by Hall, S. E.
“Ah ah, my turn.” He dodges that one nicely. “So Disney, why Southern?”
“Easy, it’s where I got a good offer; you know, softball. Evan and Kaitlyn, my other best friend, are both at the University of Georgia, but they didn’t want me.” I instantly wish I could take back the last part I’d just blurted out. I don’t want him to think I feel sorry for myself. I was very lucky to get financial aid for my schooling and I’m grateful.
“So Dane, why not Southern?”
“I was never going to go to college.” He doesn’t elaborate.
Pulling teeth here. “Why not?”
“Now, Laney, with all your witty banter, surely you’re able to keep up with whose turn it is.” His lips curl up.
Oh, he’s clever. Yes, I was firing on all pistons with no regard for turns, so I remain silent.
“How long have you been playing softball?” he asks.
“Since I was about eleven, well, on a serious level, anyway. My dad coached me my whole life until I got to high school. They wouldn’t let him on the field then.” I laugh at my answer; oh, Daddy.
“I gotta tell ya, Disney, I never even thought about girls’ softball, let alone appreciated it, until I met you.”
“Our games haven’t even started yet, what are you talking about?” I give him a quizzical glance out of the corner of my eye.
“I can tell softball’s hard work and you’ve obviously dedicated yourself to it.”
“How do you know that?”
“By your body, Laney. No way has that happened on its own,” he remarks in a deeper tone.
“Um, Dane, have you been checking me out?” I blush.
“Only when I’m breathing.” He winks and gives me a sideways beam.
He’d set himself up to be able to tell me he thinks I have a nice body, and Lord help me, I appreciated the effort.
“Alright, whose question?” I ask with way too much excitement.
“Mine, when we get done—we’re here.”
***
Ty’s is a very nice gym and I don’t even ask what we’re doing here this time, working out is fine with me. I have to say, I don’t think Dane’s plans have or will ever be mimicked. I wouldn’t have guessed today’s agenda in a million years.
Here, too, it’s all Mr. Kendrick this and Mr. Kendrick that, and once we’re suited up in protective gear, it appears this won’t be a standard workout and that we’re the only two in class. A burly man named Kit explains that he’s a self-defense instructor and goes through the basic moves of self-defense. He has me practice them all on him several times. It’s odd how in tune to me Dane is. Self-defense class? Perfect.
Kit next wants me to spar with Dane, who’s grinning ear to ear. “Take it easy on me, badass,” he teases as he grins bigger, if that’s possible.
I flip him off.
His eyebrows pop up. “I’ve never seen that move in a Disney movie,” he laughs. I just roll my eyes.
We go through the scenarios and I actually do pretty well…I think. I’m a bit distracted, I mean, Evan has a great body and is a stellar athlete, but he’s way across a field covered in pads. Dane is right in front of me; shirtless and sweating. It’s scary hot.
The male form in motion is a beautiful thing; skin, sweat, muscles flexing…pay attention, Laney, you’re gonna get knocked out. I stay off my butt, get a few blocks up and get one kick on him, which I’m pretty sure he let me do, but I’d say it’s pretty good for my first performance.
“Remember, Laney, nose or groin, and then run and scream the whole way, got it?” Dane is taking this very seriously. “Let’s do it again, I’m attacking you from the front.”
And he does, I get the shove your nose up move in and turn to run.
“Make sure he’s down before you turn your back, Laney,” he reminds me as he grabs my arm.
I do the backwards elbow up to his nose that they taught me, and this time I spin and do the knee to groin motion, watching him go down, before I turn to run.
“Very nice, Disney, you did very well.”
I square my shoulders and chin. “Thanks.”
Even Kit agrees I’m a very quick learner. Dane and I both thank him for the lesson and go to change.
Heading to the car, I’m actually bounce skipping or something. I can’t remember the last time I had this kind of adrenaline high. This has been one of the best days I’ve ever had and I’m euphoric.
***
Last stop of this exhilarating day is dinner and we agree on Mexican food.
