eyes and then she growled.

  I swear to God she growled.

  One does not slam the good doctor’s door on Marge’s watch.

  “Declan Winters.” Uncle Sterling’s voice. “You are not Rock’s doctor. I want him out here, now.”

  Marge and I hurried to the reception room. Sterling stood waiting with a look of frozen rage on his face. A quick glance around told me the doc already had Sky in an exam room. Christ. If the boss saw him here, if he guessed the reason Elena brought him here had anything to do with me, my life would be over.

  Elena rose from her chair. “Sterling—”

  “I told you, Elena. That charlatan isn’t Rock’s doctor anymore.”

  “I understand you’re angry, and I know you have a valid reason to feel that way, but since Rock had a generalized tonic-clonic seizure last night. I felt that—”

  “You felt?” Nostrils flaring like a bull’s, he said, “I told you no. Are you really going to go to war with me over this?”

  All color fled Elena’s face. “What?”

  I put my arm around my Nina and Maisy stood by my leg, hackles up, worried about this new shouting business.

  “I am an adult. You don’t get to tell me who my doctor is going to be.”

  “You don’t think so?” He was angrier than I’d seen him since he’d first found out about Ryder and Declan. It was scary as hell. “What do you suppose would happen if I got your dad involved?”

  Elena’s indrawn breath was loud in the silence. “Sterling!”

  “Your parents made themselves very clear,” he shouted. “Any activity on your part that could be deemed to put your soul in danger is a deal breaker. You’ll go back to them, or even to Reckonings. Is that what you want?”

  “You can’t do that.” Doc closed the door between the office and the exam rooms. Sky couldn’t see our little scene, but he was probably getting an earful. “As an adult, Rock can choose any physician he likes.”

  “Elena, take Rock back to the ranch.”

  The exam room door opened again and Sky stepped out. His gaze swept over everyone and settled on me.

  “Everything okay here?”

  The boss spoke first. “I’m sorry, Skyler. This is a private family matter.”

  Sky nodded but didn’t leave. “Yessir.”

  “It’d be best”—Oops. Boss hates to repeat himself—“if you could give us some privacy.”

  Sky didn’t take his eyes off mine. The question was there. What should I do?

  “It’s all right, Sky.” I turned back to the boss with my teeth clenched. “Declan Winters is my doctor.”

  The doc said, “Rock’s health care is a private matter that doesn’t concern you. You need to leave, Sterling.”

  Everything happened at once. Sterling stepped toward me, bumping my chest with his, pushing me into Marge, who grabbed Doc Winters’ shoulder to keep from falling over. Maisy went absolutely nuts. She’s trained not to bark unless I’m in danger, or we get separated, but this was something they didn’t cover in school. Elena shouted over everyone to stay calm.

  Quick as a cobra, Sky planted himself between me and the boss.

  To be honest, the boss and me were acting like bad-tempered bulls. We had size on our side, but Sky was one tough, wiry son of a bitch. He made it perfectly clear he was willing to work as hard at keeping us apart as we were working to come together, and he wasn’t above getting a dirty elbow jab in either.

  “Ow, who’s side are you on?” I pressed my hand to my ribs.

  “You’re upsetting Miss Elena and Maisy.” He held me back. “Knock it off.”

  “Oh Christ.” I turned to find Elena behind me, shaking with fear. Once I saw that, all the fight went right out of me. “I’m sorry, Nina. Shh, Maize. Quiet now. She’s right. Let’s all calm down now. We’re supposed to be better than this.”

  “Rock, you’re done here. Sky—” Still panting with rage, Sterling stabbed a thick finger in Elena’s direction. “This isn’t finished, Elena.”

  “Fine.” She drew herself up to her full height. “I’ll see you at the ranch.”

  He stormed out and left us all standing there, stunned.

  Sky turned to me. “What just happened?”

  I was too angry to answer.

  “The boss doesn’t like it when people don’t do what he says.” Elena glanced at her watch. “I need to run some errands. Rock, you can stay here with Skyler, and when you guys are done, show him around Bitterroot. Take him to Earl’s. Show him Millennium Park. If he’s going to live around here, you might as well give him the grand tour.”

  I nodded. “All right. When will you be back?”

  “I’ll text you in a couple of hours, baby. Be good.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Sure.” She nodded. “The boss is more pissed off than I thought, is all. It’s not the first time.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I need some time to cool down, all right? Maybe I’ll get my nails done. I’ll be back.” She tapped her cheek. I bent down to give her a smacking kiss. She kissed me back and then immediately thumbed lipstick off my jaw. “Be good.”

  After Elena left, Marge went into the back rooms, leaving me and Skyler alone with Doc Winters, who smiled brightly.

  “Well, all righty, then.” He rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Where were we? Joy of Gay Sex? Gay Kama Sutra? What can the big gay doctor do for you today? I know!” He put out his hand to usher Sky back into the exam room. “How about we talk about preventative medicine. That’s where you eat right, exercise regularly, and hopefully put me out of a job.”

  “Wait.” Sky turned back to me.

  My heart was still tripping all over itself because Sterling had never spoken to me like that. I was still struggling to make sense of everything he’d done when Skyler wrapped my face between his hands and pulled me down for a scorching kiss.

  Lord have mercy. No necesitamos El Kamasutra Gay aqui.

  Skyler’s tou
ch wasn’t tentative at all. He was skilled and serious and sweet. When he tilted his head and pushed his slick tongue into my mouth, my whole world wobbled off its axis and fell away beneath my feet. When we broke for air, his hot breath fanned my face and I had to grab his shoulders to stay on my feet. I pulled away reluctantly, well aware that the doc was both staring directly at us and trying to look anywhere else.

  His head practically swiveled around like an owl’s.

  “What was that for?” I asked when I could breathe again.

  “I’m on your side, you dumbass. Ride or die,” he whispered. “Don’t ever ask me that again.”

  Chapter 21

  Sky

  I was still picking apart the scene in the doctor’s office.

  The Texas sun was merciless. The air was so still you could hardly breathe. Even the hint of a breeze would have been welcome. Fortunately, the trees along the streets that bore their names, Elm, Oak, and Poplar, were mature and leafy, so we walked along in dappled shade.

  “How come Chandler thinks he can tell you where to go to the doctor?” I asked, finally.

  Rock’s words came out choked in the already thick air. “He...just...can’t tell me that.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question.”

  He ticked each item off on his fingers. “I’m on my parents’ medical insurance. He’s their friend so he tries to be their enforcer. I got struck by lightning so I’m too dumb to know what’s good for me. And I’m obviously disturbed because I like men better than women. For sex, I mean. Women are fine, but I fuck men.”

  I fought my smile but some of it escaped. “All that?”

  “Also Sterling doesn’t speak ‘no.’” He gave an already busted seedpod a vicious kick, and the cottony fibers burst out.

  “Mm.” It takes one to ‘no’ one.

  “I came to the Rocking C with my parents’ permission. They can revoke it.”

  “How?”

  “It’s expensive being me.” He shrugged modestly. “Room and board, medical care. Maisy and her bills. I make a decent wage at the Rocking C, but what I earn doesn’t begin to cover everything. I need their help. And they know I need it.”

  I wanted to touch him, but I settled for letting my hand swing between us, where sometimes I could brush it against his or bump his shoulder with mine. “How else can you get what you need?”