Shattered Krystal

by Claire Lalique

  I heard Blue say, “I know your name now, it's only fair you know mine. I am Samuel Road Donahue. You can call me Samuel or just Sam. Hell, you can call me anything you want as long as you let me stay and take care of you”.

  I was amazed he didn't realize I wanted him to stay with me, needed him to stay. I was starting to get even sleepier, but I didn't want him to leave so I drowsily tried to say how important he was to me, but all that came from my mouth was a whispered, “Stay, don't leave me Samuel Blue”. Then my eyes drifted closed and I allowed myself to fall asleep.

  Samuel

  I was so joyful when she asked me to stay with her and called me ‘Samuel Blue’. I didn't know why she added the blue but I didn't really care. I wasn't going to leave her side because that's where she wanted me. I knew I would have to report to the police academy soon and I had classes and schoolwork, but I would stay with her until her family showed up and I could assess what kind of people they were and why no one was looking for her. I had decided the minute I heard her name that Krystal was too harsh a name for my sweetheart, I decided to name her Flower. It was a much more appropriate name for her.

  When the nurses came back into the cubicle they looked at me and said that they had found Flower’s mother who was coming to the hospital. They tried to get me to leave as they were going to get more DNA samples and then clean her up a bit. Her mother would be at the hospital in the next half hour and could stay with her.

  Flower whimpered in her sleep and reached for me when I tried to remove my hand from hers. I shrugged my shoulders and settled more firmly in the chair next to Flower. I had no plans on leaving her until I met her mother anyway. I was highly suspicious of a mother who either didn't know or didn't care enough about her daughter to report her missing after two days. So, I stayed while they took more samples of the various substances on my sweet girl’s body, despite the hard looks I was given by some of the staff. A lab technician came and drew several more vials of blood. The hospital finally admitted her as soon as a room was ready. They helped her to a chair in a shower and rinsed the worst of the substances off her body and then settled her in the more comfortable hospital bed. She finally moved in such a way that let me know she was resting more comfortably. I still occasionally pushed her pain pump button so I could be sure she was hurting as little as possible. Then I just sat next to her and kept my hand on hers.

  Chapter 3

  Krystal

  I awoke feeling Blue’s hand still holding lightly to mine and I could hear my mom’s voice yelling. I was so glad she was there, but I was nervous because of her yelling. I had learned it was not always best when she yelled. It was often a precursor to trouble for everyone. I had learned that it was best to let her wind down without any comments in reply. Anything said back to her would exacerbate the level of her tantrum. So, I opened my eyes and peered through my swollen eye openings and looked towards her voice. I saw a blurred shape that transformed into my mom, as she walked closer to me.

  She started yelling again.

  “Who’s this man with my daughter? He could be one of the criminals that hurt her! I was out of my mind when the police came to my job to tell me Krystal was hurt. Whoever he is, he can leave now. I can take care of her. I certainly don't need him!”

  Then she turned to me and started crying loudly into my chest. It hurt when she leaned on me and I winced. My mom didn't notice and started talking fast and loud again. I knew that meant she was drunk and while I was glad she knew where I was, and I had wanted her there earlier, I now hoped she would leave.

  Instead she slurred loudly, “Baby I’m going to get you home and take care of you. It’ll be just us, like it’s always been. I’ll quit one of my jobs so I can be home with you.”

  I figured she probably meant well. I also knew that she couldn't quit either of her jobs and she knew that as well. She needed both jobs to make enough money to pay the bills and buy her alcohol. Besides, I didn't feel like she could possibly keep me safe. She meant well but she would get bored and be out the door soon after we made it home. She wasn't home when I went to the ravine and my best guess was that she hadn't been home when the police had found me.

  She would never have known that I'd been kidnapped or anything about what happened to me if the police hadn't found her at work. If she was partying, the police would not have any idea where she was. Not to mention, nothing she had ever told me helped me during the kidnapping. I thought to myself that I was not as forgiving towards my mom as I had been before this horrible experience.

