You for Christmas

by Madeline Ash

  Exhausted, Regan sagged. Please, not now. She didn’t need this. She had never needed this, but clearly she was a magnet for predators. It was like they could see victim in her eyes. A woman who’d already been broken, making her an easier feat for those who came after.

  Was that why good men avoided her? They could see it, too, and preferred a purer partner. Somehow Felix had missed it, but he’d withdrawn now that he knew.

  Upset, she scowled and moved to cut around him.

  He blocked her path. “Where’re you going?”

  With deep regret, Regan let her defenses take over. “To a magical place where men like you don’t exist.”

  He moved closer, and with the crush of people around her, Regan couldn’t back away. She inhaled, squaring her shoulders, as he smirked. “Can I come?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Excuse me,” she said, and made to push passed him again.

  He grabbed her upper arm. Her skin pinched between his fingers. “I’m talking to you.” His voice dropped, low with insult.

  She didn’t look at him as her dignity shrank. “I’m not interested.”

  “Course you are.” And he tugged her bodily against him.

  It was too soon after reliving Jason’s abuse. She was weak with memory, fatigued by fear, and for moment, she was hauled against his body, forced to breathe in the sweat on his skin and the beer on his breath. His hand jumped from her arm to her arse, a possessive grip that reminded her of being held roughly in place, mouth silent as her body screamed.

  Then she got a hold of herself.

  She was about to knee his erection into another dimension when Felix materialized beside her. He was the same height as the man, the same build. There was fury in his eyes, disgust in the square set of his jaw, and outrage in the fist that gathered the man’s singlet and bunched it up under his chin.

  “Get off her,” Felix said quietly. “Or I’ll make sure you never get off again.”

  There was a pause, during which the people around them noticed the altercation and formed a small ring. The man released her, and distressed, Regan shoved him hard in the shoulder.

  “I didn’t know she was taken,” the man said, stepping back and looking pissed.

  “Every woman is taken.” Felix hadn’t let him go. Disgust curled his lip and anger radiated off him.

  “If she’s yours, just say she’s yours, man.”

  The tension in Felix’s neck seemed to constrict. “You’re scum.”

  He was right. And scum wouldn’t be taught in under a minute with his shirt around his neck. Throat tight, Regan touched Felix’s arm. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.” But he let go, slowly, holding the man’s glare like one false move was all it would take.

  She wrapped her arms around her middle. “I was looking for you,” she managed. “Can we talk?”

  He flashed an unreadable glance at her. Then he stepped back, feet wide in a fighter’s stance, and gestured for her to lead. As she slipped passed, Regan glanced back and saw Parker step up to the scum and place a hand firmly on his shoulder. “Black-listed,” he said coldly.

  Outside, the music faded and the air blew in warm feline circles around Regan’s legs. She slipped off her shoes, humiliation hot on her face, and fell into step beside Felix. His tension was palpable, his brooding silence interrupted only by the crash of waves beside them.

  “Thank you,” she murmured eventually.

  He didn’t answer. She’d taken half a dozen steps before she noticed that he’d stopped walking. Turning back, she bled at the sight of him. Arms by his sides and tears shining in his eyes, his sorrow hit her like grief, because she knew he was trying to find the words to cut her loose.

  “I have absolutely no idea what to say to you.” His words cracked pitifully.

  Regan lifted her chin. “Say it straight.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Heart breaking, she said, “I get it. And I’m sorry, too.”

  “What?” He blinked, confused, and a tear dropped to the sand. “God, Regan, what could you possibly have to be sorry about?”

  “You deserved to know about all that before we slept together. You deserved to be able to make an informed decision.”

  “No, I didn’t.” He nudged his glasses up to his forehead and ran a hand over his eyes. “None of this is about me. It’s about what you deserve, Regan, and the fact that you’ve spent most of your life not getting it. Not even coming close.”

  Then he strode to her and gathered her hands in his, and she was suddenly the one blinking back tears.

