by Mia Carson
I’d finished my bath, brushed my hair but left it wet, touched up my makeup, and simply left my white towel robe on when it came time to answer the door. He was standing there, hunched over, as I opened it, a look of painful remorse painted on his face, which slipped into slightly eager surprise when he saw me fresh from the tub and nearly naked.
I invited him in and fixed us a drink. He seemed a little lost for words as he sat nervously on my couch.
“What did you want to talk about?” I prompted him, handing him a glass of scotch.
He sipped his drink nervously. I sat on the couch next to him. There was space between us for a whole other person, yet he was fidgeting. His eyes wouldn’t settle. They flitted from the silent TV, to the window, and finally to where my robe opened to reveal the naked, smooth thighs of my crossed legs.
“I know you hate the word,” he began, “but I feel like we have too much invested in this relationship to just let it go.”
“So what do you suggest?” I asked. I had missed him. I’d missed his thick brown curls I used to love leaning my face against as we watched TV. I’d missed his peculiar apprehension every time we were together, even making love for the thousandth time, the way he let me lead and direct him, and the enthusiasm with which he would try to please me. Of course, at the end, that drove me mad, and I longed to be taken. Like James did when he pushed me over that wall…Ugh! Enough!
“Let’s go back, back to when we only saw each other a couple of times a week. Zero commitment. That was what you wanted,” he suggested.
“Uh-huh.”
“And if we really can’t get enough of each other”—he was warming to his subject now—“we just booty call. Sound like fun?”
“Is that what this is?” I smiled. “A booty call?”
“Well, I…” he stammered as I stretched my foot out and rubbed my toes against the fly of his slacks. “I guess…”
I deftly hooked his zipper between my toes and pulled it down, then slipped my foot inside his pants. Yup, he was already hard. I removed my foot and leaned across to him, pulling him up by the hand. I turned around, one knee on the couch, one foot on the floor, and presented my ass to him. I took his hand again and touched it to my pussy.
“Feel how wet I am, baby,” I breathed as his fingers slid into my slippery hole. “I’m so ready for you…Just put it in.”
He needed little more encouragement. I heard his pants drop to the floor as he pushed up my robe. I felt his smooth tip against the slick entrance to my pussy a second before he drove himself hard into me. I wasn’t quite as ready as I let on, and his thrust knocked the wind out of me. But as I recovered, he pushed himself back in, and I wondered why he was only fucking me with half of his cock.
“That’s it, baby.” I tried whispering some encouragement. “Give it to me good and hard.”
He started pumping, his hips slamming against my butt, but I didn’t feel the same satisfaction. I didn’t feel full or stretched the way James made me feel. I couldn’t feel him throbbing, couldn’t feel every thick vein and ridge of him. It was so disappointing. Derek wasn’t small—far from it—he just didn’t feel that hard. He jammed himself in and out of me, and I let out some soft moans to keep him excited, but I was still waiting, hoping he’d grow some more as he got closer.
As these thoughts ran through my mind, though, he swore, thrust harder, and I could feel him shooting his cum inside me. No way! The stupid, useless motherfucker! I couldn’t move. I heard him sit back, panting and doing up his belt, muttering about how good that felt, but I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I felt one roll down my cheek and drip off my chin as the first drop of his semen fell from my pussy onto the couch.
“Would you get me some napkins or a toilet roll, please?” I managed to say to him with an even voice. He jumped up and sprinted to find it, and I sat down. I started sobbing. What was I thinking? Did I hate myself? Why was I fucking Derek when I just wanted to be with James?
Derek returned and immediately knelt beside me. “What’s the matter?” he asked, his voice riddled with guilt. “Did I hurt you?”
My weeping suddenly became a snort of laughter. Bless him. “No, I’m sorry.” I smiled weakly. “It wasn’t you.” I tried to figure out how to tell him I just fucked him wishing he was someone else without hurting his feelings. I gave up. “I just think I’m not going to be fair to you. I’ve treated you like shit the past couple of weeks and you’ve been so good to me. I think I need a few days to see if I’m going to be able to stop being mean to you.”
