by May Dawson
There’s a fervency in his voice that sounds true. His fingers skate across my lower abs, working the button on my jeans open. His fingers slip down further, massaging a steady pressure through the rough fabric, a beat that just makes me long for more.
I pop my hips up, starting to slide my jeans down my hips. His hand slides between my thighs, his thumb brushing over my clit, and I gasp at the feeling of finally having him touch me there when my clit has been throbbing for him.
As his fingers work steadily between my thighs, each circle of his fingers sending waves of heat sweeping through me, I give up on my jeans. Airren Penn is a force of distraction that leaves me hopelessly tangled in denim.
I take his biceps in my hands, feeling the hard egg of his bicep muscle under my thumbs, gripping him tightly because I can barely take the sensations ricocheting through my body. I nuzzle my face against his neck. “Are you ever going to—”
He pulls back, his face innocent, surprised. “Oh, did you want to have sex tonight?”
When my lips part in surprise—how could I have so completely misunderstood—a lightning flash of mischievous satisfaction crosses his face.
I smack his shoulder with my palm. “You are impossible.”
“And you love me for it.” He rolls onto his back and crooks a finger at me, beckoning me to climb on top.
I kick off my jeans and straddle him. The tip of his cock teases against my clit as I hesitate.
His big hands circle my hips. “You decide how fast, deep. I don’t want to hurt you.”
When I hesitate, his fingers sink deeper into my ass, firm and possessive. “At least, not tonight. I’ll wait ‘til you ask nicely.”
I shake my head at him, lips pursed—arrogant spies and cocky Marines and handsome rogues, I certainly have a type—and he takes his cock in his hand, brushing it between my thighs, slowly and purposefully. His tip trails through liquid heat, making me realize how slick I am. I’m certainly ready for him.
“Maybe I’ll wait ‘til you ask nicely,” I say archly.
“That works for me too.” His lips quirk. “I’m an egalitarian. But let’s get through tonight first.”
He moves his hand to my hip, and I miss the feeling of his tip pushing against my throbbing clit. I take his cock firmly in my hand.
“You mean we’re going to do this again?”
“Until you get sick of me.”
I don’t see that happening. I press his tip against me and slowly let my knees slide across the sheet, letting myself open to him. When the tip of his cock pushes inside, I sigh, grateful for the first release of the desperate ache I’ve had for him.
“You all right?” His palm strokes over my hair, his gaze intent on my face.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been better,” I say, and the earnestness in my voice makes him smile. His hands wrap around my thighs, gently drawing me down his cock. As he fills me up, there’s a stretching sensation that’s strange, but not unpleasant. He feels too big, and then he’s all the way inside, my inner thighs pressed against his hard-edged lower abs.
Those big hands gently urge me up, and I move up and down his shaft, letting him fill me over and over again, Each time I rise until his cock brushes against my clit, my core tightens, longing to have him inside me again. As I slowly travel down his cock, the tip hit my g-spot and there’s a bright burst of sensation that weakens my knees, and I slide down further until he’s all the way deep inside.
His hands still span my hips, helping me up and down. But his head falls back on the pillow, his teeth making small indentations on his lower lip, as if he’s holding himself back. Seeing Airren—who is always so cool and self-possessed—soften like that causes a flair of pride. I lean forward, his cock buried deep inside me, to press my lips to the scruff along his jaw.
His arm closes around my waist, still rocking into me, and I wrap my arm around his shoulders. The two of us move together as my world blurs. Heat flushes over my skin, as if I’m on fire for him, and the throbbing between my thighs intensifies. When it becomes so much sensation that I can’t take it—no matter how pleasant it is—I moan out loud. I bite down on his shoulder, my teeth scraping over his skin, to hold back the sound that rises in my throat in answer to the intense waves of pleasure rolling through my body.
