Alice: The Leader

by Gabriella Dennany

  “Will!” A girl’s voice screeches from behind us. I throw my head back to see who called his name. Gwen said his name, but Red and Sam are right behind her.

  He jumps off of me, but keeps a firm grip on my arm. I lie there for a moment, but know that I have to get the gun. I pull my arm away and shove him to the ground. I push Gwen out of the way and jump in between Sam and Red. My hand is inches away from the handle, when suddenly Red shoves me back. I keep my footing and jump back to Red. I send my hand flying to her face but she jumps away. Red stumbles on Sam and falls in his arms.

  Now is my chance.

  I reach down and grab the gun from the ground. I point it to my head and everyone freezes.

  “Alice, don’t,” Red whispers with great seriousness.

  Gwen takes a step to me and holds out her hands, “Please, Alice. Let’s talk about this. If we talk this shall all get better in time.”

  I shake my head and the tears fall. My hand shakes with the nerves as I stare at everyone else.

  “I can’t do this anymore. I have had enough of this cruel, cold world!” I cry.

  Sam shakes his head and says, “What happened? I know about... Eric... But you can move on with the help of your friends, I am sure.”

  My shoulders shake as I manage to say between sobs, “I just can’t!”

  Will looks away then back at me. He shakes his head and lunges at me. My eyes widen. He takes me by surprise. Will presses me to the wall and fumbles for the gun. I know that I have to do it now, or there will be no other time. With the strength I have left, I twist the gun to myself.

  I pull the trigger and black hot blood rushes through my nose and both of my temples. The gunshot sound rips through the air as the heavy brass of the gun falls to the ground and bounces a few times, releasing a joyful ding every time.

  I feel no pain. I feel good.

  I completely relax my corpse and collapse on my knees dropping the gun to the ground. Not because I should right now, but I feel that it is the right thing to do.

  As I feel my head hit the ground, a shockwave rips through my body. I shiver and convulse for a few milliseconds on the ground as I feel my soul rip from my body and travel freely.

  I feel blood fall down from my temple.

  In the darkness of my closed eyes I see a small dot of white light, increasing its size with every moment. I step onwards to embrace the light.

  …

  Gentle breezes of warm wind are playing with my hair. I move my head down to gaze at my body. I wear a white dress that comes up to my knees. It all feels joyous. That is, until I meet Eric. At first I am happy to see him.

  I shout, “Eric! This is the end! We finally can meet!” but Eric stands there, with a sad look, turning away to the side.

  “Are you happy, now that you did it, Alice? You took your own life therefore you don’t deserve a decent afterlife. You won’t see me ever again. I am disappointed,” I collapse on my knees as I feel how I lose Eric once more. He scatters into a huge cloud of mist.

  This very feeling sends shock and awe throughout all of my incorporeal body as a tear falls down my cheek. “What have I done?” I whisper as I look at my hands. They are covered in blood. I can’t withstand this sight so I close my eyes.

  I am alone and nothing will save me now. I hear the Captain’s mocking evil laughter screech through both of my ears. No, somewhere in between my ears. It hurts. Out of pain, I take my head in my hands as I take a deep breath and open my weary eyes once more.

  Silence.

  Darkness.

  No light to be seen anywhere. I am sure that Heaven is filled with light and no dark. So is this Hell? Have I been sentenced to spend the rest of my days in the Fields of Punishment? Have I committed a sin in the last few seconds of my life?

  No! I am sure Eric is in heaven, and I did what I did so I can be with him. Was the action made out of spite and greed? No! Of course not! I am sure he is lonely anyways. Was my action selfish? I shall admit, it was! But it wasn’t a bad kind of selfish! I was being selfish because I knew that I just couldn’t deal with that life anymore. Yes, always thinking only about yourself is bad, but when the time comes you need to help yourself. So I have not committed a sin! I shan’t be in hell! I bet this is just purgatory!

  I cannot tell if my eyes are actually open or not, it seems like I am asleep. But not really, when you just close your eyes and hope for sleep.

