by Mandy Rosko
“Excuse me?” Katie roared, clenching her fists. “Keep your attention on the matter at hand!”
Jax looked at her. He couldn’t help but chuckle again.
“Stop laughing at me!”
Jax shook his head. “Can’t help it. Zelda said I looked like a cartoon, but now I see it’s you that looks like the cartoon. Big angry eyes and flapping mouth.”
Katie clenched her hand into a fist. “I swear if I wasn’t an omega, I’d knock your teeth out for that.”
Jax got serious. “Can I come inside? We need to talk.”
Katie’s eyes widened a fraction before she stepped back, her expression, her entire body language changing to something a little more closed off.
“You don’t have to protect yourself from me. I won’t hurt you.” That she could even think such a thing…
“I know, but I don’t think it’s such a great idea. Not yet.”
He wanted to scream at her. To demand to know when. They’d slept together twice—okay, one was more foreplay but it was still intimate—and one of those times was definitely not because Katie felt some guilty inclination to see to his health.
He took her by the wrist and dragged her down the hallway.
“H-hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
The strength in her omega body wasn’t enough to stop him from hauling her along, but being punched in the back continuously like that sure as hell was annoying.
“I’m taking you out of the lodge. You want to be in your wolf form? You want to be outside? We’ll go outside.”
The fists on the back of his shoulder suddenly stopped. Katie was no longer digging her heels into the carpet quiet so intensively. “What do you mean? Garret said we couldn’t run around outside.”
“He didn’t say that. He said not to go to the outskirts of the territory. We’ll stay on the lawn. Shift there.”
Katie was quiet after that.
Jax sighed. He didn’t stop walking. “Do you really not want to be around me?”
“What?”
Jax glanced back at her. “It shocks you to hear that?”
“Of course it does. I’m not scared to be around you.”
Jax turned around. He didn’t bother pointing out how she was scared for him to be in her room.
“I know you don’t like being touched.” He purposely squeezed his fingers around her hand, showing her he had no intention of letting her go. “But I can’t do this anymore.”
“You…what?”
He didn’t answer. The inside of his chest ached, and there were people inside the house, clustered together and whispering about all the excitement and danger of yesterday. Jax glared at them until they scattered.
“Hey! Answer me! You can’t just say stuff like that and not answer me!”
Jax didn’t say anything. He brought Katie downstairs and headed for the back doors. He pulled open the sliding shatterproof glass doors and stepped out onto the wide deck.
He yanked Katie out with him, closing the door behind him. There were a couple of betas sitting at the table smoking. Alex was the first to jump to his feet, squashing the cigarette out, as if Jax was expected to care if the betas smoked.
The awkward vibe surrounding him and Katie must have been obvious.
Alex looked back at his friends, as if he didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing. “Jax?”
“Give us a minute, you guys. Can you hit the game room or something?”
They looked amongst each other, the discomfort clear on their faces. “Garret wants us to watch the property.”
Jax rolled his eyes. “I can watch the back lawn while you guys take a five minute break. Get lost.”
Yeah, he wasn’t giving them a chance to get out of this one. They quickly left, though Jax could feel their eyes on him as they slinked off. He didn’t owe them an explanation. Not for this. He was tired of making nice, and right now he wasn’t going to pretend he was in a good mood.
He turned to Katie. She had her arms crossed again, closing herself off from him. She wouldn’t even look at him.
That pain around Jax’s heart gripped him tightly, as if there was a skeletal fist punching through his chest and squeezing with all its strength.
“So?” Katie asked.
Jax clenched his fists hard enough that his claws dug into his palms. The pain when he punctured his flesh was preferable to this other pain he felt in his chest. The feeling of not being able to breathe was worse than anything he’d ever felt in his life.
“You’re standing right there,” Jax began. “But you’re so far away.”
Katie tensed. She finally looked at him, and Jax tried to, but he couldn’t feel any relief from this. He wanted to see this as another small sign, a crumb of hope, but he didn’t.
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that I’m starving for you.” A little more of the dragon came out. Katie’s eyes were suddenly focused on Jax’s shoulders. He didn’t have to look to see that his scales were coming out. They were itching his skin.
He didn’t take his eyes away from Katie. He waited for her to look at him again, at his face. Their gazes locked, and Jax got the feeling that always gripped him tight whenever he looked into her golden eyes. They were almost the same color as his scales. He used to think that had something to do with fate. Now it was less romantic. Now it was just a coincidence.
Katie’s eyes suddenly flew wide enough that he could see the whites all the way around them. She shook her head. “No. You can’t be serious. Why? Because I don’t want to let you in my room?”
“Don’t do that.” Jax had to close his eyes for a second. He pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting off the oncoming headache.
“Do what? Ask why you’re dumping me?”
Jax clenched his teeth. He glared at the woman in front of him. “Do you want me to pine after you for another fifty years? What about two hundred years? I can’t do this anymore. You’ve kept me at arm’s length for long enough. I won’t do this anymore. You’re just hurting us both.”
