by Jo Watson
Both of his hands went to work on the straps, which he pulled down slowly, savoring the moment and letting his fingertips run over my shoulders and down my arms as he freed me.
A bolt of panic shot through me as my bikini top started to fall; instinctually I crossed my arms over my breasts. I felt so exposed, so naked and suddenly crippled by shyness.
But Damien wrapped his hands around my wrists and pulled my arms away. “I want to look at you.”
I shut my eyes tightly, not able to look as I felt my breasts tumble free into his gentle hands.
There was a slight breeze and the warm air caressed my nakedness.
“Open your eyes, Lilly.” Damien’s voice was gentle, yet commanding, and it gave me the courage to look at him.
That dangerous, hungry lust was gone now. Instead, he was looking at me the same way he’d looked at the stars.
Damien smiled at me. “You are so fucking beautiful, Lilly, and…” He looked so vulnerable right now. “…and I think, I think I’m falling in love with you.”
And with those words, I gave myself to him. Fully. I would let him take control, and do whatever he wanted to do with me.
I felt safe and cared for and…and, I couldn’t believe he’d said it, I felt loved.
The red light drenched us both and we melted to the ground kissing. His hands moved over my breasts and stomach, as he continued to kiss me slowly and deeply.
He never stopped kissing me, not for a second as his fingertips encircled my breasts and lightly touched my nipples. So lightly sometimes that it felt like a gentle breeze. I threw my head back as his lips left mine and worked their way down my neck to my breasts.
I could see the moon now. And I could feel the heavy base of the party below, as the sound pulsed through the thick red air like an electric list.
The air around us was alive, breathing and writhing and I was lost in the moment.
The exact physical details of the moment didn’t seem important anymore. They all just seemed to blur and combine into one overwhelming sensation that washed over me in waves
His hands seemed to be everywhere all at once, and I was putty in them. The speed of the kissing increased again as one of his hands moved down and pushed my legs apart. I gasped as I felt the cool air rush between my thighs. His kissing grew deeper and faster still as he pushed my legs apart even further and in one fluid motion, was inside me.
I could feel all of him. It was slow and deep and every movement was deliberate and purposeful.
I wrapped my legs around him, bringing him closer and deeper still. I wanted him to claim me.
Our legs and arms and lips tangled, and I no longer knew where I ended and he began.
We moved as one.
The thick red light started to dim and blacken as our bodies moved faster and faster to the invisible beat that controlled us.
The shadow’s black fingers were reaching out and leading us into their darkness as the moon disappeared into total blackness.
I could feel it rising up inside me and I knew it was totally out of my control.
It was not something I could stop, or temper or tame.
Damien’s breath grew faster and louder as we dipped into the blackness together.
“Look,” Damien whispered in my ear.
I opened my eyes just as the moon disappeared into the void, and everything went black.
The blackness awakened us.
There were no longer rules or inhibitions.
I felt free.
I clawed at him, grabbed and pulled.
Our bodies writhed and thrashed and I opened my legs as wide as I could, hoping he would disappear into me.
We were now a singular entity, and we’d both lost control.
I threw my head back and arched my back as the sensation slammed through me, almost breaking my body in half.
I cried out his name over and over again until it was too intense to even speak.
The music from below grew louder and the crowd roared.
Damien lifted my hips off the ground and pulled me onto his lap.
He let out one long guttural moan in the darkness.
We held onto each other, shaking.
All I could hear was our panting and thumping hearts.
Our bodies went limp and he lowered me gently onto the floor and collapsed on top of me.
He put his head on my chest and I ran my hand through his sweat-drenched hair.
We held onto each other without saying a word.
“Damien, I love you.” I hadn’t even been aware that I’d said it until I heard the words.
I felt his lips on my forehead. “Lilly…I adore you. You’re amazing.”