  “I am so sorry that I didn’t notice,” he said, voice raw with sincerity. “For that, I’ll never forgive myself. I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder to convince you to come with me and Stevie. Because if that cretin had come to the door, I’d have fought back and Stevie would have stood with me. We’d have smeared him into hell for you, Regan.”

  She sniffled suddenly, loud and incredulous.

  “I’ll never be able to change what happened,” he continued, “and you’ll never be able to forget. But I want the chance to push it aside. To give you better memories, with better people in your life. And I want to be one of them. Believe it or not, you’re the woman of my dreams and I want to keep you safe so you never have to be alone again. I’ll make my side a place worth staying”—he paused for a heartbeat—“for the rest of your life.”

  “You—” She stopped, overwhelmed. “You don’t think I’m dirty?”

  His inhale was ragged. “Never.”

  “Weak?”

  “Regan.” He lowered his forehead to hers, raising one of his hands to cup her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into the warmth of his palm. “No one is stronger than you. You’re a lifesaver, remember? If you offer your support to someone, they can never fall. But no one can be brave all the time. You need someone to provide backup when you stumble.”

  “I stumbled last night.” She kept her eyes closed as his nose brushed over hers. “I’m sorry I walked out on you. I was so scared of what you would think.”

  “Does it scare you that all I can think about is how much I’ve fallen in love with you?”

  Disbelieving, she pulled back.

  “I’ve fallen all the way,” he said, smiling softly.

  Wonder buoyed inside her. “I think I’m all the way in love with you, too.”

  Slowly, he untangled his fingers from hers to rest a hand on her back. It travelled down, sweeping across her lower spine, before wrapping around her as far as it could and drawing her close. He buried his face into her hair, tightening the hug, and with a heart on fire, she squeezed back.

  With contentment settled deep inside her, she spoke against his chest. “Fee?”

  “Mm?” His whole body was flush against hers, an intimate push that made her ache to be closer.

  “Will you stay with me tonight?”

  He drew back, uncertainty clouding his eyes. “I don’t know. If you need space, I—”

  “I’ve had space for so long it scares me. I want you to fill it.”

  “Then I will.” He smiled as his attention slipped to her mouth.

  Unhurriedly, he raked a hand into her hair and kissed her. She parted her lips, tasting everything she’d ever wanted and craving more. She ached to see kindness stripped bare; to hear it groan at her touch; to feel the pleasure of it inside her. And she would, whenever she wanted, from this moment on.

  Eventually pulling back, she said, “I met Zach.”

  He tensed slightly. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. So that’s one entire nephew you didn’t tell me about.”

  “It wasn’t my place,” he said, a watertight defense. “What did he say?”

  She glanced at the dark water, spine sagging. “That he should’ve known I existed because Stevie wouldn’t cry over nothing.”

  “He can be very protective of her.” He sounded apologetic.

  Emotion swamped her. Kids weren’t stupid. There must be a reason Zac
h felt the need to protect his mother. Throat tight, Regan shook her head. She’d felt too much today. “I can’t believe I wasn’t there for her, for him—”

  “Hey.” Felix ran the backs of his fingers down her cheek. “You will be. Don’t go backwards, go forwards.”

  She nodded, looking down. “Is he...what are you to Zach?”

  “Not a father, if that’s what you’re asking. But a father figure.”

  She ran a hand over her face until Felix drew it away and suggested, “Let’s go back in.”

  “If you kiss me again. It gives me strength.”

  Tenderly, he obliged.

  Back inside, they rejoined Stevie and Zach in the booth. Stevie had ordered pizza and scotch—“For the adults, Zach”—and as they ate, she told Regan all about those early years, starting with how she’d moved out with Felix only to discover she was pregnant. They’d coped, just barely, while he worked and studied, and she worked and cried about the loss of her sister and the baby in her eighteen-year-old belly. Within months of Zach’s birth, they’d found a poky apartment nearby and she’d moved out. Best for all three of them that way, but Felix had supported her in any way he could.