“Take all the time you need,” he said. “I’ll be waiting.”
A few more pleasantries and reassurances from me and he left, ego intact and head held high. I couldn’t be mad at him. I’d tried to use him, and it had backfired on me. I felt like this meant I had to find James and at least see if we might work out. If he’d have me.
I’d catch him in the morning, I decided. I really didn’t know if I was in love with him, but I had this feeling inside me and couldn’t just let him go without seeing him one more time.
I went to bed looking forward to tomorrow and seeing him again, only I couldn’t sleep. My heart raced as I played out the scenario over and over in my head. Was this what being in love felt like? Couldn’t wait to see him? Check. Constantly fantasized about him touching me? Check. Totally not attracted to anyone else? Check, check, check. It was weird. I’d spent my whole adult life avoiding relationships so they couldn’t hurt me and ended up falling for someone anyway. And if I fell for someone I was trying to fuck anonymously in the pursuit of never committing to anyone? Well, that was a twist.
***
I got up the next day and got ready. I was supposed to meet with Donald and Dunlop again in the afternoon, so I put on my best navy blue business suit, silk blouse, and blue three-inch pumps, jumped in my Mustang, and headed to the Four Seasons as fast as I could. I called the hotel as I was driving to make sure James hadn’t checked out yet. He hadn’t, but it still took me far too long to get there.
My heart was beating about as fast as I’d been driving as I pulled up to the valet again. The attendants scurried around like ants as the whole Moto GP crowd had decided to check out at once, so I tossed my keys to the nearest guy in uniform and ran into the lobby. It looked like my poor car might be waiting a while to get parked.
I asked reception to call James’s room, but they got no answer. I told them to keep trying while I ran like an idiot between the departing guests to find him or find out if anyone had seen him. I spotted Marc Márquez, walking ahead of a bellhop pushing his luggage, and I smiled because little Sam was on his arm. Good for them. That little slut, on the first date? Still, I couldn’t judge. Unfortunately, neither of them had seen James.
I tapped on the shoulder of a gorgeous, tall blonde who turned around and smiled at me in a way so practiced and perfect that she just had to be a model. I asked her about James and thought I saw the faintest glimmer of distaste register on her face. Weird.
“I think Suzi saw him last.” She smiled again, pointing out a shorter but equally gorgeous brunette sitting by herself on the other side of the lobby. I headed over to this Suzi, wondering to myself why she had to be the one to have seen him last.
“Can I help you?” she asked frostily as I approached. She was messing with her iPhone.
“I’m looking for James Spence…The girl over there said you might have seen him?”
“He’s very busy,” she started, sounding official. Maybe she was his PA, but then why didn’t I meet her before? “Can I ask what it’s regarding?”
We’d been fucking all weekend, and despite my need to stay away from the certain pain of commitment, I was here to declare my love for him.
“It’s a personal matter,” I decided to say. True, and I didn’t sound like a crazy person.
“Yes?” she replied, then looked right at me. Her beautiful face broke into a wide smile. “Oh yes. He said you might be looking for him.” That was stra
nge. “He said to play this video for you.”
She touched the play button on her phone and handed it to me. At first, I didn’t understand what I was looking at. It looked like a porno. Why would James send me this? Two hot, naked girls were fooling around in front of some guy.
“Suzi, is it?” I turned back to her. She watched over my shoulder, licking wickedly smiling lips. “I don’t understand. Why did you give me this to look at?”
“Look at it closer,” she replied. “James said you’d understand.”
Still confused, I did as she said. I looked closer at the video and realized that Suzi was one of the girls. They were kneeling, sucking the guy’s cock. Wow, the other girl was the blonde I spoke to a moment ago, and they were really going to town on the guy. Then I saw it. The guy. It was James.