  Then I remembered back in that shed, when I had wished Donna would quit making noise so I could float away. I guiltily thought that when Jag killed her, it was at least partly my fault. I wished her quiet and she died. Even now, as guilty as I was feeling, I'm not sure if I cared. Would it have made any difference if I hadn't wished her to be quiet? I didn't think so, but in the back of my brain there was a niggling doubt.

  I loved my mom, even though I never actually thought she was the best mom around. So, I did feel badly that I was thinking such mean things about her. I shrank down trying to hide from my erratic thoughts by going under the covers, but also to get away from her weight on my ribs. I felt like my constantly changing mind was going to drive me crazy, at the same time her weight on me was going to make me pass out from the pain.

  Looking at my Blue I knew I was asking with my eyes for him to help me. I didn't really know what I wanted him to do; this was my mom. I should have known, that Blue would take care of me. He had done nothing else since I first landed in his arms outside the old shed.

  Samuel

  I was not real impressed with Flower’s mother. First, she came roaring into Flower’s room, obviously drunk, and waking her from the first decent sleep she had gotten since the X-rays and other scans. Second, it seemed to me her screaming was all about making sure that everyone noticed her and what she was doing instead of keeping the focus on Flower and what Flower actually needed. That wasn't acceptable to me at all. I knew she was drunk, or at least had been drinking, because of the odor of beer and how she was slurring her words. I didn't want to be mean to my baby's mother, but I wasn't going to let Flower be hurt either.

  “Enough!” I said in my deepest hardest voice. “Ms. McKenzie, Krystal has gone

  through a terrible ordeal. She will go home when the doctors decide to send her, not before. You need to quit leaning on her right now. She has broken ribs and you’re hurting her.

  As for me being one of the criminals that hurt Flower; that is ridiculous! I was one of the officers that rescued her. I am wearing my uniform.”

  I didn't want to sever any possibility of a relationship with Flower’s mother so I said to her, “You have raised a strong and beautiful daughter. I have been so impressed by her bravery, I'm working with her to identify who did this to her so we can put them in prison for a long time.” I wasn't about to tell this woman my true feelings and plans for this precious gift that I had been given.

  Then Flower’s mother looked at me and her true colors showed. She sneered at me and said, “Well, I’ll just leave then. If you think you can do more for her than me, just try. Krystal, you don't think you need me, that's obvious. What ever you did to cause this, we can straighten out later. I’ll come back tomorrow with some clothes for you. We can discuss what this person can do once you’re home. I need to get back to work anyway.” Then she stalked out of the room, not giving Krystal another look.

  While that was fine with me, I knew it hurt my tiny sweet girl. I leaned over and gently kissed to the side of her broken swollen lips and patted the hand that I had not stopped holding in mine softly throughout the entire encounter. I knew I wasn't going anywhere. I knew the story about helping her identify the criminals was just a story to legitimize my desire to not leave Flower’s side. What was more important to me was that I knew Flower didn't want me to go. She hadn't yet said a word to anyone but me.

  When the police had come to question her earlier that
day she shook uncontrollably and turned her face into my arm. The police had also brought the news of another girl who had gone missing the same time Krystal had been captured. This girl, Donna McDonald, was a good friend of my girl and the police thought they had been together the day of the capture. I noted that Flower had turned white when they mentioned this other girl's name. I figured Flower knew more than it seemed and I made a note to question her about this Donna McDonald at a later time, when she felt safer.

  ~~~~

  The next day, Flower’s mother came and signed her out of the hospital and gave her a kiss. “I have to get to work Krystal. I bought you some pot pies and cereal and milk and left them at the trailer so you have something to eat. I guess your friend can make himself useful and drive you home. I'll see you tomorrow.” Then she walked off as if she had nothing to worry about concerning her daughter.

  Krystal

  When my Mom walked away from me I was disappointed in her, but I knew Blue had embarrassed her yesterday and this was just her way of dealing with her embarrassment. She would pretend that everything was alright and that she agreed to Blue being with me. That was fine with me. I didn't want to ever leave Blue. I didn't understand my feelings towards him, I just knew I felt safe when he was near me.

