But when I looked at her again, I saw those deep green eyes on me again, saw the renewal of that blush, and I knew that I was okay. At least I was pretty sure, which was enough to get me into the booth, sitting beside Fay as if our separation had only been for a week or two, instead of something approaching a decade.
“Hey,” I said quietly, hoping I sounded more confident than I was feeling. She was the only woman who could still make me feel unsure after all these years, and I didn’t like it. This was the old me, not the man I’d become since leaving this town far behind me. “I didn’t really expect to see you again so soon.”
“No, I guess I didn’t either,” she said hesitantly, gripping her drink as if it would disappear if she let it go for even a minute. “Even though we both know this is about the smallest town in the whole world.”
“Actually, it’s not.”
“Oh no?” she asked with one eyebrow raised, a look she’d given me many times when we’d been in school together and she thought I was planning on doing something stupid. “And what makes you so sure about that?”
“I looked it up once,” I said.
“You did not!” she said with a smile on her face. “I totally don’t believe you.”
“I sure as shit did,” I said, laughing. I felt a little bit dizzy with how natural this conversation was feeling. “Just to see. It turns out there are a couple of places that are smaller. But not many.”
“That’s completely nuts,” she said, shaking her head.
“It may be, my dear, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”
“Okay, then tell me where? And I don’t mean just the name of the town, either. Don’t think for one minute that I don’t know how easily you could just make something up. I want the name, location, most famous person that ever came from there. Whatever you’ve got. Lay it on me. I want the proof.”
“Would you believe me if I said I forgot?” I asked, grinning.
“Oh Lord, Neil. You’re just a mess, aren’t you?”
We fell into a kind of silence then. I wouldn’t have gone so far as to call it a comfortable silence, it wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever sat through. Probably the most uncomfortable thing about it was the fact that Eli and Courtney were loudly making out across the table from us. His hand was already up her shirt and clearly planning to get as much exploring done as possible.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Fay and I sat there silently, both of us gripping our drinks now and sitting close enough to be almost touching. All of a sudden, it hit me that maybe I should apologize. I’d done something that pretty much everyone would agree was shitty to her, and she was sitting beside me, having the grace not to make a fuss about it. It made me want to get to know her again. The drinks and the fact that she was even sexier than ever didn’t hurt that cause, either.
I wanted to kiss her. All at once, the urge to press my lips to hers overwhelmed me. I wanted to see what she would be like now that she was a woman, instead of a girl. It probably made me an asshole, but hey? What didn’t these days? I was actually reaching a hand toward her, ready to make a move and see how far I could push things, when she shifted in her seat and grabbed her purse. She glanced over at Courtney, opened her mouth to say something, and then looked back at me.
“I hate to say this, but I think it’s time for me to go.”
“No, come on,” I said. “You don’t need to do that. I was kind of thinking that we could talk some more. See how life has changed us. I think I want to see more of you.”
“You want to see more of me?” she asked, her voice quiet and unsure.
“I do,” I answered her, sure that I’d said just the right thing to get her where I wanted her. “I really fucking do.”
“Well, that’s not a bad thing, but it’s also not going to happen. At least not tonight. If you want to see more of me, you know where to find me. But right now, I’m going to say goodnight.”
Then she was gone. There I was, sitting at a table with an old buddy I hadn’t seen for years and Fay’s best friend. Despite being lip-locked with Eli, Courtney shot me a very enthusiastic middle finger.
That was enough for me for the night. I got up, leaving behind a couple twenty dollar bills to pay for my drinks, and headed home for the night. Watching Eli and Courtney while I just sat there, was a little sad.
When I got home I could see Fay’s house. It was dark inside her house so I couldn’t actually see anything she was doing. And though I couldn’t figure out if I was being creepy or not, I couldn’t help but think about what she might have been doing.
She was gorgeous. Even after all of these years, the girl still looked the exact same as she had when I had left all those years ago.
The thought of how she looked and what she might be doing was turning me on. I had an erection within seconds of even thinking her name. I couldn’t help it. Not only did she possess a certain innocence about herself. But she also, had a maturity that no one our age really did.
I thought about how she had acted tonight and I wanted nothing more than to turn back the clock, grab her arm, pulling her back onto the seat and kiss her beautiful mouth. I should have done it and now I was kicking myself for not doing it.
So instead, I went into the bathroom. The one place I knew I could help ease what was definitely turning into some blue balls.
I turned the shower on “hot” and undressed. I stepped into the shower and then began to run my hand along my cock.
Fay’s body had always been a dream to look at. She was fit but she had curves in all the right places and I pictured what it would be like to undress her and look down at her naked body as she lay beneath me. I pictured her trembling as I fucked her into oblivion.
I pictured her bending over in front of me in the shower. Showing me that perfect ass. I could make her go crazy with my dick. I’d fuck her hard, fast and deep. She wouldn’t even know what hit her when I made her come.