His fingers tangle in my hair. His breath catches in his chest, and he shudders beneath me—and inside me—as he comes. My tight core relaxes around him, and suddenly I realize just how big he is—I’d been so caught up in the pleasure that I hadn’t noticed how intense the sensation caused by his size is.
When I rise onto my wobbly knees, I sway, and he catches my hips with his hands. He smiles up at me as he steadies me. “All right?”
I nod, and when the heady feeling has passed enough that I can trust myself, I rise the rest of the way off his cock. When I hesitate, he takes my hand in his and draws me against him, resting my hand in his on his chest. I settle my head down onto his shoulder, which despite the hardness of his muscle, makes a pretty decent pillow.
He absently strokes circles across my hip. “What are you thinking, T?”
“I would consider doing that again.” Understatement of the year.
His chest shakes under my palm with a laugh he holds back. He turns his head to one side to kiss my forehead. “Maybe you’ll even consider doing it with me.”
“Maybe.”
I’m sore and throbbing between my thighs now, but it’s a pleasant pain. Airren pulls the blankets over the two of us, smoothing them carefully over my shoulders.
Naked, tangled up with him, and more vulnerable than ever before, I shouldn’t be able to sleep.
But sleep, gentle and sweet and deeper than it has been for years, rises around me like his warmth. With my cheek pressed to his shoulder, I let it take me.
Chapter 26
The next morning when I walk into Casting, Penny is in my pocket. Stelly went through her closet to find me a jacket with oversized pockets, and Penny’s weight against my thigh is comforting.
“Good luck, Donovan.” Stelly winks at me as we take our seats, waiting to be called to the back of the room for the practical portion of our exam.
For a second, hearing my last name gives me a familiar jolt of horror.
Then I wink back, or try to. I’m not coordinated to do more than an awkwardly exaggerated blink. “Good luck, Roman.”
Once Stelly’s called back, the girl behind me leans forward. I feel her close behind me, almost breathing on my hair, before she taps two fingers against my shoulder. “Excuse me, is that your dragon?”
I glance down at the small furry red head peeking out of my pocket, and then scoop Penny out. “Yeah.”
“That doesn’t look like much of a dragon.”
“Well, she’s like me.” I cuddle her to my cheek. “She’s a bit different than she looks at first glance.”
Penny and I are sweet. Adorable. But secretly quite fearsome when necessary.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“You can ask.” I smile to soften my words and pat the seat beside me, since Stelly is gone.
The girl moves to sit next to me. She tucks her hair behind her ears as she swings into the seat. “Did the True really try to kill you?”
“Ahh, technically? It was just one of the True. Erik tried to kill me as a bit of revenge when I found out he’d killed Luca.”
She nods. I think she’s going to ask me something else I don’t want to talk about, but instead when she leans forward, she asks, “What was the masquerade like?”
“It’s really nonsense that they don’t allow freshmen, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“Upperclassmen just want to feel special.”
The two of us make small talk, and it feels like what it must be like to be a normal person. I feel light when they call me for my Casting test, and even though my professor is an ass—which I already well know—that sense of lightness lasts through my fruitless attempts at c
asting. For today, it doesn’t matter that I don’t have my magic yet. I still have a place in this world.
After Casting, I walk out into the sunshine and find Stelly waiting on the steps for me. She tucks her arm through mine, her shoulder bumping against mine. “I have orders to deliver you to Cax.”
“I was planning to chat with him anyway.”
“You know, if you ever have questions about just how stupid my brother is, you can ask me. I’ll always give you all the dirty details.”
“I’m sure Cax would be thrilled to hear that.”
“I love my brother,” she says, squeezing my arm in hers. “But roommates are roommates. And friends are friends.”
“You’re quite the bestie,” I say, then regret it. It’s an assumption on my part to call her my bestie.
“I am,” she says. “But you bring quite a bit to the friendship table. What with all the drama, and the dragon, and the gift for a one-liner.”
