Adam’s caressing my hair and my face. “I love you so much, Violet. I hope you know that.”
I look up at him. “I love you too. Probably more than you realize.” He smiles warmly. He’s tender in his touch and his eyes are gentle. Only I get the gentle eyes from him; no one else does. I know that for sure.
He says, “I’m hungry. You must be too. Grilled cheese okay?”
“Yes, that sounds really good right now. I’m starving.” I watch him get up and pull on a pair of track pants. I enjoy looking at his body and relish at what I just did with it. I lie in the bed while he gets me something to eat. Many thoughts run through my mind. Why is love so unpredictable, with so many twists and turns? I think of classic love stories I’ve read and the criteria is always the same. I lie back, putting the pieces of our union together in my head:
A chance meeting, (I locked him in the revolving doors), check;
An unlikely pairing, he can have any woman he wants – he chose me, check;
I was a virgin, check;
I challenge him and drive him crazy, but he somehow really likes that but won’t admit it, check;
We almost broke up, check;
Turbulence (yes, we argue, he’s controlling, I run, he chases and I come back), check;
Calm and loving moments; check;
My heart skips a beat every time he walks in the room, triple check;
Marriage and family; still a big question mark?
Adam and Violet, an epic and modern day love story, is that what we are? I wrap my arms around myself, convinced our love will last forever. We’ve already survived a lot in such a short time. I come back to reality when he comes into the room with a tray. There are two grilled cheese sandwiches and two glasses of milk. He remembered I like ketchup. How sweet. He puts the tray down on the ottoman in our room. He comes over to me, fluffs the pillows behind me, and helps me to sit up. He kisses me as he drops a large napkin on my lap and then hands me my plate and sets the glass of milk on my night stand. He gets into the bed beside me, sitting in the same way. This feels so normal, so regular, battle free and I just love it. Adam hands me the TV remote. I turn on the news. The room feels warm and content. I think we will survive anything now.
“Thanks. Who would think something so simple could be so delicious?” I say as I look over at him and he nods as his mouth is full of food. There’s some cheese on his chin, which I pull off and put in my mouth. I give him a big smile. He smiles back with loving eyes. At this moment, I feel peaceful, in love, drama free, and content in my decision to stay and be with Adam, the man I will love forever.
Chapter 25
After last night, I’ve slept very well. It’s a sunny autumn Friday morning and to my surprise, Adam’s still in bed with his arm wrapped around my waist. This is very unusual on a work day. He’s normally dressed and working when I am just getting ready to shower. I roll over to face him and his beautiful blue eyes look down at me as I whisper, “Good morning.”
He kisses the top of my head. “Good morning, Babe. I guess I overslept. I haven’t slept this well in ages. You wore me out last night.” We both grin as I touch his face with my hand; he grabs it and kisses it, holding it to his lips, lingering for a moment. I could stay like this forever. His voice brings me back to reality though when he says, “We should get moving. I really could stay in bed with you all day today. I would play hooky, but I have a client meeting today that I can’t miss.” He sits up and kisses my cheek before leaving for the bathroom. I look at the clock and it’s 7 already. I feel calm about the news I am going to give Paul today. I find strength in the love I have from Adam. He’s almost dressed when I finally get up to get into the shower.
He asks me, “Do you want the usual for breakfast?”
I smile, “Yes, please.” I look at him longer than normal. He’s wearing my favorite dark gray suit with a white shirt and dark gray tie. He looks like a model. His blue eyes are cheerful and very happy. I believe he feels like I do. We’ve reached another level in our relationship. I take a long shower and feel light. All of the pressures of yesterday have been taken off me. The need to rush to work isn’t apparent this morning. After all, the safety net Adam offers me is a very large one. The idea of doing volunteer work lingers in my mind for a few minutes, but I know I want to fend for myself, which means making a living. I plan to work at Adam’s firm until I find another job so I can truly stand on my own two feet.
