"It's nothing," I said.
"Of course it is! Never play down what you did for me, helping me get over Jake, giving me a place to live, and putting up with all the shit I give you."
"You don't..."
"I know what I'm like so don't gloss over it - you've been a saint and an amazing friend and I love you for it. But you need some happiness of your own now, before it's too late."
"That might not have anything to do with Tom," I said.
"I know. But it might. You have to be prepared to let it happen and not..."
"Not what?"
"Not close yourself off to it. You need to let it in, let love in and not be scared that it might not work out."
"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?"
"You might have to by the end of the night. I could do with a letting a real man in..." We broke out laughing just as the waiter came over with our food. He looked at us in that passive way all good waiters seem to master - the expression that says 'you're off your heads and I still have to serve you'.
"We'll have a few in here before moving on," said Mel, taking the top off her burger bun and squeezing a generous amount of mayo onto the chicken. "The footie just ended so there won't be much action here."
"Please promise me we won't end up in Larry's Bar?" She shrugged.
"You'd better hope we meet a couple of body builders before nine then, hadn't you?"
There was something going on behind me as I bit into my burger and Mel began looking over my shoulder. I turned round - it was the football crowd being escorted out by three Police men. They weren't going quietly and in the end the tallest Copper decided to get the ring leader in an arm lock and 'help' him out of the pub. We both stopped eating to watch.
"I wouldn't mind him getting me in an arm lock," said Mel, resuming her feast. "Hope he uses his cuffs."
"You're terrible," I said.
"You know you're thinking the same thing."
"Yeah. I think I am."
A few drinks later and I began to loosen up. Thoughts of bumping into Tom quickly left me and I think I'd started to actually hope we would. That was the thing about alcohol - it sucker punched you every time. It gave you the confidence to do something you wouldn't normally do, and then took away your ability to do it.
We'd moved onto the Old Bell which was your usual posh wine bar kind of place and we'd got talking to a pair of brothers who were having a drink before catching the train home to Blackburn. They both worked for the aerospace industry and one of them was pretty dishy with the biggest blue eyes I'd even seen and an unruly mop of jet black hair that gave him the mischievous attraction Mel had latched onto right away. That left me with the other brother who had clearly been given the left-overs in the looks department and who had a nasty habit of checking me out when he thought I wasn't looking.
"So what do you do?" said my opposite number. We hadn't reached the names level of trust yet and I doubted we ever would. I wasn't being shallow (promise!) but let’s face it, he just wasn't my type. He'd spent the last ten minutes explaining his love for the miniature soldiers he collected.
"I'm a welder," I said. The music wasn't that loud but he asked me to repeat myself and so I did.
"Really? But you're a girl?"
"Yeah. And?" I said, bristling a little.
"I didn't think women did that sort of thing."
"Why not?"
"I don't know - I just kind of thought it was a 'man' thing."
"Oh." I said. Where do you go with that line of thinking? I was looking past him at the door, hoping something might happen that would get me out of there. A fire. A bomb. Anything. Nothing was happening though and the conversation returned to little plastic troops. I looked at Mel who was now eating the other, better looking brother's face. She really did want to flush the thoughts of Jake out of her mind and now she had a guy using his tongue as a toilet brush too.
"I'm going to get a drink," I said. My toy soldier fan nodded and realised that he'd picked a looser. I pushed my way to the bar that was getting busier by the second. Did these people not realise it was a school night?
"What will it be?" shouted the barman.
"Double vodka and diet coke please," I called, pointing at the row of optics behind him as if that would make my order any clearer. As he turned round to fill my glass I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"If I tell you I'm not stalking you, will you believe me?" said Tom. My heart leapt into my throat and I felt my hands tighten on the brass work of the bar. I was tipsy enough to formulate a witty reply though.
"That's just the kind of thing a stalker would say," I said, leaning closer to speak into his ear. I could smell his cologne and it was intoxicating. He was dressed in a simple off-white fitted shirt and stone-washed denim jeans. His hair had the appearance of being styled but was just as out of control as it was in a morning.
"I saw your friend when I came in," he said. "She's getting Jake out of her system then?"
"Literally and figuratively." My drink arrived and the barman asked if I wanted anything else. "What are you having?" I said to him.
"Jack and coke," he replied, pointing to the optics just like I did. I wondered if the barman got sick of it after a while. I handed over a note and while he was tilling up, Tom leaned in again. His breath was hot on my neck and I felt a tremor start up my spine. "I almost didn't recognise you without your overalls."
"I was going to wear them but I was worried they didn't go with these boots," I said. Slick. We pushed our way through the crowd and into a corner within sight of Mel and her victim. The brother who wasn't being absorbed by her was stood behind them, trying to look nonchalant with three drinks in his hands. I felt slightly guilty but it was better than misleading the poor lad.
"Where's your mates?" I asked Tom.
"I saw you in here so I told them to go on ahead to the Con Club and I'd catch them up later," he said. "They're out all night but I only came for a few. I can't stand going to work in the morning with a hangover."
"That's the kind of excuse a stalker might come up with."
"It is, I realise that. It's true though."
"I've only got your word for that."