Katie shook her head. She looked away from him, running her shaky hand through her brunette bob cut. “No, you…This is just…”
“I’m not debating this, Katie. Your wounds are clearly the likes of which I can’t heal.”
Katie snapped her attention back to him, her eyes blazing with fire, but not the sort that showed how alive she was. She was angry. “You don’t know anything about my wounds!”
“I know you keep picking at them. And I won’t be punished anymore.”
Katie fell back a step, as if Jax had physically punched her in the chest. “You think I was punishing you?”
“I felt your punishment.” Jax wouldn’t argue with this. “I wasn’t living here when it happened to you, but I still felt your pain. I was drawn to you, even when you kept me away. I stayed away, but I stayed close, for you. I wanted to protect you, so I stayed. It had nothing to do with not having a dragon clan, or feeling some gratitude to Garret for saving my life. I could have gone off on my own, made my own way. I never had to live here. I stayed for you.”
Katie shook her head. Her golden eyes swam, as if she was in pain.
Jax’s first instinct was to stop. To end the thing that was causing her this discomfort, but he couldn’t.
“I don’t want to tell you these things, but if I don’t, you will never be free of me.”
Katie released a watery laugh. “Free of you?”
“You’re chained to me as much as I’m chained to you. You don’t want a mate. You don’t want to be hurt. I understand that. I respect that, I always have, but I was selfish and stupid. I thought if I waited, if I was patient, you would let me in. You’re getting better, but fucking me for my health, forcing yourself to touch me, wasn’t exactly what I hoped for.”
“I don’t have to force myself to touch you.” She reached out for him, but it was the blur in her eyes, and the way her voice cracked, that made Jax step back before her
hands could reach their target.
This seemed to stun her. Katie pulled back, as though Jax was made of hot coals and she would burn if she touched him. She held her hands to her chest, closing herself off again. That was to be expected. Jax was purposely hurting her.
He’d hoped this would be like ripping off a Band-Aid, but he was talking about severing the connection between them. He was telling her he was going to end their mating. He felt her pain, as he’d felt all of her pain for so many years.
“You were never able to really be alone because I was always there. I was always hovering over your shoulder, watching and waiting, hoping,” Jax said softly. “It wasn’t right.”
Katie’s tears slipped down her face. She’d always been small, but now she appeared utterly tiny, as if he could hold her in his hands.
“If I’m not there, if the mating isn’t pulling you towards me, maybe you can finally heal. You can decide what you want to do with your life, who you want to be, and whether you want to be mated at all, without the pressure of having someone waiting for you on the other side.”
This time, Jax did put his hands on her shoulders. He had to. Katie tensed. She tried to hold it back, she always wanted to be strong, but she released a tiny sob.
Jax sucked back a hard breath. He couldn’t watch her like this. Everything inside him pulled him to her, to comfort her. He had to step around her, walk back into the lodge before he grabbed her and held onto her so tight he might not let her go.
If he did that, it might give her the wrong idea.
Band-Aid. Just like a Band-Aid, and he didn’t look back when Katie called out his name.
Chapter 10
Katie stood there on the deck, her legs as frozen as the inside of her chest. She was as cold as the freezer in the kitchen, and she had no idea what to do about it because this wasn’t supposed to happen.
Jax was leaving her? He was dumping her?
That seemed…
Totally fair and reasonable. That was why it hurt so much.
Katie stumbled to one of the chairs by the glass table. She fell into her seat, dumbstruck.
She kept waiting to blink and realize this was a bad dream, but, no. This wasn’t a dream. Jax wasn’t dumping her either. She was mature enough to realize that much, despite not wanting to admit it.
Katie propped her elbows up onto the table. She stared at her face in the reflection of the glass.
Jax said he didn’t want to be with anyone who would have to force themselves to be with him. That was actually an honorable and noble trait in a man. If he’d said he didn’t care how he took her, well, she might run for the hills.
They were mates, and all this time Katie had been torturing him, making him wait, making him feel her pain when he’d never done a single thing wrong to her. Sure, what happened to her had been…bad, to say the least, but he had nothing to do with that. It happened before he’d become a member of the pack.
She’d needed time to recover, and Jax never once put pressure on her. She’d known he was there, and at times felt guilty for making him wait, but if she was honest with herself, she’d always felt more comforted by the fact that she knew he was there, and would be waiting for her when she was ready.
Now he was saying the fact that she wasn’t ready was because of him?
Katie didn’t believe it. She scrubbed the back of her fist over her eyes, banishing more tears, but her eyes stayed wet.
A hand touched her shoulder. Katie spun around.
Jax!
Not Jax. Alex had come back. The expression within his soft brown eyes was pitying. “Are you okay?”
Katie scrubbed her eyes hard enough that she probably took off a layer of skin on her face. “I’m fine.” She tried to pull a serious face, but wasn’t sure how well that was coming off when her eyes were swelling and turning red. “What do you want?”
Alex blinked. He looked back at the other betas. Neil shrugged. Great. Of course she had an audience.
“We’re supposed to be watching the property.”
Katie pressed her hands to the table, using every ounce of willpower she had to keep from putting her fists through the glass. “All right. I’ll leave you to it.”