“Okay, so it was my turn,” he says as we wait for our food. “How did you like the defense class?”
“I really liked it, very cool and good to learn. Thank you.” I smile.
“You’re very welcome. Do you know why I took you there?”
“Well, the shoot was so I’d feel pretty, which I did, so I’m guessing the class was so I’d feel safe?”
“In part, yes. I want you to feel in control, Laney. I see a look in your eyes sometimes, a lot like fear, and as you venture out more, I want you to have at least some control over the situation. I want that sense of confidence to emanate from you.”
“Why?” It’s insightful, but way forward.
“I can tell all this is new to you, Laney; college, going out, meeting new people. I want you to feel secure. Every woman should make decisions based on good sense or choice, not fear.”
“How do you think you know so much about me?”
“I’m a pretty good people reader, always have been. I have to be. If I’m wrong, remember, just tell me. Either way, though, it can’t hurt for you to be prepared, right?”
“No doubt, it was good to learn…but, I don’t know…”
“What, tell me?”
“I loved today. Everything you planned was original and creative and so fun, but both things were to make me feel something else or be someone different. It kinda makes me feel like you see all these things about me you want to fix, like I’m not okay as I am. Does that make sense?”
He looks at me thoughtfully for a bit before answering. “Yes, I can see where you’d think that.” He blows a sigh up and out, ruffling his hair slightly. “I’m so sorry, Laney. Damn, talk about a backfire.”
“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, Dane.” I cover his hand resting on the table with mine. “I really appreciated everything today.”
“I know you did, even though I was making you feel doubt the whole time. I tried to plan things to make you happy and it had the opposite effect. I’m sorry.” The desolate look he now wears breaks something in me.
“Don’t do that, Dane, don’t shut down. Tell me what you meant, what your goal was, and let’s see if I can understand where you were coming from. I bet I get it.” I smile at him encouragingly. I refuse to let this day go sour.
“That, right there.” He turns his hand in mine, linking over fingers together. “You’re so real. The last thing I’d ever want to do is change you. I took you to the photo shoot because it’s something near to my heart, capturing beauty like yours.” He kisses the back of my hand. “And the class, I thought it’d be fun. You play ball, so you obviously like physical activities. And I admit I knew I’d like watching you enjoy a physical activity. So really, they were both kinda about me,” he chuckles. “As of right now, I have no inventory of anything wrong with you.” He winks, but it’s to deflect nervousness, he thinks I won’t accept his answer…
Wrong, it was a perfect answer. “See, I understand completely. Was that so hard? I mean, don’t you hate it when people do that? They let a minuscule misunderstanding build and build without addressing it, and before you know it, there’s a path of destruction. It’s such an easy fix to just talk about things. In fact, sometimes it not only fixes things, it makes them even better!”
“Girls who talk things out calmly? Where did you come from, Laney?”
“Georgia.”
“Well, Georgia is lucky to have you. Come on, you finished?”
“
I am. The food was so good. Thank you, Dane.”
“Thank you for always saying thank you. I like doing things with you.”
I blush a bit at this. I like doing things with him, too. He’s so down to earth, so easy to talk to. It’s like I’ve known him a lot longer than I have.
It’s dark when we get outside, so I suggest maybe he take me home now, I have class early. “Dane, why weren’t you ever going to go to college?”
“Ah, back to your question, huh? OK, I’ll tell you a bit, but go easy on me, Disney. I don’t want to unveil all the cobwebs at once, alright?”
I nod my agreement as he holds open the car door for me, guiding me in with his hand at the small of my back.
He climbs in his side and starts the car but turns to me before we move. “I had other things waiting for me, responsibilities, so I couldn’t go to college and manage those things at the same time. I couldn’t let so many others down just to come out with a degree I’d never have to use. Maybe one day, if things are different, I’ll go. But for right now, I made the right decision.”
“Are you happy?”
This question throws him, he looks out the windshield straight ahead and it seems he’s calming himself before he answers. “I think you’re the first person who’s stopped and asked me that. All this time, people who’ve known me forever, you’re the only one. The answer is…sometimes. I’m happy right now.”