Chapter Fourteen
A lunar eclipse can only happen if a number of variables all come together in perfect symmetry, at the perfect moment in time. The full moon passes directly behind the Earth and is swallowed up by its shadow. But for this to happen, the Sun, Earth and moon have to align precisely. This is known as syzygy.
And that’s how my relationship with Damien was. So many things had to align perfectly, at just the right place, at just the right time and in just the right order for this moment to have happened. For this moment to even exist. Look a little closer at the seemingly disordered chaos of the past few days and a pattern emerges. A pattern that is ordered, structured and has a singular purpose.
Michael needed to leave me at the altar. I needed to be so distraught that I wore my pajamas onto the plane, thus attracting Damien’s attention. I needed to enter the toilet at the exact moment that he was exiting, so we could bump into each other and be introduced. I needed to get sick on the plane so that I would have a reason to talk to him later at the airport when I tried to apologize. We needed to be talking together and standing at just the right place and time for security to have seen and arrested us. We needed to be arrested so that Damien would lose all his money trying to save his dignity, and so that I would offer him a place to stay for the night. The following day we needed to be at the same restaurant, at the exact same time and he needed to have brought me to Burning Moon.
It was all so clear now. Everything had happened exactly the way it was supposed to. Coincidence. Synchronicity. Call it what you like. But this whole time when I’d been cursing Karma for causing my life to fall apart, it was actually all coming together, I just didn’t know it…until now.
In fact, you could say that my entire life had been orchestrated so that this moment, right here, right now, could happen.
We stayed up talking for most of the night, and with each word, every story and funny anecdote we told each other, my feelings for him deepened. They grew and increased and expanded at such a rate that I felt totally overwhelmed. Was it even possible to feel this way about a person? I’d been crazy about Michael when we’d first met, but it wasn’t like this, not even vaguely. In fact, they were beyond any form of comparison; my feelings for Michael were a tepid dripping tap, this was a raging waterfall.
In typical first-night fashion, we’d wanted to know everything about each other. Every detail: favorite color, favorite flavor of ice cream, first childhood memory, grade school teacher, first kiss, first date, favorite movie, band, TV series—and then we’d moved onto the bigger things, like previous relationships. I discovered that Damien had had one serious relationship, but that they’d just grown apart after three years. I tried to pry for her surname as subtly as possible, so that when the first opportunity arose I could stalk her on Facebook, look at all her pictures and see if we had any friends in common so I could ask them about her. You know, the usual. We spoke about his sister, his family and the expectations they had for him that he could not, and did not want to meet. I told him about Sue and Val and more about my mother; I had a lot of anecdotes to share about her.
We cuddled. We stroked each other’s hair. We held onto each other. We kissed for what seemed like hours and stared longingly into each other eyes. And then we finally slept. Wrapped tightly togethe
r. All in all, the most perfect evening of my life.
* * *
The light from the sun crept toward us, bringing with it the early morning humidly. I opened my eyes and saw that Damien was up and sitting on a cushion staring at me.
“How long have you been awake?” I mumbled, still half-asleep.
“A while.” He smiled at me, his face looked completely different this morning. “I’ve been watching you sleep.”
This was one of those true Hallmark moments. The soft-focus final scene in the Hollywood romance where the music swells and the characters declare their undying love for each other. It was butterflies in your stomach and a whole new world of beautiful possibilities, and the anticipation of tomorrows spent together.
It was all that and much, much more. The night before, I’d opened myself up to him and he’d filled me with love. God, I actually blushed at that thought. It was official, people: I’d been reduced to a puddle of corny sentimentality. A whispering of sweet nothings, swooning, sighing, heartbeat-quivering kind of gal. And looking at him looking at me, I could see he felt the same way.
Big sigh.
It had to be syzygy.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked as the staring intensified.
And, Oh my God, Damien blushed. I didn’t think it was possible.
“Now I have to know what you’re thinking,” I said, perking up.
The blush again. “Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed actually. Probably like someone who suddenly finds out they won the lotto or something. I’m in shock. It almost feels too good to be true.”
