So she snuggled in close, she smelled his skin, and the detergent he used, nearly falling asleep to the feel of his heart thumping against her cheek.
It was enough.
She knew it always would be.
--
Lila looked around the circle and tried to smile, but the pain in the eyes that surrounded her made it nearly impossible.
She’d rounded up a dozen chairs for the secret meeting she was holding in her office that afternoon. Only seven had been used. Seven girls. It was a better turnout than she’d expected.
She’d arranged the seven chairs in a circle, and each bottom that occupied one was of a different age, different race, and different creed. They all had one thing in common.
They’d all been hurt on campus at Harvard. Raped, violated, or abused, in some way or another, and they were all too afraid to do anything about it, to say anything about it. The ones who’d found the courage to say something, to go looking for help, had been promptly silenced by their own school. They knew their university wouldn’t stand behind them.
Even Lila, the person who’d set up this group, The Safe Space, could see the distrust in their eyes as she shifted in her own seat at the head of the circle.
Her eyes landed on Julie, the student who’d spurred Lila to start this group in the first place. Lila was confused to see that Julie’s eyes were the most distrustful of all.
Knowing Julie used to sleep with Chase, a man that Lila now found herself completely wrapped up in, she couldn’t blame Julie for hating her. If they switched places, and Lila was eighteen years old, in Julie’s shoes, she would probably hate herself, too.
Ever since Chase had brought her to Lila’s office weeks ago, Julie no longer gave him the cold shoulder in class. Quite the contrary, she and Ronnie had even switched seats so Julie could be next to Chase during every lecture. Julie made it a point to hang all over him for the entire hour; eyes riveted to Lila. Chase never entertained Julie’s roving hands or sultry advances. He knew Julie was staking her claim, putting on a show especially for Lila, but he didn’t push her away.
Lila didn’t want him to. Julie was fragile. Any move Chase made that read as a slight could easily send a girl in Julie’s shoes right over an emotional edge. Lila didn’t have to tell Chase to treat Julie with kid gloves because he was already doing that by nature.
When night fell, and they were making out in his truck, parked in the safety of Lila’s garage, Chase made it perfectly clear whom he really belonged to, not just his heart, but his mind too.
Lila took a deep breath before speaking. “I started this group because I’m passionate about the therapy of talking. Talking out your feelings, talking out your problems, even talking out your hopes and dreams. I’m even more passionate about teaching young, brilliant people, like yourselves, not to fear the power of talking. Our words are powerful, and truly healing. I want you to know, talking to me will always be safe.” She shifted again, wiping her hands against her pencil skirt. “I also know that I’m an employee for the university, and that gives you every reason in the world to never trust me. I can see it in some of your eyes, that you don’t trust me.”
A few of the girls’ eyes shifted away, but some smiled unsurely.
The smiles energized Lila, and the shifty eyes drove that energy to another level. “I know you have no reason to trust me, so I’m going to tell you my story. Hopefully, once I’ve talked to you for a while, and told you my truth, it’ll be easier for you to tell me yours.”
For the first time, every eye was on hers, and every eye stayed. Not a hint of malice, just wonder.
“When I was a kid, I was afraid to talk too, but it wasn’t always that way. I was taught to be that way,” Lila said. “In middle school, my math teacher was amazing. He would play us music at the end of every class, music that had touched him in some way or another. He played us a movie at least once a week. He gave easy A’s. He was, basically, every student’s dream.”
Soft, nervous laughter bubbled up.
“I idolized him so much. I wanted to spend every moment with him. What seemed even cooler to me back then was, he actually let me.” Lila breathed deep. “I was twelve.”
The air in the room stilled.
“When he touched me the first time, I talked myself out of it.” Her eyes traveled the chairs in the room. “And I talked myself out of it the second time too. The third time. Fourth, fifth, sixth… I was afraid.”
An Asian-American sophomore already had tears pouring down her cheeks, nodding with each word Lila said, biting her bottom lip softly.
