by Mia Carson
“Of everything as we know it.” He breathed out, pressing a firm kiss on my lips.
I let the world wash away as we walked back towards his bed. I sat down on the edge, climbing backwards, and laid down. I was propped up on my elbows, my dark brown hair cascading around my face. Blake took one last look before he climbed in beside me, towering over me. He began to kiss me, and all of my nervousness and fears vanished.
He held me, and for the first time, I felt his naked body pressed against my completely naked one. We were intertwined, our bodies a tangled mess. Blake kissed me sensually, but it built fast, hot and needy. He grabbed a condom off his dresser. Quickly tearing the plastic open with his teeth, he slid it on and positioned himself between my legs.
“Are you ready?” he asked, his voice patient and kind.
I nodded. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.” With a gentle look, he leaned down and kissed me again. His hands held my hips down as he slid into me. “Oh, my God,” I moaned, the pleasure of finally having him inside me overwhelming.
Blake rocked back and forth, moving slowly at first, letting me feel every inch of him as he thrust. I wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him desperately. I kissed every inch of his skin I could reach. Selfishly, I took in all of him, the ecstasy building like a hot pool of lava in my stomach. My hands gripped his shoulders as tightly as possible as he picked up the pace, pushing into me harder and harder. I rocked my hips back, angling them so he could press as deeply into me as possible. I felt so much pleasure, waves of it crashing down on me, over and over again, each more intense than the last.
“Blake,” I breathed into his skin, calling for him, drowning in the touch of him and all that he was. I wrapped my legs firmly around his waist, and he let out a low moan and pushed even faster and harder than I thought possible. I held onto him as I felt the final wave of pleasure hit me, and I let out a final soft moan, my thighs quivering and my breathing labored. Just a second later, Blake’s body shuddered against mine as he came.
We detangled our bodies carefully, and he collapsed on the bed next to me. I took a moment to breathe, letting the reality of what had happened hit me. There was no remorse or regret. The only thing that existed inside me was gratitude. Gratitude that I finally got to have Blake, had finally felt his body against mine and felt our spirits connect in a way I hadn’t thought possible.
I looked at Blake. He glanced at me, and his eyes were glazed as if he were in a faraway place and had just descended back to Earth. He rolled onto his side, draped his arm over me, and pulled me close to him. I rolled onto my side so we were face to face.
“That was incredible,” I breathed, glowing in the aftermath of our lovemaking.
“You were incredible,” he said, letting out a small laugh as we stared into each other’s eyes.
We lay in each other’s arms for a long time, our bodies against each other. A comfortable silence surrounded us, and I soaked up every second of this time, knowing the window we had was short.
Blake broke the silence first, and he let out a soft sigh and kissed my forehead lightly before saying, “I want to tell you something.” I stared into his shining green eyes and waited as he took a timid breath. “I love you,” he whispered finally, looking at me like I was the most important thing in the world to him.
I was not silent or hesitant because I knew the truth. “I love you, too.” My heart flowed with happiness.
A sloppy smile filled his face, and he kissed me once, gently on the mouth, before holding me again. “Now what?” he asked.
I pulled away, propping myself up on my elbow so I could look at him. “We’ve got two weeks,” I said carefully, a plan forming in my head.
“Two weeks?” he asked, confused.
I nodded. “Two weeks to be together, to be in love, and to do everything we want. But when our parents get back, we have to go back to normal.”
Blake nodded slowly, considering it. “Okay,” he said. “Like get it all out of our system.”
“Exactly!” I exclaimed.
“There’s only one problem with that.” He cupped my face gently.
“What’s that?” I asked, turning my head into the palm of his hand and kissing it.
Blake looked at me with intense eyes and whispered, “I’m not going to want to let you go.”
***
Two weeks whizzed by in a flash. Two crazy, hectic, lazy, glorious weeks. Blake and I spent every moment together. We ate together, slept together, and even showered together, which most of the time just led to something else. Now it was the last day, and reality was spinning toward us like a fiery comet charging at the earth.
We lay in his bed, naked and holding each other tightly. Blake kissed me softly and pleaded for the hundredth time, “I don’t want this to end.”
I nodded, my heart heavy with aching for someone already in my arms. “I know. But Blake, we don’t have a choice.”
He stood up quickly, throwing on his boxers and pacing madly around the room. “But we do, Alyssa. You’re just making the wrong one.”
My head ached, and I rubbed my temples vigorously. “I don’t want to spend our last day fighting,” I begged him.
“That’s the thing, Alyssa. It doesn’t have to be our last day,” he cried, hurt clear on his face.
I frowned and said, “It does, Blake. You know that.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, his heads in his hands. “I know,” he said finally with a sigh, defeat heavy in his voice.
I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around him from behind. I kneeled on the bed, kissing his back once before laying my head against his warm, familiar skin. Every part of me ached, knowing this would be my last chance to touch him, to hold him. Blake was all I wanted. He was my very own forbidden apple, and I had to face the knowledge of what it was like to have him and then lose him.