  Wait a second, am I just asleep? If I’m just asleep, then that means that I’m alive. Alive and well. Well shit. Can’t this day just get any better? I wonder how much time has passed. What if everything people say about heaven and hell is not real? Is this death? Is total darkness and total nothingness death?

  When one dies, do they just stare at blackness for the rest of eternity? Not even, eternity! Infinity! But how? What is infinity? Shall I stay laying here, not knowing where my body is, not being able to move, and not being able to speak, for the rest of time, if time is even real in this universe? I shan’t! I risked my life to be with Eric! Hell, I gave up my life itself to be with Eric! And with Eric is where I shall be!

  Suddenly, like an answer to my questions, a bright light erupts in front of me once more. Or this time, maybe behind, or to the left or right. I cannot really tell. I scrunch my eyes together and cover them with my hand. I look back up and the light moves away, becoming smaller and smaller making the light change just a bit.

  “Wait!” I shout at the disappearing light. As if the light heard me, it becomes bigger and bigger. It is so bright that I fall to the ground, trying to shield my eyes. I cover my face with my knees when the only light peaking in is through a little hole in between my legs. I bury my head more in my legs. My body shutters when a gust of wind flows all around my body.

  My body stiffens. A gust of wind? I slowly start to pull my head out of my tiny shelter. A can hear a tiny squawk from a parrot and I move quickly to see where I am. I blink to push away the grogginess and look at the scene in front of me.

  Instead of a blinding light or vast darkness, in front of me is a beach. I use my hands to push myself up from the ground below me and I stand on my bare feet. I curl my toes and feel the sand under my feet. I close my eyes and feel the nice cool breeze brush across my face. Opening my eyes, I stare at the blue sparkling ocean. A smile forms on my lips as I run towards the vast ocean.

  I stop right at the water line and feel the water wash over my bare feet. I smile and hear a noise from behind me. I don’t turn around; I am to engrossed in the beauty of the ocean.

  Is this heaven? Is the Kingdom of God not even a majestic castle? Is it just a beautiful and mesmerizing ocean? Wait, if this is heaven, then where is Eric?

  No, this is purgatory, isn’t it? I sigh; Eric will have to wait for me. No, no, no. This isn’t heaven, this isn’t hell, this isn’t purgatory, and this isn’t even Mount Olympus for God’s sake! So where am I? Where have I been sent to spend the rest of my days?

  “Alice!” A male voice shouts from behind me.

  I jump around in shock, searching for the person who called my name. No one stands behind me. Suddenly, the wind starts to pick up and I fall on my butt. I stand, but just get knocked down again by the sudden rush of wind. I look around frantically, trying to find the cause of the force. I finally regain my footing and look around. I put my hand over my eyes as sand gets taken up in the wind. I turn back to the ocean to avoid the sand ruining my eyes.

  “Who goes there?” I shout in question.

  No answer.

  “She’s leaving!” A woman voice rings in my ears.

  “Stop! Where are you? Who is leaving?” I scream in question with frustration.

  I cover my ears and search the sky. Someone is out there and calling my name, yet I cannot seem to find him and/or her.

  I start to run up the beach, hoping to find someone. I make it to the top of the sandy hill, shading my eyes from the sand and the blinding heat of the sun. I remove my hands and gasp at what is before me. Th
e beautiful beach is gone and what replaced it is burning buildings.

  The ground is like a simple kitchen match and the buildings are what you rub it against. The ground sets fire to the sky, making a deep red glow fall over the city. I know the city, New York. My home is on fire before me. The sun seems to be just sitting on the horizon, watching his people become ash before him. Horrifying screams and pounding gunshots make my ears ring even more.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I scream at the sky, “Just let me go!”

  “Did she just call out to us?” The woman voice screams in question in my right ear.

  I cover both of my ears in pain and cast my gaze to the sky. I let out a cry of pain when I look back at the place before me. Suddenly, I see piercing, baby blue eyes bare into mine. They seem so full of sorrow as I stare back, wanting to know whom the person is.