  As she spoke, Regan’s heart grew fuller and fuller with love for Felix.

  The bar gradually emptied around them, until Zach was slumped against Felix’s side, eyes glazed. “Mum, can I open a present tonight?” His question was slurred with fatigue.

  “How do you know I bought you more than one present?”

  “I went through your luggage and counted.”

  “Zach.” Stevie groaned. “Then I figure you already know which one you want?”

  “The one in green wrapping paper.”

  “There are two green ones.”

  “I may have sticky taped them together for this moment. They are now one being.”

  “Then, no, you conniving punk, you can’t open one tonight.” Everyone at the table knew that was a lie. “Get up. Time for bed.”

  “You said I could stay up all night,” he complained as he slid out of the booth.

  “Yeah, when was that?”

  Regan stood, allowing Stevie to get out, and her sister immediately wrapped her up in an almighty hug. “I can’t believe you’re really here,” Stevie whispered in her ear.

  Instantly, Regan choked up. She knew the feeling.

  Then they were parting and Stevie was calling out, “Zach, remember you were going to unpack for me because I packed for you?”

  “Yeah?” He called over his shoulder. “When was that?”

  Stevie groaned again and shot Regan a kill-me-now glance. “I gift you with a back-chatty seven year old,” she muttered. “Welcome home.”

  Regan grinned as Felix stepped up beside her, lacing his fingers through hers and raising her hand to his mouth.

  It was the night before Christmas and there was nowhere she’d rather be.

  Later, Regan asked Felix to sit on the edge of the bed and be patient. It was her raging blush more than anything that had him sitting quietly and watching her close the balcony doors, draw the curtains shut, and dim the down lights to a shadowed glow. He smiled when she shimmied out of her skirt and stripped her singlet over her head and sat a hell of a lot straighter when she faced him, glorious in mismatched underwear, and said shyly, “I’d never wanted to please a man before you.”

  Remarkable how much pleasure he gleaned from those words alone.

  “But I want to drive you crazy.” Her lips curved upwards. “If that’s okay.”

  “Uh.” Felix cleared his throat as arousal slammed into him. “That should be fine, yeah.”

  Her smile faded as she moved to stand between his knees, her big, doe eyes black with desire. He couldn’t stop himself grasping her waist as she leaned down to gather the hem of his shirt, and he took the opportunity to taste the breasts before him, one at a time, large lavish mouthfuls. She hovered, breath shaky, when he freed them from her bra and gathered them closer still.

  “Fee,” she whispered weakly. “I want this to be for you.”

  “Trust me, this is for me.”

  She tilted her head, smiling, and pulled back to drag the shirt over his head. “I can’t believe it, but I like these shirts,” she said, dropping it to the floor. Then she was kneeling, her hands at his waistband, unzipping to free his erection, hard and throbbing under the curious brush of her fingers. Then she curled a hand around its base and slid her grip upwards, downwards, until he closed his eyes and forgot time itself.

  He let her explore his body. She took her time, touching and tasting, sucking and savoring, and he made sure she knew just what it did to him. She heard him wild with desire and weak with orgasm. He ended up on his back, gasping for control, impatient to finish this next wave of pleasure buried inside her. By the time she’d rolled protection over him and wriggled her little body all the way up to his mouth to kiss him as deep as his soul, he was done with letting her lead.

  “Okay,” he said in a growl, rolling and pinning her to the bed. “You win. I’m crazy.”

  “And I’m happy.”

  “Oh, come on,” he said, teasing, as he kissed the underside of her jaw. “That’s really unsexy. What kind of guy makes a woman happy in bed? I should be turning you wild, wanton, out of your mind.”

  She laughed. “You make me happy, Fee, and because of that, I can be anything.”

  “Tireless?”

  “Let’s find out.”

