Tahlia leads the guy she’s with into a room as soon as we get inside, leaving Jeff and I on our own.
“You still feeling a little buzzed?” he asks, sitting down on the couch and patting the seat next to him.
“A little,” I reply as I lower myself to sit where he indicated. I’m still smiling. My face hurts, but I can’t seem to stop.
“I should probably apologise to you,” Jeff starts, creasing his brow as he looks down at his hands, and twists the gold band that adorns his thumb with his long fingers.
“Oh, really. Why?”
“Because I kissed you. A lot. I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why? Because you’re older than me?”
“Well, yeah, and I was supposed to be looking out for you, and Tahlia. I wasn’t supposed to be hooking up with a beautiful girl who is almost half my age.”
Blushing, I shake my head, letting my curls fall over my face. “You’re not that old.”
“I am, Paige. In five years’ time, our age difference wouldn’t matter. But right now, it seems quite vast, don’t you think?” I bounce one of my shoulders as I chew my lip, listening. He rubs his hand over his face and head, then leans against the back of the couch, looking up at the ceiling. “God, I’d bet if your father had any idea what happened tonight, he’d hunt me down and hang me.”
“I doubt that,” I deadpan. “The man I thought was my father couldn’t care less what I do. And I’ve never met my real one.”
“What about your mother? Does she care?”
“No. She kicked me out months ago.”
His brow furrows as he sits forward again and looks at me. “Are you serious? They just kicked you out?” I nod. “What for?”
“For being me, I guess. I figure my mum had an affair, and I’m the result of it. I’ve always been treated differently from my brother and sister. I never felt wanted. Eventually, they just sent me away.” For some reason, I feel comfortable with Jeff and tell him everything I’ve been through so far. He sits quietly, listening to me as I unload.
“That’s pretty messed up. Where are you staying now?”
“On the couch in Tahlia’s garage.”
“Are you serious?! No, no, no. That’s not cool.”
“Well, what else am I supposed to do? I don’t have any other family to stay with, and I’ve stayed with every friend I can. I’m not entering the system either. I don’t want to go into foster care, or a home, or whatever-the-heck they do with girls my age.”
“Paige, you have other options.”
“Oh yeah. Like what?”
He shifts where he sits and turns to face me, taking my hand into his before he meets my eyes. “You might not want to hear this. But, a girl who is good in bed, will never be wanting for a place to sleep.”
“What? No…I don’t know about that,” I laugh, feeling slightly uncomfortable all of a sudden. “I mean I have never…”
He closes his other hand over mine and says, “I know. I can teach you if you’d like.”
My heart thuds solidly in my chest as I think about what it is he’s offering me. “I’m just not sure that’s a good idea. I mean isn’t that kind of like being a prostitute?” I practically whisper.
Jeff laughs. “No – I’m not going to teach you to charge money. I’m just saying that if you’re good in bed and know how to please a man, there is no way you’ll ever have to sleep on an old couch, in a dirty garage again.” He reaches forward and touches my face gently with the back of his hand.
“You’re so beautiful Paige. You should have seen the way other men were watching you tonight. It made me feel like I had to have you. You have a quality that draws men in, and I’d love to be the man who teaches you how to use this gorgeous body of yours to your benefit. A woman like you could use her beauty to have the world at her feet.” He chews on his lip as his eyes travel up and down my body. The expression on his face seems as though it hurts for him to look at me and not touch me.
Strangely, I don’t want to run. I want him to touch me. I want him to teach me. I’m tired of sleeping on a couch. I’m tired of sleeping in a garage. I’m tired of silently begging, tired of feeling dependent on others. I’m tired of being a burden.
I don’t know if it’s the drugs in my system, or if I just don’t want to feel like a kid anymore, but something makes me move towards him. I want him. Badly.
My breathing becomes shaky as I close the distance between us, and pause just for a moment before my lips connect with his. I touch them against his, lightly at first, testing to see if he really does want me, or if it’s all talk. Even after all he’s done and said tonight, I still feel unsure of his attraction towards me. I’ve never really felt as beautiful as he’s saying I am.