James
I heard the phone ringing while I was in the shower and ignored it. There was no one I particularly wanted to talk to right now that didn’t have my cell phone number. It was going to be so busy in the lobby, and I decided to leave it until five minutes before checkout time to go down.
That rolled around quick enough, so I sent for my bags to be collected and headed to the elevator. It sounded like there was actually a Muzak version of Iron Maiden’s Run to the Hills being played as I descended, but it was hard to tell. The bell dinged, the doors slid opened, and there she was. Summer. I shouted her name, and she looked up at me as I practically sprinted into the lobby.
Only something was wrong. She looked distraught. She stood next to Suzi, looking at something on a smart phone.
“I’m so pleased to see you,” I began. “What’s wrong?” My heart started to sink at what Suzi might have said to her. “What have you told her?” I demanded of Suzi. I could feel my jaw clench. A few guests and staff looked over to see who had raised their voice.
“I told her nothing, James,” Suzi said, very innocently.
Summer looked at me, tears in her sparkling green eyes. Without a word, she held up the phone, and I could see Suzi and Crystal, naked and going down on me. I didn’t even know we had been recorded. She let go of the phone, and I caught it as it dropped. She turned and walked defiantly out, almost in perfect time with the image of me leaving those two bitches last night. Furious, I looked at Suzi.
“I was just recording for fun.” She shrugged. “It felt like it might be an epic night, and I thought we’d probably like to relive it in the future.”
“Do you know what you’ve done?” I hissed at her.
“I told you you’d regret it.” She smiled back.
Summer
I was not going to cry. I was going to walk out of here and drive home. I was not upset. I was not even surprised. How did you think it was going to turn out? I mean, what possible outcome did you expect, you stupid whore? To let yourself fall in love, and with a racer? Have you learned nothing from life, from your parents?
I gave my ticket to the valet. He tried to explain that they were backed up, and it’d be an hour before they could find my car. I gave him a look of pure fury, and he decided he’d bring my car right back. It was not fast enough, though, because James came out of the hotel before my Mustang appeared. Damn him. I was sure my eyeliner was running down my cheeks. He looked around and spotted me, then rushed over.
“Summer, let me explain…” he started, but I cut him off.
“Go on, then! Explain!” I was pretty much shouting at him. “The date on that film was from last night. Explain how you didn’t mean to put your penis in those girls’ mouths!” A couple of bystanders looked at me, a little shocked, but I didn’t give a fuck. James seemed to be lost for an answer. I lowered my voice. “I’m sorry, baby. I forgot it was just a fling. It’s a good thing I didn’t decide last night that it could be something more. That would make me really dumb, wouldn’t it?” My Mustang roared up, and I quickly switched places with the valet. “Go ahead, fuck whoever you want,” I shouted at him. “It’s no surprise to me!”
I gunned the car out of the hotel courtyard and roared off, watching his hunched form retreat rapidly in my rearview mirror.
James
“Go ahead, fuck whoever you want,” Summer yelled at me. “It’s no surprise to me!”
She roared off and I just stood there, breathless, feeling like my heart was falling out of my chest. How could I have been so stupid? I looked around at the guests and staff pretending not to notice what had just happened, and there was Suzi.
“And you can be sure you won’t be getting any more of this,” she sang, indicating her body, loud enough for everyone to hear. Using all my restraint, I ignored her. Any sort of scene would not have done any good, so I signaled the valet over. I gave him a hundred dollar bill and told him he could have another if he got my car here in two minutes and had the hotel ship my luggage home for me. He raced off to bring my Maserati, and in one minute and fifty-seven seconds, I was on the road away from the Four Seasons. I felt like I might be staying at the Hyatt next year.