“I was thirteen,” Lila said, fighting back tears. “When I finally drummed up the courage to talk. To speak. I ran to the principal’s office, ready to talk. I told them I was scared. I told them about the seventh, eighth, ninth time. I told them everything. As it turns out, my math teacher was the son of one of the school’s most generous donors. A donor that was, pretty much, keeping the doors of that private school open. The guidance counselor told me I was being silly. That little girls shouldn’t tell stories. That year, I learned the meaning of the word ‘funding.’ I learned just how much it meant to a school, and the horrific lengths they’ll go to acquire it. They will muffle any noise, destroy any distraction, and they won’t think another thought about it.” Lila breathed deep. “They didn’t even call my parents. I never told my parents, either. To this day, they have no idea. I learned to stop talking when I was thirteen, and if I could go back and look young Lila in the eye, I wouldn’t tell her to talk. I would tell her to yell, to scream, to shout it from the damn rooftops.”
Several heads were nodding, causing tear filled eyes to bubble over.
Lila’s wet eyes traveled them. “Please don’t ever stop talking, you guys. I’ve spent a lot of time with a lot of hurt kids. It’s what got me this job at Harvard, and if I’ve learned anything… I’ve learned that there is rarely ever a victim who isn’t called a liar first, at least once. It’s wrong. For an institution of this caliber to perpetrate that kind of victim blaming is absolutely unacceptable. I plan to talk about it, and one day put it to a stop. But I can’t do it alone.” She sat a little taller. “So even if it’s not today. Even if it’s not at the next meeting, or the one after that, I hope you’ll be ready to talk, one day, because I’ll always be here to listen.”
--
Only two girls told their story at the meeting that afternoon, but Lila didn’t see that as a failure. It was a success. Getting the first kid to open up was always the hardest part. It would be smooth sailing from here. Once the rest of the girls learned to trust Lila, and got to know each other, she would have a new problem on her hands.
Getting them to shut up.
“That was pretty cool of you,” Julie said.
They’d just finished stacking the last of the chairs in the corner, and Lila wiped her hands on her skirt. “Me? Cool? In the same sentence? Coming out of your mouth?...” She crossed her arms with a smile. “Julie, I must say, I never thought I’d see the day.”
Julie curled her lip. “It’s not like I like you, or anything.”
Lila made a face. “No, of course not.”
“It was just… cool of you, to open up like that. Tell the other girls your story.”
“It’s only fair for me to open myself up to people I’m hoping will open up to me. It has to be a two way street.”
“You said you had a club like this for other kids?”
Lila walked across the room to her desk and leaned on it. “Yes. I had a small group of students at a private school I worked at in Manhattan. It was a bit different from this one, but in a lot of ways, exactly the same. It was just a place for kids to come and talk. I didn’t have any real goal outside of letting them spill their guts out once a week. Not like I do now.”
Julie moved to the window of Lila’s office. It overlooked the football field where the cheer team was in the middle of practice. “And what goal do you have now?”
Lila’s eyes followed Julie o
ut of the window. “To wake this university up. To remind them that victims of sexual abuse need a safe place to go, not an admonishing. The fear you felt when you went to Chase? You shouldn’t have to feel that. You didn’t even want to say anything to anyone. He had to drag you to me against your will. Society has programmed you to keep quiet, and this school is perpetuating that problematic programming. It’s not acceptable.”
Julie was no longer listening. “Oh my god,” she whispered.
With a frown, Lila went to the window, stopped next to Julie, and the sight that met her made her gasp.
--
“Don’t do this Professor,” Julie was losing steam as she hurried to keep up with Lila, who was currently speed walking onto the football field, where about fifty cheerleaders were in the middle of practice. Lila had always admired the cheer squad for working through the summer while the rest of the students were on vacation, but now all she could see when she looked at them was blind rage.
“I’m doing this,” Lila spat, stepping onto the grass and almost losing her footing in her heels. “This is disgusting.”
