by Hall, S. E.
“Shit, man.” He leans over and runs his hands up and down his thighs. “Okay. You’re a good guy. I know this because Laney cares about you and has nothing but good things to say about you. So I’m gonna help you, and her, once and for all.” He stares at me, a deadly force in his eyes. “But know this. Keep your cool no matter what. You raise a hand to any friend of mine and I won’t hesitate to take your ass out. Capisce?”
I nod, to what I have no idea, really, but he’s my key to Laney. “Capisce.”
“Come on.” He stands and motions to the parking lot. “I’ll drive.”
Fifteen minutes into the most awkward silence and eerie car ride I’ve ever endured, Sawyer opens his phone. “Gotta make this call. Nothing personal,” he shrugs, “loyalties and all.”
WTF did he just say? I nod, completely lost, much like I’ve been doing since I ran into him.
“Hey, man, it’s Saw. Yeah, you too.” He’s listening to the person on the other end now. “Listen, about that…I’m on my way to your house right now. What? Oh yeah,” he laughs, “over that, dude. Saw my folks, got in, got out. Huh? Nah, she’s cool, but not gonna make the cut.” He laughs again, then glances over to me and quickly back to the road. “I’m gonna be at your house in less than 20, so shut the hell up and listen to me. Found Evan at the dorm when I got back and he convinced me to take him to Laney, so we’re on our way.”
There’s a long pause on his end of the conversation. His voice when he speaks again has an angry edge. “Fuck that, man, you know better. Last goddamn thing I want is to be involved, but somebody needs to man up or something, cause this is bullshit. Everyone involved is better than this.” Silence again, but I can hear a heated male voice coming through his phone. “Yeah, yeah, yeah….see ya in a bit.” He closes his phone and tosses it on the dashboard.
There’s tension leering in my body and this whole thing is too weird, so I speak up. “Is Laney okay? She’s not,” I gulp, “in danger or anything, is she?”
“Fuck no.” He looks over at me, his face relaxing. “Seriously, man, she’s fine. I wouldn’t let anybody hurt Laney. But I don’t envy you.”
My hackles go up instantly. “What does that mean?” I ground out.
“It means,” he starts, thinking about his next words carefully, “you wanted to see Laney, I’m taking you to Laney. Ain’t never been in love, thank fuck, but I can’t just do nothing. I’m just not made up like that. You do love her, right?”
“More than anything,” my mouth answers on its own.
“Thought so,” he sighs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “We’re headed to Dane’s house. She’s there.”
My stomach rolls over and I wipe my hands down my face, hoping to squash the nausea. “Why?” I manage to ask.
Sawyer turns and gives me a dumbfounded look. “Why you think? You been away from her what, five, six months? She went on, Evan. She’s fucking hot.” He chuckles. “Sorry, man. But hell, she is, and cool, and real. Dane noticed. We all noticed, but those two clicked.”
Clicked? Laney doesn’t “click” with other guys. Laney doesn’t care about guys and their pathetic come-ons. Right? My breathing is erratic at best. I quickly roll down my window, needing some fresh air, stat. We don’t speak again and soon pull up in the driveway of a mansion. Fucker.
Palms sweaty, I take two swipes before getting the door open. My steps to the door feel like they’re taken with cinder blocks for shoes and despite spastic swallowing, my mouth is ashy. Sawyer reaches out to ring the doorbell as I shove my hands deep in my pockets, not wanting anyone to see them shake. The girl I recognize as Laney’s roommate answers the door, her eyes widening when she realizes who I am.
“H-Hey, Sawyer…Evan?” she stutters.
“Hey, Ben, go get Laney, would ya?” Thank God Sawyer’s able to speak, cause I sure as hell can’t.
Despite my head, my heart bounces and my breath catches as she comes around the corner. My princess, long blonde hair damp, beautiful body clad in silky pj pants and a tank top, walks towards me with surprise in her eyes. She chews her bottom lip and looks to Sawyer first. “Thought you went to your parents’ house?”