I grin at that. “I do not—”
“Please. Your ability to put Cax in his place—hell, to throw my brother off his game entirely—is something I’d love you for, even if you left dirty clothes and plates around in our room, and I really can’t stand slobs.”
“To put Cax is in his place?” I raise my eyebrows at her.
“Don’t be too hard on him,” she says. “I know he hurt you, but he didn’t mean to. He’s always been an idiot where Raila is concerned, and he was trying to do the right thing this go-around.”
I’m about to ask what happened between Cax and Raila before, when Stelly says cheerfully, “And after Penny sunk her teeth into Raila’s throat, my mom is going to love you.”
“Parents never like me.” No one Earthside was wild about their precious teenager hanging out with the foster kid who acted out all the time.
“She’ll like you,” she promises. “She hates Raila. They were friends, and then Raila seduced Cax. I’m not sure if Mom is more pissed that Raila took Cax’s virginity or because she tried to turn him True.”
“Has Cax had a lot of girlfriends between Raila and…” I abandon the sentence, but it’s too late. That’s not how I meant to phrase that sentence, as if I’m Cax’s current girlfriend.
Stelly grins as if she heard that, but she ignores it. “Honestly, as charming as my brother can be—when he isn’t an idiot—I think Raila left him damaged. He hasn’t had any serious relationships the past three years. He says he’s focused on school.”
“Well, we all know that’s a lie.”
The two of us have been meandering across campus, and now we reach the foot of the hill. Instead of our usual route towards the train station and shops, we’re heading along the outskirts of town, passing little two-story bungalows with white picket fences.
“Sometimes I really can’t believe I’m back,” I muse out loud. “And I can never believe I’m going to get to stay.”
“We’ll have to go back Earthside some day,” she says. “You’re missing out on the good stuff.”
“I don’t want to go back.”
She turns to me. “Listen, no matter what happens, if the worst case scenario comes to pass, I’ll find you. The guys will find you. No one’s going to leave you abandoned again.”
I glance away, over her shoulder, and she tucks her arm back through mine, dragging me along with her. She sighs. “We’re going to win you over eventually.”
“I don’t doubt it,” I say.
I mean, I do. I doubt anyone can be as good as the four of them seem to be. But I want to believe.
Twenty minutes later, we walk down a quiet road; the houses are further and further apart.
“Where in the world are we going?” I ask.
“Why do you always act like someone is going to murder you?” Her smile creases the edges of her eyes. “Cax wanted to take you for a picnic and horseback ride.”
We turn down a long white sand driveway. To our left stretches away an enormous horse paddock. I learned to ride when I was little—riding horseback or by carriage is part of life in a world where technology is limited and avoiding it is a matter of pride for many—but I haven’t been on horseback in years.
As if I wasn’t sore enough between the thighs after last night.
“Off you go,” Stelly says cheerfully. “I’ll only say something to make things awkward.”
“At least you know your strengths.”
She laughs, then peels off, waving at me over her shoulder. “Go on!”
As Stelly heads back, I hesitate. White dust from the road is salted across the toes of my brown boots, one of the many pairs that Cax picked out for me. Cax and Stelly are different from the kinds of rich people I grew up with, who were reserved and not nearly so wildly generous. They liked to keep their money, intent on making sure their riches lasted through the many inheritances stretching off into the future. Cax and Stelly feel like they’re part of a different version of Avalon than the one I thought I knew.
The dread I feel about seeing Cax is intense. I don’t like to talk about my feelings. An entire outing dedicated to talking about feelings—about how he betrayed me and how that hurts and how I’m supposed to forgive him—seems more torturous than spending another evening with Lerak.
When he steps out from the barn, leading two horses, he’s wearing boots too, the dark leather peeking out from under the hem of his jeans. He looks even taller than usual, with his jacket over his vest fitted to the lean taper of his waist. My heart lurches when I see him, as if I can’t help a rise of lust and affection every time I look at him, even though it intermingles with the dread.