  ~~~~

  The orderly pushed my wheelchair to the front door while Blue went to get his truck. I carried a bouquet of balloons that some of the police who rescued me had sent. Blue said it was the ATF people. I was wearing a sundress that one of the nurses had given me. The blue jeans and top my Mom had brought me were impossible to slide over the bruises and wrappings on my wrists and chest.

  A big silver truck pulled up to the front door of the hospital and Blue hopped out of the driver’s door. My heart lurched. He was so handsome with his wavy brown hair, strong muscles and the dimples when he smiled. I had never really paid much attention to boys before and now with everything that had happened I shuddered at the thought of having to have any contact with any male or even any other person except Blue.

  I felt differently about Blue. Maybe it was because he had been there at the beginning of my rescue and hadn't left me since then. He made me feel like I was important to him. I hated the thought that he would be leaving me but I knew he must be tired.

  He had been awake most of the time for three days while he had stayed with me. I knew once he took me home that was going to be the end of our time together. He would drop me off and leave to go to his own home. Our time together was going to end shortly and my heart hurt because of it.

  If I ever was going to be interested in a man, Blue was the only one I could imagine. He also happened to be one of the handsomest men I had ever seen. If Donna and I had met him in the ordinary course of our lives, he would have been an endless star in our fantasy stories. We would have laughed together about how handsome he was and we would pretend to be horrified that he had a tattoo.

  I knew I had a crush on him, but I also knew he just felt sorry for me and I wasn't going to have him around for much longer. That didn't stop me from wishing he was my boyfriend and would kiss me with his soft full lips.

  Blue opened the passenger door and carefully lifted me out of the wheelchair and into the truck. He reached across me and buckled my seatbelt after tucking the balloons into the back compartment. He gave my cheek a gentle kiss. “All set?” he asked, “Everything good?”

  I nodded and settled back in the comfortable truck seat. I was scared about going home. I knew Blue was going to leave me there alone. I realized he had other things to do since he had told me about going through the police academy and at the same time taking college classes. He couldn't spend 24-hours a day with me. I didn't know how I was going to get through even the next day without him, much less the weeks and months ahead.

  I took a deep breath and realized that I would try to handle it just like I had always handled scary things in my life. I would pretend they didn't affect me. I knew that trying to push words past my lips seemed impossible. Each time I tried to say something, I would remember Jag telling me to keep my mouth shut. It was easier to quietly say something into Blue’s ear and let him talk for me, but I had to quit depending on him.

  I knew he was going to leave. I needed to show him that I was alright, even if I wasn't. I straightened my body even though it hurt, and squared my shoulders. I might only be seventeen, but I'd be 18 in just a few weeks. Besides, what I had gone through made me an adult. I was no longer a virgin. I no longer had that to offer the man I would someday marry. Blue wasn't interested in me as a woman. He was just a cop doing a job.

  I was an expert on pretending I wasn't scared. I had been staying alone at the trailer during the night while my Mom worked since I was 5-years-old. Before that, I had slept in her car parked in front of the 24-hour diner where she worked. I never flinched when the baby gang bangers hassled me on the way to and from school. I knew if you showed fear you were finished.

  Letting Blue drop me at the trailer would be nothing different. However, I knew in my heart of hearts I was lying to myself. I was afraid. I was so afraid I was trembling all over. I clasped my hands together so tightly that my knuckles were white and my fingernails were digging into the backs of my hands.

  When we pulled up to the trailer I was a little ashamed. I tried to keep it clean and neat but it was still just an old trailer and I'd been gone for almost a week. Mom said she didn't have time to keep it clean. I had been doing that since I was old enough to stand on a chair to reach the kitchen sink.

