‘I won’t have a better nature where they’re concerned, sir,’ Harry said, and shaking himself free he was off.
Murdo stared at both of us. The grin gone. I couldn’t hold his gaze, but credit to Diane, she could.
‘So, you’ve found a friend,’ he said.
And I wasn’t exactly sure which one of us he was referring to.
The day had gone well, until we were going home. Ralph and his cronies were waiting by the school gates. Diane linked her arm in mine and dragged me past them.
‘Come on, Lissa,’ she said. ‘If we get any closer to this lot we’ll need to be disinfected.’
Ralph sneered. ‘You’ve found a mate, Lissa. Another wee snob just like you.’
Diane sucked in her cheeks and glared at them. She was good at doing that. ‘Some people have every right to be snobs.’
‘But not our Lissa,’ Ralph said. ‘Or hasn’t she told you her secret yet?’
I wanted to run then. Get away as quickly as I could. But I couldn’t move. I just knew what was coming next.
‘You might not be so friendly with her if you knew what her daddy is.’
I wanted to run at Ralph Aird, punch him right in the gob.
Diane took her arm out of mine. ‘What haven’t you told me, Lissa?’
I swallowed. I wished the ground would open up and I could sink right into it. Ralph was smiling. Just waiting for the right second to give Diane the news.
‘Lissa’s dad’s a jailbird, just like mine.’
Chapter Five
January 16th
Diane Connell is wonderful. My very best friend, forever. She totally proved it today, proved she’s going to be the best friend anyone could ever have. When Ralph Aird told her about J.B., did she scowl? Did she walk away from me with her nose in the air?
Did she heck!
She looked at me. Looked at Ralphie boy and she lifted her eyebrows haughtily. ‘Lissa can’t be blamed for what her father is,’ she said, smugly. ‘Even if the likes of you can.’
He hadn’t expected that. He thought she’d seemed so much of a snob he expected her to fling me from her dramatically and stride away with her pert little nose in the air. (To be quite honest, so did I.) Instead, she linked her arm in mine again, and with a giggle pulled me past Ralph and his moronic friends.
It will go down as one of the great moments of my life. I’ll never forget Ralph’s face as we ran off. Totally gobsmacked!
Later, she wanted to know all about J.B. and what he’d done. The gory details, she said. And I told her.
I’ve never really talked about it before, but I told Diane everything. How I felt about him being in prison and how I hated him now that he was out.
And Diane agreed with everything I said. We’re so alike it’s unbelievable. She’d feel exactly the same in my position, she said.
At last, I have a friend to confide in besides this diary.
The only thing I didn’t tell her about was Magnus Pierce. He scares me too much.
‘Can I ask you a favour, Lissa?’ I remember now that J.B. came into my bedroom just as I’d finished writing my diary that day. I closed the book hurriedly and he glanced at it. ‘You keep a diary now, do you?’
‘Since I lost all my friends when you were sent to jail I had to have someone to confide in, didn’t I?’ That made him blush. And what favour could he possibly want from me?
He sat at the bottom of my bed. ‘It’s about Magnus Pierce.’
I felt my stomach churn. Even the mention of his name now frightened me.
‘I don’t want Mum to know he was here today. It would only upset her.’
‘Yes, it would, wouldn’t it,’ I snapped back at him. ‘Especially after all your promises.’
He was shaking his head. ‘No. You’re wrong, sweetheart. I didn’t know he was coming. I told him never to come back here. I never want to see him, or hear from him again. You’ve got to believe that, Lissa. Just give me this one chance.’
Had he told Magnus Pierce all this? Or had Magnus Pierce come here to pay him off for keeping his mouth shut? That’s what they did. I’d seen it in a movie once.
‘If your Mum knows, she’ll only worry. And there’s nothing for her to worry about.’
I shrugged my shoulders. ‘I don’t care what you do.’ And I walked out of the room and left him sitting there. I didn’t say I’d tell Mum, and I didn’t say I wouldn’t. Let him stew for a while. Let him worry. It was about time he did.
