Of course, I didn’t want to take London from Ella when she needed her most, after the surgery, but the new house was close enough that London could go there whenever she wanted. Plus, Ella’s boyfriend Henry had already offered to pitch in with her recovery, and if you asked me, she seemed to like that part of my plan most of all.
I had a strong feeling it wouldn’t be long before those two did some shacking up of their own. Ella was quite smitten with Henry, and he with her. He’d been supportive throughout Ella’s illness, an extra pair of hands when London couldn’t be there. I liked to think that said a lot about a man. Loving someone when times are easy was, well, easy. But the ultimate test of someone’s love came when the shit hit the fan. If you can stick around through the worst of it, you’re a legit keeper. Henry was the kind who stuck around no matter what was thrown his way. He was the real deal and for that, London and I were truly grateful.
Now, if only we could find someone for my mom. Everyone was paired off except for her, and while she had been more than capable of doing the single thing all these years, I wanted her to have what I had with London, what was forming between Ella and Henry. I wanted her heart to be happy again.
But Mom’s reluctance to dive back into the dating world was a mere glitch in my grand picture of perfection. She was a big girl. She was content with the way things were—jet setting with her closest girlfriends a couple of times over summer break, and teaching high school English at the private school a few towns over during the school year. I had faith that if she wanted to be with someone, she would find someone.
Other than that, everything else was falling into place, everything else was happening just as I’d always imagined it would.
And then there was the one cloud hanging over us that I wished would fucking disappear.
Memphis and Hunter.
I hated to even think about them because thinking about them and not telling London what I knew felt like lying. Sure, technically I was simply omitting information, but if and when she found out that I knew why her brother Memphis wasn’t answering her calls—and that her ex-husband Hunter had something to do with it—she would be fucking furious. And hurt. I didn’t want to be responsible for having her doubt my trust. I wanted to tell her. I wanted the weight of it off my chest. Every time I looked into her big brown eyes I had the urge to confess, but every time I considered how she would react, I chickened out.
We were finally where we were supposed to be. Sue me for not wanting to ruin it with Memphis and Hunter’s bullshit. Yeah, I was keeping a secret, but I was also keeping her safe in the interim. Deep down, I was certain she would understand that once the truth came out—it was only a matter of time before it did—but I chose to not let that bog me down today. Today, while my girl was at work, I was picking out paint colors for what I hoped would one day be a nursery for our firstborn child.
Yes, I was jumping the gun, but before you classify me in the same group of obsessive freaks as Doctor Bryce Owen, allow me to me explain myself. This was inevitable. Now that I had her, I wasn’t letting go. I was more certain that we were a forever deal than I was of the sun rising in the east every morning. I wasn’t trying to be pushy or to make decisions for London. I was only proving my love, my commitment, the seriousness of my promise to guard her heart and keep her safe for the rest of our lives.
Besides, women loved babies. They couldn’t resist the powdery smell of a newborn’s soft, flawless skin or the way an infant wrapped their tiny fist around an outstretched finger.
London wanted children in the worst way. I remembered her calling me the first time she and Hunter thought they were expecting. She was a few days late and had run to the drugstore, certain the pregnancy test would come up positive. But it didn’t, and neither did the others she took, three consecutive months following that first letdown.
Each time, her heart broke a little more. She wanted a family. She longed to be a mother. But something in the back of my fucked-up mind was a little relieved every time a pregnancy test turned up negative. It meant that maybe, just maybe, Hunter wasn’t the man destined to give her a child. It meant there was still hope for me.
“Sam, what if I can’t have a baby?” Her beautiful face was flawed with sadness, but not really, because even marred with sorrow, she was fucking breathtaking.
This was the third time a pregnancy test had come up negative. The third time she cried to me. The third time guilt threatened to asphyxiate me. Why? Because I was relieved she wasn’t pregnant.