However, my worries go unfounded. I’m rewarded with a primal growl as his arms wrap around me, and he pulls me to him, deepening the kiss as I climb on to his lap.
Exploring his mouth with mine, I rock my body against his, marvelling in the sensation of him beneath me as my senses come alive.
A slight bout of nerves starts to bounce around inside my body when I feel the hardness between his legs as it presses against me. I don’t have much time to dwell on it though, because with one swift movement, he lifts me up and carries me to the bedroom, dropping me on the bed and holding himself above me.
His kisses start to make their way along my jaw line and down my neck, while his hand starts to knead my breasts. Sensations I’ve never felt before begin to shoot through my body, zinging between my legs like some sort of electrical charge, and I feel as though I’m in a state of pure ecstasy.
Jeff slides down the bed slightly and lifts my top, kissing me softly next to my bellybutton before rimming it with his tongue. As his fingers skirt the edge of my waistband, I suck in my breath, feeling unsure of what will come next.
“I want you to stay with me for a while Paige,” he murmurs as his fingers work to get the button of my jeans undone. “I want to teach you something new every night. I want to teach you every pleasure I can think of.” He undoes my zip and slides my jeans down my legs, revealing my white cotton panties. The burst of cool air against my skin causes my flesh to prickle with goose bumps. “When I’m finished with you, you will be an absolute master. No man will be able to resist you.”
I gasp as he pulls my panties back slightly and kisses, just above my mound, his fingers teasing me as they trace the elastic that runs around my legs. He hooks his fingers into the waistband and pulls them down, dropping them to the floor and revealing me completely, giving me nowhere to hide.
I feel a mixture of nerves and desire as he sits back and studies me. “Open your legs for me,” he commands. I close my eyes, suddenly a little unsure of myself. “It’s ok. We can stop whenever you want to. Tonight will be all about you. I want to look at you. I want to taste you. I want to show you the best part about being a woman.”
“The best part?”
“Yes. When your legs are wrapped around a man’s head, and your hips are bucking wildly because you can’t take it anymore.”
My stomach jumps up as my heart thuds loudly against my chest. “I’m scared.”
“Don’t be. Just relax,” he coos, his voice so soft and gentle, that I find myself letting out a slow steady breath before doing what he asked and opening my legs for him to see me. “That is one very nice pussy,” he growls, rubbing his hands gently up and down my legs. “Hmmm. I’m going to kiss it now Paige. Ok?”
“Ok,” I whisper, the sound barely making its way over my lips.
When I feel his breath, warm between my legs, I jolt involuntarily. The anticipation of his touch is just too much.
“Have you ever touched yourself?”
“No,” I gasp, as his tongue darts out and touches me lightly, right on a very sensitive spot that makes me quiver.
“You should. It will help you know your body. Men want to please a woman, Paige. Just as much as they want to be pleased themselves. This,” he says
as he kisses the sensitive spot again, “is your clit, and if I suck on it, and swirl my tongue around it, it gets harder and more sensitive. See?” He demonstrates, and I writhe beneath him, gasping for air as he shows me sensations I never knew I was capable of experiencing. “Relax,” he whispers. “This is going to be fun.”
“Ohhh!” I call out as he sucks more firmly on my clit, sliding his tongue up and down so it enters me for a moment, before sliding it back up and circling my clit once more.
The rhythm causes a sensation to start building between my legs. It travels up into my stomach and sends tendrils of ecstasy swirling through my body, all the way to my fingertips and down to my toes.
As the pressure builds between my legs, I find myself calling out more and more. My hands clench against the sheets on the bed, needing something, anything to grab on to as the feeling takes over me.
My ragged breathing causes my throat to go dry. I move my tongue around my mouth and try to swallow. I don’t know what to do with this pressure, it’s more than I can handle right now – it feels amazing, but at the same time it’s scaring me. I don’t know what’s going to happen.