As they approached the cheerleaders, a few of them stopped in mid-chant, pointing to Lila and Julie. Soon, all the girls were looking their way. Some giggled quietly, and others made their laughter known, loud, cruel, but not as cruel as the shirts on their body.
About half the girls were wearing white t-shirts with Julie’s face plastered to the front. Across her face, the words ‘LYING WHORE’ were written in a bold red font.
Lila marched up to the captain of the team, who was laughing the hardest, and took her t-shirt in a fist, going to work ripping it off her body. She managed to get the shirt up to the captain’s head, but it got stuck, causing Lila to pull her along in a stumbling match as she attempted to get it off.
Screams and commotion erupted as they wrestled across the grass. In seconds, Lila was surrounded. Some of the girls were now clawing at her hair and her clothes.
But she didn’t care. She had gone blind.
Once she got the shirt off, leaving the captain in just a black sports bra, Lila threw it down in the grass.
“You crazy black bitch,” the captain screamed, flanked by her teammates.
Lila was so angry that the words didn’t touch her. “You’re all so damn proud of yourselves, huh?” Her heart felt shredded. She was hurt. Angry. Feeling so many different emotions, so succinctly, and all at once, that she could barely take a deep breath. She looked around to each face. Some were still smiling, and others looked downright horrified at Lila’s actions. “You’re all women too, you know. You’re all women, taking pride in hurting another woman. That is pathetic!”
Silence zeroed in as Lila screamed at the top of her lungs, pointing at the t-shirts that still remained.
“You have no idea how pathetic this is. How embarrassed you’re going to be, as a woman, when you look back on this one day. This could just as easily be one of you right now.” Lila watched them laugh, and tears came to her eyes. “Yeah, it’s really fucking hilarious. Keep laughing. You’re pathetic!” A pair of hands took her arms from behind, and she immediately turned, ready to scream at whoever had the gall to put their hands on her. Her face dropped in shock when she came eye to eye with Jack.
His brown eyes widened. “Walk away.”
Lila tried to pull her arms from his. “Do you see what their shirts say?”
“I see it,” he said. His voice remained calm. “Walk with me.”
Looking into his eyes, Lila begrudgingly allowed him to pull her away, but not before looking over her shoulder. The girls were still laughing.
Julie was gone. Lila was sure she’d run off from hurt and embarrassment, which only made her blood boil more.
“You’re going to look back and regret this one day,” she cried, before turning back to Jack, allowing him to pull her away.
--
It wasn’t until they were in the safety of Jack’s office that Lila tugged her arm from his, covering her forehead with her hand. “I really lost it out there.”
Jack closed the door to his office, pushed his hands into his pockets, and moved across the room to his desk as Lila paced wildly.
She was still catching her breath, adrenaline racing, so her chest heaved. “I can’t believe there are young girls at this school, brilliant young girls… supporting those monsters. How is it possible that Harvard girls are not smarter than this? They’ll stand behind a slew of rapists before they’ll stand behind a fellow woman? Why? Because they can throw a football? Pathetic! I’m so disgusted right now, I could…”
Jack raised his eyebrows from where he leaned against his desk, facing her. His legs crossed at the ankle, hands still in his pockets.
Lila’s eyes ran his body. His arms, pushing against the fabric of his white button down, his legs, so long they seemed never-ending. “I could…”
“What?” he pressed. “What could you do?”
Suddenly, she froze.
“You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t press charges and sue you,” he said. “She would win, and you would lose your job.”
Lila couldn’t care less. She’d already been arrested once, so her record was already fucked, and with each second that passed, she hated Harvard a little more. She wasn’t even sure she could stomach finishing out the summer semester at a school that could spawn heathens like those cheerleaders, let alone fight for a promotion at said school.
“In the unlikely event that she doesn’t destroy you, the university certainly will. The quarterback of the football team, one of the students you’re gunning for, is Andrew Sodomyer’s son.”
Lila jammed her eyes shut.