“Cut it short; Kirby got on my nerves.” He shrugs and opens his arms for her hug, but she doesn’t give it.
“I didn’t realize you were coming.” Her eyes narrow at him.
“I told Dane,” he says firmly.
She nods at him before closing her eyes and sucking in a deep breath. When she opens them, she meets my gaze dead on. “Hey, Evan,” she whispers.
“Hey.” I clear my throat loudly. “Surprise.”
She smiles, but it falls instantly. “Evan, I—” she shudders and stops, Dane moving in behind her, wrapping his arm possessively around her waist.
My eyes move to where their bodies connect, searing, before I look back at her. The chocolate brown symbols of my existence are filled with tears, begging to spill. They tell me everything I need to know, answering every question I can’t ask out loud. I shake my head, dismissing the flashing image of my happily ever after nose-diving and bursting in flames. She isn’t sick. She’s with Dane. With Dane. I lost. I left, and I lost.
I feel like I’m being gutted with a dull knife. I did a lot of things wrong, things I’m ashamed of, but I never gave my heart to another. My heart always waited for her and I took for granted that hers would do the same. With the last shred of strength and dignity I have left, I rip the shiny envelope from my back pocket. “Merry Christmas, princess,” I muster, shoving it into her hand.
In it, my transfer slip. I walked away from UGA and a full scholarship to sit the bench for a year of ineligibility at Southern…to be with her. I can’t change it now. I’ve been released; I’m as good as at Southern. When she opens it, will she come back to me? If she does, will it be for the right reasons? Would I ever know for sure?
“Evan, I—” her voice calls and then fades.
I don’t turn back to look. I’ll never know if she tried to come after me, Dane pulling her back, or she just let me keep walking. I don’t know if she’s crying or sighing in relief.
Sawyer falls into step beside me and throws his arm over my shoulder. “You a drinker?”
“Not really,” I mumble.
“Wanna be?”
“Fuck yes.”
“Thought so,” he chuckles, banging his hand on the hood. “Get in, bro, I’ll find ya a cure.”
I doubt it.
Embrace
Evolve Series, Book Two
CHAPTER 1
Dear Laney
***Evan***
My phone is burning a hole in my pocket. Ninety percent of me wants to respond to the text Laney had sent about an hour ago, but the other ten percent, the shred that still has some dignity, is winning. As much as I want an exact explanation, I simply can’t bear to hear it right now.
Sawyer’s a godsend, shoving beers in my hand and attracting every girl in the bar over to our table. He’s doing a better job than anyone else could at distracting me, including the brunette currently perched on my right leg… Manda? Mandy? She’s hot with long dark hair, full lips and huge tits that she’s not afraid to let play peek-a-boo. She even smells decent and her hands know no boundaries, but all I can think about is the one who got away; a beautiful blonde with a quick wit, smart mouth and devastating smile.
“Dude, you need another one?” Sawyer’s question drags me from my mental misery, and I’m almost sure he’s asking about another beer, not another girl.
“Sure,” I respond with no feeling whatsoever. It’s sadly the correct answer no matter what he was asking.
“Want me to get it, sugar?” Man—whatever asks with a syrup to her voice that I just noticed and don’t particularly like.
“Two, Amy,” Sawyer directs her and hands her some money.
Amy? Shit, I wasn’t even close. Good thing I hadn’t spoken to her even once.
“She’s hot, bro.” Sawyer raises his brows and motions to Amy wit
h his head, to which I shrug noncommittally. “What is it, you need a blonde? I figured that’d be too much, but I can—”
My hand shoots up, cutting him off. “I appreciate it, man, I do,” I stop and take a swig of beer, “but a parade of girls isn’t gonna help me tonight. I just need to crash; wake up to a new day. You think you can take me to my truck?”
“Nah, but you can bunk with me.” He throws some bills on the table and stands. “Let’s go.”
We leave the bar, not collecting the beers he’d already shelled out money for and not saying goodbye to Amy. I appreciate the hasty retreat.
“Why are you going out of your way for me?” I ask him as we drive back to his dorm—her dorm.
“Real talk?”
