Boom. My heart crashed against my ribs and took a few seconds to even out. I cocked an eyebrow, not wanting to get too excited until I was sure of her sincerity. “But?”
“No buts.”
“There’s always a but somewhere.”
“Not this time.” She glanced at the floor and let out a breath. “My hesitation earlier when I told you we should just be friends… I was scared. There are a few things I haven’t shared… It will affect our future if we have one—”
“All of that can wait.” I moved closer and took both of her hands in mine, wanting her to understand there was nothing she could say that would change my mind about her. Whatever concerns she had…they didn’t matter. There was only one thing I would take issue with, and that was having children, but I didn’t get the sense that she was opposed to that. “I don’t need to know everything upfront, Jaz. Let’s figure it out as we go. It’ll be like unwrapping a new present each and every day.”
She smiled sadly. “Some of it won’t feel like a gift.”
I squeezed her hands and then lifted one, kissing her knuckles. “I’ll be the judge of that.”
“No smooching while I’m away,” Ed practically growled as he carried a tray into the room and set it down on the coffee table. “I don’t bake like my Anne did, but these store-bought snickerdoodles are something else.” He cupped one side of his mouth and leaned in conspiratorially. “Anne was a good cook, but I think these are even better.” He said it in a confidential tone as if afraid she might walk around the corner any minute and scold him for preferring someone else’s cookies.
Jazmin took a snickerdoodle and bit into it. “Yum. You weren’t kidding. These are delicious.”
I picked up several and began munching right away. After that, Ed took out an old record player and played several vintage albums with Christmas music while we finished decorating the tree. We swayed to the sounds of Kay Starr, Peggy Lee, and Eartha Kitt, not that I knew who any of those women were, but Ed gave us a full history of each singer on those albums.
A man sang the next song, and Ed smiled, a nostalgic expression taking hold of his features. “This is Brook Benton singing, This Time of the Year. Anne and I danced to it every year after we put up the tree.” He glanced at us. “Maybe the two of you will carry out the tradition.”
I walked over to Jazmin and held out a hand. “Will you do me the honor?”
She took my hand, and I pulled her close, wrapping my arm around her waist. She smelled like citrus and vanilla and snickerdoodles all wrapped into one. I held her tightly as we swayed to the music cheek-to-cheek, lost in the moment, everything else fading away. Our eyes met and something exchanged between us, an understanding that we both cared deeply for the other even if we had encountered some challenges. She sighed, and her body melted into mine. I held her close, not ever wanting to let go. Swallowing, I lightly kissed her on the forehead and brought my mouth to her ear. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me,” I said quietly enough that Ed couldn’t hear. When the song ended, I stepped back reluctantly, and Ed clapped.
“Well done. You both made my day.”
We stayed another hour after that, sitting on the couch while he reminisced about the old days. He even prepared mugs of hot cocoa for us with those tiny little marshmallows, and if my grandparents were still alive, they would have been proud to call him a friend. He shared that his sons were flying out to see him at Christmas, and I was glad he wouldn’t be alone.
Jazmin and I walked out to my car, and I opened the door for her. She slid in and I shut the door. I got in on my side and started the engine. It was dark outside and time for dinner.
“You hungry?” I asked.
“Not really. The hot cocoa and cookies filled me up.”
“I guess I should take you to Hunter’s then.”
She thought about that for a moment and then straightened. “But I could eat.” She grinned, and it was like the sun poking through the clouds on a gloomy day.
My spirits instantly lifted. “Great, because I know this quiet little restaurant not far from here, and I’m not ready to let you go yet.”
“Sounds perfect.”
Chapter 6
Jazmin
Clay and I left Ed Green’s house and went to a local restaurant in Homer. I’d texted my family to let them know where we were, and no one seemed to think it was strange we were spending time together. I was thankful for that. I didn’t want any drama in the next two weeks, but maybe that was asking too much.
I was still reeling from our discussion about being in a relationship. I’d taken a step forward, but a part of me knew none of that mattered until I told him I couldn’t have children. That would be the deciding factor as far as how long this lasted. I sensed I needed to do it soon, but he’d told me I didn’t need to share everything upfront, and I was taking that statement at face value.
“So, to be clear,” Clay said. “We’re dating again, right?”
I smiled. “Yes, although we weren’t technically dating before. We talked on the phone and you flew out to see me but—”
“I don’t care what labels we use. I just want to know that we’re romantically involved.”
“We are.”
He grinned and ran a hand over his beard. “Good.”
We talked about a lot of things after that, and I found myself relaxing in his company. He had a way of putting me at ease while at the same time, keeping me on my toes.
I took a bite of my baked potato and waited until I’d finished chewing. “You’re not the type of man I normally date.”
His expression was unreadable for a few moments as he pushed his food around his plate. “I’m not surprised. Let me guess, you’ve always dated doctors or lawyers.”
I laughed. “I dated one doctor, but he worked so much we barely saw each other, and I’ve never been out with a lawyer.”
“But most of the men you spent time with were refined or cultured. Is that it?”
