by Kari Trumbo
The door to the chapel squeaked open a fraction. “Lillian, are you in here?”
She couldn’t dare hope, not enough to say his name aloud. It couldn’t be him. He’d used her Christian name. She collected herself enough to squeak a “Yes” past the tears blocking her throat.
The door opened more and Mr. Cahill slipped inside. He left the door open and a breeze blew over her skin. She shivered.
“I went to your house after I got David home. My mother fed him and smothered him with affection. When your parents told me you weren’t home…I was terrified. Terrified of what my words may have done. No, what I know they did.” He took a few steps up the aisle.
Lillian shrank back a few paces. “No, you were right. Every single thing I’ve ever done to you has ended in ruin, though the Lord knows I didn’t mean for it to. I’ve ruined your life. Because of me, your son was taken, and I can’t even tell you why I stopped your wedding that day. That’s all you’ve wanted to know from the beginning, isn’t it? That’s the only reason you’ve been seeking me.”
She looked up at him, trying to see if the truth showed on his face. The dimly-lit room kept his secret.
“That was the whole reason you were hounding me, wasn’t it? I can’t tell you, because there is no reason. I was a lovesick little girl who had never been allowed out of the house, save for school. I had a very active imagination and it ruled me that day. That’s the whole story. There is nothing special to it. I didn’t know anything that you didn’t already know. I was just a silly, stupid little girl. It would have been better if I’d never been born…for everyone involved.” She turned away from him and walked to the cross. For the first time in her life she wasn’t afraid of it.
“You’re wrong, Miss Donaldson. I think you did stop my wedding for a reason. The Lord wanted me to remember you when I came back five years later. How better to burn your image into my head? My marriage was a terrible farce that never should have happened. I was a fool and I’ve now begged for forgiveness for it.” He moved up behind her and touched her shoulder.
“While your mother may wish you hadn’t been born, you let her win by agreeing with her. I don’t agree. I am ever so glad you were here this evening, despite my harsh words.”
Lillian turned to face him. He was too close; her heart raced in her chest.
He touched her hair, sweeping the loose ends behind her shoulder. “I am so sorry.” He looked down at her, his face pinched with pain. “I know I cut you deeply. I did not mean them. I was so terrified of losing my son. I didn’t take into account that you were hearing about your mother for the first time. Her actions toward you were horrible, but I couldn’t think about that. It wasn’t until I was walking home alone that I realized how terrible I’d been to the one person who truly welcomed me home, with the exception of my family, of course.” He touched her chin and lifted it to look at his face. “Will you accept my apology?”
Her pulse raced and she had the strangest sensation to both kiss him and run, neither of which would be appropriate. She blinked twice to clear her eyes, and for the first time, she saw what the face of a person who truly cared looked like. She melted into his arms and nodded, because she couldn’t form a ‘yes’.
He held her close while she cried the remainder of her tears in his arms at the foot of the cross and whispered assurances in her ear.
Chapter Fifteen
“Are you sure you want to rent the room above the shop? We open mighty early and it might be loud up there. I’m not even sure Mr. Todd would rent it.”
Lillian nodded. “Penny, I’ve decided I want to live on my own, and I’m not willing to board at the boarding house. It just wouldn’t be seemly.”
“Seemly or not, living alone is a scary prospect. Are your folks making you leave?” Penny lowered her voice to a whisper.
Lillian pursed her lips. “No, but they don’t want me there, either. My father is looking into moving Mama out to Grandfather’s place. There is only the one bedroom. They will sell the house in town. It has been too hard on Papa to keep her in the house and away from everyone…and well, I am just a vexation to her. This would be better.”
The door swung open and cold air hit Lillian’s back and made Penny make a face.
“Feels like it could snow early this year. Don’t look now, but Mr. Handsome, I mean, Cahill just came in.” Penny winked.
Lillian blushed at Penny’s forward comment and held onto her warm cup of tea to take the chill off her hands.
“Miss Donaldson, good morning. May I have this seat?”
She gestured her welcome and he sat next to her, removing his hat and gloves.
“I hear the tea here is pretty good.” He motioned for Penny to come back.
“Yes, Mr. Cahill?” She smiled at him and leaned on the counter.
“Did you find a dress for your wedding yet?” he asked, turning his cup over for her to pour.
“No, sir. I need to find a time when this one—,” she motioned to Lillian, “—isn’t so busy, so she can help me.”
“I’ll take a cup of whatever Miss Donaldson is having.” He looked at Lillian. “You should take the time to do that. You never know when you might have to ask her to return the favor.”
Penny poured steaming water into his cup and handed him the tea steeper. “You’ve got a point there, Mr. Cahill.” Penny looked over at Lillian, hiding behind her cup.
“You win. I will come with you this afternoon. Let’s not go back to the mercantile, though. We should try Mrs. Lewis’s. Even if she doesn’t sew the gown, she may know where you can find the fabric you want. You do need to find something; your wedding is coming soon.”
