“You just got here,” Eric whined.
“I know. I’m sorry. Listen, I’ll explain everything later but right now I just really need to get back home.”
I felt like I was torn between three worlds. There was the world I spent my time in with Shannon, Brad, and Eric; the world of Robert and Caroline; and now a new world with Ben, which my friends just didn’t understand.
Most guys would have changed their phone number and high-tailed it out of the country if I told them what was happening to me, but Ben stuck around. In fact, he surprised me by spending so much time researching. I couldn’t wait to hear about what he found.
Chapter 17
I could see the light on in the living room as I turned into the driveway. There were three people standing around talking. Ben couldn’t have made it here already, I just talked to him. Miraculously, there was his Audi, right next to Bill’s car. How the hell did he get here so quickly?
“Hey, Dani,” said Ben as I threw open the front door.
“How’d you get here so fast?”
“Oh, I called you from the car earlier. I was already on my way.”
“You couldn’t tell me that when we were on the phone?” I was slightly annoyed even though I was extremely happy to see him.
“I thought you’d be happy I surprised you.”
“Yeah, I am. I am. Sorry.” Now I felt bad.
“Ben was just telling us about his lovely family in New Jersey,” said Mama. “So, when are y’all planning this trip to the North?”
I looked at him with narrowed eyes, visibly confused as to why he would bring that up to Mama and Bill without me around.
“Um, we were going to go this weekend possibly. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“I see,” said Mama.
“I thought you had to work?” said Bill.
“I switched with Andrea.” I had to think on my feet since I wasn’t prepared for all of this questioning.
No one said anything after that. The silence in the room was like a heavy fog. I held my breath until someone spoke.
“Well, wanna go sit outside for a while, Dani?” asked Ben.
“That’d be perfect,” I responded as I grabbed Ben’s hand to lead him out the front door and escape as fast as we could.
Once we were outside, I started my questioning.
“Why would you bring that up without me around? I didn’t tell them ‘cause I knew they’d freak out about me going to meet your parents by myself.”
“I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget that you still live at home and you’re sort of under their rules.”
“It’s okay. I just have some damage control to do later, so you probably shouldn’t stay long. That would just make things worse.”
“Whatever you think is best,” Ben said. “So, can I tell you what I found?”
“Absolutely, I’m dying to know.”
“First, I have to kiss you.”
I could spend hours on the porch kissing him but I wanted to hear about his findings. “So, what do you have there?”
“You mentioned something about a fire in Cape May in the 1800s. Well I found out that it took place on Nov - ”
I interrupted him. “One step ahead of you. I know when it took place, I know where it started. I also found streets I’m familiar with from my dreams and names of people I recognize. Ben ... I think I’m somehow seeing into the past.”
“Yeah, I think so too, but you have to tell me more because I have something else to show you but I want to know if it’s the right thing to do before I do it.”
“Okay. I’ll start from the beginning. I was in a boat in the first dream with my mama and sister, who I didn’t know I was related to initially. There was a massive fire in the background and it was very cold out ... hence the month of November. Robert and I, or Caroline really, are married and their last name is Marcum. The house I lived in with my mama and sister burned in the fire and they built it back up to look like one of the painted ladies of Cape May.”
“Wait. I didn’t know that you thought this person - Caroline - was you. As if you’re seeing into your past.”
“Well, I think it might be me. I know it sounds crazy, but when I’m dreaming, it’s like I’m really there. Like I’ve lived this life before and then there’s Robert, who is a lot like you and now there’s also this John guy who has the same birthmark Justin had on his right arm.”
“So what you’re telling me is that this is possibly some life you’ve already lived?”
“I think so. It doesn’t make any sense and I can’t wrap my head around it, but I can’t think of any other way to explain the similarities I’m seeing between people in the past and people in my present.”
“I might have something that will help now that you told me all of that.”
“Okay.”
Ben pulled out a picture he printed from the Internet that afternoon. It was a photo of a man and a woman standing in wedding attire. Under the photo, the caption read, “On this day, May 22, 1877, Mr. Robert F. Marcum married Ms. Caroline S. Woodward in the city of Cape May, New Jersey.” The man and the woman stood side-by-side, unsmiling. I studied the man’s face. The resemblance between Robert and Ben was astounding.
“Dani, look at her.” The urgency in Ben’s voice was unmistakable. When I finally glanced at the picture, I realized I had never actually seen Caroline’s face in my dreams. I gasped.
I was looking into a mirror.
Chapter 18
“I have to tell you, Dani, this completely freaked me out when I found it. I don’t even know how I saw it. I just kept searching for a Robert in Cape May, 1878 and I stumbled upon it. I wasn’t sure this was even the Robert you were talking about. Frankly, I thought you might be a little nuts and I didn’t even know if I should come here. The idea scared the shit out of me that you could be right. Something just told me I should show you this photo. I guess the fact that it looks like I’m staring at myself made me think you weren’t crazy.”
“Holy shit, Ben. Oh my God. Could I really be seeing into my past?”
“Either that or you and I took this picture at one of those old-time photo places at an amusement park somewhere.”
“Oh, stop that. I’m being serious,” I said as I gave him a light smack on the arm. “I’ve never had anything like this happen to me and I feel like I’m going completely insane.” I wasn’t lying either. This was incomprehensible. In my head, I thought, What if Robert and Caroline are Ben and me from a different time period? I began to get dizzy.
