by Hall, S. E.
“How’s Angie?” I manage.
Parker’s mom will be all alone now. There’s no way she can run that farm by herself and Parker’s off at school, a great ball player.
“Not good, but your mama’s been tending to her. Parker got home last night and funeral’s day after tomorrow.”
“I’m on my way, probably be late tonight.”
“Sounds fine, just be careful driving, boy. And Evan?”
“Yeah?”
“Find Laney, let her know. Jeff can’t reach her and doesn’t need to be worrying. He’s pretty tore up, him and Dale so close and all. Those two,” he laughs passively, “one fishing tournament, they forgot to put the damn plug in the boat. Sank the damn thing right there at takeoff.” He sighs sadly. “Anyway, get her home.”
“I will, Dad, see you soon.”
I hang up and say nothing, my head hanging as the tears keep coming. I can’t look up. I don’t want her to see me like this, crying like a little girl, but I know it’s okay when I feel the small, comforting hand on the back of my neck. And when that same hand pulls me to her shoulder, the other arm wrapping completely around me, I sob shamelessly into her shirt, her shoulder, baring my soul.
I’m Evan Allen, and I cry when someone I love dies.
Butterfly kisses on my hair and wet cheek, accompanied with the occasional “I’ve got you” or “let it out” in the voice of an unjudging, compassionate angel tell me that soul is accepted.
It feels so good to lay my head in her lap and close my eyes, remembering all the good times I had with Dale, as she strokes my hair.
CHAPTER 15
We’ve Been Robbed
***Laney***
Evan: I need 2 talk 2 U ASAP. Please call me back.
He’d called three times right before sending the text, and I just hit ignore, not wanting anything to ruin our time here in Hawaii, even though I knew it had to be something if he’s calling at all, let alone at this strange hour. I also knew he’d send a text right behind it if it was important, and I was kinda hoping I could just read it without Dane waking up.
“Who is it?” Dane asks against my neck from where he’s snuggled behind me. “They obviously need something.”
“It’s Evan, says it’s urgent.”
“Call him back,” he gets up now, moving to the bathroom, “sounds important.”
This week in Hawaii has been so good for us. No schedules, no friends, no exes, no drama, no insecurities. I hope it’s revamped “us” and we can stay this way once we’re back, us against the world around us.
“Laney, hey,” Evan answers, not jovially.
“Hey, Ev, what’s up?”
“I’ve got some bad news, real bad. Are you sitting down? Is Dane there with you?”
“Yes and yes. Evan, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?” Dane is right beside me now, his arms curled around me, his lips resting on my shoulder.
“Dale had a heart attack, Laney.”
“Dale Jones? Well, is he gonna be okay?” Dane squeezes me tighter, placing kisses on my hair.
“No, Laney, he’s not. He died. Angie found him out in the field, he’d been working. Dad just called, he said your dad couldn’t reach you. He’s pretty upset.”
“Of course he is,” I choke on the tears gushing out of me instantly, “that’s his best friend. Why can’t he reach me?” I look at my phone and see no calls from my dad, and he definitely didn’t text. “He didn’t call, Lord knows what he’s dialing in his state. Anyway,” I gulp down the sorrow making it difficult to talk, “how’s Angie? Parker? Have you talked to him?”
My hand is shaking so hard I can barely hold the phone, and I can’t see, and I may throw up. Why??? Dale Jones never met a stranger. His wife was his queen, his son his prince. He worked hard every day, he drove the Sunday school bus for the church, he gave all the teenagers summer jobs… He let me keep calves and baby sheep on his farm, for crying out loud. I jump up and run to the bathroom, losing all my dinner from the night before.
Dale was like my uncle, he and Angie loved me like their own. They rounded out my lack of adult family when my mother was gone and in some way, made me feel whole. The world will be less of a place without such a fine man in it, and I feel sorry for all of us that inhabit it, because we’ve been robbed of Dale Jones. I slowly gather myself and get up from the floor to clean up, my stomach now completely empty. I brush my teeth and splash my face with water, then pull my hair back. I’ll call Evan back later, having just dropped the phone and ran. I’ll call my dad later too. Right now, I’m just gonna sit back down on the floor and be.
