“I heard Lindy bought it sight unseen and spared no expense. Can you imagine having that kind of money?”
“Not even close. You know, seeing her from a distance, she’s got this uppity air about her, especially when she’s all dressed up in those designer clothes. But I’ve talked to her a few times, and she’s surprisingly nice.”
“I know,” Allie agreed. “I thought the same thing when I met her.”
“Charlie was at the garage the other day right after Lindy left and he said Drew was all fired up about Bo and her Persian getting lovey-dovey.” Dana leaned a little closer with a grin, her voice pitched low. “Charlie suggested he bring Bo in for a visit, so I arranged a little joint session.”
“Rick said something about that at lunch Friday. Bet that was interesting.”
Dana gave a sly little smile as she sipped her caramel macchiato before sitting back in her chair. “Speaking of Rick and lunch, and to completely change the subject, do you even bother making food for the man? I mean, he comes back to work and heads straight for the fridge.”
Allie widened her eyes at Dana before casting a quick glance around the mostly empty seating area. “Shhh, not so loud.”
“Oh, please, Al.” Dana rolled her eyes, but she did lower her voice again. “Like they don’t already know what’s going on. You two haven’t exactly kept a low profile.”
Allie sighed with a reluctant smile and took a sip of her cappuccino. Dana was right. Marv had been in the shop when Rick first asked her to dinner before that scorching kiss, and he’d seen her out with Rick and Lukas more than once since then. Between sledding on the weekends, a trip to the N.E.W. Zoo, the movies twice, the three snowmen in her front yard, an afternoon at the Shrine Circus in Green Bay the weekend the Packers won the Superbowl against the Steelers, and making dinner at Rick’s house just about every other night, the whole town knew what was going on between them.
Add Rick’s truck parked in her driveway three to four times a week between noon and one, and tongues were probably wagging overtime. No wonder her mother sounded so cheerful on the phone yesterday.
“Besides,” Dana continued, “for the past three weeks he’s worn a permanent grin every time he comes back from ‘lunch’ at your house. Now, I know you can make some pretty darn good food, and they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but no one is that good a cook.”
She’d never been shy about sex talk, but Allie still felt her face warm. “Well, it’s not like we can do anything with Lukas in the house, though he’s been begging for another ‘sleepover’.”
Dana burst out laughing. “I’d have loved to have seen your face that morning.”
“Don’t remind me,” Allie protested. “I still picture Betty’s expression every time I see her.”
“I’ve heard Betty’s just as happy as you and Rick are,” Dana assured her.
Allie smiled because Betty had told her the same thing at dinner two nights ago. “Still, Rick and I have to get our alone time when we can. We don’t want to ask Betty to take Lukas more than she already does, that’s not fair to her or Lukas. He’s been so accepting, but I’d never want him to feel like I’m taking his dad away from him.”
Dana looked thoughtful as she reached for her cup. “You really seem taken with Lukas.”
“I absolutely love that little boy, he’s impossible to resist.” She laughed. “Gets it from his dad, I imagine.” Whom she’d also fallen head over heels for. Only she wanted to tell Rick she loved him before she told anyone else—even her cousin and best friend.
“Rick is a great boss, and you’re right about Lukas, too,” Dana agreed. “You know, I wasn’t so sure how you felt about kids. You never talk about wanting any, and every time there’s a baby around, you seem to end up on the opposite side of the room.”
The unexpected conversation turn made Allie’s fingers tighten on her cup. Boy, there was a lot she did that she didn’t realize people noticed. She focused out the window, pretending interest down the street as she shrugged a shoulder.
“Babies are so little. I’m always afraid I’ll hold them wrong.” By sheer will, she looked back at Dana. “But you’ve seen me with Reese’s kids.”
“Yeah, but those are your nieces and nephew, and you’re Jacob’s godmother.”
Allie rose to her feet and picked up her cup. “What brought this up anyway?”