“Oh Fay.” I moaned as I moved my hand up and down my hard cock. I wanted to feel her more than anything. I wanted to get inside of her and feel that sweet pussy I knew she had. I gripped a little harder, the water falling over me, and began to move my hand up and down the length of myself, faster and faster.
I wanted to come, I needed to come. I wanted to feel her come all on me. I wanted to hear her calling my name out in pleasure as I held her legs up in the air.
I leaned against the shower wall, to regain my balance so I wouldn’t fall over and I jacked off even harder. I felt myself getting closer and I pictured Fay on her knees before me. Taking me into her mouth all the way and sucking. I pictured her moving her perfect head back and forth on my hard dick.
I started moaning as I found my release and began to come. It was a pretty intense orgasm that seemed to last longer than normal. And when I came down, I really couldn’t stop picturing Fay’s face. Which made it hard not to get turned on once again.
Chapter 9: Fay
“Hey, bitch!” Courtney exclaimed. “I’m glad to see you’re alive!”
“Me?” I asked in confusion. “Of course, I’m alive. I’m the one who went home early, remember?”
“Of course, I remember. At least, I think I do. Now get inside the car. It’s fucking freezing. This is Alaska we’re living in, in case you forgot.”
I got into the car laughing, seeing my breath as almost a solid thing as I did so, and not caring even a little bit. It was true that I had a little bit of a headache, which didn’t surprise me. The relatively small amount I’d had to drink the night before was still a lot for me. Other than that, I was feeling pretty good. In fact, I was feeling pretty great, although I didn’t want to let myself.
I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but at the same time, I couldn’t stop replaying my brief encounter with Neil in my head. I’d probably replayed it a thousand times before I was actually able to fall asleep the night before. I continued thinking about it after contacting Courtney and telling her that I couldn’t get my car to start
. I was so into thinking about the way Neil and I had interacted that I almost didn’t bother to bring my book with me, even though I was headed to work and the book always came with me when I did that. I hadn’t become any less interested in my reading, but I was also close to positive that I had something else to do my entertaining today.
“Whew!” Courtney said. “Pretty interesting night, huh?”
“Interesting?” I repeated, looking sideways at Courtney to see if she was trying to mess with me or something. “Sure, I guess you could say that.”
“Hey, how come you’re using that tone?” she asked me, pouting. Her eyes focused on the road, and I thought it was probably safe to sneak a look up at Neil’s house before we pulled out onto the road, and we lost sight of it altogether.
“What tone?” I asked distractedly, wanting her to keep talking, but not actually putting all that much energy into listening. “I’m not using a tone.”
“Um, I beg to differ. You most definitely are. It’s the tone you use with me when you think I’ve been up to no good.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure we both know that you have, but I don’t care. I’ve always liked Eli.”
“Shit, I’m not talking about that,” she shot back. “I’m up to that kind of no good plenty. You sound like you think I did something sneaky. That’s what I’m getting at.”
“No, I’m not saying that,” I said frowning. “But now that you mention it.”
“Just what? Spit it out, Turner. You’re killing me!”
“Did you do that, somehow?” I asked. “Like, did you get Neil to come to the bar?”
“Ha! Nope, but it worked out pretty perfectly, didn’t it? I totally wish I could take credit for it, believe me, but no deal. Just a freaking happy coincidence, at least for me.”
“What do you mean, at least for you? Why not for me, too?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like things went very far. You got up and left him sitting there like a total jackass!”
“And what was I supposed to do instead?” I asked in annoyance.
“Oh, I don’t know, go back to that massive house of his? Not to be insensitive or anything, but it’s not like there’s anyone else there to have a problem with it anymore.”
“Courtney!” I almost shrieked, actually kind of horrified. My voice was loud enough to make Courtney wince. “That’s a terrible thing to say! And it shouldn’t surprise you that I didn’t go home with him. It’s not like him being back in town magically changed who I was, right?”
“Right, but come on! Isn’t this sort of the one you’ve been holding out for? After all of those freaking Prince Charming kinds of books, isn’t he yours? The ridiculously hot ex comes back into town under tragic circumstances? You both happen to be in the right place at the right time? Tell me that isn’t the perfect scenario for you to pop your cherry.”
“Sorry, but no.”
“What more do you want, Fay?”
“For him to prove it’s about more than just getting me into bed, for starters. He was drunk, Courtney, and I was, too. If we’re even going to think about going there, I’m going to need a little bit more than that.”
“Like what, a diamond ring?” she asked.
“No, but some conversation might be nice. A little bit of time to get to know each other.”
“But you two dated all through high school!”
“That’s right, and that was years and years ago. I mean, after all this time, we need to get to know who we are now. I told him very clearly that if he wanted to see more of me, he knew where to find me.”
“Yeah, well don’t get your hopes up, lady. I wish I were wrong about this, but I don’t think men like the one you’re holding out for exist. Not even when they’re hot exes.”
“They may not. Then again, they may. We’ll just have to see.”
I thought I was doing a pretty good job of sounding sure of myself, but inside, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. The night before, I had felt so good about what I was doing. I’d felt sure that it was the right move. But in the cold, gray light of the next day’s afternoon, I wasn’t so sure.