  Blue didn't say anything when he pulled up to the trailer, he just came around and opened the passenger door. Before I could get out, he swooped me into his arms and carried me up the steps to the front door.

  Samuel

  The trailer where my Flower lived was worse than I expected. The porch was shaky and I was unsure if it would hold my weight. The roof was haphazardly patched and needed to be painted. The side window was broken and a piece of cardboard blocked the outside.

  “Where's the key?” I gruffly asked Flower. When she pointed to the rim above the door I was suddenly even more furious. This was so unsafe for my precious girl! I was so angry I didn't know what to do. Quietly, holding in the words I wanted to scream, I reached above the door and got the key while still holding Flower.

  I opened the door and carried her inside. It was a mess. There were dishes stacked in the sink, an old blanket and dirty pillow were on the couch. The coffee table was covered with more dishes, dirty ashtrays and remnants of food. My Flower motioned for me to put her down on the couch. I looked at her and asked, “Where's your bedroom?”

  She shook her head and pointed to the couch. I could feel my rage coming in waves. “Fuck this, Flower, you're coming home with me! We can get your stuff later.” I carried her back out the door slamming it shut so hard the whole trailer shook. I practically threw her into the truck, lessening her impact at the last minute, remembering her injuries.

  After I buckled her seatbelt I rested my forehead against hers breathing in her sweet scent. “Flower, I can't leave you there. It isn't safe. I'm taking you home with me. Tell me that's okay with you.”

  Krystal

  I could not deny my Blue anything he wanted. I sucked in a breath, looked into my hero’s beautiful blue eyes and whispered, “Okay”.

  Chapter 4

  Krystal

  As we drove up onto the expressway, I realized that I was going home with a man that I had only known for three days. He was totally different than the horrible men who had captured me and dragged my innocence out of my body with each nasty evil act they committed.

  They had no thought of the damage they caused to me. I was just an object to them, something to use anyway they wanted. Something they could use to get off, a step above their hand; a way to pass the time while they were bored.

  I shivered a bit and Blue looked at me with concern. “Are you cold, sweetie?”. He was so different than those other men. He was aware of each movement I made an
d wanted to make sure I had everything I needed. No one in my life had acted like they cared so much about me as this man.

  I had funny tickling feelings in my stomach and my insides clenched uncontrollably when he spoke to me in his low voice or even whenever I looked at him. I knew he saw me as part of his job, I hoped he could see me as a friend or sibling or even as his child. I had a fantasy that a father would treat me with this kind of concern and caring.

  I had never known my father, never even knew his name. When I had asked, my mother would snort and grumble under her breath, “Krystal you don't want to know anything about him, he was scum.” After a while I just quit asking.

  Sometimes, I thought she said that because she didn't know who he was either. While she had never gotten pregnant again, there were other men in her life. When she had a man over to spend the night, I usually tried to stay that night with Donna.

  While Donna’s family was just as poor as we were, she had both a mother and a father and their home was warm and friendly. Their trailer was in better shape than ours because Mr. Brown made repairs when needed and Mrs. Brown kept it clean and sweet smelling.

  I didn't want to think about my friend. I was the only person other than the evil men who knew she was dead. If I hadn't gone into the ravine that day we would both be okay. It didn't matter that she was just as excited to go as I was.

  Also, I knew her parents had to be hurting. Donna was their only child and they doted on her. But I couldn't tell anyone what happened to her. I had to protect my Mom and myself. I wasn't going to tell anyone. In fact, I was going to be careful that I never even accidentally let a word slip out of my mouth about what happened in that old shed.

  I was feeling exhausted. I still hurt all over. My wrists and fingers, in the soft splints, hurt whenever I moved my arms and the scabbed over places around my wrists stung. Whenever I tried readjusting myself on the seat of Blue’s truck the pain from my broken ribs made my chest and stomach hurt so badly I wanted to scream. Finally, I settled back in the seat and closed my eyes. I took a few deep breaths and tried to relax.