  I am so entranced by the eyes that I run straight towards them. My bare feet hit the spikey grass and I glance down towards my legs. The dress I wear seems to flow in the wind and my pale skin seems to glow in the red atmosphere surrounding the deadly city. I stop at some gates that surround the burning city.

  A boy with dark hair and stunning eyes stands on the other side. Splotches of blood are on his neck and his face as he stares back at me.

  “What is this place?” I ask slowly.

  “You should know. This is your home,” He growls.

  I raise an eyebrow, “Of course it is my home. This is New York City. But, it is not my home the more I look. Everything burns. Everything is becoming ash before my eyes. I do not remember fire ruling this city.”

  The boy bangs his head against the gate and says, “Do you think you’re dead?”

  I laugh slightly, “Oh I do not think I am such, I know I am dead.”

  He rolls his eyes, “You’re not. Sadly, that is all I can tell you about where you are now.”

  “Do you know of the beach? That is where I appeared after.... After....”

  My voice trails off. How exactly did I get to the beach? I remember... Gunfire...

  Eric... Being alone...

  “Can’t remember, huh?” He shakes his head slowly.

  As I keep staring into his eyes, they became more and more familiar. “Do I know you?” I ask quietly.

  He rolls his eyes at me and spit, “Wake up, Alice. Remember what you’re seeing today, it could happen in the future if you aren’t careful.”

  I cock my head at him, he knows my name but I do not know his. “What his happening here exactly?” I ask.

  He digs his hands through his hair and glares at me, “Remember, princess! You will know what this is when the time comes. But right now, you’ve got to wake up!”

  I watch him with confusion, and hear a rustling behind him in the trees. I hear a few girly voices come from the bush.

  “Will, what are you doing? I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” A girl with short brown hair and freckles comes jogging over. She wears black leather with a silver belt. She sets her hand on his shoulder and I feel a spark of fury in my stomach.

  I don’t even know why I feel angry! I don’t remember who these people are!

  “Gwen hasn’t been looking anywhere for you. I found you, Will. I have to tell you something important” Another girl comes running over. She wears the same things as Gwen but her sleeves are rolled up. Her hair is black and tied up in a ponytail and her eyes are green. Tattoos of ribbons and fleshy veins are on her arms the colors are green and black. She stops talking as she stares at me in shock. She comes to the gate and gives me a closer look.

  Will turns to her and back at me. I watch her with great shock. After a moment, I realize why she is shocked. She is I and I am she.

  “Will, who the hell” She is cut off by another voice form behind the trees.

  “Alice, it’s time! Hurry!” An older woman voice yells.

  The boy turns back to me and says, “Don’t forget this, princess.”

  I cock my head at him and Gwen spits, “Come on!”

  Will looks back at me and commands, “Turn around and wake up.” I watch him zip off through some bushes with the girl named Gwen. Alice, or me, stayed staring.

  “So Will was right. I remember this from when I was in your perspective,” She whispers.

  I cock my head and say, “Are we really the same person?”

  She nods and lets out a sigh. “I can only say a few things. Time is running out here, Alice. I made the wrong choice,” She says.

  “What was the choice?” I ask.

  “I stayed with Eric,” Alice mumbles.

  I take a step back, “What do you mean? Our brother is dead! That is why I am here is it not?”

  Alice looks back towards the bushes then back at me, “Do what Will says. Wake up and take it slow. Things are about to get rough back home,” She then turns and is about to run away, but I call out to her.

  “Wait!” I shout. She turns around and looks at me in question, “What did you mean before when you said that you stayed with Eric? Did he not die in this world?”

  Alice looks away nervously and then back at me. “I can’t exactly say much. Just do as Will said. Turn around and wake up. You have to,” She says softly as she turns around and sprints into the bushes.

  I slowly turned around, scared about what she said to me. Soon enough, I am looking out onto the beach. I cover my eyes from the sun and flying sand. The ocean sparkles in a greeting and I spin around. Instead of seeing burning buildings I see a hill of sand. They are gone, whoever they were. I reach out with my right hand, outstretching my fingers, hoping to feel a wall. Just something to prove that if I tried I would be able to see them again.

