Chapter 27
In the next few days, the house at Cap d'Antibes seemed to be shrinking moment by moment. Charles and his new bride made no move to leave the day after they arrived, and despite Violet's broad hints to Charlie, he went nowhere. Instead, he followed Audrey everywhere with his eyes, and Charlotte watched him watching Audrey. It was uncomfortable for everyone else, and Audrey valiantly tried to pretend she didn't notice. She went down to the beach with Molly as much as she could, and on drives along the coast with Karl and Ushi. She went shopping in town with Vi, and spent the rest of the time in her room, claiming that she was exhausted. But she knew she couldn't stay much longer, and she was anxious to leave almost from the moment they arrived. She just didn't want to hurt Violet's feelings.
She managed to avoid Charlie as much as she could, and he didn't approach her again after the first night. They were both nursing their wounds. And Audrey had finally agreed to go with Ushi and Karl, and she was just waiting for them to leave Cap d'Antibes. She couldn't wait to go, and anywhere would have been a relief after the strain of being under the same roof with Charlie and Charlotte. Again and again, Audrey tried to absorb the fact that Charlotte was pregnant ' that Charlotte was having his baby ' and she never had. She knew now that the only child she would ever have was Molly.
I take it you brought her back from China. Audrey was startled to find Charlotte standing just behind her as she watched Molly making sand pies with James. She turned to her, and it was almost hard to breathe with the woman so close to her. She had perfect, even features, and her makeup had been impeccably applied. Her dress was from Patou, with a beautiful hat to match. Everything about her overpowered Audrey. She was almost too perfect. And she had married Charlie.
I lived there for eight months.
I know. Her tone said she knew more than that, as Audrey fell silent. And then she plunged the knife in with one swift blow. You still love him, don't you?
I ' She was so shocked she didn't know what to answer. I ' think we will always be friends. It's difficult to forget things like that, but times change. It was all she could think of to say and as diplomatic as she could manage.
Yes, that's right, times do change. I'm glad you understand that. She said it pointedly. Charles has an enormous career ahead of him. He doesn't understand that yet. One day he will be the most important nonfiction writer in the world. The trouble was that didn't mean anything to him, as Audrey knew only too well. He had always treated his success like a pleasant surprise, it was the discoveries he enjoyed so much, the travel, the adventure, the spirit of it all. But Charlotte knew nothing about that. He needs a woman who can help him. Audrey nodded, fighting back tears, and then she looked at the woman who had won him.
The baby will mean more to him than his career.
For a moment, Charlotte looked stunned. He told you about that, did he? She did not look pleased and Audrey nodded, her eyes vague.
He just mentioned it ' he's very happy, she lied. I'm sure you'll both be very happy. The tears stood out in her eyes as she looked at Charlotte, who only nodded. She still looked disturbed that Charlie had told her about the baby, or maybe it was just as well. She smiled now at her opponent.
You were never right for him anyway. Saying that seemed an enormous presumption to Audrey. What did she know about who was right for him? She didn't even know the man. She had forced him to marry her by refusing to have an abortion. And Audrey suspected that she hadn't done it out of love for him, or the baby. She couldn't even imagine this woman with a child, and at exactly that moment James returned to plop a fat, wet, sandy Molly into her arms, as the little girl let out a squeal of delight and she got sand and wet kisses all over her mother.
Audrey went on a drive later that afternoon with Karl and Ushi, and Ushi smiled at Audrey as they hung on to their hats and flying hair in the open car. We thought we would leave tomorrow. Will you come? Audrey had been vacillating about not going with them, but she was desperate to leave Antibes now and felt she needed an excuse to make a graceful exit. We go only to San Remo. It wasn't far, but the atmosphere was very different, very Italian, and less chic, but very pretty.
Karl looked at her now. Will you come?
Audrey smiled. It was her best out, and she was crazy about Ushi and Karl. I'd love it. I'll only stay a few days, and then I'll let you two go on. I might go to Rome for a week or two, before I go back to London. And from there, she still had no idea where she was going. All her plans had gone awry, and she was in no hurry to go back to San Francisco.
Why don't you come to Venice with us? It was the most romantic place in the world, and the memory of her two days there with Charlie sprang instantly to mind.
I don't think so. She couldn't bear the pain of seeing it again. That's for honeymooners, not for old maids. They hooted and yelled at the sound of her words, and she laughed and insisted that she was.
You are the best-looking old maid I have ever seen! Karl glanced at her appreciatively and she laughed and scolded him, but Ushi didn't care. The two of them were happy and well matched. They had been in love with each other for six years before they married. We will talk about Venice when we get to San Remo.
Never mind. But she had at least agreed to go to San Remo with them and it would make it easier to leave the next day. She told Violet when they got back, and she was sorry to see them all go, and furious with Charlie. She complained bitterly to James that night, that Charlie had driven everyone away, and ruined her party.