I frowned. “I suppose you could put it that way. Honestly, I think I’m starting to realize that I always went out with men who didn’t challenge me. They were very much about the status quo and not rocking the boat. All of them were nice guys but…”
“But what?”
“None of them had the effect on me that you do.”
He leaned back in his seat, clearly surprised by that statement. And then he smiled and winked, humor flickering in his eyes. “I’d like to think I have some sway with you since I got you to do the chicken dance at Adam and Gina’s wedding.” He was referring to the wedding we’d gone to last summer when Hunter set us up.
“Boy am I glad Sabrina wasn’t around to take pictures of that embarrassing moment,” I said, giggling.
He nodded, a smirk on his face. “By the way, are you excited about the upcoming wedding? Think there might be another chicken dance in our future?”
I snickered. “You got one, and that’s all you’re getting.”
“Aww, shucks, I was looking forward to it.”
“Seriously, though, I am excited, but my relationship with Sabrina will change once she gets married, and I’m a little sad about that. We’re more like sisters than cousins, and I’m used to calling her up and doing stuff spur of the moment. I’m happy for her, but I know I’ll have to adjust to a new normal.”
He reached forward and placed his hand over mine. “Ever thought about moving to Alaska? You’d see her more often.”
Actually, I had, and the idea was growing on me by the second. “Yeah, absolutely.”
“If our relationship grew more serious, do you think you’d like living out here?”
“I know I would. It’s beautiful and the people are friendly. The only thing is…” I leaned forward, my elbows resting on the table. “I don’t think I’d enjoy living off-the-grid. When Sabrina and I stayed with Hunter, I enjoyed it for the experience, but it’s not how I’d prefer to live on a daily basis.”
He nodded his head slowly. “Th
at’s not a problem, considering I have a house with electricity, water, and all the amenities.”
“Let’s just say hypothetically that we end up getting married. Would you resent not staying in your cabin? I know you said you favor living there, and you make your living off the land.”
“The bigger house wouldn’t feel lonely with you in it, so, no, I wouldn’t feel resentful. Not at all.” He stroked one side of his jaw. “My inheritance is enough that I can live a very comfortable lifestyle without needing a job. Staying at the cabin keeps me busy, but it’s not necessary. I wouldn’t mind keeping it as a vacation spot.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. At least that part wouldn’t be an issue. Experiencing the off-the-grid stuff at Hunter’s had been fun, but I couldn’t see myself doing that for the rest of my life.
As we were talking about the future, I sensed it was a good time to bring up the issue of children but something held me back. What we had right now…I just wanted it to last a little longer. We had two weeks together. I would tell him right before I returned home, and then if it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of seeing him on a regular basis. Truthfully, the pain of having to see his face and knowing he didn’t want me because I was infertile would be too hard.
In a way, I owed it to Sabrina not to cause any unnecessary problems. I was here for her wedding and that needed to be the main focus. If Clay and I had an uncomfortable break-up, it would make it difficult for us to be together at the wedding, and I didn’t want to do that to Sabrina.
Once we finished dinner, we got in the car and headed to Hunter’s house so I could pick up the truck.
I shifted in the passenger seat and glanced at Clay. “You don’t talk about your family much.”
He stiffened and stared straight ahead. “Not a lot to say, I guess.”
“But you haven’t said anything at all. Tell me about your parents. Were you close before they passed away?”
“Not really. My mom was an attorney, and she lived and breathed work. Don’t get me wrong, I was proud of her for all her accomplishments, but for the most part, I was just…lonely. Dad spent long hours at work as well, and his evenings were consumed with friends. My parents were decent people overall, but they were neglectful. There were times I wished they’d had another child so I had someone to talk to.”
“I didn’t know that Clay. I’m sorry your childhood was so sad.”
“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. They weren’t abusive or anything, but I was never a priority.” He cleared his throat uncomfortably. “It’s one of the reasons I joined the army when I turned eighteen. I needed a sense of community. A purpose. Plus, I wanted to see the world, and it was a great way to do that.”
“I’m surprised you never married,” I said, tentatively.
“Back then, I wasn’t ready, but now that I’m older, I long to start my own family. Make up for what I didn’t have.”
His words struck me hard across the face. He wanted something I couldn’t give him—unless, of course, he was willing to adopt. He’d responded positively to the idea before, and I could only hope he’d meant it.
***
In the next few days, I focused my attention on Sabrina and helping her with last-minute plans for the wedding. We made a trip to the florist to confirm her order, and we visited the church to talk to the pastor about the ceremony and reception. Clay was always on my mind, but I made sure I didn’t let it interfere with the reason I was in Alaska in the first place.
I didn’t want to be a lousy maid of honor by obsessing over my own issues, so I took the pressure off of Sabrina by running to the store for her if she needed something. My other cousins, her sisters, were around to help as well, but they all had kids so they weren’t as free to jump at a moment’s notice. I was also the first person to give her a pep-talk if she started to worry about some aspect of the wedding.
In short, I tried to keep my mind off my budding relationship with Clay, not because I wasn’t excited, but because I didn’t want to allow my fears to get in the way of helping my cousin.