“Come on, baby.” Dane bends down and scoops me up I don’t know how much later. “You’re gonna wait in bed while I run you a hot bath. I got us almost packed; we fly out soon.” He carries me to the bed and tucks me in with a kiss to the forehead. “Be right back.”
“I need to call my dad, and Evan. I don’t know when the funeral is,” I moan, rolling over and sinking into the pillow, my body racking with sobs again.
His weight moves me as he sits down, rubbing my back. “All taken care of; I talked to them both. We fly back tonight and I’ll drive you home when we land. We’ll be there in time, baby, I promise, and we’ll stay as long as you want. Now close your eyes and rest while I get your bath ready.”
I don’t close my eyes when he walks away, but rather, find my phone.
Laney: Thnx 4 calling. When r u heading home?
He answers almost immediately.
Evan: Packing up now, will be to Dad’s late tonight. Dane said you guys would pull in Sun. You ok?
Laney: Not at all. You?
Evan: No, not really. Doesn’t seem real. He was younger than my dad.
Laney: I know, I can’t believe it. My heart aches. Will you plz check on my dad when u get there?
Evan: Of course.
Laney: Thnx Ev. Be careful driving.
Evan: Ok, take care of yourself. C U at home.
“Ready?”
I know he saw me texting, but he doesn’t mention it, just gives me a warm smile. I nod, raising my arms for him to pick me up and carry me to the bathroom. I love it when he carries me; it makes me feel feminine, delicate…cherished. I bury my head in his neck and breathe in the comforting scent of the man who loves me, protects me, will never leave me.
“Will you get in with me?”
“Of course.”
Laying back against his chest, in between his large, muscular legs, I close my eyes and go limp as a rag doll. He washes every inch of me with soft and tender strokes, kissing my hair the whole time. We don’t speak, no words are needed; he simply tries to heal me with his loving care. When the tips of my fingers are wrinkly and the water is cool, he stands and wraps a towel around his waist before lifting me out and places me in front of him, drying me from head to toe. I brush my hair and give it a quick blow dry over it, pulling it back into a ponytail. I see him behind me in the mirror, holding my clothes.
“Turn around, baby,” he instructs me in a gentle voice. I comply, like a robot, while he dresses me. Not long after, he calls down for bell service on our bags and leads me, his hand laced in mine, to our waiting car.
The drive to the airport is quick and I’m numb as we board. I’m going home to put another part of my past to rest. I’ll never see Mr. Jones again. Parker will never get to hug his dad again. Angie will never again hold the hand of her love, her life partner. My dad will never swap fishing stories with his best friend. Life is really freaking unfair.
When you’re young, all you can think about is how you can’t wait to be old enough to drive, have no curfew, no parents telling you what to do, be old enough to drink, to vote, to get in clubs—all the exciting, glamorous things you think adulthood holds. I didn’t have these exact thoughts, but I’m pretty sure it’s the consensus, and I have now confirmed my original skepticism…growing up is not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s scary, it comes with a new set of drawbacks, and mostly, the more you chang
e, grow up and move on…so does everyone around you. Your dad can’t protect you from everything, he can’t slap a Band-Aid on it or tell their parents and fix it. As you get older, the adults you love get older, the problems get bigger and less fixable, and the pain gets worse. And now I’m just letting my mind run crazy because I’m sad, confused, and overwhelmed…and he’s there. He guides me to my seat, buckles my seatbelt, and covers me with a blanket.
“Take these, love. It’s a long flight home.” He hands me two pills and a cup of water.
I don’t even ask what they are. One, I don’t care, and two, I trust him impeccably. I know it sounds childish and trite, but one thing, above all, calms me and I need it so bad right now.