He didn't drive everyone away, darling, just Audrey. Karl and Ushi were leaving anyway, and it'll be fun for her to go with them. She ought to visit them in Berlin sometime too. Ushi always gives such marvelous parties. He smiled benevolently at his wife, kissed her tenderly on the lips and she was greatly cheered by his suggestion. A trip to Berlin was a wonderful idea, maybe they could all go. And she brought it up the next day at breakfast, as they all sat around the breakfast table except Charlotte and Molly. Charlotte was still in bed, and Molly was being watched by James and Alexandra's nurse while Audrey had breakfast. She was very happy playing with them, and they treated her like a little dolly, especially Alexandra, who loved her.
It was James's idea. Violet chortled with glee, wouldn't it be fun if we all went to Berlin once the lovebirds get settled. We could stay at the Bayerischer Hotel and go to the opera. Vi loved going to the opera in Berlin. She loved going to the opera anywhere, and more than that, she loved a party. But Ushi was enchanted with the idea too.
We could give our first ball, Karl. Her eyes danced as her mind whirled. And then she glanced at Violet, And you will not stay at the hotel. You will stay with us. And you, too, she glanced at Audrey, and without thinking her glance took in Charlie. And suddenly they were all animatedly discussing their plans to go to Berlin and everyone was chatting and laughing, as Charlie began to tease them all, and told them funny stories of the last time he'd been in Berlin. He even teased Audrey and she laughed, and he regaled them all with a tale about her on the train in China, and everyone roared, especially Audrey. It was no secret to anyone in the group that they had been lovers, and their laughter was a nice note on which to end their vacation together, and no one even noticed Charlotte come into the room.
She never raised her voice, but when she spoke, it sent an electric jolt down Audrey's spine, and Charlie instantly fell silent.
What's this about a trip to Berlin? It was obvious she didn't approve, and then she smiled at Charles. Actually, I want you to meet a German publisher there. She smiled at him. She wanted his books translated into seven languages before year end. It was part of what she referred to as her master plan. It was only when discussing things like that that she really came alive. We could combine business with pleasure. But the pleasure seemed to have died with her arrival.
And to fill the uncomfortable silence, Violet chatted with Karl about their travel plans for the next week. He mentioned Venice, and Charlie's eyes instantly reached out to Audrey, but she look
ed away, and busied herself folding her napkin. They were going to be in Venice for the last week of their honeymoon, and after that, Karl had to be in Berlin by the end of September. He would begin teaching at the university again then, and Ushi was looking forward to the beginning of the social season. James gave them several suggestions about good restaurants, and a few side trips he loved, and a little while later the three travelers came downstairs, Audrey with Molly in her arms. For a woman who had never had children before, she had become extremely adept at taking her everywhere with her. And Molly was happy and good-humored wherever she went. She seemed to think it was all one big exciting adventure.
Take care of yourself, Audrey. Violet admonished. And call us to let us know when you're returning to London. We should be back in London ourselves fairly soon and you'll stay with us as soon as we get home. Before, if you like. She always kept a housekeeper there, and she gave Audrey a firm hug, and an extra squeeze. She was going to miss her. James kissed her as well, and everyone said good-bye to Karl and Ushi, and then suddenly Charlie was looking into Audrey's eyes, and there was such depth of sadness there that Violet had to turn away as she watched them. She knew Audrey had been avoiding him when it was time to go, but Charlie had come out of his room to say good-bye, and he was looking down at her with such tenderness that Audrey thought her heart would break.
Good-bye, Charles. At least she knew now that it was over. There were no more delusions that they might be together again someday. They both knew they wouldn't.
Say hello to Venice for me. His words said everything ' that he still loved her and he remembered, but she only shook her head, holding Molly close to her.
I won't be going. That's for Ushi and Karl. He nodded. He understood perfectly. He never wanted to go back there again either. It would have been far too painful.
Perhaps I'll see you in London sometime. She didn't answer, she only looked at him and then turned away, and a few moments later she got in the car after kissing Vi and James again, and drove off with the Rosens.
Chapter 28
Are you feeling all right, Charlotte? He looked at his wife solicitously after Audrey left, trying to feel some of the same things for her, but they just weren't there. And he had to remind himself that the baby she was carrying was his, but even that didn't seem real yet. Nothing showed, and she was so brave about it that she hardly ever mentioned it. It was almost as though they both forgot it at times, but he smiled at her now, anxious to be kind to her, as though to remind himself that she was his wife and not Audrey.
But the house in Antibes was like a tomb without the Rosens and Audrey. He and James took a long walk on the beach, but he didn't share any of what was on his mind. And Lady Vi made an effort to get to know Charlotte better, but she found that she disliked her as much as she had at first. There was nothing warm about the woman, nothing gentle, nothing soft, and Lady Vi wondered how Charlie stood her. It wasn't enough that she was intelligent.
He might as well be married to a man for God's sake, Vi complained to James in the privacy of their bedroom later that night. How on earth could he marry her? Charlie had finally told him.
She's pregnant.
Oh my God. Violet stared at him in shock and then shook her head. How awful for Charlie. Is that why he married her?