It was almost exactly 1700 miles between Austin and Monterey. That’s about twenty-four to twenty-five hours. Longer if I stopped for the night, which I planned to do, probably in Tucson. That was a lot of time to think. I was going to leave it all at that, but within fifty miles, I’d changed my mind. I wasn’t going to let us end like that. I couldn’t believe I’d hurt her so badly. I couldn’t believe she had come to find me, to give us a chance to be together, and I had blown it. I couldn’t just stop caring about her, wanting to be with her. I couldn’t let it end without fighting for her, so I made some phone calls from the road and managed to get Summer’s cell number. It took a few tries before she answered, and she hung up as soon as she realized it was me. I kept blowing up her phone until she actually picked up to talk to me.
“What do you want?” she demanded.
“Summer, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was being filmed.” Damn, that was a really lame-ass excuse. “I didn’t choose to be with them.”
“That’s not what it looked like to me.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I just wanted to go to bed by myself. They were waiting for me.” I paused to give her a chance to say something. I took her silence as permission to continue. “Look, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t invite those girls into my room. I was tempted, but I couldn’t go through with it. They left really pissed off. Why do you think she showed you that video?”
“It didn’t look like you couldn’t go through with it,” she said quietly.
“If you’d watched for another few seconds, you’d have seen me walk out.”
The line was silent for a while. “How did she know to show it to me?” asked Summer eventually.
“I don’t know.” I really had no idea. “I told Suzi I couldn’t be with them because I thought I was in love with someone else, so maybe when you showed up looking for me, she put two and two together…”
“You think you’re in love with me?”
I didn’t want to have this conversation over the phone while I was doing ninety on the I-10.
“Listen, I’m heading back to California,” I told her. “I’ll be home in a couple of days. Can I fly you out there?”
There was another long pause. I had to fight to stay silent. “I don’t know, James. I have a lot to think about.”
“How about I call you when I get home?”
“I guess,” she said. She sounded so sad, and it hurt to hear that in her voice. She hung up, and I felt I should leave her alone for a while.
***
Ten or eleven hours later, I checked into the Ritz-Carlton overlooking Dove Mountain a few miles north of Tucson. I’ve always really enjoyed a good, long drive. I was worried that being able to think of nothing but Summer all the way here would be hard, but after our phone call, I felt much more optimistic. I knew she had a commitment phobia, and seeing me with those other girls couldn’t have helped, but she knew I suffered from the same thing. Additionally, I may have just accidentally said ‘I love you�
�� in a roundabout kind of way. That had to mean there was some hope for us, right?
So I spent the rest of the drive enjoying fond memories of Summer and planning ways to win her over. From my new hotel suite, I managed to get a hold of her office and the closest thing she had to an assistant. Of course, she wouldn’t give Summer’s address to me, but after I’d told her a wild, romanticized version of what happened this weekend, leaving out the al fresco sex and unplanned three-way, she agreed to help me. She sounded thrilled that Summer might finally begin a proper relationship, so I gave her the details of one of my credit cards and we planned some surprises.
The next day’s drive passed in a blur of excited thoughts about Summer, imagining her reactions and hoping I’d made the right decision. I hardly knew her. I knew she liked nice cars, expensive clothes, and good scotch. I knew she loved sex and got a kick out of not wearing underwear. I knew she hated racing and wasn’t keen on racers, but I didn’t know why. I hoped it would be fun to discover the answers to all these mysteries, but what if we weren’t compatible outside of a physical relationship? I got excited every time I thought about her, sure, but what about when the newness faded? What if she insisted, like I expected any girl to do, that I give up racing?
My hands began shaking on the steering wheel as I realized the depth of what we could be getting ourselves into and all the ways it could go wrong. It didn’t change my mind, but I was more nervous than ever.
Summer
Seeing James with those two sluts shouldn’t have upset me. From the start we’d talked about nothing but non-commitment, so why was I so broken up over him with someone else? It looked, too, that at about the same time he was with them, I was being disappointingly fucked by Derek. I think I’d call that being a hypocrite.
There were so many problems. It seemed so similar to how my father would have behaved, exactly how I would expect any man to behave. They were all capable of professing undying love and fidelity until some free pussy opened up right in front of them. I guess I shouldn’t have been upset.