Neil had probably only been expressing interest in me because he was drunk, and he knew I might still have an emotional tie to him. Maybe he was also a little bit surprised that I hadn’t freaked out on him yet. If that was the case, he wasn’t the only one.
Even though I was the one living inside of my own head, I still couldn’t quite understand how it was that I was so okay with the fact that Neil had completely bailed on me and was now acting like nothing had ever happened at all. I was maybe a little extra cautious, but whether or not I should have been, I found that I couldn’t make myself be angry. Part of me even wanted to be angry. It felt like it would have been a hell of a lot safer than whatever it was I was doing instead, but I couldn’t do it.
What I could do was make myself half-crazy. Courtney and I opened up the diner. I waited to see if Neil would come and see me, or if it had only been his drinks talking. Courtney’s words kept replaying in my mind over and over again, like a tape on a loop. I couldn’t help wondering if everything she’d said to me was right. Maybe it had always been right, maybe all of it had been, and I had only been wasting my time on stupid dreams of life being a certain way that didn’t really exist.
“Hey! Hey, dreamy, pay attention!”
I looked up so suddenly that I almost dropped the salt shaker I had in my hand. Courtney, who had actually done some work for a change and wiped the tables down, was groaning and laughing at the same time. Jesus, I really did belong in one of those fairytale movies, one of the ones where the main princess was so full of daydreams that she could hardly navigate the world around her.
I had been so busy thinking about Neil and whether or not I had played things the right way that I had managed to dump a not inconsiderable amount of salt all over the counter top. I cursed to myself under my breath. That struck Courtney even funnier than the spillage itself and got her laughing in earnest.
I began to set about cleaning my mess up. I was so wrapped up in what I was doing that I completely ignored the sound of the door’s bell dinging. Courtney stopped laughing and, instead of greeting our customer, remained totally silent. That was odd, so I looked up, already on the verge of being pissed off at her for making my afternoon harder than it needed to be.
“Neil!” I exclaimed.
“Fay,” he said, smiling. He looked tired and a little worse for wear. But somehow, he managed to look completely gorgeous all the same. “Did I come at a bad time?”
“What? No! No, you didn’t. We’re just getting everything set up.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t the salt go inside of the shakers and not on the countertop?” he asked with a grin.
“Ah, is that where I went wrong?” I said, feeling embarrassed. “Good thing you were here to tell me.”
“Definitely,” he agreed, smiling wider as he took a seat right in front of where I was still trying to clean up my mess. “Dodged a bullet if you ask me.”
“Well that’s good. Don’t want to do the opposite.”
Neil laughed a little, and then there was silence. I could feel him looking at me while I looked down at the salt. At the same time, I could feel Courtney’s eyes boring into the side of my face. It was such an intense stare that I was sure that giving her super powers would have meant my death. I wanted to look right back at her and tell her to back off already. She cleared her throat and tapped the coffee machine.
“Oh!” I said.
“What?” Neil asked, sounding like he might be genuinely considering my well-being. “Is something the matter?”
“No,” I said, scrambling. I wished that I was a much better liar than I really was, for probably the thousandth time over the last couple of days. “Just a cut on my hand that salt didn’t help with at all. Also, can I get you something? Another cup of coffee?”
“Nope, I already had my coffee for today.”
“Something else then?” I asked. “Are you still a Dr. Pepper fan?”
“I am, but I don’t want one of those, either.”
“All right, but we’re reaching the end of the things I know for a fact you like. Maybe it would be easier if you just told me what you’d like?”
“I came here for you, actually,” he said.
“For me? I don’t get it.”
“You told me last night that if I wanted to see more of you, I knew where to find you. You did say that, right? Please tell me I didn’t hallucinate that because that would be so embarrassing.”
“No, you didn’t. I just, I guess I didn’t expect you to show up here.”
“That’s fair,” he said. “Is it that you didn’t want me to show up? You can tell me if that’s it. I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”
It was such a shockingly honest question that it caught me completely off guard. The Neil I had known before he’d left Ashville for good had always had his eyes forward. He’d always been looking to move forward. It was the thing that had made him almost frighteningly ambitious, but it had also made him sort of blind to the way the things he did affected other people.
I didn’t have time to sit down and think it all through with him sitting there and looking at me. It didn’t help that Courtney was staring me down from behind. But I was pretty sure there had never been a time that Neil had asked me anything that pointed to any level of introspection. I didn’t think that he had ever asked me something as simple as whether I wanted him around or not. It wasn’t a bad question to be asked, but I also had no idea how I was supposed to answer it. I was so thrown off that I was actually grateful when Courtney spoke up for me.
“Nope, not to worry, Neil. There’s no issue there.”
“You sure about that?” he asked Courtney, laughing like it was no big deal but not quite able to get rid of the weird little shake his voice had taken on. “I can’t say this is how people usually act when they’re happy to see me.”
Passion: A Single Dad Small Town Romance Page 53