“It’s torture sitting here on your lap, running my fingers through your hair and not being able to feel your body next to mine.”
“No, Jessie. I’d feel like I was using you.”
“Do you hear me complaining?” she asked as she leaned down to kiss him.
“Jessie…don’t tempt me.” He pulled away.
“I’m going home,” she threatened.
“That’s blackmail.”
“Girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do,” she teased as she kissed his forehead then each cheek, finally finding his lips.
“You’re impossible,” he replied as he gently caressed her arm.
“Your point is?”
“Shut up and come here.” He pulled her to him and kissed her, releasing all the emotion that had been building within him for weeks.
They fell to the floor together, both lost in the mystery that was Cody and Jessica.
“Are you sure, baby?” he asked as he looked into her eyes once more.
“I was sure the minute I pulled in the driveway.”
“Jessie…you’re my weakness…my obsession.”
“And you are mine, my sweet Cody.”
No more words were spoken after that. There was no need. They were lost in each other once again as they’d been so many times before.
“Cody?” she asked later as they were getting dressed.
“Yes, baby?”
“Have you ever thought about having kids?”
“Jessie, you’re not…?” He looked at her questioningly. That last time they were together, he’d been drinking and hadn’t used protection. He’d realized that later but since he hadn’t heard from her had assumed it was all right.
“I’m not pregnant. I had a scare after the last time we were together, but I think it must have been stress causing the symptoms. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. It got me thinking though. I never really thought about it before.”
“I think we’d make beautiful babies, Jessie, but not right now. The timing isn’t right, so I guess it’s a blessing you weren’t pregnant. I’m glad you told me about it though.”
“There’s hope for us, isn’t there?”
“Someday, maybe,” he answered, not daring to hope.
“I can’t keep coming over here, being with you and getting my hopes up. It’s too hard for me afterward.”
“A few minutes ago, you were willing to go back to fun and games.”
“That was before we tried it. I know now I can’t go back. If we get back together, it has to be for keeps. We’ve gone way past fun and games, Cody.”
“Okay, Jessie,” he answered her sadly, knowing she was right.
“Goodbye, Cody. I love you.”
“And I love you.”
Once again, I’m letting her walk out of my life. How many times will she do it before it is really the last? Why can’t I commit to her?
Chapter 24
The rest of the summer passed by quickly and this time Jessica stuck to her vow to stay away from Cody. He hadn’t tried to call and with Andy in Kansas, she had no way of knowing if he was drinking again or not.
Labor Day weekend was approaching and she was planning a weekend trip to Fort Riley. She was excited to see her friends and their new house but it would’ve been nice if Cody could have gone with her.
She was staying busy at work with the new project she’d been assigned to and it was good she had something to occupy her time. The project was intense and required complete concentration. She worked late most evenings, giving her a reason not to go home to her lonely apartment.
One night as she was walking in the back door with a bag of groceries in her arms, her cell rang. By the time she set the groceries on the kitchen table and dug her phone out of her purse, she missed the call. The caller ID told her that it was Cody. It was just as well she’d missed it. But maybe something was wrong. Fighting her inner voice, she stuck to her guns and stayed away. But the aching in her heart, not to mention her loins, made it almost impossible for her to not pick up the phone and ring him back.
She put the groceries away, made a pot of her favorite French vanilla coffee, decaf since it was evening, and sat down, hoping he’d try again. When eleven o’clock rolled around and there was still no call, she gave up, stripped to her underwear and crawled into bed.
She finally was able to fall asleep, but tossed and turned most of the night. Once again, she dreamed about Cody getting married to a bride whose face she couldn’t see. He was standing at the altar as if he were waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle to join him. She could see the bride, dressed in white, but a veil covered her face. She began to walk down the long aisle to meet her groom and that’s when the dream ended and Jessica awoke. She always woke up before the bride got to Cody. Was it a sign? If it was, she didn’t know quite how to read it.
Will I ever get over him, she asked herself the next morning as she was getting ready to go to work. Probably not.
Jessica finished her workweek and on Friday afternoon she drove to Kansas. It felt good to be on the open road. It gave her time to relax. She turned on the radio and nearly burst into tears every time a love song hit the airwaves. Someday, I’ll be better at this. I’ll learn to handle it. But for now, she gave in to her sadness. She arrived late that evening. Missy had waited up for her and hugged her the minute she walked in.
“Where’s Andy?” Jessica asked as she looked around at their home. Missy had gone domestic on her. She and Andy had bought new furniture and the place looked great. It was decorated in a contemporary style with glass accent tables and stylish leather furniture, mostly blacks, grays, and whites. Not quite Jessica’s style. She preferred antiques like her iron bed and Cody’s four poster, but she had to admit Missy had done an excellent job with the place.
“He went on to bed. He has to work for a few hours in the morning. That’ll give us some time for girl talk. Now sit down and tell me, Jess. How are you doing? I mean really?”
“I’m okay, considering,” she replied with a sigh.
“Have you talked to him at all?”
