No. She needed to stop obsessing over that and focus on what mattered: keeping Cady’s world steady.
“Maybe this would be a good time for us to sort out some things. About Cady, I mean.”
“Oh. Sure.” He pushed himself upright. Cady grabbed his sleeve and pulled to her feet. He laughed and tapped the end of her nose.
Darcy curled her fingers deeper into Lulu’s fur.
“Here’s the thing, Xander. I know it’s important for Cady to spend time with you. I’ll do my best to make it as easy as possible. But I’d like to take this slowly—” better late than never “—to make it easier on her. Especially since you’ll be, what, about four hours from Stratford?”
“Closer to three, I think.” He pulled Cady’s hand from his nose. “Is she always this aggressive?”
Yeah, and I think she gets it from me. “Be glad. It means she likes you.”
“I’m honored.”
She handed Cady a teething biscuit. “And I guess this is a good time to confess that I’m pretty independent. I’ve been on my own with this parenting thing since I figured out I was pregnant. So Cady isn’t the only one who’s going to need to adjust to having someone else in the picture.”
“Except you already did that.” At her blank look, he added, “With Ian.”
“Right.” Should she come clean now? Except, after this morning, were they really still pretending? “That was different. Very gradual, you know? He was there all the time and we kind of grew into the relationships. All of them.”
“But I’m more like something that got dumped in your lap out of the blue.”
Crap. Had he picked that up from her? She wanted to protect her girl, but she didn’t want to hurt him in the process.
“Okay. Total honesty here.” At least in this one thing. “Yes, in some ways it would have been easier on me if you had never come back. Would it have been better for Cady? No.” She held his gaze. “At least, not if you end up being the kind of father you seem to want to be.”
He dipped his head.
Silence reigned for a second or two. Then Cady pulled the biscuit from her mouth and waved it in a wild arc, causing Xander to scoot back.
“Wow,” he said with a laugh. “That thing’s half gone already. Is she always this greedy?”
Are you always this greedy?
The early-summer sun shining down on Darcy didn’t keep her from going cold.
Are you always this greedy?
She remembered those words. Xander had said them to her, that night. If memory served—not that she could trust it completely, thanks to the booze, but still—she was pretty sure that when Xander had said that, something inside her had broken. Because that was exactly how she had felt that night. Greedy. Desperate. As if everything had been yanked out from beneath her and she’d had to grab hold of someone while she could, because she hadn’t known if she could face it all alone.
Kind of like this morning with Ian. Because if she was busy feeling him around her, she couldn’t feel her breath turning to sharp points every time she thought of how her careful little world was slipping out of her control.
“Darce? You okay?”
She gave herself a shake, grabbed the toy puppy and danced it up and down on Cady’s fat little arm.
“My dad died when I was seven,” she said softly. “A drunk driver plowed into him. My mother... Well, she tried, and she certainly took care of me, but her focus was always elsewhere.” Like on the Flavor of the Month. “Let’s just say it’s not like I had great role models. The closest thing I knew about how families were supposed to work was from visiting the Norths when I was a kid. But I read the books and took the classes, and I’m good at details and organization, so I figured I’d be okay.”
“Looks that way from where I’m sitting.”
“Thanks. But it’s all because of Ian. Turns out you need to be more than organized to be a good mother. You need to be good at loving, and I kind of sucked at that.”
Xander’s eyes widened. He glanced from her to Cady and back, but kept his mouth shut. Smart man.
“I did love her. Desperately. But God’s truth, Xander, at first, I didn’t dare give in to it. I thought... I think I believed that if I let it show, I would...I would lose her.”
“You know,” he said, leaning back, “this makes sense. I always thought you were like a queen, wandering around with a smile and a welcome for everyone, but still surrounded by a giant go-no-further shield. Now it makes sense.”
She wasn’t sure that was a compliment, but she decided to keep going.
“Ian had been doing things for me all along. You know, running to the store, doing the yard work, shoveling the sidewalk before I left in the morning. But he always seemed so— Okay, don’t laugh, but I thought he was shy and reserved.”
Now, of course, she knew the truth. He hadn’t been reserved. He’d been healing.
“After Cady was born, though, all that shyness disappeared. He was always singing to her and telling her how amazing she was and just talking to her like he really expected her to talk back to him. I was walking around half-dead, obsessing about schedules and feedings, and he would swoop in and pick her up and treat her, well, like Lulu, honestly, but more so.” Her voice dropped. “And it worked. She was more relaxed and happy with him than she was with me. That was when I knew I had to make a change.”
Cady blinked up at Xander and clapped her hands. He obligingly clapped back.
“So after I had this blast of jealousy and indulged in a little pity party, I decided to treat him as my personal how-to manual. I watched him and did what he was doing.” As Xander had been doing, too. “It was scary at first, like I was daring the universe to come and get me. But I knew I wasn’t giving her what she needed, so I made myself do it. Pretty soon I was singing to her and playing games and one morning I went in to get her and she looked at me with those eyes and, holy crap, five tons of love crashed all around me.”
Cady must have felt that the interesting part of the story was over, for she wriggled free and began tugging at the grass on the lawn.
