by Jo Watson
The announcement is made over the speaker that we are landing, and Jackson breaks our kiss and grabs my hand, entwining our fingers together. When I look down at our hands he says softly, “Just for this weekend, Maddy. Let me say goodbye to you forever in the few hours I have left with you.” I squeeze his hand in mine and rest my head on his shoulder as we reach our destination.
Chapter Seventeen
My hand is surrounded by the warmth of Jackson’s as he walks beside me through the Las Vegas airport. Abby and Kyle walk in front of us as we exit into the brisk winter weather in the desert. We find a small four-door taxi, and Jackson lets my hand go for the first time since the airplane so that Abby and Kyle can stay together in the backseat.
Jackson must have pulled a few strings, because when we pull up to our hotel I can see that it belongs to the Rider chain. It surprises me how similar our family hotels are, from the employees to the interior design. Once we unload our bags from the trunk, he puts his hand out for mine and I give it up easily. Abby checks us in and we take the elevator up to the floor where Jackson and I will be staying. Abby and Kyle will be in the honeymoon suite a few floors up. Jackson and I step out of the elevator and Abby hands us a room key, waving goodbye with just her fingers.
“Abby, where is the other key?” I ask as the doors begin to close.
“Sorry, love, we only got two rooms. See you downstairs in an hour—wear the dress I’m having sent to your room!” The doors close and I look over to Jackson, but he just shrugs. These next twenty-four hours are going to be interesting.
Jackson picks up my bags and we find our room number. He opens the door to a beautiful suite that overlooks the strip. There is a living area and a bedroom, which houses a sunken Jacuzzi tub and a king size four-poster bed. Jackson chuckles. “I can sleep on the couch, Rookie.” He puts our bags down and comes to stand before me.
“Even through all of the shit that has happened in the past few weeks, you still look beautiful.” He tucks my hair behind my ear and then grabs my waist and pulls me close to him. I tip my head up and let my mouth meet his. It feels so good to be with him again I get lost in the moment, forgetting the sorrow I have been carrying.
He backs me up until my calves are resting against the bed and then he lifts me up onto the coverlet. I slide back, inviting him to join me. His mouth trails kisses down my neck and I wrap my legs around him as he lays his body on mine. I can feel his need as mine builds.
It takes a few seconds to become aware of a knocking at the door, and Jackson curses and jumps off of me, taking in deep breaths. I am in better shape to answer the knock, so I open the door to find a hotel attendant with two garment bags. I suspect that my flushed face and heavy breathing are giving me away, but he pretends not to notice as he carries the items into the room.
Abby has picked out a short black sequined cocktail dress with thin straps and an amazing pair of black heels for me to wear. I am very impressed with how quickly she and Kyle have put this together. As much as I want to push Jackson back onto the bed, I realize it is time to get ready, so I hang my dress on a hook in the bathroom and start unpacking my makeup bag. Jackson follows me into the bathroom and puts his toiletry bag down next to mine.
I stand in front of the mirror next to Jackson, putting my makeup on as he lathers his face and shaves. It feels so domesticated and comfortable it is easy to forget we are not together. When Jackson leaves the bathroom to get dressed, I lock the door and slink into the beautiful dress. It fits like a glove. I twist some of my hair and pin it up, letting the rest fall down my back. I take a few minutes to apply some lip gloss and a little perfume before stepping back out into the room.
Jackson takes my breath away as he stands in front of the mirror, fumbling with his tie. Abby has chosen a contemporary tuxedo for him: a black three-piece suit with a silver necktie. The end of the tie should rest right inside the low-cut vest, but Jackson is having trouble getting it right. He abandons the effort as I make my way over to him, slowly looking me over from my head down to my shoes. He leans in and touches his mouth to my shoulder with a small kiss and an intake of air.
“You look amazing, Maddy. You smell amazing. Tonight is going to kill me.” I can feel his eyes on me as I knot his tie for him. When I am finished, I brush off the front of his jacket and step back to look at him.
“Jackson, that tux looks incredible on you.” He smiles at me and reaches for my hand. He slips the key into his back pocket and opens the door for me, and we make our way to the elevator. There is an older couple in the elevator with us and the woman smiles at me and tells us we are a very handsome couple. Jackson lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my back.
“I’m a lucky man,” he says, as we step out into the lobby.
* * *
The sight of Abby brings tears to my eyes. Her dress is an elegant floor-length off-white satin that hugs her curves. The bodice is lightly beaded with pearls and crystals and wraps around her neck in a halter style. She has spent the past hour getting tugged on and dolled up at the salon downstairs, and whatever pain she went through was worth it, because she is the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.
It is starting to grow darker outside when we climb into the limo that is waiting for us out front. The first stop is a lengthy one at the courthouse as we wait in line with all of the other couples wanting to tie the knot. This is Vegas, after all. When we finally get back into the limo, Kyle pops open a bottle of champagne and passes us each a glass.
“To a happy future for Abby and me, with lots of love and practice making babies!” Abby slaps his arm and giggles as she clinks her glass against mine and downs it in one gulp. We all follow suit and soon the glasses are filled again.