Now it was my turn to blush. “I…I…feel the same way,” I managed to stutter.
“I’m glad,” he said with a smile that lit up his whole face.
“So Lilly, what to do today?”
“What is there to do?” I said, holding my hand over my mouth for fear of asphyxiating him with my morning breath.
“There’s usually a big breakfast, followed by some more swimming, partying, etc., but I usually leave after breakfast.”
“Sounds good to me.”
But then his eyes suddenly darkened. “You’re so sexy in the morning, I think I’m going to have to do something with you first, though.”
I was suddenly a coy schoolgirl. “What are you going to do with me?”
“Everything. Absolutely everything I can think of.”
He leaned over me and pushed me into the hard floor. He wasted no time and I felt his hands move down my body, pushing my legs apart. I gasped as he moved them under my bikini bottoms and touched me. I surrendered to the feelings. Michael and I had done all this before, but never with the same kind of physical intensity I was experiencing now—throbbing, writhing, agonizing pain mixing with pleasure. Damien knew what he was doing, and with only the soft touch of his fingers, he broke me in half again. But this time I felt more comfortable with him, and all the shyness and modesty I once possessed was gone. My sexuality had lain dormant up until this moment, and it felt like Damien had turned on a tap that was not going to be closing any time soon. I wanted him to show me and teach me everything I didn’t know. I wanted it all.
And he gave it to me. He explored every inch of my body with his hungry hands, mouth and hot tongue.
When he finally gave me what I was now loudly and repeatedly begging for, I cried out instantly as he pulled me on top of him. He was strong. Stronger than I’d thought and I felt like a fragile rag doll in his arms. I wouldn’t have been able to resist him, even if I’d tried. His hands gripped my waist so tightly that I was sure he’d leave bruises. I hoped he would, because I wanted to walk away from this with his mark on my body. I wanted to be branded by him. His possession.
Sometimes he was slow and deep, and other times fast and forceful. All inhibitions were gone now and I told him what I wanted, how I wanted it and when it felt good. I never thought that I’d be the kind of girl to do all that. But Damien made me feel like the sexiest woman on the planet and with him, I was alive. More alive than I’d ever been.
There was nothing tender or gentle about what we were doing now. It was about fulfilling a desperate need. And we couldn’t get enough of each other. I’d never imagined that sex could be this good. Mind-blowing.
The pace built, and during the heavy breathing and moaning I heard Damien say, “You’re amazing, Lilly.” I wanted to say something back, but I couldn’t speak. We were racing toward the finish line now. Damien had somehow managed to get me up against the wall, I can’t even tell you how or when he’d lifted me up, but I was pinned. The cold wall felt hard against my back, and Damien had wrapped my legs around him.
As he was coming, he’d grabbed my face between his hands and stared into my eyes. I watched as they glazed over and it was beautiful. He was beautiful. He kissed me when it was all over. “I’m so fucking in love with you, Lilly.”
My heart screamed in my chest, every neuron in my brain fired and was flooded with intoxicating Dopamine and every nerve ending stung.
No words had ever meant so much.
“I love you, too. I love you.”
* * *
Breakfast was a rowdy affair. Partygoers were still drunk and happy after the night’s festivities. Damien and I were in high spirits, too, walking around like a young couple in love—which we were—holding hands and whispering sweet nothings. I felt so proud to have him on my arm. He was my guy. Mark and Bruno also seemed pleased, judging by the wolf whistles we got.
Jess and Sharon were a bit worse for wear when we finally found them in a tent on the beach with hoodies and sunglasses on. Jess was cursing those red-and-yellow cocktails, and Sharon was cursing the fact she’d mixed them with a brownie obtained from the Rastafarian contingent. They both declared that this had been the best Burning Moon ever and, much to my delight, Damien had jumped in quickly and not only said that it had been his best Burning Moon, but also probably the best night of his life.