“Maybe I would have figured it out on my own,” she said softly. “But I really feel like Ian is the one who taught me how to love Cady. And somewhere along the way, I kind of fell for—”
She stopped.
I kind of fell for him.
It couldn’t be true. The part about Cady, yes. So much of her relationship with Cady was due to Ian’s quiet, easy example. And of course she had grown closer to him as they spent more time together, shared more experiences. They were friends. More than friends after this morning. But only a step or so past the line. Right? Because she didn’t...
She didn’t.
Except maybe she did.
Maybe, while Ian had been showing her how to have a loving relationship with her daughter, he also had been teaching her how to love him.
* * *
IAN’S BODY WAS in Moxie’s office, but his mind was far, far away.
“So that’s how it looks right now. We’ll get rolling as soon as you come on board, assuming you do. If not, I hear Kermit the Frog is looking for a new gig these days.”
He blinked as the words sank in. Moxie pushed the last paper aside, folded her hands and fixed him with that you don’t fool me glare. Across the table, Cash shot him a wink.
Oops. So much for thinking he could focus on business when his head was filled with Darcy.
“I... Sorry. Between Cady teething and...everything else, I’m not as sharp as I should be this morning.”
Moxie snorted. “Ian, I’ve seen bricks that had more on the ball than you do right now. Why the devil didn’t you man up and tell me you couldn’t do this today? I have better things to do with my time than sit here yammering when you can’t pay attention.”
“Have I told you yet how much I’ve missed working with you, Moxie?”
She sniffed. “No. Can’t say that you have.”
“Good, because I’d hate to tell a lie.
”
Cash snickered.
“Right at this moment I’d have to say the feeling’s mutual.” Her face softened. “Lucky for you it passes faster than a bad burrito.”
“Aw, Moxie. So tender. I’m going to start crying any minute.”
“Oh, for the love of biscuits. Cash, take your miserable excuse of a brother to his future potential office. Let him have a look around.”
On impulse he scooted forward and kissed her powdery cheek.
“Okay, Moxie. I confess. I guess I’ve missed working with you after all.”
“’Course you have.” She patted his face. “And believe it or not, we’ve all missed you.”
Some more than others, he was sure, but he was supposed to be looking forward not back.
The soft touch on his cheek turned into something more closely resembling a smack. “Now get going. I have work to do.”
“Ma’am, yes, ma’am.”
Cash hovered by the door. “Come on, Ian. Let’s get you measured for your hair suit.”
Cash took a sharp right down the hall leading to the executive offices. Ian followed behind, slowed by a mix of memories from the morning and questions about the future.
Striding down the halls he had walked since he was a child, surrounded by photos of the evolution of the dairy from its beginning to the hundredth anniversary, he couldn’t help but feel as though he was slipping back into a place he belonged. Seeing these pictures again was like seeing his life in miniature. He was in a three-generation shot with Grandpa Gord and Dad and his infant self; scooping ice cream at the dairy bar, all teenage zits and grins; at the going-away party before he left for Tanzania. And—oh, crap—there he was in the ridiculous garb they had donned for a celebratory dance performance during the anniversary.
In every one he was surrounded by family.
In all but the first and last ones, Carter was at his side.
“Here you go.” Cash stopped in front of a door and gestured down the hall. “Right within yelling distance of Moxie. Lucky you.”
“Like you’re not?”
“Ah, but I have to be on the floor a lot, you know. Need to build those relationships so people know they can come to me when there’s an issue.” He winked. “At least that’s what I tell Moxie.”
“Right. Like anyone could put anything past her.”
“I don’t try to put anything over her. I tell her flat out that she’s driving me ’round the bend and I have to get away from her.” He opened the heavy door and gestured for Ian to enter.
“Bet she loves that.”
“She tells me to get my sorry ass down there and do something constructive instead of getting snippy with an old lady. I just laugh and remind her that she’s the snippy one.”
“Fighting fire with fire. I like it.” Ian stopped in the middle of the empty room and turned a slow circle. “Wasn’t this Hank’s office?”
“Yep.”
“But he hasn’t worked here for years. Why’s it still empty? Did Moxie think he was coming back?”
“At first, I think maybe. But once he and Brynn got married she saw the writing on the wall.” Cash sat in the oversize leather chair and propped his feet on the desk. “I think it was around that time that she started talking about the foundation.”
“You mean she’s been planning this for almost two years already?”
“Yep.”
“And the idea of me heading it up?”
“She never said anything, but if I were a betting man, I’d say that was part of the plan all along.”
The wildest part was that none of this really felt like a surprise.
Ian squinted at his brother. “How have you managed to escape Moxie’s manipulations all these years?”
“Who says I have?”
“True. But you’re the only one who hasn’t had any drama. It’s unnatural. Are you sure you’re not adopted?”
“Right. Because three boys weren’t enough for Ma and she had to add a fourth.”
“Didn’t you get the memo? You were supposed to be the girl.”
“Looks like I failed again.”
There was a hint of something in Cash’s voice that had Ian paying closer attention. “Not from what I hear.”