This time Abby makes a toast. “To finally realizing that love can’t be left behind, no matter what our heads tell us.” Jackson and I exchange glances and he takes my hand in his. I force myself to hold back the tears I feel burning the backs of my eyes.
I could not be more proud to stand beside Abby and Kyle as they take their vows at the little chapel, and I can’t help but to share a smile with Jackson as Kyle is told that he can kiss the bride. My best friend finally has the forever she has always wanted.
On the way back to our hotel, Kyle and Abby only have eyes for each other. My own heart picks up the pace as Jackson puts his hand on my leg and once again I feel the electricity of his touch shooting through me. The limo pulls into the roundabout and Kyle swoops Abby up into his arms, joking about needing to carry her over the threshold.
Back in our own room, I stand in front of the mirror so I can take the bobby pins out of my hair. Jackson comes up behind me and takes over, allowing me a chance to watch him as he got to watch me earlier. I still love him with every piece of my heart. When the last pin is out, he brushes my hair to one side and runs his lips along my shoulder and neck.
I press my body back into his and tip my head so he can have better access. Jackson’s hands grip my waist and then begin to slide upward, stopping at the top of my zipper. Slowly, he slides the zipper down and then traces his fingers across my shoulders, hooking them under my straps and helping to free my arms. My dress falls to the floor, leaving me standing in just my underwear and heels.
Turning to Jackson, I grab the lapels of his jacket and pull him to me so that my skin meets the fabric of his tux. His hands trace my curves and I arch into him, loving the way it feels to be with him. I slip my hands under his jacket and run them to the top of his shoulders before taking his jacket off. I can feel every line of his body through the vest and I loosen his tie and pull until it is free, dropping it next to my dress on the floor. His vest is next, and by the time I take his shirt off I am practically melting into him. I ache for his touch and feel drunk off the high of being explored by his hands. I step out of my heels and he begins to guide me backward toward the bedroom. I giggle when he has to break our kiss to check behind me, the imperfection of the moment making our time together more real.
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When I am on the bed, he removes my panties and then unbuckles his belt and pants, allowing them to fall to the floor. While I watch, he removes his shoes and socks and strips his boxers down. It is just him and me now, no clothing between us.
Jackson climbs on top of me and gently kisses my lips. Pausing for a moment, he looks into my eyes. I can tell he is holding back but I don’t push, afraid that I will ruin the night. “I love you, Maddy. I would do anything not to have to let you go. I had hoped that this weekend might be our chance to put things back together, but I can’t help but acknowledge that this is goodbye, no matter how good we are together. With every kiss and every touch I can feel that you’re letting me go.”
I don’t have time to answer before his lips are on mine again and I run my hands over his skin, trying to memorize every piece of him. When I tip my hips up so he can make love to me he shakes his head no. “I didn’t bring anything. I never thought this trip would end like this.” He chastely kisses my lips and starts to roll to my side but I wrap my legs around him.
“Jackson, I trust you.” I watch as he considers what I have said, and then his lips find mine again and I can feel him at my entrance.
“Well, Rookie, I guess you get one of my firsts, as well. I have never had sex without a condom.” I allow my legs to fall open and he guides himself inside me. I know not to run tonight, so I keep my eyes locked onto his, our stare only broken when he places kisses across my shoulder or runs his hands down my legs.
I surrender myself to him; I look into his eyes as mine grow heavy with lust and pleasure and see that he has all of his cards on the table and has surrendered himself to me, too. When the tightness builds and heats every inch of me, I arch my body up and Jackson slides his arms underneath me, embracing me as we unravel together. In the history of goodbyes, never has one brought such pleasure with such pain.
Chapter Eighteen
I lie awake all night cocooned in Jackson’s body, wishing that things could be different.
We are due to meet Abby and Kyle in the lobby at ten o’clock, and when the morning arrives we dress in silence. Just after eight, Jackson tells me he is going to return our wedding attire, and I know it must be that he needs to put a little space between us. My phone is going crazy with texts from my brothers, checking to see what time I will be coming home. I have to wrestle myself away from Jackson’s bag to keep from stealing one of his shirts. It is pathetic. I decide I should make a trip upstairs to have a look at the honeymoon suite.
Abby and Kyle decided to wait until this morning to let their families know they had eloped. They wanted to spend the night together free from distractions and tangled up in each other. Kyle answers my knock on their door and rolls his eyes as Abby squeals into the phone, looking the happiest I have ever seen her.
“Are you and Jackson almost ready to go?” Kyle asks. I nod yes and then try to smile, but fail. “You know, Maddy, you can just decide that love is enough. Throw all the other shit out the window and let yourself be happy. You asked me to share my answer with you so I will: when you truly love a person and believe their soul complements yours, then you find a way to make it work and accept whatever comes with it.” I swipe at a tear that races angrily down my face and whisper a quick thank-you.
When I get back to the room, Jackson is lying on his back on the bed. He has packed our bags and set them by the door, so I thank him for that. We head down to the lobby to meet up with Abby and Kyle and find a taxi to take us to the airport.