She was married to another man; I’d learned to live with that. But once she had his children, all hope would be lost. Maybe that made me a monster. Maybe I wasn’t worthy of my best friend’s trust. But I couldn’t help it. I would never stop wishing she was mine. I would never give up on the dream of a future together.
“Come here,” I said, blinking away the blinding remorse.
She settled into my arms and rested her head on my shoulder. The least I could do was comfort her.
She’d come to me straight from work, tears streaming down her face as she climbed the steps to my apartment, two at a time. I offered her a glass of wine, which she took and guzzled down before we could even take a seat on the couch in the living room.
This was killing her. I hated seeing her like this. There had to be something I could say to make this pain go away, but I feared I’d sound insensitive. Her girlfriends Allie and Emilia were better suited for this kind of conversation because they could empathize. What did a man know about not being able to get pregnant?
But I was her best friend. She’d come to me. I had to say something.
I was sure she’d heard it before, but still I tried to reassure her with the obvious. “Babe, you’re still so young. There’s plenty of time. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.” Little did she know, I couldn’t help thinking it was supposed to happen with me.
“I know.” She sobbed. “But it doesn’t make it any easier every time I stare down at one of those stupid tests.” She swiped at her face and wiped her hand on her pants.
I kissed the top of her head, inhaling the vanilla scent of her shampoo, closing my eyes as I breathed her in. My God, if she only knew how hard this was. How hard it always was. Being so close but not close enough. I wanted so much more. More I wasn’t allowed to have.
Breaking me of my deceiving thoughts, she straightened up and sniffled. “It’s funny, you know?”
“What is?” I removed my arm from around her back, sensing she needed space. We both did. Her vulnerability was a weakness, my instinct to swoop in and be her hero another downfall. She had a husband. This was their loss. It should have been his arms comforting her, not mine.
“He doesn’t even seem to care. Hunter isn’t freaking out in the least.” She said his name as if she’d read my mind.
“Have you gone to him? You know, like this?” She loved her husband. He loved her, too. They had a solid marriage, from what I could tell. But I wondered just how much of her fears and insecurities she’d shared with him. There was a reason she was here with me and not at home with him.
“His mind is elsewhere lately, Sam. You know work’s been sporadic for him. He’s struggling with that and I don’t want to add more stress to the situation. It’s probably a good thing I can’t get pregnant. We can’t afford a baby right now anyway.”
“Is that what he said?”
She nodded her head and shrugged. “He wants to hold off trying for a while, until he has more steady work. I think that’s why I’m taking this one so badly. Now, we’ll have to wait.”
I reached out for her hand and squeezed tight. Even more than I wanted her, I wanted to wash away her pain and make this all right. “I’m sorry, babe. I know how badly you want to be a mother. But I also know it will happen one day. Be patient and have faith, okay?”
If anyone knew about patience, it was me. Here I stood, studying yellow paint samples more than three years later, proof that patience could pay off with deter
mination and a shit ton of hope.
No, London’s dreams of having a baby with Hunter never came to light, but our story was different. There would be nothing holding us back when she was ready to start trying. I’d give her ten babies if she wanted them. And if it didn’t happen right away, you bet your ass I would comfort her in ways Hunter never cared to. We would share the grief and disappointment and then get right back on the horse and try again.
“What do you think of this one?” I asked, handing the sample over to the decorator.
She pinched her nose and lips, shaking her head. “Too . . . canary. Don’t you want to find out the sex of the baby first so we can use a pretty, soft lavender or a pale baby blue?”
I laughed, explaining myself to the newest member of the design team. She had no idea that this was a pipe dream project concocted by my overzealous ass. “We’re not expecting. Not yet, at least.”
Her brows sloped into a deep V of confusion. “But . . . this is for a nursery, no?”
“Yes. And my girl has always wanted a muted yellow that she can then accent with pink or blue once the baby is born and we find out whether it’s a boy or girl.”
Still perplexed, she looked at me and scratched her head. I could tell she was keeping quiet as not to disagree with a paying client.
“I know it sounds crazy,” I offered. “But humor me. I’m trying to convince my girlfriend to move in with me.”