“Not since the last time we were together which was weeks ago. He’s tried to call a few times. But I’ve not picked up or returned the calls. I just can’t. I know what’ll happen if I do.”
“You’ll go to him, you’ll connect for a little while, and you’ll be hurt again.”
“That’s exactly right. I told him and myself the last time I couldn’t do it anymore. I just can’t, Missy. It’s too hard. I love him but what’s the sense in being together if we’re not really together.” The tears began to flow and she didn’t try to stop them.
“That’s probably for the best,” Missy tried to console her friend.
“I still can’t believe we’re over. I always hoped we’d work it out, somehow.”
“So did we. Andy and I were pulling for you.”
“He told me he’d forgiven me, though.”
“Then why in the world?”
“The drinking, everything that’s happened, I guess, I don’t know.”
“Stubborn?”
“Maybe…I finally told him about my pregnancy scare, though.”
“You did? I’m surprised at that, but I’m glad you did. What was his reaction?”
“He said we’d make beautiful babies together, but not right now. He said the timing was wrong but he was glad I told him.”
“He can’t bring himself to say it’s over, can he?”
“No, he keeps hanging on and keeps me hanging on, but he won’t take that final step back to me. And I just don’t understand. He was going to ask me to marry him before and I’ve told him I would. And I still would, in a New York minute, if he’d only ask me.”
“Jess, I’m so sorry. Maybe you should answer his next phone call. Maybe he’s ready.”
“He’d surely leave a message if he was ready to talk.”
“He may be afraid to.”
“I just don’t know what to think. I’m afrai
d of what will happen if I answer one of his calls.”
Missy hugged her and tried to reassure her then they went to bed, making plans to go out for breakfast after Andy left for work. The next morning, Jessica greeted Andy with a hug.
“Good to see you again, Jess,” he said as he hugged her in return.
“It’s good to be here, among friends,” she replied with a sad smile. “I just wish Cody could’ve come with me.”
“He’s not drinking, Jess. Or at least he wasn’t the last time I talked to him. I try to call him once a week to check on him.”
“I appreciate that, Andy, more than you know.”
The girls got ready and left soon after he did, checking out the Panera Bread a few blocks away from the house. The sweet rolls and coffee were to die for and they talked for hours until it was time to meet Andy.
The weekend turned out to be an enjoyable one. Andy took them sightseeing. Missy pointed out some places of interest in Manhattan to Jess, the Country Stampede and the Paintball Park. There were a few museums near the post, as well. Being a three day weekend, she didn’t have to drive back until Monday. Sadly saying goodbye to her friends, she left early Monday morning and made it back in plenty of time to get ready for the week’s work that loomed ahead of her.
Chapter 25
On Thursday evening of that week, Cody had an AA meeting. After the meeting, Erin, his sponsor asked if he’d like to grab a cup of coffee with her. Erin was an attractive woman, a few years older than Cody. She’d been through a situation similar to his and after his first meeting had volunteered to be his sponsor. He was surprised, expecting his sponsor to be a man. But Erin had proved to be a constant source of support for him. She had moved past her problems and was now engaged to a very nice man. Cody had met him once. She was one of the lucky ones. Cody knew he’d never move on with anyone else.
“Don’t you need to get home?” Cody asked her as they sat down at The Back Porch.
“No, Jim’s working tonight. He suggested I spend some time with you to see how you’re doing. He’s pulling for you, you know.”
They both ordered a piece of apple pie alamode and coffee. He talked about Jessie. Erin let him talk while she listened quietly, nodding and patting his hand occasionally.
It wasn’t long after their order arrived, Cody noticed her. A wave of jealousy overtook him, but he remained calm.
“That’s her, isn’t it, Cody?” Erin asked as she saw him flinch then followed his gaze.
“I didn’t think she’d start seeing someone new until she transferred.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“No, I may as well get used to the fact she meant it when she said she couldn’t wait.”
“I don’t think that’s exactly what she said.”
“She might as well have. Apparently that’s what she meant.”
“Try and act as if it isn’t tearing you apart, even though we both know it is.”
They finished their pie and had one more cup of coffee. When it was time to go, Erin asked if he was going to be all right.
“I’m not going to take a drink, Erin. Having my support system with me when I saw her with someone else for the first time helped more than you know.”
“I’ve been where you are, and I’ll do anything I can to help. Jim would too, you know.”
“Thanks. Tell him he’d better hang on to you. You’re a keeper.”
“I think he knows that.” She laughed as she gave him a hug.
When they walked by the table, Cody stopped. “Hello, Jessica. Have a nice evening.” He choked on the words. Then he walked away.
Cody went home alone. Alone with his memories of the time he’d had with Major Jessica Walsh, an officer and a lady. For a short while, she belonged to me, and she was my pretty lady.
Chapter 26
“Are you going to try and see Jess while you’re there, babe?” Missy asked as she helped Andy pack for his trip to Lawton to see Cody.
“If I get the chance, I’d like to. I don’t know what shape Cody’s in these days.”
“I hope he agrees to be your best man.”
“So do I, sweetheart. It wouldn’t be the same without him.”