“Will you sing to me?” I whisper and lock onto his hand with mine, needing a physical connection as well. “Please? Just until I fall asleep?”
His answer is his smooth voice, telling me how he’ll never let me fall, he’ll stand up with me through it all. I know he will, and how he knows the exact things to say to me, melodic and healing; as he wraps his arms around me and rubs his cheek to mine, he too wraps me in love. I know it, “Your Guardian Angel” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. It just might have been exactly what I’d requested, had he needed to ask.
When I wake, the inside of the plane is bright and small. We’re obviously on a private flight that Dane had no doubt arranged at a moment’s notice, for me. He’s asleep in the seat beside me, head hanging my way, his hand on my leg. He looks beautiful with his brown hair mussed, his lashes long and dark. I place a soft kiss on his full lips, lingering until his eyes open, groggy and clouded with sleep, and he slowly smiles at me.
“Morning, baby.”
“Morning. Where are we?”
He reaches above his head and presses a button, bringing to life a small screen. “About an hour left until landing. You hungry?” He turns and cups my cheek. “You haven’t eaten in a long time.”
“No, I’m not hungry. But I’d love to brush my teeth and get a juice or something.”
“You and your teeth brushing.” He chuckles lightly, releasing first his seatbelt, then my own. “Come on.” He gives me his hand and leads me to the bathroom, handing me a wrapped toothbrush. “I’ll grab you a drink. You sure you won’t eat something?”
“Maybe later; just a juice for now.”
“Okay.” He gives me a disappointed look. “I’ll be out here when you’re done.” He shuts the door, giving me some privacy.
When I’m feeling freshened, I come out and sit beside him, gulping down my apple juice in all but one swallow. “Do I remember you saying you talked to my dad?”
“Yes, I called him. He sounded all right, glad to get ahold of us. I told him we’d get there as soon as we could and stay a bit. This man who,” he pauses, “died. You and your dad were pretty close to him?”
“Very,” I reply, my voice cracking in my effort not to cry again.
His hands move to my hips and he pulls me in his lap, tucking my head into his hard chest. “Tell me all about him, please?”
So I do. I talk non-stop until we land about all my favorite memories of Mr. Jones, all the Jones’—their farm, their friendship, their love and acceptance. I cry the whole time, of course, Dane’s rhythmic rubbing on my back never faltering. It feels really good to get it out—like I’m honoring Dale’s memory by telling another exactly how wonderful he was.
Dane is sneakily insightful; he always knows just what I need just when I need it.
CHAPTER 16
Deflection
***Evan***
I arrive home, safe and sound, although I’m not quite sure how I drove. I felt a bit like a pansy for crying so much, until I got home and saw my dad’s red-rimmed eyes; then I knew it was okay. Sometimes real men cry.
My parents are holding up pretty well. Dad’s quiet, Mom’s cooking up a storm. That’s what my mom does—she puts her own feelings aside and takes care of everyone else around her. She makes sure everyone’s fed, everyone gets enough hugs, and everyone has everything they need that she could possibly provide.
Well, what do you know? I’ve never compared anyone else to my mother, so selfless and giving, but a certain blue-eyed beauty, gentle and considerate, just crossed my mind.
Once I’m truly convinced my parents are all right, I head out to check on Mr. Walker. “Well, look who it is!” he greets me. “Evan, my boy, come on in.”
“Hey, Mr. Walker. Thought I’d come by and see ya. Laney’s on her way, bit behind me.”
“Yeah, I talked to that fella of hers. Had her out in Hawaii,” he grunts. “Guess you don’t want to hear about that, though, sorry.” He stumbles a bit to the couch, bumping into the coffee table which is lined with beers cans that fall over noisily.
Can’t say I blame him, really.
“You had dinner, Mr. Walker?”
“Why so formal? You forget my name?” He laughs, but his eyes don’t. “I’ll eat when I’m hungry. Right now, I just wanna get drunk and try to get some sleep. Sure gonna miss my friend. Good man he was,” he raises his beer can in the air, “the best.”