His high cheekbones widen in a smile when he sees me. “You came.”
“I said I would.”
He clucks to the horse as he brings her over to me. “How does Penny feel about horses?”
“I guess we’re about to find out.”
When I put my toe into the stirrup, the horse seems insurmountably tall. Cax pats my calf familiarly, as if he’s there to boost me up, but when I stand in the stirrup and throw my leg over it seems suddenly comfortable. I want to make sure Penny is safe, so I let her climb my shoulder, where she drapes herself across my neck like a little living stole.
The two of us set off across the fields at an easy pace. The magic of Avalon blooms all around me. Cax seems to be in no hurry to launch into a conversation, and companionable silence grows between us.
“This way.” He urges his horse down a path that curls up another hill, this one densely wooded.
I follow him through a green archway, the branches of the trees above us interlocking. The shade feels welcome on my face after bouncing along long enough to begin to sweat, and cool air brushes the beads along my hairline.
We reach the top of the hill and pass out of the trees. When I turn, all of Avalon seems to be spread out below us beyond the green canopy.
Cax slides off his horse and offers a hand to me. I twist so I’m sitting side-saddle, but then I’m not sure how to get down while holding his hand. I find myself giggling at the awkwardness as he holds his arms out to me. I slide into his arms, and he clutches me against his chest as he lowers me until my toes reach the grass.
“Stay please,” he says to the horses, which would only work in Avalon. He smiles down, his green eyes bright. “I found a way to get you close to me, anyway.”
“I’ve forgotten the details on how to ride a horse. It doesn’t help that I was a foot shorter the last time I rode horseback either.”
“It’ll come back to you.”
Here’s hoping lots of things come back to me, like my magic and my ability to trust other human beings.
His hand lingers on my back as we head toward the table set overlooking the view. White and pink roses fill a silver bowl at the center of the table, which is set with silver tiered trays of sandwiches, scones and sweets. He pulls my chair out for me and then, as soon as he’s shaken his napkin out over his own lap, he pours tea for me. The scent of orange and cinnamon curls into the ai
r.
I wrap my hands around the warmth of the mug; I can feel the heat of the tea through the thin porcelain. “To be honest, I don’t really want to ruin a lovely afternoon by talking about feelings.”
“Feelings don’t have to ruin the day.”
I crinkle my nose at him. “Don’t they, though?”
“I just wanted to tell you I was sorry,” he says. “That’s all.”
I guess he doesn’t have anything to be sorry about when he was trying to gain Raila’s trust. But when I think of her looking up at him, that fondness in her eyes, and the light mockery in his voice when he said I was sweet…
“Tera,” he says, and I realize I’m staring somewhere over his shoulder, ignoring him.
“It’s all right,” I say woodenly.
“No it’s not.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “I should have told you. I was so embarrassed about Raila—I was such an idiot when I was young and I got involved with her—but I should have trusted you with that. Instead, I made an even bigger mess of things.”
We all have our broken bits that make us make a mess of things sometimes.
“It’s all right,” I say again, but this time, I’m a bit closer to meaning it.
Chapter 27
When I get back to my room later, I’m glad to close the door to the noisy hall, where people are chattering, and find myself in a quiet, empty room. I adore Stelly, but right now I need a few minutes’ peace. I don’t even know how I feel about Cax right now, let alone do I feel ready to discuss Stelly’s brother with her.
I still adore him. I sit heavily on the bed, certain of that. But I don’t trust him, not the same way I was beginning to. I’ve never felt this way before. I feel fragile. Not broken, not yet. But fragile, as if I could be.
The walls that I’ve built around my heart the past few years scare me, but having them start to crumble is even worse.
I start to lie down, and when my head brushes my pillow, there’s something papery there, something that doesn’t belong.
I sit back up again in a hurry. There’s an envelope on my pillow, address to Tera in an oversized, flourished scrawl.