They’d set the date and Missy planned to ask Jess to be her maid of honor. It would be hard for her if Cody was in the wedding party as well, but she and Andy had decided that Jess and Cody would just have to deal with it. It was their wedding and they wanted their two best friends there.
Andy kissed her passionately before he left, telling her to call him when she got settled. She’d be flying out TDY the next morning to Texas and would be gone for a week.
“We can do the phone sex again…I think we’re probably better at it than Jess and Cody,” she said as she held him close before he left.
He threw his head back and roared with laughter. “I knew I loved you for a reason, baby. You are just too much.” He kissed her again, not wanting to let go then headed out the door for his drive to Oklahoma. “Be wearing something sexy when you call me.”
“I might not be wearing anything at all.”
Andy drove down Interstate 35, thinking about his upcoming wedding. How was I the one to luck out? Everyone knows Cody and Jess belong together, everyone but the two of them apparently.
He arrived at Cody’s apartment later that evening. Cody seemed genuinely glad to see him and they ordered a supreme deluxe pizza minus the anchovies and beer this time and played cards for a while then the conversation finally turned to Jessica.
“You know she’s seeing someone, don’t you? Someone she works with. I saw them together one night and they were both in uniform. She even looks sexy in that.” That had been the only time Cody’d ever seen her in her uniform.
“You’ve still got it bad for her, don’t you, pal?” Andy asked as he got up to get another Coke from the fridge.
“You did know, didn’t you? I mean I’m sure she told Missy about the guy.”
“If she did Missy didn’t tell me and I find it a little hard to believe knowing Missy the way I do.”
“I wonder why she’d keep it a secret. I mean, we all know about Jessie and her little secrets, but why now?”
“I don’t know, man. Maybe she isn’t really seeing him. Maybe it was a work thing.”
“They looked pretty cozy to me.”
“Where were you when you saw them?”
“At The Back Porch. I’d just come from an AA meeting. My sponsor, Erin, was with me.”
“A man Aaron or a woman Erin?”
“A woman. She went through a really bad time, but pulled herself out of it and is engaged to a great guy now.”
Well, that explained the woman Jess had seen him with, but who was the man Cody had seen her with? Missy really hadn’t mentioned that. Now he was wondering what was going on with Jess.
He would have to fill Missy in. After the phone sex.
They decided to turn in for the night then. Tomorrow they planned to go to the lake and do some fishing. And tomorrow night, Andy would talk to Missy and see what he could find out. He made a bed for himself on Cody’s sectional and lay awake for a long time wondering what in the world Jess was trying to prove now?
****
Jessica knew Andy was in town, but she doubted she’d see him. She’d have liked to have been able to ask him what he knew about Cody’s new love. It hurt her terribly to think about some other woman enjoying time spent in the maple four poster she’d found such ecstasy in. She knew if Cody was dating again he wasn’t going without, but she wondered if her replacement could satisfy him the way she had. Thinking he might be making love to someone else hurt worse than all the times Dan cheated put together.
A group from work was going bowling and asked Jessica to accompany them. The very place she’d met Cody and she hated the thought of going. But Bruce was going, as was Karen, her assistant, and a few other people that she knew.
She walked into the bowling alley and immediately saw Karen waving to her.
She looked fantastic in her tight jeans and cute pink shirt and Jessica wondered how Bruce could possibly not notice her. She thought they’d make a great couple. She joined her co-workers and was actually having a good time when she saw Andy and Cody walk in the front door. Her heart raced as her tummy did a flip-flop and she decided to pretend not to see them.
Bruce put his arm around her when he saw who she was looking at. “It’ll be all right,” he whispered.
Karen came over to offer moral support as well. She looked at Bruce and smiled. “We’ll get her through it.”
Obviously ignoring them worked because after only a couple of sets, Jessica saw them leaving and her heart dropped. She would’ve loved to have talked with him, just one more time, even though she knew it was in her best interest not to go down that path again, especially now.
She turned her attention back to bowling and tried to enjoy herself. She bowled a strike and then a spare, enabling her team to win. When they were finished, they all decided to go out for drinks. They went to Zone’s, the bar Cody and Andy used to frequent. It was dark and she could pretend to have fun. She laughed on cue and danced with a few of the men, but underneath the gaiety, her heart was breaking.
She finally left and drove home wondering if Cody would consider cheating on his new girlfriend. She even considered a stud service call, but deep down, she knew her heart wouldn’t be in it and it would only make her want Cody even more.
****
When they’d returned from the bowling alley, Andy had gone out on the patio so he could talk to his fiancée in private. He told her about running into Jess and her boyfriend and about how it had affected Cody.
“I just don’t understand it. She hasn’t said a word about another guy.”
“I don’t understand it either, but enough about them, what are you wearing?”
“If you must know, I am lying on the bed in my lace undies and that sexy lace bra you bought me at Victoria’s Secret.”
“The black one, you took it with you? Why would you take that with you to Texas when I’m not there?”
“I brought it for one reason, silly…so I could be wearing it when you called.”
Unlikely Lovers Page 12