by Linda Ford
They looked at each other in the lengthening shadows. At that moment something healing and eternal occurred. He knew he would never be the same. Not, he silently warned himself, that his circumstances had changed.
His heart swelled with gratitude for her understanding and he lowered his head and caught her lips in a gentle kiss.
Her hands splayed across his back. She appeared to welcome the kiss and return it with answering pressure.
His heart swelled to near bursting with joy. It beat hard with exuberance three times before his lifelong habit of caution took over and he reasoned his way out of accepting what this situation offered—though he couldn’t say exactly what it was, maybe a new beginning.
He broke away from her embrace. “I shouldn’t have done that. I had no right.”
She gave a deep-throated chuckle. “I don’t think you noticed me protesting in any way.”
When she would have tucked her hand about his elbow, he pretended to stop and listen for something, putting enough distance between them that she dropped her arm.
It wasn’t that he didn’t welcome her touch, even yearn for it. But nothing had changed. He was still Seth Collins who lived a life of caution. Who saw responsibilities as all consuming. Who didn’t know how to trust God. Who had a pa who needed him and in order to prove he wasn’t a failure in the responsibility department, he meant to prove he could look after Pa.
Jayne did not deserve the affections of a flawed man like him.
* * *
Jayne felt him pull back. Part of her understood it was his fear kicking in. Now that he’d shared the story about his brother and their friend, she understood why he wanted to control things so much, why he thought people shouldn’t take risks and why he kept his heart locked up. But she’d also seen his tenderness and vulnerability.
He’d given her such encouragement by saying she wasn’t a coward. She wanted to give him something in return. She recalled his words. Where was God? Why didn’t He stop them from dying?
She stopped walking and turned to face him.
He looked beyond her, avoiding eye contact.
It pinched her heart to see his withdrawal. “Seth, God was there. Why He didn’t stop the accident, I can’t say. I don’t presume to understand His ways. But more and more each day I understand that His love is unchanging. His arms are outstretched to comfort us. I think life is meant to press us closer to Him. But so often we—and I mean me—let circumstances come between us and then wonder where God is. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t change.” As she spoke, her convictions grew stronger. “I flounder from time to time but joy comes when I return to His side.”
His gaze darted to her for a heartbeat then away again. “I’m glad you have found solace in His presence.” His words were distant as if pulled from the mountain tops.
“I would wish the same for you, my friend.”
He jerked his full attention to her. “Friend?”
“We are, aren’t we?”
The seconds ticked by as he stared into her eyes. “Friends?” The word rounded with surprise.
She nodded, hoping he would allow it to be so.
A slow smile curled his lips. “I like that.”
“Me, too.”
They turned back to the trail.
After a moment he stopped. “You know, I haven’t had a friend since…” His voice trailed off.
“Since Sarah?”
“I was going to say since Frank.”
She reached for his arm, gratified when he didn’t pull away. “Then I’m doubly honored to be your friend.” A sense of wholeness, such as she couldn’t recall ever before experiencing, warmed her insides.
* * *
The next morning she dressed hurriedly and rushed to the kitchen to get milk for Thor. She glanced around, hoping Seth would be there and offer to help. Yes, caring for the fawn had been her idea but she’d never done anything of the sort before. Seth seemed to know what to do.
But he wasn’t about. Her heart squeezed out a disappointed beat. She longed to see him again, bask in his smile, revel in their friendship.
Never mind, she could feed the fawn herself.
She gathered together her supplies and trotted to the barn where she went to the enclosure where Thor rested. The pen was empty. An overwhelming sense of fear and dread took hold of her. Had the fawn died and one of the cowboys removed his body? Her knees weakened. “Thor,” she cried. “Thor.”
Footsteps thudded. She’d ask where they’d taken him and see he got a proper farewell. She turned, tears welling up in her eyes. “Seth.” He’d understand why it mattered so much. “Thor is gone.”
“He’s okay. Come and see.” He held the gate open.
His words barely registered in her brain. She had to force a deep breath into her lungs as she followed him.
He stepped back and pointed to a wire pen with a little wooden shelter. There Thor and Smokey chased each other around the perimeter.
She laughed shakily. “He’s okay.”
Seth jerked his attention to her. “You thought something had happened to him?”
She nodded, unable to push a word past the conflagration of emotions.
He moved closer and touched her cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
She nodded, clinging to his gentle look.
He dropped his hand, turned back to watch the pair in the pen.
Her world righted. Came back to sanity and reality. “You built this?”
“He needs space to run and play. He can play here during the day but for his safety, he’ll need to be shut in the barn at night.”
“I brought a bottle.” She clutched it still.
Together they entered the pen. Thor backed into the far corner but after a short struggle to get him started, he took the bottle readily enough.
Once Thor was sucking well, Seth backed away, leaving Jayne to feed the fawn on her own.
She appreciated his vote of confidence but felt he’d put distance between them for another reason. He was cautious about their friendship.
“Are you ready for another lesson today?” he asked.