  When I don’t feel anything, I turn back towards the ocean and think of his and Alice’s last words. ‘Wake up.’ He says it like I’m asleep. What if I am asleep? But how do I wake up?

  I run down the beach and stop at the water line. I lie down and feel the water sweep up and wet my legs and the bottom of my dress. I close my eyes and remember how it felt when the beach was not there:

  Total darkness and loneliness.

  I still cannot remember who those people were. Apparently, I know them. But I swear I was talking to myself and I know that I saw myself in front of me.

  Slowly, I open my eyes to be blinded once again. I am afraid that I’m back at the beach, alone. But, when my eyes adjust I see a lamp. I furrow my brows and blink a few times. A gasp leaves my mouth when I realize where I am. The white walls and super comfy blanket lets me know that I’m awake. I’m alive and well in the infirmary at the base. I lift my left hand, but my right seems to be firmly held onto.

  I turn my head to see Will. I remember! Will, oh Will!

  His face is turned towards mine and I smile. The smile leaves and becomes a frown when I see how tired he looks. There are dark bags under his eyes and he is shaking in his sleep. I gently shake my fingers in his hand and he stirs slightly. He starts to lift up his head and his eyes slowly open. Will stares at me then blinks a few times before his lips start to twitch.

  I watch him, waiting for him to speak. But instead, my mouth opens and a few words spill out, “How long have I been asleep?”

  He opens his mouth but no words come out. He makes a slight noise and his eyes get wider by the second. Whoa, a speechless Will...

  “Four days,” Gwen comes walking in with her heels clicking on the hard floor of the infirmary with a clipboard in her hand. She struts over to me and inspects the IV right next to me.

  I turn to Will and say, “Have you been here the whole time?”

  “Well” Gwen starts to speak, but I cut her off with a flick of my hand.

  “I asked Will, not you,” I say sternly.

  Gwen shuffles her feet nervously and mumbles, “Sorry, he just hasn’t talked much over the past few days.”

  I ignore her and turn back to Will. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for an answer, “Have you?”

  He stares into my eyes and abruptly stands from hi
s chair. He turns on his heel and zips out of the room. He ran out so fast that the chair fell over behind him.

  I stare back at him in shock, “Why won’t he talk to me?”

  “Do you remember what happened before you blacked out?” Gwen asks while crossing her arms over her chest.

  I close my eyes, trying to picture what had happened. All that I see are those burning buildings and me staring at myself, “No, all that I remember is what I dreamt of.”

  “Oh, maybe you want to tell me about it? I read that it helps settle nerves of trying to figure out what it means,” Gwen explains.

  I shake my head, annoyed of her rambling, “Sorry, Gwen but I really want to know why Will won’t speak to me. I don’t remember doing anything wrong.”

  She looks down nervously and states, “That’s where you’re wrong. Technically, suicide is a very wrong thing,” she stops to take a look at my expression.

  I glare at her while tapping my fingers against the bed railing, my nose flaring with irritation.

  She clears her throat and continues, “After Will was able to get past your barrier in front of the door, he tackled you. That ended up happening over and over again once Sam, Red, and I got there. You were trying to push us out of the way and get to the gun. Will was keeping you back, until you pushed Red really hard out of your way. She jumped on you, but your reflexes have become very well over a period of time. You got to the gun and you pointed it to your left temple with your finger fastened on the trigger,” Gwen stops and takes in a deep breath.

  I watch with anxiety. Clearly, I didn’t shoot myself in the head or I would really be dead right now.

  “Will couldn’t deal with it. If you died, he possibly would have tried suicide like you. Luckily, he moved the gun from your head, but you managed to twist his wrist so the gun faced your stomach,” Gwen speaks fast at the end clearly glad she finished.

  “I still don’t know why he would be upset, though,” I say with a small shrug.

  Gwen sighs and says, “From our perspectives it looked like he shot you. Especially from his perspective.”

  I look at her with shock. He thinks it is his fault I lie in this bed right now. “I’ve got to find him!” I exclaim. I jump from the bed, ripping off little wires taped to my skin.