Lillian put her hands on the counter to climb down off the chair. Mr. Cahill laid his hand on hers and it stopped her; heat ran up her arm and straight to her heart. She flushed instantly under the slight contact.
“Miss Donaldson, would you allow me to take you to dinner this evening?”
Penny dropped the carafe of water and it shattered all over the floor. The patrons all around turned to look at the commotion.
Lillian looked around her and smiled. “I’d be happy to, as long as you realize I seem to make a spectacle of myself even if I never try to.”
He kissed her fingers with the briefest of pressure. “I’ll come by your house this evening to get you, and you can tell me all about wedding dresses.”
Lillian put on her gloves and coat, wondering if he was talking about Penny’s dress…or her own.
~~~
“Don’t worry about David. I won’t let him out of my sight.” Mrs. Cahill patted her son’s arm. “Now, you go out and make things right with Miss Donaldson.” James touched his son’s cheek and handed him over to his mother. He didn’t want to let David out of his own sight; going to work that morning had been torture. He’d worried that Mrs. Donaldson would come during the day and steal him away.
He tied his white scarf around his neck and pulled on his coat and gloves. Excitement and nervous energy coursed through him. He tried to keep the smile off his face, but was losing the battle. His father clapped him on the shoulder.
“I know you want to both leave to see your lady friend and stay with your son. Consider bringing her here after supper. I’m sure she’d like to see David in a happier moment, too.”
James embraced his father in a one-armed hug. “I think I will. Thank you, Father.”
He strode from the house, his steps light and a smile warming his face against the chill of the evening. The twilight came so early in the fall. He walked past his office then turned at the chapel. He stopped just a moment and looked at the building that managed to look cheery, even in the dark of night.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “I should have trusted You. I didn’t need to know why Gwendolyn was part of my past, and I should have known that You would have a plan. Please forgive me and guide my words tonight. Lillian is so special, and I want to do this right.”
The tree limbs swayed lightly in t
he breeze and he pulled his collar up over his ears, continuing his walk. Lillian lived on the opposite side of town, just on the edge. Their home sat on a larger parcel than the others, as if they had purposely wanted to remain separate from the town, and perhaps they had.
Only one light in the sitting room was lit in the otherwise dark home. He wondered briefly if her parents were even in that evening. Did they care that a man was coming to call on their only daughter? He scowled at the dark house. Lillian deserved better.
He knocked on the door and the light from within was doused. Lillian opened it, already in her coat. She stepped outside without inviting him in and shut the door behind her.
“Good evening.” He took her hand and tucked it around his elbow, holding her small hand with his own.
“Good evening,” she replied, bowing her head as they walked the short distance to the boarding house. It was the only place to get a meal prepared for you in town. Though it was small, it was clean and tidy, with a special clientele of people who came to see, and get married in, the little red chapel. He opened the front door for her and led her down the stairs to the tables. One had been set up for them in advance, off in a corner that wasn’t usually used.
He pulled out her chair for her, then seated himself across the table.
“I hope you don’t mind. I came in earlier and talked to Mrs. Larson and had her set this up. She told me what they would be serving, so the meal should be served soon.”
“That was thoughtful of you, Mr. Cahill.”
“Please…at least where no one else can hear, can you call me James? I just want to hear it…”
She blushed a pretty pink and looked at the floor. “Thank you…James.”
He sucked in a gulp of air with his smile and took one of her hands. “Lillian, you don’t have to feel embarrassed with me.”
“How can I not? I’m just a silly little girl, really. I’ve never been allowed to be older than I was before you left. I don’t know how to act or what to do. What if I embarrass you yet again?”
“Then we will laugh together.” He lifted her chin and rubbed his thumb along the edge. Her skin was almost as soft as his son’s. Her eyes brightened under his touch.
Mrs. Larson brought two plates to the table and set them down. She lit the stick candle between them.
“Is there anything else I can get for you both? I have some wine stored in the back, if you’d like a glass?” She looked to James for the answer.
“No, I think just some coffee would be fine.”
She nodded and left them alone again. He reached across the table for her hand. She hesitated for a moment, then gingerly placed her hand within his. He lowered his head.
“Thank you, Lord, for the blessings of this day and bringing my son safely back to me last night. Thank you for Lillian and her willingness to come here with me. Bless this food, Lord, and give us the strength to overcome whatever obstacles the dark one puts before us. Amen.”
He opened his eyes to find Lillian looking at him, a question in her eyes.
“Lillian, I meant what I said at the chapel last night. You are the only one who has welcomed me back, and while I can’t yet say that I love you, I am drawn to you in a way that even Gwendolyn never accomplished.”
She looked away again, almost as if trying to pull herself into her own shadow. He let go of his hand and wove his fingers with hers.
“Please, tell me?”
She glanced up momentarily. “I…want to be loved. For me. Not because you feel guilt over what you said and not because your son is now safe.” She shook her head with the slightest motion. “I’m not saying what I want to; not well anyway.”
“Lillian. The reason I came to your house last evening was because I couldn’t wait to see you hold my son. I longed to watch your face as he grabbed for your sleeve or a lock of your hair. I wanted to see you hold him close and smile at him. I had the briefest moment of concern about your mother, but it was overpowered by a need to see you.”