"We can go to the Con Club and I could prove it to you."
"It's okay. I've never had a stalker before. I don't want to spoil it."
"That's the spirit!" he said, laughing. Mel had pulled herself away and was looking around for me. I gave her a wave and she started dragging her new love towards us. When she saw Tom she broke out in giggles and I felt my face flush. She was going to make a fool of me, I knew it from the look on her face and there was nothing I could do about it.
"TOM?" she shouted, tumbling on her heels into an awkward embrace with him. "I've heard SO much about you!"
"You have?" he said, helping her back into a more upright position. I looked at the floor, begging it to open up and swallow me.
"Of course! Sophie hasn't stopped..." She laughed and brought herself up short. "I mean. As a work... mate... kind of thing. Just a work thing. Purely professional." Her syllables were starting to blur into each other.
"I see," he said, suddenly taking a keen interest in his drink. Mel turned on me, gave me a more-than-obvious wink and grabbed the aerospace man by the arm. He looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a truck.
"Sophie, this is Brian. Brian, this is my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Sophie, and her fel... work mate, Tom."
"A pleasure," I said, my throat constricting with the stench of awkwardness.
"Me and Brian are going to catch a train. Well, he is, I'm not, I'm just going to walk down there and see him off. Are you coming?"
I looked at Tom who was laughing to himself. At this rate we'd all be on our way home like Brian. I was sort of glad he lived in Blackburn so I wouldn't have to endure the noise they'd make back at the flat.
"I'll walk you down," I said.
"Good. I hoped you would. See me off. I'll be back tomorrow."
/> "You're going with him?" I said. “You just told us you weren't.”
"Of course I am. I've never been on a night out in Blackburn. Are you coming?"
"No, Mel, I've got work tomorrow," I said, slightly worried that she was heading off with some stranger after a few minutes of knowing him. "Maybe you should arrange something for Saturday," I suggested.
"What's up with you?" she slurred. "It's our plan, Stan. The plan! What about the plan?"
"The plan didn't include a trip to Blackburn," I replied. Brian's brother, the toy soldier buff, was already opening the door to try and speed things along. He looked as keen as I did. "Come on, give me your number, Brian, and she'll ring you."
"Soph - why are you being like this?" she said, frowning the way she did in high school. "I'm having fun!"
"I want you to be safe. No offence, Brian, but we hardly know you."
Brian just shrugged and made for the door. He said something under his breath but I didn't catch it. Mel tried to go after him but I held her back. She looked deflated as we stood there in silence and when she turned round there were tears in her eyes.
"When will I get past this?" she said, slumping onto a stool nearby. "How will I get that fucking dick head out of my life?"
I was sharp enough to realise she was talking about Jake. It was clear Tom was thinking the same thing and he went back to the bar to get her a large coke. I threw my arms around her as she began to cry.
"This was supposed to be our night!" she said over the din of the jukebox. "This was supposed to be fun!"
"It still can be," I said. "Just have a drink and slow down a little, yeah?"
She began wiping her nose with a tissue from her handbag. I felt horrible. How could I help her through this? How could we expunge Jake's influence? Were we doomed to keep seeing him in every shadow, every dark alley, every nightmare?
Tom came back and swapped the wine glass in her hand for the pint of coke.
"Here, drink this," he said to her. "It'll clear your head a bit."
"Thanks Tom," she replied.
Well at least he hadn't made a run for the door in all the confusion. I silently awarded him some points. If I'd been in his situation I'd have been out the back door as fast as I could. Better to be a coward than cope with two crazy emotional wrecks like us. He stood there without the usual clock-watching or mobile-phone-checking and I could have sworn he actually looked concerned. Which he was. I know that now.
"I'm okay," said Mel after a few minutes. "But can we please carry on with the plan? I don't want to go home just yet."
"Sure," I said. "Let's stick to the plan, eh? Tom is going to meet his mates so..."
"I think I'll stick with you two if you don't mind. I wouldn't be much of a stalker if I gave up now." At first I thought he was joking - about sticking with us, not the stalking bit, but he wasn't. He wanted to come with us. I didn't know what to feel at that point. I felt like I'd been tricked onto at roller coaster and I couldn't get off. Somehow I kept hitting drops that were making my stomach lurch up into my mouth and I didn't know when the next one would come.
"Okay," I managed to say. Mel finished her coke and got up, adjusting her dress and making for the door. Tom waited for me to find her handbag.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" he asked me as we followed.
"I hope so. I don't know what to do if she isn't," I replied. "It would be so much easier if he was just put away for good and the key flushed down the toilet."
"Justice, eh?"
We started walking down the high street and it was chilly to say the least. Christmas was only a month away - which was a scary thought and people were already getting filled with the spirits of the season. Despite it being a week day the youth were out in strength and they were tottering around in ridiculously high heels and very short dresses. The lads were lacquered in cheap scent and frozen in their shirts. I hadn't noticed but Tom was wearing a slate-gray over coat with the collar turned up and he'd stuffed his hands into the pockets, hunching his shoulders to the cold.
"I don't know how they do it," he said.
"We were young once," I replied. "Lust keeps them warm."