But of course I didn’t tell Mum. I couldn’t bear the thought of her worrying. Even though it made me puke to see the way he hugged her in the kitchen and kissed her neck. He could always get round Mum no matter what he did. Well, it wouldn’t work with me. He’d never get round me again.
Murdo was mad. Again. He had just had the results of our Christmas tests and they were dismal. We were a bunch of no good, lazy, useless, ‘in-div-id-ualssss’. He spat out the words angrily.
Diane glanced at me and mouthed, ‘So much for boosting our self-esteem.’
I giggled and Murdo’s ranting halted abruptly. His eyes darted to me. ‘Something amusing you, Miss Blythe?’
I swallowed and tried to think of something to say. ‘Come here!’ When Murdo was angry his accent became more Highland than usual.
‘Come herrre!’ he burred. When Murdo gave you an order, you obeyed. I stepped from the safety of my desk and sidled down the aisle toward him.
He always seemed bigger when he was angry, and broader. Right this minute he seemed to be filling the whole classroom.
I stopped in front of him.
‘I’m glad you find all this so funny.’ His glance went to Diane. He’d seen us stuck together like glue since she’d come to the school. At first I’d thought he was pleased about that. But now, his glare seemed to include her.
That put my back up. No one glares at my best friend.
‘I’m not happy with your attitude, lass,’ he said. I was trying desperately to think of some clever retort, but all I could think of was that his breakfast was still embedded between his teeth. Bits of cornflake, and toast and a little sliver of grated cheese.
He shook his head with disappointment. ‘Lissa!’ he hissed, and he sprayed bits of cornflake all over me. ‘What have you got to say for yourself?’
I wanted to say something clever, something so funny the whole class would laugh. I wanted to say something that would impress Diane. And it came to me in a flash of inspiration.
I pointed to the grated cheese. ‘Are you keeping that for later … or do you intend to spit that all over me as well?’
I heard Diane giggle. But she was the only one. The rest of the class fell silent, except for an initial, communal gasp.
Murdo’s face went even redder than usual. The anger seemed to leave him immediately. He closed his mouth and I realised in a moment that shamed me that he was embarrassed. Embarrassed and surprised.
‘Stay behind after class,’ was all he said, turning from me. ‘You and I are going to have a little chat.’
No one in the class even glanced my way as I shambled back to my desk. They all kept their eyes downcast. Murdo was bad-tempered, and disgusting. But he was just about the most popular teacher in the school. Always striving to get the best out of us. Always pushing us to realise our potential.
Even Ralph, who sulked his way through most of his other classes came alive for Murdo.
Then I looked at Diane. Her eyes flickered across at me and they smiled. From under her desk she gave me the thumbs up, and I didn’t feel bad any more. I knew I’d done the right thing.
As long as Diane understood.
Chapter Six
January 30th
Murdo kept me back after class. He didn’t shout. He didn’t lose his temper. But a little nerve in his cheek kept throbbing all the time he lectured me in his low, steady, rhythmic Highland voice. And do you know, that was worse than any shouting.
‘I’ve seen you snubbing people because you think
you’re better than they are, Lissa, which you’re not. I’ve seen you patronising people because you think you’re cleverer than they are … which you sometimes are.’ He paused for a while after he said that. Studying me as if I was some biological experiment he didn’t approve of. ‘But I’ve never known you to be deliberately hurtful.’
I could feel my cheeks go red when he said that.
‘What you said to me was cruel.’ He waved that away. ‘But I can take it. I have no prrroblems.’ He rolled the ‘r’ around his tongue for an age. ‘Prrrroblems.’ ‘Although you will never do it again,’ he ordered me. ‘But lately I’ve heard you being cruel to other people. Harry Ball, for example. Laughing at him. You’ve never really done that before.’ He hesitated again. He always does that when he wants to make you think about what he’s saying. ‘Before Diane Connell came into your life.’
That got my back up. All Diane’s done for me so far is make me enjoy my life for a change.
I asked him if he was blaming Diane. He shook his head furiously and his hair went wild. I’m sure Murdo’s hair has a life of its own.