I heard our parents’ car pull in the driveway, and I said nothing as Blake slipped out of my arms. I heard him get dressed, but I couldn’t move, the emptiness weighing me down. I watched Blake leave, but before he left, he said one last thing, not even bothering to turn and look at me.
“Maybe it’s best we not say goodbye,” he whispered.
Blake
My alarm buzzed loudly, waking me with its sharp, annoying cries. I turned it off with a sigh and climbed out of bed. It was the first day of spring semester, and I was not ready to face the day. I forced myself to get up, however, looking groggily around my dorm room. My body was tired from unpacking late into the night.
Alyssa and our parents all thought it would be easier for both of us to concentrate on school if we lived on campus. I knew my mother was worried after I barely passed my finals. At least I did well enough to stay on the team, I thought positively.
I let out a sigh and began to dress. I headed to class, feeling unlike myself. I was depressed after everything that had happened between Alyssa and me. I had a hard time sleeping at night and barely ate. I floated through my classes that day, a mix of exhaustion and sadness weighing me down.
I sat down for my last class, ready for the day to be over. I looked up as a familiar voice greeted me. “Hey.”
Alyssa’s shining baby-blue eyes stared at me as she sat at the table next to me. “What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice unnecessarily angry and cold.
She frowned and said, “This is my class. I guess we have it together.”
“Whatever,” I muttered, not bothering to look at her because it would be too painful.
“What is your problem?” she asked, her voice hot and angry.
I gave her a hard look and said, “Look, we ended things, so just leave me alone.”
She sat up stiffly. “Well, I didn’t realize we couldn’t be friends.”
I didn’t answer and turned away from her. I watched the rest of the class file in. Matt, one of my teammates, walked in. He waved and I waved back, and he walked over, sitting in front
of Alyssa and me. “Hey.” He greeted Alyssa with a smile, and I immediately felt my anger boil.
I sat in silence as the two chatted quietly together, waiting for the professor to arrive. I was grateful when the teacher walked in and class began. I was that much closer to getting out of this hellhole. I sat on the edge of my seat all class, and when he finally dismissed us, I jumped up quickly before Matt or Alyssa could speak to me. I walked back to the dorms, bitter and angry. It is going to be a long semester, I thought.
For the next two weeks, I kept to myself, working extra hard at practice and studying long into the night. I threw myself into my schoolwork and football, trying to lose all of the pain left behind by Alyssa.
At home one evening, she was sitting in front of me on my bed, looking curiously around my room, threatening to bring everything I worked toward crashing to the ground.
“So, what do you want?” I asked. My voice was cool, but my body was tense. I was careful to keep my distance from her.
“I just wanted to talk,” she said simply, standing up from the bed and walking towards my desk.
“I told you I don’t want to talk to you,” I snapped bitterly.
She ignored me and asked, “How is your semester going? I see you studying a lot in the library.”
I bit my tongue and said nothing because I didn’t want to break down in front of her. I wanted more than anything to grab her and shake sense into her. Didn’t she see that we belonged together?
“Blake,” she said, addressing my silence. “I want to talk about us.”
I perked up and looked at her hotly, waiting for her to continue. “You know I loved our time together…” she began, a distant, sad look in her eyes as she spoke.
“I did, too.” Those two weeks were engraved into my soul.
“But I have had such a hard time getting over you.” She looked at the floor. “I think it’s time we start seeing other people.”
“Matt,” I spat at her, and she looked up, surprised.
“Well…uh, yes, I was speaking about Matt. He’s really nice and sweet,” she said hopefully.
A frown formed on my face. I snapped, “So you just came here to tell me you’re going to start fucking one of my teammates?” Alyssa blinked, clearly hurt by my words. I felt bad but couldn’t help it. How could she throw something like that in my face?
“It’s more than that!” she snapped. She took a calming breath. “I think you should consider dating someone, too.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want anyone else.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “I just wanted to get everything out in the open, I guess.”
I watched her stand to leave, but she turned back and walked close to me, taking my hand in hers. Even though it was just a simple touch, I reeled into a mind full of memories of her soft, gentle caresses. She looked up at me with her glassy, blue eyes, and I melted at the sight of her.
“Blake, I miss you. I really want us to be friends,” she said. Her voice was soft and pleading, and I had to give in. It tortured me to see her hurt like this.
“Okay.” I nodded after a moment. “It’ll be better.”
She left then, and part of me left with her. I felt empty.
***
Another two weeks passed, and I was back into my old routine, studying hard and practicing like crazy. Matt and Alyssa had begun to date, and it drove me crazy every time I saw them together. Alyssa claimed she still needed me in her life, but aside from casual conversations in class, I had to keep my distance. I started dating Brittney again, but her shrill, whiney voice didn’t fill the void in any way.
“Blake, will you take me shopping tomorrow?” Brittney asked from across the table, picking delicately at her salad.
“No,” I said coldly, not bothering to give a reason.
“Please? I need a new dress for this weekend,” she whined, batting her thick eyelashes at me and pouting.
“I have practice tomorrow, B,” I said through gritted teeth.
I cut vigorously through my chicken sandwich and devoured it with concentration. I was chewing when I saw Alyssa across the sandwich shop, making her way to our table. I practically choked and quickly gulped some water.