On the flight home, Jackson does not reach for my hand and I feel a sense of loss. After claiming our bags, Abby and Kyle leave to meet their taxi, on their way to see Abby’s family. Jackson stops me just before the exit and kisses my lips one last time.
“I know your family, Rookie. One day they will see that I can take care of you the way you deserve. Until then, please look after yourself and know that I still love you.” He smiles briefly, and then walks away from me, ripping my soul out as he goes.
My father and my brothers are tied up in a business meeting, so I have asked my aunt to pick me up. When she pulls up to the curb, I am a mess. I am sobbing so hard the hiccups have started and I wipe at the tears with my sleeve. She says nothing as I get in the car and stays silent until we merge onto the freeway. I can see Jackson’s truck in traffic ahead of us and I swear it takes everything I have not to jump from the car and beg him to forgive me. I tell myself I am doing this for my mom and my family.
“Madeline, if you stare at that truck any longer you are going to burn holes in it. What is going on, dear?” I can’t hold back any longer and I spill the details of the past two months of my life without pausing to let her speak. I tell her about the letter and what I think my mother would want and as we pull up in front of my apartment I see tears filling her eyes. She confirms that my uncle was the David from John’s letter, but what she tells me next changes everything.
“Your mother did choose your father, but not the way you’ve imagined. She loved John very much and when he left without an explanation it nearly killed her. She was so depressed I was afraid we were going to lose her, until one night she snuck into my room and showed me the music box she had found. She told me that John had left it for her in their special spot under the tree in the churchyard. She read me the letter and I had never seen her so at peace. She packed a bag and made me promise not to tell our parents she was planning to leave.
“In the morning there was a knock on our door. David stood on our steps and asked to speak with Isabel. He had come to tell her that his brother had been killed in a car accident on his way home from their tree after dropping off the music box.” I know my eyes must be as big as saucers, my heart breaking for my mother. “She chose John, Madeline, they just never got to see their forever. Your mother gave me the courage to choose David. She would have understood your love for Jackson.”
I hug my aunt and head upstairs in a daze. I broke Jackson’s heart and let him go. I watched his truck as it exited the freeway, turning left as we turned right.
I dig around in my bag for my mother’s box and I’m completely devastated when I can’t find it. I curl myself up in my covers and cry myself to sleep.
When I wake up several hours later, the apartment feels silent and empty and I stand in a hot shower, trying to wash away the sadness that sticks to me with an unheard-of force. I decide that I could use a few stars, and I put on my clothes, tie my hair back and make my way along the side of the apartment building to my trellis, breathing in the cold night air. When I reach the top and throw myself over, I swear I can almost hear the same low chuckle I heard two months ago, and I clamp my eyes closed, trying to recreate the sound in my head.
When my eyes start to adjust to the darkness, I move toward my corner, drawn by a faint light. There is a blanket laid out there, with a small lantern sitting on its corner, casting its glow on my mother’s jewelry box. Jackson’s voice cuts through the cold and warms my soul.
“Hey, Rookie, I thought I was going to freeze before you ran again. I wanted to know if I could have one last dance.” He opens the box and my mother’s song begins to play as he takes me into his arms and dances with me under the stars.
“I met with your father and your brothers today. I told them how much I love you and heard every one of their concerns. They adore you—don’t you ever for a minute doubt how precious you are to them. Ben is not going to be easy to win over but I think he’s willing to let me prove myself to him. We discussed how wonderful it would be to possibly merge our two companies in the future. I told them I was going to ask you to marry me, and while they may not have embraced me with open arms, we shook hands and have come to an understanding that I won’t give up, and they won’t ask me to.” He hugs me tightly as the music fades away and then he slides down to one knee and takes my hand.
“This is sort of a Hail Mary play but I’m going to go for it. Rookie, I promise to love you for the rest of my life. I never believed in love at first sight un
til you came along. I don’t know where this road will end, but I do know that I want to travel it with you as husband and wife. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, or even this year, but I want to commit to us and what we can become. Maddy, will you marry me?” Jackson reaches into my mother’s music box and slides a ring from around the dancer’s tutu, placing it at the tip of my left ring finger.
The ring shines up at me, brilliant in the moonlight and I admire how the filigree stars are worked into the band. I am not sure how I could ever have believed my mother would want someone different for me than this man who has courted me, loved me and asked for my hand. With a smile I drop to my knees, too.
“Yes, Jackson, I would love to marry you.” He slides the ring onto my finger and wraps his arms around me. I will always be his Rookie, and he will always be my everything.
Sarah was born and raised in Southern California. When her mother helped her load up everything she could into her car so she could follow her high school sweetheart out of state shortly after he graduated boot camp, she made Sarah promise to finish college no matter what. Keeping that promise, Sarah graduated from UCLA with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and then went straight to graduate school at CSULB where she graduated with a master’s degree in counseling.
In 2004 she was given the best Valentine’s Day present ever when her first son was born. Two and a half years later his little brother joined him, completing a happy family of four. Sarah has written two children’s books, Sammy’s Soldier and Somewhere Special to help explain the importance of the men and women serving in our military. A short story that Sarah wrote about her grandmother was published on Maria Shriver’s website shortly after Sarah lost an amazing woman role model.