‘You know better than that!’ he snapped at me. ‘You don’t blame anyone else for what you do wrong. Take responsibility for your own actions. I want you to think about that in future. Think before you do something just to please someone else.’
I might have done just that if, right at that moment, I hadn’t heard a shuffling behind me. I looked round quickly and there was Ralph Aird. He was smirking and I wondered how much he’d heard. Too much probably.
He held out another of his cut-out figures from literature to add to the collage draped along the wall of the class.
Murdo immediately forgot me. He beamed a big smile at Ralph.
‘Captain Ahab!’ he yelled. ‘That’s brilliant, Ralph.’
Who on earth Captain Ahab is, is anybody’s guess. But he comes with a whale. Ralph had made that too. Murdo was delighted as he took it delicately from Ralph’s hands and studied it. ‘Your best ever. This is the prizewinner if ever I saw one.’
I didn’t want to spoil his moment, but I’m sure Ralph got it wrong. Wasn’t it Jonah who came with a whale?
Anyway, I was shooed away, totally forgotten and I left them attaching Captain Ahab and his whale to the collage, just like a couple of daft schoolboys.
Faithful Diane was waiting for me outside the classroom and she was furious.
‘He’s got no right to keep you back like that, you know. Not by yourself. Someone should be with you. A witness. Why he could say anything and who’d believe you if you complained? I mean, whoever’s going to believe a pupil against a teacher?’
That is a very good point. She’s really bright and smart, and best of all, she cares what happens to me.
When I look back, Diane made my life more than bearable over the next few weeks. I spent all my time with her during school and after school too. She invited me to her home, a big roomy house in the west end of the town. On a tree-lined street. It had a conservatory and a television room, a dining room and a morning room. Her father even had a wood-panelled study all to himself. I didn’t meet him then. He was always off on business. But I met her mum. She was very efficient-looking, a businesswoman too. She was stick thin and elegant and wore expensive silk scarves and lambswool sweaters.
I loved Diane’s house, but it made me feel so homesick, reminding me so much of the lovely house we once had on a tree-lined street not too far from here.
‘Your old man got a job yet, Blythe?’ Ralph Aird shouted across the playground one day. He put on a posh voice. ‘Or should I say a “position”.’ Then he laughed. It was more of a cackle actually.
Actually J.B. hadn’t, and that was making me angrier every day. Mum was out working so hard and all he seemed to do was sit at home watching Margo and sending out CVs. But I wasn’t going to admit that to the awful Ralph.
‘He’s got an “executive” position actually,’ I lied. (Why did I always do that?) ‘In a bank.’
Ralph Aird would never find out any different anyway, I thought. The only time he’d ever be in a bank would be to rob it.
He strode across the playground towards Diane and me. He looked smug. So smug I felt my stomach churn.
‘Sure about that are you?’ He said it as if he knew something I didn’t.
‘Of course I am,’ I said defiantly.
He glanced around at his mates. They all sniggered. ‘I think you should visit the supermarket after school. I think they might have a special offer on you’d be well interested in. Eh boys?’
He turned away and swaggered off, his mates trailing behind him, still sniggering.
‘What do you mean by that!’ I yelled after him, but he wouldn’t answer.
I looked at Diane. ‘What do you think he’s up to?’
‘Has J.B. started work in the supermarket without telling you?’ She called him J.B. now too.
I shook my head. ‘He’s been for interviews, but he never gets anywhere. Who’d want to employ a jailbird?’ I said. ‘But he and Mum had been talking about some job he was considering. He’d said he might have to take it.’
‘If he’s only stacking shelves he might be too ashamed to tell you about it.’
He wouldn’t tell me anyway, I thought. I never listened to him. Wasn’t interested and I made sure he knew it.
‘We’ll both go to the supermarket after school. Check it out.’
That’s the kind of friend she is, I thought.
‘And if he is only stacking shelves, he’ll get quite a shock when he sees you! He’ll be the one who’s embarrassed,’ she giggled.