She wasn’t in the mood to shift and run. Not that it mattered since stupid Garret didn’t want her going outside the tree line. She didn’t want to be a wolf if she couldn’t run, and lying on the grass in the sun didn’t sound so appealing when these guys were around.
“Did you and Jax have a fight?” Neil asked.
Katie walked by him, not looking at any of the betas. “No.” She made it to the sliding glass door, then frowned and turned. “Why?”
It wasn’t like Jax to show off his frustrations with the rest of the pack. He was usually more reserved. Sometimes it was hard to remember he was an alpha. Except for when he got into a fight.
Alex put a hand on his hip, scratching the back of his head. “He went back to the basement to see the prisoner. He had his claws out. Didn’t look too happy.”
Katie’s eyes widened. Jax was going to hurt the prisoner?
“Why didn’t any of you idiots stop him?” She rushed through the glass door, leaving it open as she made her way to the door leading to the basement. She flew down the wide stairs. The basement was where the laundry was taken to be done. A game room was down here, and a few separate rooms made for holding rogue prisoners, either to attempt to rehabilitate them and make them part of the pack, or, if they were from Dennis’ group, question and dispose of them.
It wasn’t often they had a rogue down here, and this was only the second time there had been one from Dennis’ pack since Dennis, his father, and several others had been banished.
Katie ran to the door to the prisoner’s room. It was a heavy, reinforced steel door. The instant she put her hands on it, she yanked them back with a small gasp. The heat, the fury she felt in touching what Jax had touched just moments before was strong. She couldn’t believe there was that much boiling rage left over in the metal. Enough of it that Katie was able to feel it, and she wasn’t even close to being an empath.
The sound of flesh smashing against flesh, of hard grunting, and then angry shouts, erupted the second she opened the door to the soundproofed room.
She peeked through the small opening she made.
The rogue was on the floor in a cage, his ankle shackled with silver, and though there was barely enough slack on that chain for the prisoner to walk around with, Jax kept a firm hold on the man, one hand on his throat while his fist came down hard again and again, the barred door wide open behind him.
“Where are they hiding? Where are they?”
Katie’s heart slammed against her ribs. Her breathing became labored, and she couldn’t explain what it was about the sight of this that made her uneasy. She didn’t know the name of the man on the floor. By every reason she could imagine, she shouldn’t care about him either. He was from Dennis’ pack, the pack that had violated her, or sided with the people who had.
Let him get a good beating. Maybe Jax would get Anna’s location out of him.
But at the cost of seeing Jax’s eyes that shade of red? His teeth bared, as if he was planning on biting down at the guy’s face and tearing it off.
“Jax. Jax!”
She had to run to him. He couldn’t hear her, and drops of blood and spittle were dotting the cement floor around the head of the man Jax was torturing.
She grabbed Jax by the arm when he raised it to bring it back down on the face of the prisoner. Jax roared, and his alpha side must have taken her touch to be some form of threat when she grabbed him because he pushed her back so hard and rough that Katie cried out, her stomach dropping as her feet left the floor and she flew backwards.
Her skull conked the wall when she hit it. Even though her back took most of the weight, she was lucky because there was no pain there, just flashing stars in front of her eyes and an ache in the back of her head.
“Jesus Christ, Katie, lo
ok at me.”
Katie already had her eyes open, but it seemed as if by magic, Jax was in front of her. His skin was impossibly pale and soft brown eyes looked horrified.
Maybe she’d passed out a little without noticing. “I’m fine.”
Katie tried to move, then hissed with the sudden eruption of pain in her skull. “Oh God, not fine.”
It throbbed to such an extent she felt it rushing down her spine. Did she have a neck injury? If she did, it had better heal quickly, because otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to move from this spot, and she really didn’t feel like sitting in the prisoner’s cell like this, the rogue shifter just behind Jax, bloody and unmoving from the floor.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was you.”
“I know.” Katie made a fist and punched him in the eye with it, just because she needed to get back at him. “Asshole. Watch what you’re doing next time.”
His face barely turned to the side under the force of her strike. She probably hadn’t hurt him at all, which was fine. She didn’t want to hurt him anyway.
Well, she kind of did. Revenge for her headache sounded sweet, but at least she was only hurting because of an accident. She didn’t want to purposely hurt Jax even if she could.
“I’ll get you upstairs.”
“No, don’t move me. Don’t move me.” A tremor of panic settled into her when Jax’s arms came beneath her knees, and he tried to put his other hand behind her back, but he stopped immediately when she told him to.
“Does it hurt a lot? Let me see.”
“I’m good. Don’t move my neck, just give me a minute.”
That previously horrified expression turned into abject terror. “I hurt your neck?”
Katie smiled. “Stop being a coward. I don’t know if you hurt my neck that bad, but just don’t move me for a couple of minutes.”
Better to be safe than sorry and let her healing take over. She wouldn’t heal as quickly as an alpha, and her head and neck would likely stay sore for a couple of days, but at least she could be confident there would be nothing wrong that would lead to some permanent damage.