“Why now?” My hands fidget nervously in my lap and I chew my lip, perhaps I’m digging too deep.
“Because I’m with you; I’ve been with you all day. The way you talk to me so openly, you make me feel alive, seen. I know you see me.”
We pull up to my dorm but the last thing I want to do is get out. He turns in his seat to face me, his eyes drifting to my lips and back, unashamed. Dane’s talking and I’m like a sponge, but I really do need to get inside and to bed. “You coming up to their room? We can walk up.”
“Not tonight, I have to go home. But I’ll walk you to the door. “
When we get there, he stops and grazes my face with his fingertips. I think he may want to kiss me, but I’m not going to let that to happen. It’s way too soon for me. But he doesn’t, he just takes me all in, stroking my cheek.
“See me tomorrow,” he says. “I’ll let you plan it.”
I laugh. “You make wonderful plans. Stop, we covered that. But I have ball until six tomorrow, then probably homework. Why don’t you text or call me and we’ll see?”
“I can do that. Thank you for today, Disney.”
“You too, Dane, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I walk inside, giving him a small wave.
***
In my room, Bennett and Tate are draped across her bed watching a movie. I hate to interrupt, but I really need to get some rest.
“Hey guys, sorry. I’ll be asleep and out of your hair in just a minute.”
“Laney, where were you all day?” Bennett asks me, slightly muffled as her face is buried in Tate’s chest. God, I bet that feels nice; being held.
“Ya, Laney, where ya been?” Tate smirks.
“I was with a new friend, let me show you.” I take the print Dane had made for me out of the envelope and hand it to Bennett, nervous of her reaction.
“Oh my God, Laney, you look gorgeous! You could model, seriously.”
Tate looks over and smiles. “He took you to the studio, huh? You like it?”
The implication in Tate’s question suddenly makes me feel foolish, as though Dane takes all his “projects” there and perhaps all of his lines about how special I am are a crock. Is this his MO and I moronically allowed myself to feel enchanted? God, I must’ve looked like an idiot, modeling like some starry-eyed bimbo.
I’d call and ask him, but they’re in the room and they’d hear me; further humiliation. And Dane doesn’t really owe me an explanation. He’s not my boyfriend; hell, that wasn’t even a date. If I knew him better, I’d have a better grasp on this, on his intentions; but I don’t.
I don’t know anyone here really. How did this wonderful day go wrong in seconds? Hadn't he just remarked how refreshing it was that I’m a girl who talks things out calmly? And yes, usually I am…but right now, I’m irrational. I knew better than to let my guard down, damnit!
“Laney, you okay over there?” Bennett asks. “You can watch the movie with us.”
“No, I’m good, just tired. Don’t mind me.”
Bennett’s a good roommate, she’s neat and chips in, doesn’t ever get in my way, but I need my time, my sanctuary. I roll towards the wall and pop my earbuds in, but as I lay there, my anger and mortification brews and brews, so under the covers where the lovers won’t see me, I text Dane…
Laney: I feel like a fool.
Dane: What are you talking about?
Laney: Photo shoot…me…I don’t feel pretty anymore, I feel like a jackass.
Dane: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Where is this coming from?
Laney: Nvmnd, prbly overreacting. Night.
I rip out my earbuds and turn my phone completely off. Great, now I can hear them mumbling and Bennett intermittently giggling—how bad would it hurt to just pierce out my eardrums? Probably pretty bad, so I jam a pillow over my head.
CHAPTER 22
Out in the Cold
***Laney***
I ignore Dane’s calls and texts all day, and there weren’t any from Evan to ignore, so tonight’s practice is just what the doctor ordered; I have a lot to work through. Actually, I have a lot of “lack of” to get out—lack of boyfriend, Evan, lack of communication with best friend, Evan, lack of dignity about being Dane’s puppet, lack of silence from two people going at it like rabbits in my room…ya, college rocks. GO EAGLES!