‘I’ll die if he’s stacking shelves, Diane,’ I said. After everything I’d always said about him. Stacking shelves!
‘No you won’t,’ Diane said flatly. ‘You’ll just tell Ralph Aird he has got an executive position, but he’s got to get shop floor practice first.’
‘And anyway,’ she went on as we filed in to our next class. ‘you can’t be responsible for all the humiliating things your dad does.’
That was funny. It was what Murdo always said, and I told her so.
She just shrugged. ‘At least Rob Roy says some things that are sensible.’
But he wasn’t stacking shelves. We walked all round the supermarket, looked behind the bacon counter and the delicatessen, at the checkouts and the bakery and he was nowhere to be seen. I began to think that maybe he’d been promoted already. Either that or Ralph Aird was having me on.
‘I’ve had enough of this,’ Diane said in disgust. ‘Special offers. Two for the price of one. My mum would never shop here. She buys us all organic or free-range. Let’s have a coke and just go.’
So we headed for the burger bar in the supermarket. Burgers A GoGo. Where everybody my age went for the music and to laugh at the teenage assistants with their funny hats with bulls’ heads sticking out of them, and their stupid aprons. To make things even funnier they sped from table to table on roller skates. High Speed Service, it was called.
And that’s where we found him. Looking ridiculous with a laughing bull sticking out of the top of his hat and serving Ralph Aird and all his cronies. J.B. the executive. I stopped dead and couldn’t take my eyes off him. I would have run off then, but Ralph spotted me. He had obviously been looking out for me and he shouted loudly across the cafe and waved.
‘Hey Lissa, honey, how’s it going?’
J.B. was planting cokes on the table in front of them. I saw his back straighten before, slowly, he turned to face me. At least he had the decency to look mortified. Behind his back Ralph Aird laughed and mouthed to me, ‘Executive position!’ Then, to rub salt into it, he began to moo like a cow and all his friends joined in.
And then, as if all that wasn’t embarrassing enough, J.B. began to roller skate toward me. I almost died. Didn’t he know how stupid he looked? Didn’t he care? I turned and ran out as fast as I could. Didn’t turn even when he called after me.
I felt like crying. I was a
shamed and angry. Ashamed of J.B. and angry at Ralph Aird.
And at that moment I don’t know which of them I hated more.
Chapter Seven
March 8th
How can I ever face Ralph Aird again? Ralph Aird, the scumbag of the school with a father to prove it – or so I’d always thought. But am I any better than he is? Is this God getting his revenge on me for being so rotten to Ralph in the past? Well, I don’t deserve it. Thank goodness for Diane. She ran with me outside the supermarket and stayed with me while I cried my eyes out. I’ve never cried in front of anyone before, but I can do it with Diane. She understands. ‘I don’t blame you for hating Ralph Aird,’ she said. ‘He’s just so glad to see you in the same boat as he is now.’
And do you know, I’d never really thought about it like that. But it’s true. That’s why he’s always got that smirk on his face. ‘But you’re better than he is, Lissa,’ Diane told me. ‘You can rise above him. He’s a low life. Common as the muck on the bottom of my shoe.’
To make matters worse Ralph Aird couldn’t let it be. He came out of the supermarket and stared taunting me. ‘Your dad’s coming out with the boys and me next week. We’re going roller-blading. He’s even going to give me a loan of his hat!’ And he and his mates started circling Diane and I and laughing.
But Diane’s a true friend. She pushed them out of the way with a sneer. She can look like a queen sometimes, a queen who is about to have someone beheaded. Someone like Ralph Aird. ‘You’re better than he is, Lissa. Better than all of them.’
That’s what makes Diane so special. She always makes me feel so good, so proud of myself. That’s a true friend.
‘And as for your dad,’ she snapped as we hurried away from Ralph’s taunts.
J.B. I corrected her. I’m divorced from him now. If mums and dads can get divorced, then so can I.
‘I know how I’d feel if my dad worked in a place like that. Wore a funny hat and looked so stupid.’ She shivered at the very thought of it. ‘I’d feel exactly the same way as you do. I’d hate him.’
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