Relieved that he didn’t mean to abandon the lessons, she gave him a teasing grin. “A shooting lesson?” She hoped to remind him of the evening before when, for a moment, she had felt so close to him. Maybe he’d realize she wasn’t opposed to courting lessons.
“‘Fraid I can’t teach you how to preserve peas,” he said. Her eyes twinkled and she understood he only pretended not to know what she meant.
Thor finished and trotted away, jerking her attention back to the animal.
“After breakfast?” he asked.
“Sounds good.” She looked forward to it more than usual. Last night had made her realize how much she had grown to enjoy his company.
They left Thor in his pen and stood outside watching him play with Smokey for a few minutes then they returned to the house.
After breakfast she would have stayed to help clean up but Linette shoved her toward the door. “Don’t keep Seth waiting.”
Jayne did not need any more urging and went to join Seth. They went to the clearing.
“I think you’re ready to go on your own,” he said.
A thrill of both victory and fear coursed through her veins. “You’re sure?”
He tipped his head and studied her, his eyes soft, his expression gentle. “Don’t you think you are?”
She considered the question. His instruction had been thorough. She knew each step. It was time to put aside her fear and move on boldly. “I’m ready.”
“Then let’s see you do it.” He stood at her side, observing as she loaded and aimed. “Good.”
He didn’t move to her back to steady her hand but remained close by. He really meant to leave her to do this herself. She considered letting her hand waver so he would put his arm around her and hold her hand. But no. She would learn how to shoot. She would do this.
She squinted down the sights an
d squeezed the trigger. A shudder raced through her at the explosion but she had not flinched.
Seth squinted toward the target. He said nothing.
“I missed, didn’t I?”
“Try again.”
She shot again. Missed again. But on the third try she hit the target. Only the outer edge but she cheered.
He gave a nod of approval. “You’re doing just fine. From now on you have to practice keeping your eye on the target. As you get better, move the target farther away.”
He talked like this was the end. She didn’t want it to be. Yes, she wanted to be strong and independent. But something deep inside her cried out for more. More than she’d had as a child protected by her father. More than she’d had as Oliver’s fiancee, never sure of his devotion. More than she had here as a woman allowed to do things she’d never have been allowed in England.
The trouble was, she simply didn’t understand what the more was.
She put the gun on a nearby stump and sat on the adjacent log. If only she could find the words to explain what she felt. But how could she when she didn’t know them herself?
“You look disappointed.” He stood a few feet away, his arms crossed, one foot tipped over the other.
She rolled her head back and forth. “Not disappointed, exactly.” He waited for an explanation. “I don’t know. It’s like now I can shoot. So what? How is that going to change anything? It won’t make me feel less like I failed to help Oliver when I could have. It won’t…” Her voice grew hoarse. “It won’t make me any more sure that he loved me. Or that I loved him.” The words had come uncensored to her mouth and she clamped a hand to her lips. “I didn’t mean to say that.” Her eyes felt way too wide.
He sat beside her. “Jayne, you can’t change the past. But didn’t you say you can use it?”
She tried to recall when she had said that. “I said life is meant to press us closer to God. Is that what you’re referring to?”
He nodded.
“Have I let my experience with Oliver press me closer?” She thought for a moment. “It’s certainly changed me. Made me want to be strong. Able to take care of myself and protect others. It’s also made me see that what Oliver and I had wasn’t what I want now. It was enough back then but now I want to be more than a convenient addition to a man’s life. I want to be more than a worthy match.” She grew firmer, more impassioned as she spoke. “I want—” She clamped back the words. I want a love that is not only ready to die for me, but to live life to the fullest with me.
Seth waited and she scrambled for words to finish her sentence.
“I want to be fearless.” It was but a fraction of the truth.
He chuckled. “Jayne, I think you are closer to that every day.”
His words had the power to ease her worries and she smiled. “I guess I am. Thanks to your help.”
He choked back his amusement. “I don’t think I can take credit for doing anything but walking beside you.”
Walking beside her. What a wonderful thought. That’s exactly what she wanted. A man who would walk beside her. Honor her strengths and gently help her through her weaknesses. Why had she picked a man like Oliver who offered neither? And now she’d met one who offered both but for a limited time. She would ask him when he meant to leave but didn’t want him to think she thought it was time.
“I told Linette I would get back to help pick beans.” They retraced their steps toward the ranch. “I never realized how much work was involved in growing and gathering food and preparing enough for the winter.”
The sun was warm overhead. A gopher stood on tiptoe beside a mound of dirt and whistled before it ducked down his hole in the ground.
Jayne chuckled. “Cheeky little thing.” She breathed deeply. “Do I smell roses?”
“Over there.” He pointed toward a bush with late-season wild roses.
She’d seen them before and loved them. Single petaled in varying colors of pink from palest skin tones to fullest red. She bent over the bush and inhaled the scent. She would pick one and take it home but had learned how fragile the blossoms were. The petals would fall even as she picked the flower.
A flash of blue in the grass caught her eye and she scurried to the spot. Little bluebells hung their clustered heads. Such rare beauty.