“Yes.” Jack nodded, because her reaction was appropriate. “The President of this University. The same man who must sign off on every promotion that any employee receives at this school. If you keep pursuing this, you can kiss that promotion goodbye. Hell, you can kiss Harvard goodbye.”
“Then so be it.”
“You haven’t changed.”
“Likewise.”
He pressed his lips together.
She sighed, looking off. “Whatever happens, happens, but I will never be sorry for ripping that t-shirt off that miserable little cunt’s body.”
He lowered his head, gazing at her from under his deep-set, hooded eyelids, a slow smile spread on his face.
“How did you know I was on the field?” she asked.
“I came to your office to see you. The door was open, but you weren’t inside. I happened to catch a glimpse of you assaulting the head cheerleader outside your office window. Hell of a view up there, by the way. You could sell tickets.”
“One of the perks of working in the tallest building on campus.” She was aware he was trying to distract her, and was thankful it was working. “Why did you need to see me in my office?”
She was almost afraid of the answer, and when the last encounter they’d had in her office popped into her mind, she jammed her eyes shut to get it out. Thankfully, it worked, faster than it had in a long time. She reopened her eyes and inhaled deeply.
He inhaled too, and was silent for a long while, taking the time to uncross his legs, just to re-cross them again.
Apparently, the girls at The Safe Space weren’t the only ones afraid to talk.
Finally, Jack found his courage. “Did you call my house?”
Lila lifted her head. The moment he asked the question, she understood why he’d gone to her office that day, out of the blue. Apparently he’d fought the urge to seek an answer to that question for two long weeks, and had succumbed to the curiosity just that morning. She looked off. She’d called his house two weeks earlier, promptly hanging up when Kelly answered the phone, but it felt like it had been years ago. She’d actually forgotten about it completely. So much had changed since then. It blew her mind how much had changed.
Chase, the biggest change of all, was the first thing she thought of, and she smiled.
Jack smiled, too.
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Lila was sure that smile wouldn’t be on his face for long if he knew the thoughts running through her mind--Chase tugging her bottom lip between his own, and then her top, tasting her hard nipples with his tongue, wetting them languidly before taking them between his lips, sucking fervently.
She sighed, trying to focus, even as her center reacted to her wandering thoughts. To Chase. “I woke up in the middle of the night, and saw the video of Julie had been removed. I dialed your number without thinking.” She was embarrassed. She kept allowing herself to forget Jack had a fiancé now, and she couldn’t just call him at three in the morning. “I just wanted to say thank you is all.”
“I told you I would take care of it, didn’t I?”
“No. You said ‘I’ll see what I can do.’ That’s usually a brush off.”
“When have I ever brushed you off?”
“Do you have a scroll?”
“Okay,” Jack accepted that. “When have I ever brushed you off, since the moment I stopped pretending I could brush you off?”
Lila thought back to their days in New York, and couldn’t help a smile. “Never, I guess.” She ran a hand through her hair.
“I’d like to help.”
Her eyes went to him.
“I’d like to meet Julie. If she wants to move forward and pursue this, I’ll help her. Maybe if she knows real people are on her side, she’ll be more confident to speak to the authorities.”
“You’re Deputy Counsel at this university; the very university Julie is up against. You’ve held that position for less than a month. You can’t afford to stand behind her. You’re the face of Harvard’s legal department. This is the football team we’re talking about, Jack. Starting players. You just said yourself; the President is the quarterback’s father. If you publicly stood behind Julie, it would obliterate the millions of dollars in funding this school’s been salivating over all summer. The funding they’ve yet to lock down, by the way.”
“I know all about the funding.” Jack held up a hand. “I said I would help her. I didn’t say I would stand behind her. You’re right. My position wouldn’t allow it. I can’t stand behind her.” His eyes traveled her body. “But I know a lot of people, outside of Harvard, who can. Lawyers who won’t just go after the team...”
Thunder Rolls (The Almeida Brothers Trilogy Book 2) Page 19