“Jeff,” I gasp. “I feel… oh god!” I yell as the pressure seems to explode out of me. Colours flash before my eyes as my body jars in spasm. He grips onto my thighs and drives his tongue inside me, moaning into me as I continue to gasp and cry out, until I can’t take it anymore and start pushing on his head. “It’s too much. I’m sorry. You need to stop.”
Lifting himself up, he wipes him mouth slightly and moves up the bed, so his body is covering mine while he takes his weight on his hands.
“You taste amazing,” he whispers, before dipping his head to gently kiss me. I can taste myself in his mouth. It’s something I thought would be strange to do, but it’s not as bad as I was expecting.
When he breaks away, I can’t help but ask, “Um, is there something I need to do for you now?”
He chuckles as he pushes himself up from the bed. “No, not tonight. Having you come in my mouth was all I needed tonight.”
Once again, I blush. Having him talk the way he does is both intimidating and a turn on. There’s something about the way he looks at me that makes me want to be around him. I guess he makes me feel wanted – seen. It’s something that has been very lacking, and I didn’t realise how badly I wanted to feel something, until now…
Chapter Ten
“So, Jeff tells me you’re staying with him for a while. Sick of the old couch are you?” Tahlia asks me the next morning, after she’s waved goodbye to the guy, she took to bed last night, at the door.
I shrug and press my lips together. Feeling as though I must seem a little ungrateful when Tahlia and her family have been nothing but welcoming to me.
“I don’t have to stay. I can come back if you want.”
She moves closer and sits beside me on the couch, tucking her legs beneath her as she leans her head against the back of it facing me.
“Don’t be silly. I’d take the offer of a bed over that uncomfortable thing any day. I’ll miss you though. I’ve kind of gotten used to having you around every day.”
The corner of my mouth turns up in a slight smile. “Yeah, we’ve had fun, haven’t we?”
“The best. But don’t worry, we’ll still see each other heaps. It just won’t be every day.”
Nodding my head, I sigh contentedly as I sit back against the couch. Quietly, I contemplate my life right now as I watch Jeff walk from the bedroom to the kitchen. The private grin he gives me starts my heart beating wildly in my chest.
In my mind, l can actually see a way out of this state of homelessness that I’ve found myself in. I can feel a sense of hope start to blossom inside me - a hope that I might have some sort of normal future after all.
Tahlia leans in close and whispers in my ear. “Don’t get too attached OK? Have your fun and move on.”
“What are you two whispering about?” Jeff asks as he wanders into the lounge room carrying a mug of coffee for each of us.
“I was just telling her to watch out for the likes of you. You’re a known heartbreaker,” Tahlia informs him.
He laughs as he sets the mugs on the side tables and takes the single seat to my right.
“I’m not going to break her heart Tahlia, because I’m never going to lie to her. Paige will always know where she stands with me. I give you my word on that.”
“Hmmm” is the only response she gives him.
We all sit together and sip our coffees quietly until Jeff suggests that he drive me and Tahlia home, so we can pick up my things.
“I don’t really have much,” I tell him. “I got rid of a lot of things months ago. It was easier to travel light. I didn’t look so much like a teenage runaway with just a backpack.”
He reaches over and tucks some of my hair behind my ear, causing my eyes to flutter closed. “That’s no problem. I’ll take care of you for a while.”
“Alright Jeff. Stop filling her head with so much hope. It’s not good for her.”
Jeff’s response is to wink at me and kiss me on top of the head as he stands to collect our now empty mugs.
Despite Tahlia’s warnings, I still feel giddy about coming to stay with Jeff. Even if my time staying with him doesn’t last long. I feel as though now that I’m sixteen, I can finally take my life into my own hands.
Now, I can get a job, and in a year I can get my provisional license. I won’t be dependent upon the kindness of others for much longer. How can I not have hope?