“Ah, but you should know that there’s usually a world of difference between the truth and what we’re told.”
Amen to that.
“In any case,” Cash continued, but if he thought he was getting off this easy, he was doomed.
“Hang on. Ma said something the other night about you setting a new dating record around town. What’s that all about?”
“How should I know?”
“Well, since you’re the one she’s talking about, it seemed like a logical assumption.”
“You know Ma. World’s most down-to-earth woman until it comes to us, and then boom. How many colds did we have that she was sure were first-stage pneumonia?”
He had a point. But...
“Nice job trying to throw me off course, but I’m used to following a toddler now, remember? You can’t outrun me. So...” He crossed his arms over his chest and pulled up his best older-wiser-brother expression. “Aren’t you getting a little old to be running around with half the town?”
“No. And don’t try to look sage and experienced. It makes you look constipated.”
“Pathetic,” Ian said with a shake of his head.
Cash yanked open the bottom desk drawer and peered inside.
“Not as pathetic as being surrounded by people who are all madly in loooooove and feel compelled to drag everyone else into the same boat.”
“I’m not—” Just in time, he stopped himself from saying in love. Damn, this pretending had better end soon. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep up with the story.
Especially when it had started feeling like such a damned good fit.
“I’m not trying to drag you into anything,” he said to Cash. “Just saying, you know, there’s something to be said for getting to know one person in depth instead of a lot of people on the surface.”
Cash slammed the drawer and sat upright, all brisk and businesslike.
“I’ll keep that under advisement. Meanwhile, it’s lunchtime. I’m running out to Bits and Pizzas for a slice. Want to come along?”
“Thanks, but I promised Darcy I’d come home. I guess I’ll see you Sunday.”
“Saturday. Ma gave orders. We’re all to show up and get things ready for the party.”
“Aren’t we just grilling outside and eating at the picnic table?”
“And this is why I will never get wrapped up in one woman. It leaves you blind to the rest of the world.” Cash leaned against the desk. “She’s invited half the town. Brynn’s brother and his family, Taylor’s folks, Uncle Lou and more. Basically she wants to be sure nobody could say they had to skip to spend the day with their own father, so she asked everyone who might be connected. Why do you think the pig roast truck is coming?”
“Jeez. She’s really going all out.”
“Yep. Every time we tell her to scale back, she does The Stare and asks if we don’t think Dad is worth it.”
Yep. Ian could totally see that.
He could also totally believe that his mother had invited a crowd to act as a buffer between him and Carter, just in case.
* * *
WHEN IAN GOT back from the dairy, he found Darcy in the kitchen feeding Cady. Xander and Lulu were nowhere to be found.
Privacy. Thank you, God.
She slipped a piece of banana between Cady’s lips. “Xander said he wanted to go for a walk and Lulu was prancing, so I told him to take her along. Hope that was— No, Cady, Ian doesn’t want yogurt in his hair.”
“It’s okay. I hear it makes great conditioner.”
For the first time since he’d walked in, Darcy met his gaze. She laughed as he’d intended, but it felt almost as if she were forcing it. Did she think he was worried about the dog?
“Xander and Lul
u—that’s fine. It’s not like he’s going to run away with her. For one thing, his car is still out front. For another, if he did try to run away with her, I’m pretty sure that after ten minutes of her jumping around in the backseat, that bucket of bolts would surrender in the middle of the highway.”
“Good point.” She dabbed at Cady’s nose with a washcloth, glanced out the window and said, “Um, about this morning...”
Oh, hell.
He didn’t say anything but his reaction must have shown in his face, for she stopped and watched him as if she was waiting for him to say...what?
“I meant to stop on the way back from the dairy.” He reached slowly, pushing her hair gently behind her ear. “To get you some flowers.”
Her eyes closed. He could swear he saw the tension seeping out of her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to what you said.” Her words were scarcely above whisper level. “I let myself get so— I mean, I’m not sorry that it happened. Don’t think that for one minute, okay?” At his nod, she hurried on. “But later, when I could think again, I finally understood what you were trying to say. And do. And I just want to say, thank you, for having such—well, not honorable intentions. But you know what I mean.”
He knew exactly what she meant. The fact that she was shouldering the blame didn’t surprise him. Nor did the fact that hearing the catch in her voice, seeing the slight pink in her cheeks, only made him want to lure her upstairs for a slow, indulgent Round Two.
The clang of a baby spoon against a high-chair tray reminded him he needed to cool his jets a while longer.
“Listen to me.” He framed her face with his hands, drinking in the uncertain brown eyes, the slight tremor in those lips that had haunted his morning. “When you said that I was saying one thing but meant another, you were right. I might have been playing noble, but trust me, that was a textbook case of token resistance.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “The good news is that wasn’t our only chance.”
Some of her usual sass sparkled in her eyes. “You mean we might have to keep practicing until we get it right?”
“Yep. Over and over and over.”
“Such hardship.” She sighed and pulled him into a kiss. Or maybe he grabbed her. It was hard to be sure, and once she was tight against him, he decided it really didn’t matter. Especially when her lips parted and a low, needy kind of sound slipped out of her as she wrapped her arms around him.
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