I work out until Coach makes me stop. “Hit the showers, Walker, enough for today. I’ll see you Sunday morning.”
Sunday morning? Oh just kill me now, I’ve forgotten all about that damn hitting clinic, and it’s at UGA. What am I gonna do? Of course I’ll see Kaitlyn, who I haven’t talked to since she sent the picture. Actually, I wasn’t talking to her much before that, either. But what if I run into Evan? What if I don’t? See—since when do I question seeing Evan? And yet, here we are. AAARGH!
Finally walking into my room after a marathon day, someone yells my name behind me. Turning, I see Zach jogging down the hall to catch me. “What’s up, stranger? You just getting in?”
“Yeah, I went ham at ball practice tonight. How are you, Zach? Anything new?” I welcome the big hug he gives me.
“Nothing much, big home game this weekend, can you make it?”
“Yeah, I leave for hitting clinic early Sunday, but I can come Saturday to watch you. I’d love to see you play!”
“Great, I’ll give you my parents’ tickets. You don’t strike me as a student section mosher,” he laughs.
“Good call,” I chuckle back. “I’ll be there. I’ll see you before then though, right?”
“Well, I sure hope so. You okay, Laney?” He rests one hand on my shoulder. “You seem off.”
I am off, I’m so far off I don’t know which way’s up. “Ya, I’m good, thanks, though. All I need right now is a shower. I refuse to use the team facilities.” A shiver actually shakes me just from the thought. “I have a paper to finish, too; I’ll see ya later, Zach.”
My room is empty, thank God. I throw all my stuff down and beeline for the shower. I stay in long after I’m clean and finally get out when the water feels like ice. I change into sweats and a tank, leaving my hair wet, and climb into bed. Bennett comes in not long after.
“Hey, roomie, whatcha doing?”
“Just relaxing, getting ready to go to bed. How was your day?”
“Absolutely fabulous! I think I got the role I wanted in our play.” Her green eyes sparkle and I’m so happy for her. “You’ll come to the show, right Laney?”
“Of course I will, congratulations!”
“Thank You! Tate’s so proud of me; he’s on his way
over. I think he got me a present!”
She’s so excited, I don’t complain about the fact I’m in bed and would rather not have company. Nor do I want to be a third wheel spectator, so I move to go. “I’m gonna go chill at Zach’s, ya’ll have fun.” She of course tells me I don’t have to leave, but I do. They need this time. Lord knows, if I had a hottie coming over to bestow “you’re awesome” gifts to me, I wouldn’t want an audience.
Of course Zach’s not in his room, but we’ve reviewed this…everyone here has a life but me. What the hell do I do now? I’m in sweatpants, in the middle of the hall and my keys are back in the room, along with my bed. FML.
And once again…I find myself knocking on Room 114. Tate and I really should just switch rooms, except that’s not happening.
Sawyer yells “come in” so I ever so slightly open the door and peek around it. I like to see what I’m walking into before it sees me. “Hey Laney, come in, girl. Whatcha doing?” He looks up from his game and I move in and shut the door.
“Which one’s Tate’s bed?” I ask him.
“Um, that one.” He points. “Why?”
“Well, Romeo and Juliet are having private time, and I’m tired. If he’s gonna take up my room, I’m taking his bed.”
“Cool with me, you want a drink or something?”
“Like you’d get up from that game to get me one,” I laugh. “No, Sawyer, I’m good, thanks.”
I try to get comfortable enough to possibly fall asleep in Tate’s bed with Sawyer in the room, basically as anti-me as it gets, when the door flies open. Ah, and just when I didn’t believe in happy endings, in walk, or stumble rather, Dane and songbird bitch Whitley. She’s laughing like he’s the funniest guy on the planet, and of course she couldn’t possibly stand without both paws clinging to him, poor girl.
Dane takes notice of me and his face goes pale as his eyes bore into mine. “What are you doing here…in my brother’s bed?” He croaks out.
“Your brother’s in my room and Zach’s not home, so I came here and Sawyer wore me plum out.”