I’m blow drying my hair when Adam comes in with my coffee and toast with peanut butter. I smile up at him and he leans down to kiss me. He lingers and doesn’t hurry me to finish getting ready. Is this too good to be true? No, I think and quickly avert my thoughts to more positive ones. He takes the blow dryer and brush out of my hand.
“You eat while I dry your hair.” I swoon inside at how lucky I feel. He sections my hair as he has seen me do many times before and pulls it over the big round brush. I watch him in the mirror. He seems quite content. When he’s finished, he runs the comb through it and says, “How’s that?”
“It’s salon perfect, thank you.” He rubs my shoulders.
“You’re welcome. Remember, you only have to ask for what you want. I’ll take care of it from there.” I gush at his words and feel warm inside. I want to make him happy too. He leaves me to finish getting ready. I take my time walking down the stairs, enjoying the view out of the big windows as I do. This place still impresses me. I can hear Adam in his office and he’s on the phone when I walk in. He smiles at me and puts the call on hold. Another unusual thing, he’d normally ask me to wait by putting his hand over his lips or the phone.
I smile and say, “I’m ready whenever you are.”
He grins. “That’s always good to know.”
“I aim to please.”
“Too bad we have to work today. I’ll be 5 minutes,” he says, going back to his call.
He is true to his word when he comes to collect me from the kitchen 5 minutes later. He takes my hand and kisses it. He’s being super attentive and even romantic this early in the morning. I really like this. We walk to the front door and he releases my hand so he can carry both of our laptops to the car. That’s normal and romantic too, I think.
As we pull out, Adam asks me. “Are you going to be okay telling Paul today?”
“I’ll be fine. I actually don’t feel nervous at all. I’m almost relieved that I don’t have it hanging over my head any more. He’ll be disappointed, but he’ll understand why.”
“Good. I just want to make sure you don’t have cold feet.” The thought of Adam being unsure about anything still surprises me. I’m glad it’s not just me who has those moments. Adam drops me off. I lean over, giving him a passionate long kiss like I’m never going to see him again. He responds the same way. I feel moist down there and I can see he’s hard. If we weren’t in such a public place, I think he’d take me now. We reluctantly let each other go. “Have a great day, Babe. Remember how much I love you.” His gives me that beautiful winning smile.
“You too, sweetheart. I love you too,” I say before I close the car door, feeling ten feet tall as I walk to my office. Paul’s left me a voicemail and he sounds terrible. He won’t be coming into the office today. I decide to tell him on Monday rather than do it over the phone. I need Paul to understand how difficult my decision was to make and I can only do that in person. I know I will be letting him down, but the alternative, losing Adam, is much worse. I delve into my work. On Fridays, I finish all of my administrative duties and double check my billings before I press enter in the system. With Paul being out sick, my pile of work isn’t so great.
At lunch, I decide to go for a walk. It’s a cool autumn day, but it’s sunny and I have a warm coat. I walk through some of the residential areas close by. The air feels nice as I walk at a good pace. I feel carefree and it feels great. I continue to admire some of the homes in this area. They’re clo
se to nice restaurants and shops. At Christmas time, all the streets will be lit up with decorations and lights. I’ll make a point of strolling around here with Adam. I look forward to that. I stop at the coffee shop that I call ‘our coffee shop.’ This is where Adam first asked me out. I think back to that day when I was in yoga pants and feeling embarrassed and nervous. I remember him barreling down the street, trying to get my attention. I smile thinking we’ve come a long way from that day, a very long way!
While I wait in line I remember how shocked I was when he asked me out for dinner. My self-confidence has grown since then. I have a bit more life experience now and feel stronger for it. So much has happened so fast, but that’s true love I suppose. There’s no timeline or schedule when you follow your heart. I take my coffee and walk back to my office. I call Adam’s cell and it goes to voicemail. I leave a message. “Hi, sweetheart. I’m just checking in with you. I hope you’re having a great day. I am. I feel very light and cheery today. I’ll love you forever. Call me when you can. Bye.”