Dana followed her toward the door. “Well, I know Rick wants more kids, so I—”
“What?” Allie froze with her hand over the garbage bin. “He told you that?”
“He mentioned it in passing one day.”
She forced her fingers to release the cup. “When?”
Dana frowned at Allie’s terse question. “A while ago, a couple weeks or a month maybe. It’s wasn’t a big deal. Lukas had torn through the offices like the Tasmanian Devil, and as we were laughing about it, Rick commented that he’d love a whole houseful.”
“Oh.” A painful lump lodged in Allie’s throat. Struggling to zip her coat with her suddenly shaking hands, she headed for the door as fast as her feet would carry her. “Well, I’d better get going. I’ll see you later.”
“Hey, what…Al? Wait a second—Allie!”
Allie didn’t look back. Outside on the sidewalk, she hurried around the corner and started running the moment she reached Kapal Street. Hot tears stung her eyes, turning cold in the winter air by the time they tracked to her chin. Once inside the house, she curled up on her bed, jacket and all. For the first time since the doctor told her she would never have children of her own, she let her anguish pour out in huge, air-gulping, gut-wrenching sobs.
Dana tried calling twice that afternoon, but Allie let the machine answer. When the phone shrilled for a third time, the room was bathed in a yellow glow from the rays of the setting sun. Above her bed, framed by the window’s light, was the frozen waterfall photograph she’d purchased at Coffee to Chai For.
So much for a new day. Fresh tears threatened as she stared at it until the machine kicked on again.
“Allie, it’s Rick.”
Now she switched her gaze to the machine.
“I know we were supposed to pick you up at six, but Lukas and I have a little surprise planned, so we’re running a few minutes late. We’ll be there—”
She scrambled for the phone. “Hey, it’s me, I’m here.”
“Well, hi, gorgeous.”
Hearing his sexy smile, she tried to muster one of her own despite the ache in her heart. “Hi.”
“What’s the matter?” Rick asked.
She pictured his brow furrowed from the concern in his voice.
“You don’t sound like yourself.”
She cleared her throat and seized on the excuse he provided. “I don’t feel so good.” Understatement of the year, but then again, she did feel nauseous. “I’m really sorry, but I think it might be best if I stayed home tonight.”
“You want me to come over and take care of you? I can ask Mom to watch Lukas.”
“No!” she said quickly. “It might be the flu.”
“I don’t like the thought of you there alone when you’re sick.”
“Rick, seriously, stay home. I would feel awful if you got it and passed it on to Lukas.”
After a hesitation, he sighed into the phone. “I suppose you’re right.”
“I know I am. The last thing I want is for Lukas to get sick. And I’m really tired. It’s probably best if I get some sleep.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow, then,” he said, disappointment evident in his voice. “We’ll miss you.”
The knife in her heart twisted. “Miss you, too. Bye.”
The next morning, she figured she was paying for the white lie as she bent over the toilet, puking her guts out. If only it was Sunday again, so she didn’t have to deal with the dogs all day. When Rick called a short while later, she felt somewhat better, but spent the afternoon on the couch with the dogs, watching TV and working on her website.
> Although she finally had to assure Dana she was fine or risk her coming over, she let the answering machine pick up Rick’s evening call, hoping he’d assume she was sleeping. She wasn’t ready to talk to him because she wasn’t sure she could get through a conversation without crying. And then he’d want to know why.
Tuesday brought more of the same, puking in the morning, and feeling a little better by afternoon, even though it never completely went away. Her mom told her they’d had the flu for a week, and Allie groaned, hoping she didn’t have the same strain.
***
Rick slammed his truck door and approached Allie’s front porch with determined steps. He’d had enough of calling only to have her use the ‘flu’ as an excuse to keep avoiding him. It made sense on Tuesday and maybe even Wednesday, but by Thursday, he didn’t buy it anymore.