Alyssa beamed at me and said, “Hi, guys!”
Brittney chatted with her for a minute. I stared at Alyssa. Matt walked over, sliding off his apron. “All done, babe,” he said to Alyssa, planting a quick kiss on her lips.
I froze in my seat, anger coursing through me, hot and raging. I hoped the jealousy wasn’t too obvious, and I quickly put on a fake smile. “So you work here?” I asked Matt casually.
Matt began to talk about his job, but I tuned him out, my eyes focused on his arm wrapped tightly around Alyssa’s waist. I was pulled back into the conversation by Brittney, who said, “Does that sound good, baby?”
“Does what sound good?” I asked blankly.
“A double-date with Alyssa and Matt on Friday!” she exclaimed excitedly.
My mouth was dry, and I nodded because everyone had already agreed. A heavy knot formed in my stomach, and I was unsure if I could handle a whole night of Alyssa and Matt without ripping anyone’s head off.
We left the restaurant together, and I got quickly in my car without speaking another word to Alyssa. We drove off quickly, and I knew I would make it to campus fast, ready for bed so this day would end. We pulled into the parking lot, and I said, “See you tomorrow, Britt.”
“Wait.” She leaned over to kiss me. I jumped as she pressed her hand onto my crotch. “Want to come up to my room?” she crooned.
I put my hands on her shoulders to hold her back and said, “Brittney, you know I’m not ready yet.”
She frowned. “I don’t get it. Any other guy would have slept with me by now.”
I sighed. “You know I like to take things slow.”
She nodded and got out of the car, bending to tell me, “I know, Blake. See you Friday.”
I trudged to my dorm, trying to think of a few good excuses to get out of the date on Friday. I was grateful to finally climb into bed, and I tried to fall asleep quickly. After a long hour filled with painful, angry thoughts, I was finally able to drift off to sleep, knowing my body would be exhausted the next day.
By the time Friday rolled around, I was miserable. I sat across from Matt and Alyssa with Brittney draped obnoxiously over me. We had gone to see an action movie and after to a fancy sushi restaurant. I clenched my jaw as I watched Matt feed Alyssa another piece of sushi, a familiar soft giggle escaping her throat.
“So, you ready for the game next week?” Matt asked me with a friendly smile, his arm draped around the girl I loved.
“Yeah, man,” I commented, shoving another piece of sushi in my mouth. “It’s going to be killer.”
Alyssa looked up from her food and asked me, “So how are classes going?”
“Fine,” I said bitterly without looking at her.
The rest of the meal was filled with pointless small talk, and time crawled by. Matt finally went to pay the check, and Brittney stood a few seconds after that, rushing off to the bathroom to fix her makeup for the fourth time since we had arrived. Alyssa and I were alone at the table.
“What is your problem?” she hissed at me, her voice angry and low.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, feigning puzzlement
“You’re not even trying,” she commented. “You’re acting miserable.”
I banged my fist on the table and whisper-roared, “I am miserable.”
Alyssa was quiet for a moment, guilt in her eyes. I was breathing heavily and felt angry adrenaline coursing viciously through my veins.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered finally, looking down at the table sullenly.
I stood up, and before I stormed out of the restaurant, I snapped, “You should be. It’s your fault.”
I hurried outside, my body shaking with anger. I got in the car and drove home witho
ut a thought. Once I reached my dorm room, I locked the door and grabbed my phone, throwing it against the wall with all my strength. I watched it shatter into pieces and crawled into my bed, hot tears threatening to pour down my face. I spent the next few hours lying in bed. I ignored all calls and knocks at my door.
After my breakdown, I sat up. It was time to sort through my feelings and make a decision. I had let myself be angry long enough. It was time to stop throwing tantrums. I loved Alyssa, but my irrational, angry responses just made us more miserable. I had been over it a thousand times in my head, but I just didn’t see a reality where Alyssa and I could be together. We couldn’t spend our whole lives sneaking around our parents and pretending to be siblings.
My final decision was that I would be kind to Alyssa, but we didn’t have to see each other more than necessary. I would keep my distance and behave platonically, and eventually, I should be able to get over her. The thought of never getting to kiss or hold Alyssa made me ache, but this was the best decision for everyone involved.
The next morning, I finally got out of bed, hollow and empty. I opened my door to go to the cafeteria but almost tripped over Alyssa sitting in my doorway.
“Blake!” she cried, standing up.
“Alyssa? What are you doing in front of my door?” I asked her, confused.
“I was worried about you,” she said, crossing her arms defensively. “I called you after I got back to my dorm last night, but you weren’t answering your phone. You just left the restaurant.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that,” I said, my voice genuine. During my time alone, I had worked through my emotions, analyzing my actions and their consequences. I felt guilty for treating Alyssa the way I had. It wasn’t her fault our parents were married, and I had to stop taking my frustrations out on her.
Alyssa seemed surprised by my apology and clearly held back words that had most likely originated in an angry place. Instead, she let out an exhausted sigh and asked, “So you’re okay, then?”