It’s just after 1 when I get back to the office. At about 2 I check my phone to see if Adam has sent a text and there’s nothing. I check my personal email and nothing there either. Should I call his office? I decide not to, as he did say he had a client meeting today. My cell beeps. I pick it up, thinking it’s a text from Adam. Instead it’s a text from the unknown number I erased months ago. It reads: Do you know what he does when he’s not with you? Go now to the coffee shop, you know the one. Hurry or you will miss it.
I drop the phone on my desk, feeling unnerved and shaken. It’s then I remember the last two texts I received a while back, asking if I know what he does when he travels. I had completely forgotten about it until now. I look at the clock and it’s only 2:20. My body is frozen as I feel my heart rate starting to rise. I feel uneasy and I don’t know why. I go to the bathroom to compose myself. When I look in the mirror, I can see my face is flushed. My inner self says, “Go and check it out. It’s only a five-minute walk. Just go or you’ll always wonder.” The voice lectures me and nags me to go and she wins. I quickly head back to my desk to grab my purse and coat and hurry out of the office. I wave to Molly as I rush by, leaving her no time to ask where I am going. She waves back at me and I manage a fake smile as I get into the elevator.
Once outside, I realize my nerves are on edge. The butterflies in my stomach are not fluttering like when I see or think of Adam. This time they are still, very still, and weighing heavily right in the very center of my belly. I have an ominous feeling, the girl walking the plank, the girl walking down the street with a cloud over her head. That’s how I feel right now.
I walk briskly in the direction of the coffee shop I left only a couple of hours ago. As I get closer, my heart is racing and I feel nervous. I check my cell phone again as I get closer. There’s nothing more from the unknown number or Adam. I’m on the opposite side of the street when I look through the large windows of the coffee shop. I see Adam sitting at the same table he and I sat at when he first asked me out. I can’t see who he’s with from my current angle and don’t want to be seen. It would be embarrassing being caught spying on him. I move down the sidewalk, trying to blend in with the walking crowd around me. I see a hand stretched across the table holding Adam’s hand.
A jolt of pain rips through me. My first thought is to turn around and go back, but my feet keep moving forward. As I continue to move down the sidewalk to get the view I need, I can now see a familiar female sitting across from him. She’s holding his hand and laughing, her head flinging back. He must be very funny. It’s his former model girlfriend, Tanya. The beautiful blonde in the hidden photos I found in Adam’s office. The photo of the two of them flashes through my mind. How they were smiling with their arms around each other. The same head-turning blonde whose gaze he locked onto at the fashion event. The same woman who kissed me in the bathroom. They look like a happy and familiar couple.
I can’t bear to look anymore. I turn my head away and run to the corner away from the coffee shop. My knees feel weak so I lean against a wall. My stomach is churning and my mind fills up with scenarios. The obvious one being: how long have they been seeing each other? Should I confront them? I thought he loved me and only me. He was so convincing last night when he told me he loved me and wanted to only make me happy. How he needed me by his side. I can see his gentle eyes. It was all a lie. Why didn’t he just let me go to Chicago? I don’t understand. I knew being with someone like him was too good to be true. Didn’t Tanya travel as well? Have his business trips been all business? I wouldn’t know, since I’m not with him.
Maybe I’m the simple woman he keeps at home for his convenience and darker pleasures. Me, who is kept on a short rope and dutifully awaiting his return while he gallivants around with the beautiful blonde bombshell. All of a sudden what gave me great pleasure now makes me feel sick. I know what I have to do now. I walk back to take another look to make sure. I stand and watch how comfortable they are together still holding hands across the table. I’ve seen enough and turn around, walking back to my office.