“Please.”
“I’m not just helping you. I mean, I feel for you; damn, do I feel for ya.” He chuckles and reaches over to punch me in the arm, offering a grin covertly lined with sympathy. “It’s more than that though, Laney’s my girl, and I know she’s probably worried as shit about you right now, so I’m partly looking out for ya ‘cause she’d want me to. She’d feel better knowing you’re not off crying in your beer alone.” He laughs again. “But mostly, Dane’s my boy. Not only is he my employer, but he’s one of my best friends. And he loves Laney, so I’d be lying if I pretended this wasn’t a little about distracting his competition.” He parks his car and turns to me, waiting for my reaction to his honesty.
“She texted me.” I have no idea why this is what I’d chosen to respond with.
“Oh yeah?”
Yeah.” I rub my eyes with the heels of my hands, fighting off the beginnings of a headache. “I didn’t answer her. I have no idea what to say.”
“Don’t ask me,” he says as he gets out of the car. “I’m terrible with women. Well… I’m terrible at talking to women about important shit.” He opens the door to the dorm, letting me walk in first. “Never saw the need.”
I crash on Sawyer’s couch, resting another beer nightcap on my bare chest, thoughts of how differently I saw things panning out swirling in my head. She had warned me. I knew this Dane kid was creeping in; I’d gotten here as soon as I could. Just not soon enough.
How naïve I’d been, thinking Laney and I were forever, that distance wouldn’t affect our closeness. The thought of Laney coming out of the box she keeps herself in long enough to meet someone, to actually fall for them, shutting me out—I’d have bet you all the money in the world it would never happen. Well, there goes that safety net. You know what they say—take care of your woman or another man will.
I don’t even know how to proceed with this—I certainly don’t know how (or if) to respond to her messages. I’m definitely not qualified to write the manual on Plan B, since Plan A, plunge head over ass into a year of ineligibility for the girl who is now with another guy, blew up in my face.
Delirious with grief, jealousy, and a million other things, I rudely dig around Sawyer’s living area until I find a pen and paper. Who writes letters anymore? This guy, apparently. It just feels more personal than a text, and if Laney and I are even one single thing anymore, we’re personal. No matter what Dane has with her now, he can’t undo ten years of us.
I can imagine what she demands of him, what she expects. I helped set those precedents. I proved to her there are guys that will listen and treat her like a queen. Since she was a little girl, I showed her how a man should treat a woman as special as her. So he’s getting a real lady…
You’re welcome, asshole.
I want to know why. What had he done, so well, so quickly, that I’d been forgotten; replaced? Is there anything I can do to get her back? Do I want her back?
It’s around 4 am when I finally finish my letter to her, calmer now that I’ve gotten some of it out on paper, the racing questions in my mind slowed down enough that I can finally fall asleep.
No sooner than I finally fall asleep, I’m awake, sun streaming obnoxiously through the curtains and straight into my eye. The microwave clock says it’s 9:12. Ugh. I wanted to sleep so much longer than five hours.
The least I can do is run out and grab breakfast. Sawyer’s been pretty cool, and since I’m starving and he’s got twenty pounds on me, he’s got to wake up ravenous. I get up and dressed, checking my phone out of habit. There’s six texts waiting, all from Laney, the last one from around midnight. I didn’t answer her then and I don’t answer now, heading out with my letter and appetite.
I hit the nearest drive thru and curse myself for not grabbing Sawyer’s keys. I wait about fifteen minutes in front of the dorm, holding bags of breakfast in my hands, before a cute co-ed lets me back in the door. I thank her and walk slowly down the hall, giving her a chance to gain some ground. I don’t want her, or anyone, to see my pathetic next move.
I’m not sure how I remember, but I find Laney’s door easily. Pulling the letter from my back pocket, I bend to slip it under her door, shocked when I hear her sweet laugh from the other side. She’s here? She’s not with him anymore? My heart suddenly lifts, as does my hand, ready to knock, when his voice reaches out and rips my heart out of my chest.
I should walk away. Definitely the right thing to do.