So after dropping Lukas at preschool, he called Dana to let her know he’d be in later. She agreed to cover the appointments she could handle, and reschedule the rest.
A few moments after his brisk knock, Allie opened the door amidst a chorus of barking dogs. Surprise and panic warred in her expression, confirming his suspicions.
“Rick—what—why aren’t you at work?”
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“I’m not.”
She couldn’t even look him in the eye. Rick snorted and waded inside through the sea of dogs without waiting for an invitation. “Oh yeah? And how are you feeling this morning? You’re looking—”
Allie pushed past him with a hand clamped over her mouth. He turned to watch her rush into the bathroom down the hall.
“—better.” He started after her, muttering, “Damn it.”
When he reached the bathroom, she began to straighten from the toilet, only to have another wave hit. He laid a hand on her back, but she frantically motioned him away.
“Give me a minute.”
“Allie—”
“Please, get out.”
Feeling like a first-class jerk, he stepped back into the hall. With the excitement over, the dogs had returned to the living room, and Spot sat by the doorway. She gave a high-pitched, scraggly meow, so he walked over and picked her up. Scratching the gray spot on her head, and behind her ears to get her purring, he wandered into the living room. The sound of running water carried down the hall from the bathroom.
His gaze swept around the room and stopped on the coffee table. Allie had been working on a laptop computer; something on the internet. Probably her website. Stepping closer, he also noticed tissues littered the table next to a cup with a tea bag tag dangling over the side and a package of soda crackers. He paused at the sight of the crackers. His gaze shifted back to her mug.
Allie always drank coffee.
His heart began to thump in his chest.
“Rick, you shouldn’t have come over,” Allie said from behind him, sounding miserable. “Obviously, I’m still sick.”
He spun around. Spot protested the quick movement with a sharp bite on his thumb. After depositing her on the couch, he focused on Allie. Only he had to clear his throat twice before he could speak. “Last night you said you were feeling better.”
She lifted a shoulder. “It’s been worse in the mornings. Really, you should probably go before you catch it.”
He followed her toward the door, but had no intention of leaving. Now that the initial shock had worn off, a smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth. “I highly doubt it’s contagious.”
“You don’t know that—stop it, don’t.” She pushed him away when he tried to pull her into his arms for a hug. “I’m telling you, you don’t want this, and it wouldn’t be good for Lukas.”
“It’ll be great for Lukas, and I want it more than you know.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” She held up her hand and shook her head. “No. You know what, forget it, don’t answer that, just go away. I’m too tired for this right now.”
“That’s your hormones talking, honey.”
She yanked open the door. “You’re nuts.”
Feet planted, Rick crossed his arms over his chest. “And you’re pregnant.”
Chapter 15
Rick watched Allie’s face go from flushed to ashen in about two heartbeats. She stared at him with wide, tormented eyes and whispered, “Why would you say that?”
Her reaction threw him. Did she really not know? He took a step toward her, his hand outstretched, but she shook her head in fast jerky motions.
“No,” she said, almost to herself as she shut the door and moved past him, back into the living room. “I am not pregnant.”
He caught up to her and dipped his chin to get a better look at her downcast face. “You forget, I’ve been here before, Allie. I recognize the signs. And you haven’t had your period since we started dating.”
The physical pain etched in her expression made his heart drop into his stomach.
“I can’t get pregnant.”
The denial cut through him. For him, this was the second best thing that could happen—the first being her saying yes when he asked her to marry him. He’d fallen completely in love with her when Lukas had jumped on the bed and she’d said it was a great morning. And she was wonderful with Lukas, but…
What if she doesn’t want a baby?
He forced a deep breath to ease the constriction in his chest. Resolve coursed through him. No. He hadn’t brought up the subject of kids before now because his gut instinct warned him to go slow, and he wanted to give her the time she’d asked for. But he’d be damned if he didn’t fight for what he wanted right now.