“Jeff, can I use your restroom?”
“Why are you even asking? You know where it is.”
I shut myself in, turning on the water to cover my voice. I don’t want to trick anybody, but I’m a little out of my league here. I’m not about to tell a grown man to stop drinking, but I know Laney’d want something different to be happening right now.
“Hello?”
“Dad, hey, I need your help. Can you come keep Mr. Walker company? He’s drunk and I need to go check on Parker.”
“Ya, bud. Stay ‘til I get there, I’m on my way.”
When my dad arrives about ten minutes later, I leave them to it and head to Parker’s. I haven’t seen him in months, but he’ll always be my brother and I know he’s gotta be a mess. My phone rings on my way, and my chest feels a little less tight when I see her name on the screen.
“Hey, Whitley.”
“Hey, how are you?”
I’d made her and Sawyer throw everything in the truck the minute I got the call, barely putting on the brakes when I dropped them back on campus. I’m not even sure what energy I’m running on right now.
“Hanging in there; ‘bout to go check on Parker.”
“Evan,” she says, her voice gentle, “can I come help you? I hate that you’re by yourself for all this.”
Every part of me wants to say yes, I could sure use her here with me right now, a natural, easy comfort, but I’ve got to deter her from thinking she has to take care of me. I want to be her “cause” even less than I want to risk our friendship.
“I’m not by myself. I’ve got my parents. Besides, there’s other people hurting worse than me. I’ve got to be there for them. But I appreciate it, Whit, I really do.”
“Is Laney there yet?”
“No, probably late tonight, or morning even. Long way from Hawaii.”
“Dane will come with her,” she says matter-of-factly.
“I know, I talked to him. Laney was pretty out of it.”
“Okay, I just thought—”
“Whitley, you don’t have to stand beside me just because he’s standing beside her. It’s not a competition.”
Shit. I’m tired and sad and talking out my ass, not only because of the obvious, but from this constant internal struggle I have about Whitley really starting to wear on me. I regret it the minute I say it and the hurt in her voice slices into me.
“I know that,” she replies, calmer than I would be if she said the same thing to me. “That’s not what I meant. I just want to help you if I can.”
“I’m sorry, Whit. Ignore me. Just a shitty deal, shitty mood.” Dammit! I slap the steering wheel; she didn’t deserve that. “Listen, let’s talk later, okay?”
“Okay, just call me if you need me.”
***
A very beautiful girl, about my age I’d guess, answers the door.
“Is Par
ker here?”
“Yeah sure, come on in. You are?” she asks, holding the door open to me.
“Evan. Evan Allen.” I take off my cap and offer my other hand.
“Oh, Evan! Nice to finally meet you. Parker talks about you all the time. Is Laney with you?” she asks, peeking past my shoulder.
Um, no, stranger, Laney and I don’t travel in two anymore. Another jackass thought; God, I am in such a dick mood today. “No, she’s on her way in from Hawaii. She’ll be here soon. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”
“Lord, my manners. I’m a little out of sorts. I’m Hayden, Parker’s girlfriend.”
“Nice to meet you, Hayden. So, where’s our boy?”
“In the kitchen with his mama.”
She turns to walk that way and I peek into the kitchen to see Parker at the table, his head in his hands, hair pushed back and sticking up through his fingers. Angie sits across from him, hands wrapped around a coffee mug, staring off into nowhere.
“Honey,” Hayden says quietly, touching his shoulder, “Evan’s here.”
He lifts his head and his face explodes into a smile that drops just as quickly as it’d appeared; like he forgot for a second this wasn’t just a happy reunion. “Hey, brother.” He stands and wraps me in a hug. “How you been? Thanks for coming.”
I hug him back, my eyes misting. “I’m so sorry, man. So damn sorry.”
“I know, I know.” He gives me another squeeze, then releases me. “Sure is good to see you, though.”
“Mama Jones,” I move over and bend down to hug her, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Your husband was one of the finest men I’ve ever known.”