Seth waited nearby as she enjoyed the flowers.
She sat back on her heels and let her gaze sweep the blanket of blossoms. Her eyes were drawn to something on the horizon.
A man sat on a horse watching them.
She rose slowly and backed to Seth’s side. An English gentleman. Nothing unusual about that. He would have fit in back in London but looked out of place here with his bowler hat and buttoned-up suit. Would she ever see a man thusly dressed and not be reminded of Oliver’s killer?
As the man shifted in his saddle, Jayne caught a glimpse of his face. She gasped and grabbed Seth’s arm, dragging him behind a bunch of poplar trees.
Seth stared at her. “What is wrong?” He ducked his head to look into her eyes. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Jayne struggled to suck in air. “It’s him.” Her voice shook.
Seth looked about. “Who is him?”
“That man.” Jayne pointed a trembling finger. “It’s him. He’s the man who shot Oliver.”
Seth moved to where he could see where she pointed. “Are you sure?”
“I…” She tried to collect her thoughts, sort out the flashes of memory from that day. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s only because he’s dressed like that man was.”
“He’s leaving. I wonder what he wanted.”
Jayne bent over her knees, forcing air in and out of her wooden lungs. “What if it’s really him?” She straightened and stared to where the man had been. “What if he followed me? What if he wants to get rid of the only witness?” She shuddered.
Seth pulled her into his arms and patted her back. “I regret ever suggesting such a thing.”
Bile burned the back of her throat, but she focused her entire being on the comforting movement of his hand on her back, and the murmur of his words, though she didn’t listen to their meaning. Slowly, her nerves calmed and she relaxed into his embrace, feeling safe and sheltered.
It was a luxury she couldn’t allow herself. She must depend on no one to keep her safe. No one but herself and her skills. Thankfully she could now use a gun if she must, though she might not be any threat unless she could actually hit a target.
But she enjoyed several more moments of resting in his care then, exerting every bit of inner strength she possessed, she straightened and escaped his arms.
“If that’s him, he is here for only one reason.” She squared her shoulders. She would not cower in the corner if he threatened anyone again.
Chapter Twelve
Seth let her step away, although everything in him wanted to keep her right there in his arms where he could protect her. If he hadn’t been so busy watching her enjoy the flowers, he would have seen the man before he turned away. He would have memorized his face and then gone hunting him.
He couldn’t leave Jayne now. Not even for Pa’s sake. He hadn’t been able to protect Sarah and Frank from the cold waters, but he would keep Jayne safe at any cost.
“Let’s get back to the ranch.” He wouldn’t frighten her any more than she already was. Back at the ranch there was hope of keeping her under constant surveillance. He pulled her to his side, kept her tucked safely under his arm as they rushed back to the house.
Jayne hurried into the kitchen and collapsed on a chair.
Linette rushed to her side. “What’s wrong?”
She shuddered then said in a deadly calm voice, “I think I saw Oliver’s murderer.” She explained about seeing the rider.
Linette lifted her gaze to Seth. He saw the same horrible knowledge in her eyes. The Englishman would be in the same vicinity as Jayne for only one reason.
“Where’s Eddie?” he asked.
She nodded, relief f
illing her eyes as if assured her husband would know what to do. “He went to the supply sheds to check on what we need.”
“I’ll get him.”
Linette followed him to the far door.
“Keep Jayne here,” he said.
“I will.”
Seth found Eddie at the first supply shed. Roper was with him as they discussed a trip to town for supplies.
He told them both about the Englishman.
Eddie’s jaw tightened. “Could she have been mistaken?”
“I don’t know. Best you talk to her.”
Eddie handed his list to Roper. “Tell the boys to keep a lookout for a fancy-dressed Englishman and to bring him in if they see him.”
Back at the house they went to the kitchen where Jayne held a cup of tea. Linette sat across from her with a cup held tightly between her palms.
Eddie sat beside Linette. “Tell me everything.”
Seth sat at Jayne’s side, resisting a protective urge to put his arm about her.
Jayne nodded. “There was something about him. And as soon as he turned to give me a view of his face, I knew it was him.”
“You’re certain.”
“I suppose I could be mistaken but I don’t think so. I don’t think I will ever forget the look on that man’s face when he demanded Oliver turn out his pockets.”
It was more than enough for Seth. If Eddie didn’t do something, he would. He’d find the tracks on the hillside and follow the man to the ends of the earth.
“I’ll send for the Mountie,” Eddie said. “Until he gets here I think you better stay in the house.”
“I have to take care of Thor.”
At the blank look on Eddie’s face, Seth added, “The fawn.”
“Fine, but stay close to the buildings.”
Seth figured it indicated how frightened she was that she didn’t object to her brother ordering her about.
Mercy and Sybil clattered into the room.
“We heard. Did you really see the murderer?”
Eddie left the house as the pair hovered about Jayne. Mercy pushed Seth aside to sit next to her. He glanced after Eddie then decided he would stay right there until they knew for sure if the man was a threat or not. Until the man could be confronted face-to-face.