“Allie, honey, listen, it’s not the end of the world. I know this is huge, but we can work through this. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
Her strangled laugh startled him. When she looked up, her hazel eyes were brimming with unshed tears.
“You don’t understand. It’s not that I don’t want to get pregnant. God, I would give just about anything to have a baby. But the reality is, I can’t.”
The words didn’t make sense with the evidence. He looked at the coffee table then back to her. “But…you’ve got morning sickness. And you’re eating saltines. And drinking tea.”
“I have endometriosis.” She blinked and the tears cascaded down her face. “A rare, invasive form that makes it ninety-nine percent impossible for me to have a baby—the one thing I’ve wanted more than anything else.”
When her anguished words sunk in, Rick felt like he’d taken a horse-hoof to the head. She couldn’t have children. Her avoidance of him since he’d returned to Redemption, her reactions to Lukas—oh, God, Lukas! It all made sense now. Seeing his son must’ve been awful for her, knowing she couldn’t have a child of her own.
“So you see, I really am sick.”
He reached for her again, but she stepped back, slowly shaking her head. “You should go.”
“I’m not leaving you alone like this.”
She wiped her cheeks with the heels of her hands and took a deep breath. The calm that settled over her expression scared the hell out of him. “This isn’t going to work. You and me. Us. I thought I could get past it, but…I…I don’t think I can.”
“Yes, you can,” he stated. “Just give it time. Take all the time you need, and I’ll wait.”
“No. Time only makes it worse, because every day I’m reminded of what I can never have.”
“You have us. Me and Lukas. We’ve been happy these last few weeks.” In the face of her silence, he gripped her arms with a growing feeling of desperation. “We can be a family—isn’t that enough?”
Her gaze lifted to his…and broke his heart. “I’m sorry, Rick.”
She walked away from him without looking back.
Shell-shocked and numb, he let himself out, got in his truck, and backed from the driveway. Two years of yearning, four weeks of unmeasured happiness, only to have it end like this. He understood her pain of not being able to have a child of her own, especially when he heard in h
er voice how much she’d wanted one.
It was so obvious now; the tears that night Lukas had proudly announced he wanted to be just like his dad. The longing in her eyes at odd moments when he watched her watch his son.
What he didn’t get was her rejection of his offer for them to be a family. He knew she loved Lukas, and Lukas loved her. With his whole little heart. How could that not be enough? What other options did she have that would be enough?
Rick approached the veterinary clinic but didn’t slow his truck. He’d call Dana in a little while, after he figured out a way to jump back into his life as if nothing had happened. How did one do that when a part of them had just been ripped away without warning?
Life was so unfair. Hadn’t he already endured enough in his? Right on the heels of that thought, a harsh sound escaped his lips. Listen to him, having a pity party all for himself. He still had to explain all this to Lukas. And Allie was the one who really had reason to be angry at the world. To be so young, and told she would never hold her own baby.
He remembered the first time he’d ever held Lukas, it was the most humbling and amazing moment of his life. Life without Lukas would be unbearable.
Ninety-nine percent impossible.
Allie’s words echoed in his head. He braked, only to have a horn blast from the car behind and jolt him back to awareness. Lifting a hand in apology, he flipped on his signal and turned into the grocery store parking lot. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel as another thought whispered repeatedly in his mind, louder each time.
One percent possible.
It was crazy. What were the chances? A wry smile lifted the corners of his mouth. One percent is what they were, but one percent was still a chance. And why not? Not once had they used protection, because when she’d told him she wouldn’t get pregnant he assumed she was on the pill.
Women got pregnant the first time they had sex. They got pregnant after their husbands had vasectomies. So why couldn’t Allie get pregnant on her one percent?
Rick didn’t allow himself to think anymore. The hope that began to blossom in his chest was tamped down. Not yet. Not without Allie. He simply went inside the store, bought what he needed at the self-checkout, and drove back to her house.
Welcome To Redemption: Series Collection (Books 1-6) Page 55