I’m impressed with myself and my ability to act and think through this so quickly. Adam would be proud of my control in this instance. I could’ve confronted them and had a hissy fit in public. Instead, I’ve thought this through from beginning to end. Adam would be very proud indeed. The first step is to send Paul an email. He’s sick, but I know he’s online having received a few emails from him today.
From: Violet Cole
To: Paul Anders
Subject: Chicago
Hi Paul, I hope you’re feeling better. Sorry to bother you, but it’s good news (I hope). I accept your proposal on Chicago. I am thrilled at the opportunity and the trust you have in me. I’m prepared to leave tomorrow morning. Please confirm that’s okay.
If it is, I’ll reach out to the relocation firm this afternoon so they can help me find a rental place. In the meantime, I can stay at the hotel at my own expense. I hope my early arrival will be of even greater assistance to you.
Thanks so much for having faith in me!
Violet.
I press send, surprised at how numb I feel. I am very calm and it’s unnerving. I plod on with the rest of my plan starting with tidying up my desk. Step two is to get to the loft before Adam gets home or tries to call me. I’m sure it won’t be anytime soon. He looked very busy when I last saw him.
As I am about to shut down my laptop an email pops up from Paul.
From: Paul Anders
To: Violet Cole
Subject: Re: Chicago
Hi Violet, that’s terrific news. You’ve sped up my recovery. Are you sure you want to give up your weekend to move to Chicago? I’m fine if you do. The firm will cover your hotel expenses for three weeks. I expect you’ll be able to find a temporary residence by then. And yes, going earlier is going to be very helpful. I look forward to seeing you next week. The next email I send will be the offer letter. You can sign it and give it to me in Chicago next week. Congratulations Violet! I look forward to our continued success working together.
Paul
His timing couldn’t be better. I quickly phone the travel agent next. Rebecca has me booked on the 6:30 am flight the next morning. I have lots to do now. I shut down my laptop and grab my things, almost running out of the office. I hail a taxi as I walk out the door. It’s only 3:30 when I enter the apartment. I’ve been very resourceful in such a short time. Adam would be proud of that too. The apartment is quiet and still bright from the sun shining in from the big windows. I don’t allow myself to feel sad. I have things to do. I leave my laptop at the door and run upstairs to the bedroom. I pull out a large suitcase from the spare bedroom closet and begin to pack. This requires more thought than I realized. A part of me wants to take the expensive clothes as well as the ones I came with. The honorable side of me says leave them behind. The selfish “I got used to this life” side of me says take the
m, you earned them. I decide to take my own clothes with the exception of one blouse I really like. I will leave Adam a check for $250, which was the cost of the blouse.
The closet doesn’t even look empty, making me realize how little I actually came with. I close the closet doors. As I zip up the suitcase, I look up at the metal beams of joy above my head. A slight pain comes to me, but I suppress it as I have too much to do. I need to get this all done before the real pain hits. I walk through the apartment, checking that I haven’t left any remnant of me, Violet Cole, anywhere other than the clothes he bought me. I’ve done a thorough job. Another star for me! Nostalgia sets in as I walk through the place one last time before I leave it for good. It’s bittersweet. We ate here, we made love there, we explored our boundaries here, he bathed me here, and I loved him here. It’s too overwhelming and I need to get out.
As I stand at the door of the place that was ours, I can feel the sadness trying to push through, but I won’t let it. This is not the time! Stop. I snap at myself. You have no time for this. My time check says it’s almost 4:30. I need to get out of here. I can’t leave both keys behind as I need to lock the front door. I leave the main security door key on the table. I’ll mail the front door key. I seem to have thought of everything. As I’m about to leave, I take one more quick look around before I close the door behind me. I wheel my suitcase to the elevator and press the down button. As I exit the security door and hear it click shut, it signifies I’m locked out forever. I walk one block to the main street to hail a cab. The cab driver is friendly and I welcome the chatter, preventing me from thinking of my new reality. I check in at one of the airport hotels.
Solid Stone: Odyssey Page 31