I think so, although he didn't put it quite that bluntly. And I'm not quite as adept as you are with rude, pointed questions. He smiled at his wife, grateful that their life was simpler than Charlie's. I think he would have preferred it if she'd had an abortion. But apparently she's Catholic.
She is? Lady Vi was surprised. I didn't think she was. And she didn't go to church on Sunday. They were all Church of England, and Roman Catholics were rare among their friends.
Maybe she didn't feel well. In any case, there it is, our Charles is going to be a daddy.
Is he pleased?
I'm not sure. I think he's still a bit numb, frankly. And actually, you know, I think he likes her. They've been having an affair for quite a while, and she went out to Cairo to be with him when he was there ' I just don't think he thought of it as a permanent thing. I think he would have preferred Audrey in that case.
Thank God for that ' poor Charlie ' and poor Audrey. What a terrible mess. She frowned at her husband then. You know, I'll bet she did it on purpose.
James laughed at her suspicious nature. It's been done before, although I don't really think she's the type. She's too businesslike to resort to feminine wiles.
Don't be so sure. I think she's excited by the idea of building Charlie's career, and having him like a puppet on a string. Also, he's damn good-looking and I think she decided to get what she wanted. And she'd never have gotten him otherwise.
Good Lord, you have an evil mind. Is that how you got me? Plotting and planning?
Of course, she beamed happily, but at least I didn't use a cheap trick like getting pregnant.
He rolled his eyes at the memory. I wish you had ' you drove me mad for damn close to two years ' bloody fanatical virgin ' . She blushed at the memory, and he ran a hand up the inside of her thigh and caressed her, and a moment later both of them forgot Audrey and Charlie.
Chapter 29
The days Audrey and the Rosens spent in San Remo were easy and fun, and Audrey felt more relaxed than she had during the last few days in Antibes with Charlie and his wife around. It had been a terrible strain trying not to cause a scene, and dealing with her own feelings at the same time. She missed Violet and James but she was happy to have left, and San Remo was always fun, even now at the end of the summer.
Audrey had intended to leave Karl and Ushi there, and go on to Italy by train, but they were so insistent that she at least go as far as Milan with them, that she finally relented. She planned to go on to Rome after that, while they went to Venice, and in the meantime, they had a fabulous time in Milan staying with friends of Karl's in a palazzo the likes of which Audrey had never seen. There were frescoes orrthe walls, incredible tapestries that belonged in museums, and paintings by everyone from Renoir to Goya to da Vinci with an enormous collection by della Robbia. It was an extraordinary place, and a marvelous holiday. Their host was a Principe, a prince, and his wife a Principessa, and Audrey had a marvelous time staying up until dawn with them every night. They all drank too much wine, and went to every party in town. They even gave a 'little ball for them, which was an impromptu affair for three hundred of their closest friends in Karl and Ushi's honor. Audrey wore one of the evening dresses she'd brought for the ship, and actually felt very plain next to the extravagantly dressed Italian women in their heavy emerald and ruby and sapphire necklaces and diamond tiaras.
They all hated to leave when the time came, Audrey most of all, and now her proposed trip to Rome seemed terribly dull, as she sat eating breakfast one morning with Molly. She was thinking of going back to London earlier than planned, and secretly bemoaning the fact that she had nothing to do now. Maybe Violet would join her on a brief trip to Paris. But that morning Ushi and Karl brought up the trip to Venice again, and they absolutely insisted that she join them. They were certain that they didn't want time alone, and if they did they would let her know, they promised.
We will be lonely without you now, Audrey. And it was Molly they especially adored. Ushi scooped her up in her arms and wailed over the fact that she would never have a baby that looked like Molly, as Karl and Audrey laughed. I'm afraid not, my darling, he teased her. And unfortunately, thus far, they had no reason to suspect she was pregnant yet, but they were having a good time trying. You must come with us. That's all! He tried to look very Prussian as he said it and only succeeded in looking like a petulant child. He was a very handsome man, though differently than Charlie or James, but he had dark, exotic looks in a very Semitic way, and Audrey could easily see why Ushi thought he was handsome. She wondered then if she would ever find anyone for herself. Everyone seemed to have found the perfect mate, Violet in James, Ushi in Karl, and even their hosts in Milan seemed pe
rfectly suited. She was beginning to feel the pain of being alone all the time, and couldn't imagine now what she had done with her life before Molly. So will you come? They looked expectantly at her and she could no longer think of an excuse not to go with them.
I won't so much as speak to you if I do, you know. Venice is the most romantic place in the world, and I won't spoil it for you.
Ushi laughed mischievously and winked at Karl and he laughed and looked at Audrey, putting a finger to his lips, as though he were about to impart a deep, dark secret. We've already been there last year ' .
Ushi tittered naughtily and all three of them laughed. It was 1935, after all, not 1912, and all of them had had their little flings. Venice was where her love affair with Charlie had begun, and she was afraid to go to Venice with them. She was afraid that the memories would be too painful.
Wanderlust (1986) Page 28