Still, when I found out we were all eating dinner in town and Clay was joining us, I couldn’t stop the warm giddy feeling that settled in the pit of my stomach.
We ate at a casual place that served fish and chips…that type of thing. I was sitting next to Clay at the end of the table, and he was telling me a story about his days in the army when a woman with curly blond hair sauntered up to us.
“Clay Drover, is that you? It’s been ages since I’ve seen your handsome face.”
He waved reluctantly. “Hey, Roberta. How are you?”
“I’m so glad you asked.” She walked over to a table where a family of three were dining and took their extra chair without asking if they needed it. She then dragged it over to the end of our table so she could sit next to Clay. “I heard a rumor you’re participating in the charity auction this Friday night.”
Clay chuckled. “That’s news to me.”
“Really? Because someone told me you were a sure thing.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Sounds like there’s been a misunderstanding. I haven’t agreed to anything.”
“Oh, that’s too bad.” She leaned in closer than I was comfortable with and batted her eyelashes shamelessly. “I was planning on bidding on you.”
Clay scooted away from her and cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I have a girlfriend now, and I doubt she’d be okay with me being auctioned off.”
Roberta glanced at me with an appraising look. “You the new girlfriend?”
“Yes, I am.” I smiled politely. “My name’s Jazmin.”
“Nice meeting you, Jazmin. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind sharing him for one night, would you?” She squeezed his bicep and winked.
She was a little brazen in her attention to Clay, sparking a bit of jealousy on my part, but whatever jealousy I felt vanished the moment I saw the annoyance on Clay’s face. Everything about his body language said he didn’t have any interest in her, and even though I hadn’t known him long, I knew he wasn’t the type of man to flirt with other women. It just wasn’t in his character to do something like that.
“Tell me more about this charity,” I said. “Maybe I should be the one to do some bidding.”
“Oh, it’s wonderful,” Roberta said. “The proceeds are going to low-income families, providing food for a holiday meal as well as presents for the kids.”
“That sounds like a worthy cause.” I turned to Clay with a mischievous smile. “I think you should do it.”
“No way. I’m not a piece of meat to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.” He had a no-nonsense expression that was almost comical.
Roberta tossed her hair and scooted closer, infringing on Clay’s personal space for the second time. “Oh, come on. Be a sport. It’ll be fun.” She glanced at me. “Help me convince this guy.”
Hunter was sitting next to Sabrina a few seats away, and he’d been listening to our conversation for the last few minutes. He sat up straighter and lifted a finger. “If you want to know the real reason Clay hasn’t agreed to this…” He stopped for a moment and chuckled. “Melanie Shupe, the lady running the event, told him he had to cut his hair and shave his beard.”
“No way,” I said, trying not to laugh. “Is that why you won’t do it?”
“It’s one of the reasons.” Clay shifted closer to me, and he looked extremely uncomfortable. “The other is I don’t like getting up in front of people. I’ve never been much of a public speaker.”
“But that’s the thing,” Roberta said. “You don’t have to speak. You just have to stand there.”
Clay shook his head. “No.”
Roberta glanced at me, and I lifted my palms in the air. “Don’t look at me. If he feels this strongly about it, who am I to force the issue?”
Roberta stood and backed away from the chair, her lips twisted in a frustrated pout. “I never took you for the type of man to let pride get in
the way of helping poor little children.”
“Look, Roberta,” he said, brows lowering, “I’ll make a nice donation, but I don’t need to participate in the auction. Satisfied?”
“Hardly.” She glanced at me and her expression wasn’t mean exactly—more like annoyed. “Too bad you have a girlfriend. If you didn’t, I think I might have been able to convince you otherwise.” Before either of us could respond, she flounced away to another table where a man was eating by himself. Poor guy. He was her next victim.
“Well, that was interesting,” I said, trying to hold back a snicker. “She was too friendly and then not friendly enough.”
“That’s Roberta for you,” Hunter said. “She gets a little pushy when she wants something.”
“It appears she wants you.” I looked at Clay, feeling a bit territorial. I didn’t have a reason to be jealous, but I didn’t like that some woman wanted to bid on him at this charity auction, especially when that woman appeared to have a crush on him. “What does the winner get?”
“A dinner date,” Hunter said. “Better hold on to your man or Roberta might try to win a date with him.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Clay said, “because I’m not doing it.”
I frowned. “Does Roberta have a lot of money?”
Clay shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “Not that I know of.”
“Well, then, it shouldn’t be too much of an issue. I’ll just have to outbid her.”
“And what if you can’t?” Clay asked, lips tightening into a grim line.
“I’ll make sure I do.”
Clay’s jaw tightened, and a look of determination crossed his features. “Nope, can’t chance it. And besides, can you imagine me with short hair and no beard?”
I narrowed my eyes and made a show of looking him over. “I think I’d like to see that, actually.”
Clay laughed and then stood to his feet as if he were about to bolt out of the restaurant at the mere suggestion of changing his appearance. “No one’s cutting this hair. Do you hear? No one.”
Christmas With An Alaskan Man (An Alaskan Romance Series Book 3) Page 5