She quietly continued to search the samples and then plucked one from the display. Handing it to me, she smiled and said, “That might be the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. This is the perfect shade of yellow for your one-day baby’s nursery.”
“Ah, you get me.” I pumped my fist in the air. “Now, let’s hope London thinks the gesture is sweet and not a total psycho move. She just got rid of one crazy, I don’t need to scare her off, too.”
“Oh, my.” She giggled. “I can tell you are one very interesting couple.”
“Oh, you have no idea.”
“THAT’S THE THIRD hang up in the last few days. I have to put Mom on that Do Not Call list.” London replaced the house phone on the charging cradle and crossed her arms. “Come to think of it, there’ve been a lot of weird calls lately. So annoying.”
“Hmm, really? What do you mean?” I opened the fridge to put away the orange juice from breakfast.
“Well, besides the hang ups, there were a few debt collectors, and even one of those phony consolidation scam things. Mom’s finances are so in order it’s laughable. I’ve been taking care of her bills since she’s been in the hospital, so I know everything’s getting paid on time. It’s weird. Even cold calls or telemarketers usually call for a reason.”
I had a feeling that reason was Memphis, but the hang ups . . .”Did Bryce have the house number or just your cell?”
“Of course, he had the house number, he was my mother’s doctor. It was listed in her chart as the secondary contact, after my cell. You think it’s him? We haven’t heard a peep from him in weeks. Doctor Bronson said he took a leave. Maybe he’s finally getting the help he needs,” she mused.
“Or maybe he’s still the same lunatic he’s always been. For all we know, he’s camped out in the shed in your yard, waiting to make his move.”
“Sam.” She tilted her head. “Over and done with, remember?”
I walked across her mother’s kitchen to close the space between us, pulling her against me for a farewell kiss before both of us had to head off to work. It would be my first day back to the local office since returning from China. The few weeks off had been a much-needed reprieve from reality, although my new reality was pretty fucking amazing, if you asked me.
“Yeah, I remember, but I won’t forget, either. It’s my job to protect you, babe. I’ll see if I can trace the calls.” Little did she know, Bryce wasn’t the only monster she needed protection from. But what she didn’t know, wouldn’t hurt her. And that was the point to keeping it from her in the first place.
None the wiser, she ran her hands up and down my back, smoothing out the crisp white button down shirt. “Oh, listen to you all detective on the case.”
I tickled her neck with bristly kisses. “Does that get you hot? Because if it does, tonight I’ll dress like Sherlock Holmes and show you my Scotland yard.” I took her hand and placed it over my growing erection. Just kissing her had me raring to go. Do we have time for a quickie? I thought as she broke into a string of giggles.
“That won’t be necessary. You get me hot just by being you.”
“Music to my fucking ears,” I growled, nibbling her lower lip. “Do you want to meet at the hospital after work? I’d like to take my favorite girl out for a nice dinner, after we visit with your favorite girl, of course.”
“Oh, that sounds perfect. I’ll call Doctor Bronson to see if she’ll be in later. I want to see what the holdup is on getting Mom home. Not that I’m not selfishly enjoying the alone time with you, but we can’t play house here forever.”
“No, we can’t,” I teased. “And that’s why it’s perfect timing that our house will be ready to move into in just a few days.”
She pulled back from my embrace, staring up at me with those doe eyes that turned my brain to pure mush. “Don’t start in on this again. I don’t have to physically move in with you right away. I can spend most of my time there and some of it here, with Mom.”
Choosing to let her think she had it all figured out, I pecked the tip of her nose and lingered. Recently fucked and freshly showered, she smelled delicious. I looked forward to a lifetime of mornings like this one. Sending each other off to work with a kiss, returning home to fall back into each other’s arms again.
Would I ever get enough? Would I ever be used to the way she took my breath away?
“Now, off you go, you sexy computer geek,” she said, tapping my ass.