Of course this made me flush a deep crimson that didn’t go unnoticed by Jess. I was starting to learn that she was one of those people who loved to jump on the bandwagon. She reminded me of my older brothers who had teased me endlessly when I got my first boyfriend, went on my first date and got all dressed up for a guy.
“Best night, huh?” Jess winked at us.
Damien reached forward and pulled her dark glasses off, exposing her sensitive eyes to the blinding sun. She winced and threw her hands up in defeat.
“That will teach you,” Damien said, waggling a finger at her.
“Come, Lilly, let’s swim,” Damien exclaimed, suddenly pulling me up from the sand. I shrieked as he picked me up in his arms and ran toward the water. We both tumbled in, splashing everyone in the nearby vicinity. They all whooped and splashed us back.
The water was warm.
The sun was bright.
And I drank in my surroundings.
“This feels like the most remote place on earth,” I said.
“Wait until you see some of the temples in the jungles of Malaysia.”
“I’d like to see them one day.”
“Not one day, next week.”
I looked at Damien, confused. “What do you mean next week?”
“Well, we’re off to Malaysia next week.” He was still happily splashing in the water.
I had a bad feeling. What was going on?
“I’m going home tomorrow…” I said tentatively.
Damien suddenly stopped and the color drained from his face in one swift motion. “But I thought…” His eyes betrayed his feelings. “I assumed that you would be coming with me. Aren’t you?”
My heart started racing and a desert formed in my mouth.
“I have a life. I…I…” I was stammering. My tongue felt twice its usual size and it made the words stick.
“But I thought, because you didn’t get married, and you came on your honeymoon alone, I thought you wouldn’t be in a rush to get back.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, �
�I have work, though. Family. Friends. I can’t just up and leave.”
“It’s not forever. It’s only a year.”
“A year! That’s a long time. I’m still busy finishing my law articles and working. I have some clients now and…”
Damien suddenly swam away from me.
“Where are you going?”
He disappeared under the water. This was no time to be running away from the conversation and suddenly I was pissed off. I folded my arms and waited for him to resurface.
“Sorry, I just needed a moment of silence to think,” he said, standing up and running his hands through his wet hair. God, he was beautiful.
“You’re only twenty-three, Lilly. You have your whole life ahead of you to work. One year isn’t going to kill you. It will be an adventure.”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. But then I suppose I hadn’t thought about what would happen after today. I hadn’t once thought about the actual logistics of having a relationship with Damien. We hadn’t discussed it. But we hadn’t exactly planned this either.
Tears welled up in my eyes. “I…I…” That bloody stammering again.
Damien stared at me as if he was trying to read my thoughts.
“Shit!” He said and made a sudden and very hasty exit for the beach. I followed him.
“Where’re you going?” I was struggling to keep up he was moving so fast.
“Somewhere where we don’t have an audience.”
He walked across the beach to one of the tents and sat down inside. I followed.
“So let me get this straight.” I didn’t like his tone now, it was cold and angry. “So after last night, you’re just going to go back home?”
“I could say the same for you.” I lashed out. “Why don’t you come back with me?”
“That’s totally impossible. I have a year’s worth of flights booked. Friends I’m meeting in China, more friends in Japan. A friend’s wedding in Russia. I have plans.”
“And I don’t have plans?” I hissed back at him sarcastically.
Damien paused and the mood changed again.
“Just come with me, Lilly. I know you’re not the dishwashing-for-money, backpacking type of girl, but I actually have lots of money, shitloads, in fact, we can do it in style. Not the dirty student way. We’ll stay in nice hotels, I won’t make you strip in nightclubs to earn travel money. We’ll fly business class. It will be fun.” He grabbed a fistful of sand and let it run through his fingers. I could see he was hurting. “I can’t offer you marriage and kids and stuff like that now. I’m nowhere near ready for that, and I know you are and know that’s what you want. I’m not saying that stuff won’t ever come, but not in the near future, that’s for sure. But what I can offer you is my love and the biggest adventure of our lives.”