  It wasn’t until the pale yellow light of dawn shone behind the sheer curtains that Felix contemplated sleep. Regan lay with her head on his chest, tiredly running her fingertips across his stomach, and pleasure now filled every part of his being. Less than a week ago, he’d been alone, anticipating a break from work, but knowing that when it was over, he’d return to the same routine, working too hard and coming home to an empty apartment every night.

  Now, “I’m going to work less,” he murmured. “I’m going to get a balance back.”

  She shifted, her hair sliding down to tickle his side. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” He gazed at the ceiling. “You were right about my father. I’ve been working this hard to prove that I can be a success doing what I love. Trying to prove him wrong. But if I live like that, he’s still got a hold over me. I don’t need to prove myself anymore.” He circled his fingers on the smooth skin of her waist. “I just want to be with you.”

  Her lips pressed against his neck. As she settled her cheek back on his chest, she murmured, “I’m not sure what I’ll do.”

  “Anything you want.” Anything at all. “If you want to study, or train, or take a break for a while, I’ll support you in any way I can.”

  “Thank you.” He felt her cheek lift in a smile against his chest. “And Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas.”

  “I didn’t get you anything. Maybe we could do a belated exchange.”

  “I was thinking we could promise to do something together instead.” This relationship was so young. It needed time and experiences to flourish.

  “Okay.” She shifted, thinking. “I’ll play video games with you.”

  “You’d risk deep-vein thrombosis for me?”

  She nudged him. “Funny. You won’t be laughing when I whup your arse.”

  He chuckled, before murmuring, “I’d like to woo you.”

  Regan tilted her head, eyeing him blearily. “Not sure how necessary that would be. You know”—she inched her leg over his hips—“considering.”

  Felix bound his arms around her and pressed his lips to her hair. “It bothers me that you missed out on all the awkward joys of adolescence. First dates. Being picked up in a borrowed car. Sharing earnest mixed tapes. Going to the movies to not watch them. I’d like to give you that.”

  “Oh, man.”

  He glanced down in time to see her wince. “Bad idea?”

  “No,” she said, giving him an odd smile. “But I’m going to have to get used to sugar headaches.”


  Epilogue

  It was the best Christmas of Regan’s life. She awoke to a warmth in her heart and a note on the pillow beside her. I couldn’t wake you, my brave one. Join us when you’re ready. Smiling through a lack of sleep, she tied on her bikini, tugged a skirt over her hips, and wandered downstairs.

  Deserted, she noted. Lullabar was closed for Christmas.

  The salty tang of the sea billowed over her as she stepped outdoors. No snow or ice in sight, just blindingly blue sky and water that sparkled like sapphires in the near distance. She bunched her toes in the sand underfoot as she moved to the festive gathering.

  Several wooden tables had been pushed together in the shade, covered in red tablecloths, and laden with enough breakfast dishes to suit every appetite. Felix was sitting with Stevie and Zach, all wearing colored paper hats and rolling their eyes over a bonbon joke. Regan’s nephew had piled his plate with pastries, sausages, and hash browns. A large chocolate milkshake sat in front of him and she suspected he was the kind of kid who said yes first and dealt with the consequences later.

  A chorus of introductions greeted her. Parker’s dad, Alexia’s mum, and further down the table, the retinue of staff and security that accompanied Jed and Dee. Then Regan slid in beside Felix, and instantly his arm wrapped around her, drawing her against his side.

  “Dig in, everyone!” Parker invited, only just sitting down himself. “Unless you’re Zach, in which case, time’s up mate, give me your plate.”

  Regan laughed when Zach flung himself backwards off the bench, hollering a war cry and taking his plate down with him. Her grin stuck, marveling that she had two of the best people by her side—and a third troublemaker she could easily envision loving outrageously—and they all wanted to keep her there.

  “So how long are you staying here, Aunty Regan?” Zach asked as he jammed the better half of a croissant in his mouth. If that was sand she saw stuck to one side, it didn’t seem to bother him.

  “Byron Bay?” Unsure, she glanced at Felix. He held up three fingers. “Three days.”

  “Three weeks,” he corrected, smiling. “A proper break.”