Fine, open a spot in hell for me, like it’s so much different than where I’m at right now anyway—I’m not moving. Their voices are muffled and I’m straining to listen, but I hear it.
“So you forgive me?”
“Yes, caveman, I forgive you, but I’m still not ready to forgive myself. I mean it, though, don’t ever do anything like that, ever again.”
“I promise, baby. I love you.”
“Me too.”
Ah fuck. Me too? Whatever does or doesn’t happen now, no matter what words she says to me, it’s those words, those last ones to him, which will ring in my ears.
How could she love him? I’ve had ten years with the little girl, the young lady, and apparently the “I love you as a best friend,” but in the span of only months, he’d taken the woman. This realization sends a wave of nausea and loneliness through me, but I muster the energy to move my feet, not wanting them to open the door and catch me standing here like the loser I’ve become.
I make my way to Sawyer’s room and a new fervor flames inside me with every step I take. Yes, my face grazed tits and she’d gotten a picture of it. Sure, her best friend woke up in my room, her only clothing mine…but I never told anyone I loved them! I never gave my heart! I transferred schools for her, gave up a scholarship, fought like hell with my parents about it…damn right she shouldn’t forgive herself. I flex my hands in and out of fists, rolling my neck, fighting the urge to punch a hole in the wall. Nostrils flared, chest heaving rapidly, I take a few deep breaths before finally knocking.
When Sawyer opens the door, I have only one thing to say. “Last night was a bust. Think we can do better tonight?”
He smiles and fist bumps me, which I take as a yes.
Fuck this. Disney movies suck anyway—bring on a porno!
CHAPTER 2
Georgia Heat
***Dane***
After such a big argument with Laney, I want to give her some fun tonight, so we’re headed to The K. I’ve invited The Crew, on me, for a night of light-hearted hanging out. Tate isn’t quite up for it yet, but everyone else is back from their holidays and agreed to join us.
I glance from the road to her, so quiet in her seat. “You ready to have some fun tonight?”
“Sure,” she answers softly, offering me a weak smile.
She said she forgave me, but clearly she’s still beating herself up. She’d left me, furious about the scene with Evan at my door, and I never want to feel so empty and helpless again. I’m no stranger to loss, but now that I’ve let Laney in and handed her my whole life and heart, being without her simply isn’t an option. So I have to learn to deal with the Evan thing a little more tactfully—I can handle that.
“You still mad at me, baby?” I reach for her hand and feel a twinge of pain when she flinch
es at my touch.
“No, I said I forgive you, and I do.” She sighs heavily. “I just feel bad, going out and having fun, when I know he’s hurting.”
I knew from day one that Evan was important to her, so I’d be a fool to think she’d just turn it off like that, but it was much easier to accept when he was hours away. Now he’s here and I don’t know what the hell to do—do I talk about it? Ignore it? Whisk her away on a relaxing trip in hopes she’ll suddenly tell me what she’s really thinking? I lift her hand to my lips, kissing it softly, choosing my next words carefully. I hadn’t handled Evan at my door with class, she was right, and disappointing her cut deep. Usually when she looks at me, I see love and acceptance; when she’d walked away, her eyes had been full of disgust. I don’t want to ever see that look from her again, so I’m walking a tightrope, trying to balance her peace of mind and our future simultaneously.
“Give it some time, Laney. Let him calm down, then maybe you two can talk.”
It takes everything in me not to snarl my teeth at the thought of them together, talking, but she’s my one true love, my air, and I hate the idea of her being unhappy more. Getting to know her and letting her get to know me has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love to make her laugh, the sound is my Zen, and she’s the funniest person I’ve ever met. I’ve numbly gone through the motions of life for years, and now that I’ve found a reason to smile, anticipate, imagine… I have to make sure I do everything I can to make her feel the same, even if that means giving her some room with Evan. She needs to find the place with him where she can forgive herself, but nothing more—the only way I’ll be without Laney is if I die in the fight.
Her eyes are watery, the tip of her nose pinking with the threat of tears. “Do you really think so? That he’ll actually forgive me?”