***
We stay at Tahlia’s house until after lunch while Jeff and Tahlia’s dad, Ron, catch up and have a laugh.
I thank them all profusely for helping me and giving me somewhere to stay, and they tell me that it was no trouble. Although, I’m still not convinced that they actually realised I was living there.
“Just remember, you can come back anytime, and I’ll see you soon,” Tahlia tells me as I leave with Jeff. She hugs me tightly as I’m about to get into the car and stands in her front yard, waving as we drive off.
Jeff reaches over and takes my hand, bringing it to his lips before returning it to my lap. “Are you ready?” he asks, glancing at me briefly as he focuses on the road.
“Yes. I think I am,” I tell him confidently. In that moment, I farewell any innocence I have left in me. Knowing full well that I’m being taken as a play thing, and that I’m doing it willingly.
Perhaps when I’m older, I’ll look back on this moment and wonder why the hell I did it. But right now, he’s the only person who makes me feel like more than a homeless teen, and I want to feel. I want to feel so badly.
Chapter Eleven
Last night, I lost my virginity. I don’t know how to feel about it. I thought that it would be better than it actually was. Especially after orgasming the night before. But it was just…ok.
The whole thing didn’t take very long. Jeff took me back to his house, and we sat and talked for a while. He made me some dinner, and afterwards, he took me by the hand and led me to his room.
Slowly, he undressed me, unwrapping me like a birthday present. Touching me gently, kissing me. Tasting me, preparing me.
Without the ecstasy in my system, like it was the night before, I was nervous. My breathing was shaky and my mind was racing, telling me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this.
Your virginity is a gift, it told me. Don’t just give it away to a man you’ve only known for a day.
I mentally told my mind to shut up. I needed to do this. Jeff could make my life better. My mind tried to tell me that he could make it much worse, but I wasn’t willing to listen. He was already poised between my legs.
“Are you ready?” he asked, nudging his tip at my opening.
I didn’t trust my voice to come out with the right answer, so I nodded my head instead, and took a deep breath as I readied myself for his intrusion.
“Relax,” he whispered. “Relax.”
He pushed in.
Little bit, by little bit. I felt myself stretching around him. Tearing. Stinging. Burning.
It hurt.
“Stop. Stop,” I told him breathlessly. “I just need a minute.”
“It’s ok. We’re going slow,” he whispered, kissing my forehead, my cheek and, then my mouth. “I’m going to push just a little, ok?”
I nodded again. I wanted to say ‘No. Get out’, but I knew that I’d gone too far. I needed to see it through.
“Tell me when to stop,” he instructed as he pressed himself deeper. I could feel a warmth, like it was burning. But I breathed through it, and let him move on.
Eventually, he paused. “I’m all the way in. Are you ok?” he asked, concern in his voice and in his eyes.
“It hurts. But, I’m ok,” I told him, my voice quiet and shaky as I wished for this all to be over.
“Can I move?”
“Just a little,” I whispered. I was trying so hard to relax, but the burning sensation between my legs as I stretched around him, was starting to control my senses.
“I won’t last long,” he assured me. “You are just so, so tight.” He clenched his jaw and moved inside me. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to focus more on my breathing.
Within a few strokes, he shuddered, emptying himself inside me. “Mmmm,” he hummed, pressing his forehead against mine as he calmed himself, whispering, “It will be better next time. I promise,” as he kissed me softly.
Slowly, he withdrew from me, and I felt red-raw as he vacated my depths. I’m having trouble believing that this will feel better in time. It was uncomfortable, painful, and well – just not nice.
I don’t think it was anything Jeff did. He took time to make sure that I was more than ready before he pushed inside me. However, it just didn’t feel anywhere near as nice as the touching and fondling did beforehand.
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, holding his hand out to me. I looked down between my legs, and while I knew it was possible. I’m ashamed to say that I freaked out slightly when I saw the blood.
Phoenix: The Beauty in Between (A Beautiful Series Companion Novel) Page 4