"It doesn't look like it to me. They look stone-cold. Someone give them a jacket."
"That's not trendy," said Mel who'd fallen in step with him and had looped her arm around his - more for support than anything else.
"But there are plenty of stylish coats out there."
"What, like your old-man one?" she said, tugging at his lapels. I gave my best nervous laugh and suppressed the urge to find some duct tape to put over her mouth.
"I'm warm though."
"Are you lusty though?" Jesus, Mel - shut up! I was warm now - warm because my face was on fire from embarrassment.
"Here we are!" I said, dragging her sideways into the next pub, the Bucket and Mop which was a damned odd name for a pub. It wasn't quite heaving but the bar was three deep.
"My round," said Tom. "Same again?" I nodded and he waded into the crowd whilst we got a table in the far corner. Mel was looking a bit more sober now and she was swiping her phone like it was her own personal life support machine.
"He looks like a right nerd," she said without looking up.
"Who?" I asked.
"Brian and his brother. Lucky escape if you ask me. I'm just looking through their photos..."
"Oh. I think we can forget those two."
"Yeah. Already done. Blocked and unfriended." She put her phone back into her handbag and smiled across the table. Her eyes looked a little bit out of focus.
"Are you okay, Mel?" I asked.
"He's a star, isn't he?"
"Who?" I said.
"Tom of course. Stop playing coy. Like a knight in shining... grey... armour... I think. You could do worse."
"Hmm."
He was finally at the front of the queue and I watched him order our drinks. "Don't end up like me."
"Don't get like this, Mel. Please?" I said. She waved me away.
"You need to have some happiness, Soph. I'm going to have this drink and then I'm going home so you two can have some time together. Understand?"
"No, Mel - I'm not leaving you alone."
"You need to, hon. You need to..." Tom arrived and set the glasses down in front of us. He checked his phone and sat down next to me.
"Okay?" he asked.
"Thanks - I'm going home after this one," said Mel.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I am, Tom. Soph says she's staying out though."
"Are you?" he asked.
"No - I'll see her home. You go meet your mates. You don't need to molly-coddle us crazy women."
He nodded and I felt my heart breaking. What did I really want? I wanted to spend the evening with him. Selfishly I wanted to ditch Mel and spend it with him, to get blind drunk and feel confident enough to tell him how I felt. To drag him back to mine and see what was under his slate-grey coat. But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to Mel.
"We need to do it again," he said. "Maybe we could go out next week?" Mel looked up.
"Yeah. I'd like that!" she said, grinning.
"I have a mate of mine. He's better looking than Brian. I think you might get on with him."
"Sounds like a plan, doesn't it Sophie?" said Mel, looking at me.
"Yeah. It does. Thanks Tom." He waved away the thanks with a grin and we all stood up, our drinks untouched. I guess that's the way nights out sometimes go. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"
"Yeah. You will." Then he leaned in close to me - so close I could feel the heat of his skin on my cheek. His hand fell softly on my hip and his mouth kissed me close to my ear. I realised I was trembling under his touch. "See you in the morning."
"Okay. Good bye." I managed without melting into a puddle on the floor. Then he was gone.
"I'll call us a taxi," said Mel.
The alarm tore me out of a deep sleep and brought me crashing back down to reality - the truth that I was slightly hungover
and in dire need of a few more hours in bed. But that wasn't going to happen. I managed to drag myself out from under the covers and into the freezing cold - I'd forgotten to set the time on the heating last night before going out. The flat had become an ice cave overnight and I nearly ran into the kitchen to sort it out. I considered getting back under the quilt but I couldn't - why did I volunteer to go out on a week night?
I jumped in the shower just for the warmth and in the vain hope I could wash away some of the pain and nausea. It provided the heat, just not the rest. I got out and put on my uniform, made my lunch whilst trying to avoiding smelling anything remotely unpleasant, then made for the car, noticing Mel was still in bed. She'd be throwing a sickie no doubt.
Unlike most of my mates who claimed total forgetfulness when drunk, I could remember nearly everything. I remembered Tom showing up. I remembered Mel eating Brian's face. I even remembered his brother. But combined with the pain and horror of a workmate seeing us in that state there was a little grin that formed on my lips when I thought of how he'd given up his own evening to help us. How he'd bought us drinks. How he'd embraced me at the end. As I drove to work I began to realise that I couldn't get him out of my mind.
I pulled up outside the car park to open the gate. It'd started raining and so after rooting in my bag for the keys to the building I ran to the lock and opened them as fast as I could. It wasn't far off Christmas and it was still bloody raining. Where was the snow? I drove the car into my usual space, gathered my stuff and went inside. The routine of unlocking the door, turning on the lights, tapping in the alarm code, clocking on, it was all medicine for the queasiness in my stomach and the pounding in my head. Before long I was sat in my chair with my feet up, nursing a cup of tea and feeling my eyes getting heavier under the bar heater.
I was shocked wide awake by the bell. I was getting sick of being woken up now. Just as I was stood I realised that there was something on my bench, something that hadn't been there before. It was a small paper parcel and it smelled delicious. It was a double sausage and egg sandwich.
The Unfinished Tale Of Sophie Anderson Page 6