It was an ongoing joke that London didn’t really understand what I did for a living, but as long as I knew I could provide for her—and the family we would one day have—I’d be her sexy tech nerd all the live long day.
At the end of the day, I was so pleased with myself it was hard not to skip out of the office and into the elevator like a fool. I couldn’t wait for London to see what I had planned for tonight. I couldn’t wait to knock her fucking socks off.
The arrangements were made, everything was in place, and I wore a shit eating grin so wide even Murray, the infamous office grump, took notice of my seemingly contagious happiness.
“What’s got you so chipper, huh?”
“Life, Murray. Life has me chipper. You should try it some time.” I rushed off, waving behind me, knowing what I said hadn’t made any sense at all. But fuck it, life was good.
By the time I made it to the hospital, my hair was a disheveled mess from riding with the sunroof open and the windows down. The weather was still warm and pleasant, but summer was dwindling to an end, as it always did in these parts once September rolled around.
As I parked and got out of the car, I finished belting out the chorus to “Electric Love” by Borns—one of my and London’s current faves—and pressed the key fob over my shoulder to lock up.
London was already in her mother’s room when I arrived on the rehab floor, both of their faces lighting up as I walked inside and greeted them. “Ah, after my first day back, you two beauties are a sight to savor.”
I swooped to London’s side and kissed her smack on the lips. She giggled in my arms and then backed away, always modest with the PDA in front of her mother.
“Hey, Ella. How’re you feeling today?” I asked still holding London’s hand but leaning down to plant a quick hello kiss on her mother’s cheek.
“I’m good. Ready to go home.” She sat upright in a chair rather than in her bed. Come to think of it, the last handful of times we’d visited her, she was out of bed, too. I took that as a sign that things were turning around for the better. Perfect timing.
“Babe, did you talk to Doctor Bronson yet?”
London nodded, biting her lip through a sunny smile. “Yes, she’s coming back a little later with more concrete info. Looks like Mom can finally come home this week.”
“Yeah?” I grinned, darting my eyes between the two of them.
“Uh huh.” Ella clapped her hands. “She said I’m healthy enough to await the transplant back home.” At that, her eyes penetrated mine—a sneaky, secretive expression meant only for me. “Henry said he’d like to come and stay over the first few nights. He’s actually on his way over now to bring me dinner. We can all discuss it together.” She winked and I stifled a laugh. I knew this was her way of telling me all systems were go for what I had planned for London tonight, and here on out.
“Mom, I don’t want to burden Henry with any of this. I’ll be there. There’s no reason for him to uproot everything. Besides, he’s like six feet tall. Won’t the couch be too short for him?”
“Couch?” Ella looked up at London, peering over the rim of the bifocals she sometimes wore. “Who said anything about the couch? He’ll be sleeping with me—in my bed.”
Go, Ella! I thought as I slapped my knee and chuckled. London was so used to babying her this last year that the roles had certainly been reversed. I loved that Ella was reminding her daughter that she called the shots. Not because I wanted London to feel bad, but because the more Ella made it clear that she had Henry to take care of her, the more London would see that I was right. There was nothing holding us back from living together. The time had come.
Once that debate was behind us, we chatted a little about my return to the office and I assured the girls that I’d already given my job ample notice about taking a short term disability for the upcoming surgery. They’d been wonderful about it, offering me the option to telecommute for as long as I needed while I recovered.
While I often looked back on the year at China begrudgingly because it was time apart from London, it had done wonders for my career. My bosses were pleased with the new clients I acquired and all the networking I did out there, I was basically sitting on easy street. Not to mention, job security meant a hell of a lot to London, especially because of everything she’d been through with Hunter. Making ends meet had been a struggle for them both; he’d been in and out of work for most of their marriage. And then he fucked up and gambled the little they did have. Stupid asshole. Every time I thought about him, my blood bubbled to a dangerous boil, but it was pointless. She was with me now and I had the ability to give her everything under the sun. And I would.
Take My Breath Away (The Every Breath Duet Book 2) Page 3