He squeezed her fingers. “I am drawn to you because I want to know everything there is to know about Lillian Donaldson. I want to watch you learn and grow and become a woman of God. More than anything, I want to watch you blossom into womanhood. Perhaps someday with a child, preferably mine.”
The hand he wasn’t holding flew to her mouth as she held in her giggles.
“I want to sit with you on that pew in the back of the little red chapel every Sunday until we have so many little Cahills that we have to move to a bigger one. I want to hear you laugh, wipe your tears, and kiss you goodnight. I can’t promise you that I will never hurt you; last night would make a liar out of me before the words ever escaped my lips, but I can promise to try.”
She looked up and a tear slowly coursed its way down her cheek. “Are you so sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?” She smiled and gently pulled her hand back. “Do you really think this could work?”
“Can we at least give it a try?”
Lillian picked up her fork and took a small bite. She closed her eyes and her face relaxed. “Yes,” she said, “I think we should. It’s really all I’ve ever wanted. I can’t believe we are sitting here eating together and…Wait, what about Papa?”
“I spoke to him last night before I left to find you. He is glad that you will finally be moving on, though I was taken aback by how little he seemed to care. I don’t know how, but I’ll make it up to you. All these years you’ve had to live like that. I will do my best to make you feel happy and loved the rest of your days.”
She looked up at him and a brief look of pain crossed her face. “It isn’t up to you to make up for it. They didn’t want me. I couldn’t fix their problems. At least I don’t have to worry about their approval anymore.”
He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. “My parents once told me that it was important that I honor them as parents unless they stopped living a Godly life. The Lord does not expect you to sin in order to do as your parents say, and blindly listening is not honoring them. Perhaps it was as a small child, but it is different now that you are a grown woman.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do. They don’t want me there anymore. They left for Grandfather’s this afternoon with a load of supplies to last them the week. I will be all alone this whole week in that big house. They want to see if they are happier out in the country.” She frowned. “I have to admit, being alone is scary when you’ve relied on others to think for you your whole life.”
“Allow me to make a suggestion?”
She nodded him on.
“My aunt lives up the street from you. She has an extra room that she rents out when the boarding house is full. Would you let me rent it for you for a week so I know you’re safe?”
She smiled. “You would do that for me?”
“Of course.” He finished his plate and pushed it away. “Lillian, may I ask something of you?”
“You may.” Her hand sought his halfway across the table again.
His heart leapt that she was now reaching out to him for that contact that seemed to make him feel complete. “I am missing my little boy something fierce. My father gave me permission to invite you over for a few minutes to see David after dinner. I have to be away from him all day at work, so in the evening I like to see him.”
Her eyes glowed in appreciation. “I would love to finally get to hold him, if you would let me.”
“I would like nothing more.” He picked up her coat from the back of her chair and helped her shrug into it. He tucked her hand to his elbow as they strolled the short distance to his home. The town smelled of burning wood and coal. The street lamps let off small pockets of light in the darkness. He pulled her closer to him. Though Cutter’s Creek was safe, it was never a good idea to be caught off-guard, or at least it was a good excuse.
His father opened the side door before they got all the way up the steps. Warm light
spilled over them. He led them into the kitchen.
“Welcome, Miss Donaldson. So good to meet you.”
Mrs. Cahill brought little David for James. He took his son and held him close. She strode over to Lillian and took her coat.
“It’s a shame that we didn’t meet years ago, my dear. Your mother and I used to be close.” She grasped Lillian’s hand. “No matter. We have time now. There’s some tea for you both in the sitting room. If you don’t mind, Papa and I are going to retire for the evening. Bring David up when he is ready for bed.”
James led Lillian back into the sitting room, offering her a seat near the hearth. She sat and he stood next to her. He nuzzled David one last time, then held him out to her. She took him with a look of wonder on her face that made his heart swell in his chest. She touched his son’s chubby cheek, then his hair.
“Oh, look at how precious he is,” she marveled.
David lifted a chubby hand with a metal rattle in it and swung it around. She held him close, then looked up at James.
“This is wonderful. I can see how you fell for him right away; my heart just sings holding him.”
James knelt in front of her and laid his hand on David’s head, then looked up at Lillian.
“I don’t want to take this too fast. I did that the first time, and it got me in a heap of trouble. Will you spend the next year preparing to be my wife, so you know just what you are getting into?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I won’t, but I will let you court me until you’re ready to give me a proper proposal. You already know my heart. I’ve loved you since I was seventeen; that won’t change. You tell me when you’re ready, and I will gladly walk down the aisle, James.”
He touched one lock of her hair and carefully pushed it behind her ear, letting his hand linger, then tracing her jaw down to her chin. With just the light pressure of his finger, he drew her closer. She leaned into him, and he to her. When their lips met, the world faded away and nothing existed but their lips. She sighed, and it fired his soul to kiss her deeper. He cupped her cheek and felt the silkiness of her hair on the back of his hand.