“I think I need to lie down.”
“Here, put your head on my lap,” Ben said.
“Oh boy, if my mama stares out that window right now, you’re a dead man.”
Ben just laughed and ran his hands through my hair as he kissed my forehead.
“Everything will be fine. We’ll figure this out. You’re definitely the most interesting girlfriend I’ve ever had.”
That was the first time he actually put a title to what I was to him. Even though he said he loved me before, he never referred to me as his girlfriend.
“I’m glad I’m not boring you,” I said and looked up at him, begging him with my eyes to kiss me again.
Ben leaned over and pressed his lips to mine as passionately as he did at the waterfall. When we separated, I knew I had to end our conversation before my overbearing mama appeared.
“I think I better go inside. I need to clear the air with Mama and Bill.”
“Yeah, that’s probably best, because I’m thinking of some pretty nasty things I could do to their daughter right here on the porch.”
“Hmmm ... sounds yummy!”
Ben smirked and leaned in for another kiss.
“Thanks for coming here tonight,” I said to Ben as I kissed him again.
“No problem. For what it’s worth, you’re better looking than Caroline.”
I got up and gave Ben one more kiss goodnight and headed inside to face the interrogation that awa
ited me.
As I stepped inside, I could tell that Mama and Bill had been discussing my recent behavior. Their conversation came to a halt as I made my way into the living room.
“Hey, Mama. I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to tell you about New Jersey before. I didn’t expect Ben to get here so quickly tonight and I wanted to tell you before he got here.”
“That’s okay, sweetie. I just have to get used to the idea of you with an older man. It’s just a bit strange for Bill and I, that’s all. He really is wonderful though, Danielle.”
“We’re just worried that this is going a little too fast,” said Bill.
“Well, I’m a grown woman now and I know Ben is older, but he treats me like a queen and I’m falling in love with him.”
That was all I had to say and Mama immediately hugged me while crying at the same time.
“I’m so happy for you, Dani Bear. Ben’s great. We just don’t want to see you get hurt, that’s all,” Mama said as she pulled away from me and stared into my eyes.
I gave her a few pats on the back and headed up to my room to read more about Cape May. I wanted to immerse myself in the book so I could learn everything I could about the little beachside community.
After about twenty pages of town history, I began to nod off.
* * *
I was Caroline again, getting ready for the day. It was sunny and the smell of the ocean air floated through the bedroom from a tiny window that was opened just a crack. It must have been left open by mistake because it was very cold outside. I could hear a lot of chatter downstairs in the living room and as I made my way towards the bottom of the steps, I saw someone at the door with a handful of presents. It was John.
“Merry Christmas, dear friend,” said John to Robert as he welcomed him in.
I was really getting sick of not knowing what day it was when I had these dreams.
“Merry Christmas, John. Come on in.” Robert took the presents and then my hand and led me into the living room where my mother, Rebecca, and Mrs. Bigsley sat waiting for the moment when everyone would start passing out their gifts.
It was nice to relive Christmas in a time when electricity wasn’t even around yet. The tree glowed with real candles and the Danielle in me had to stop myself from blowing out each one for fear of another fire in Cape May. Everyone laughed and talked about how they were excited to rebuild and start a new, better year.
“Oh Caroline, you look divine, my dear,” said Mrs. Bigsley as she came to give me a hug, oddly patting my stomach.
Rebecca had brought out a tray of cookies and tea for everyone while the opening of presents commenced.
John rose and handed Robert a small box. “To my handsome and successful brother, Robert. I hope this gift brings you many joys for years to come.”
I let out a slight gasp at the moment John called Robert his brother. “Are you alright, Caroline?” asked Rebecca.
“Yes, perfectly fine,” I said as I took deep breaths to calm myself down. I learned something new each and every time I dreamt back to Cape May. Now it made more sense as to why everyone was so upset after the fire when we couldn't find him.
Robert opened his gift and revealed a fancy, silver pocket watch inscribed with his initials.
“This is too much, John,” said Robert as he admired it.
“No, nothing is too good for you. If the fire taught me anything, it was to spend what I have now in case I’m not here tomorrow.”
“On that note, I want to give you yours then,” said Robert to John. It was a gorgeous cashmere scarf in a brilliant burgundy red with John's initials on the end. More presents were passed out until one small little gift lay alone under the tree.
“This last one is for my darling wife, Caroline,” Robert said as he handed me the tiny box wrapped in brown paper and tied with a simple bow.
“Oh, Robert,” I said while I opened it.
My heart stopped when I took the lid off and saw what looked like small shoes inside. I pulled back the tissue paper and discovered two tiny pink booties hand knitted with a letter M on the top of each one. I held my breath and let out a shaky exhale as I looked down at my lap. The large dresses I wore concealed a small bump in my lower belly.
Oh my God ... I was pregnant.
Chapter 19
For the next few days, I found myself rubbing my stomach to check for any kicking inside from a baby that only existed in my dreams. I had to keep reminding myself that I, as Danielle, wasn’t pregnant. My head played games with me and I would wake up in the morning and feel like I was about to be sick. I knew it was all in my mind, but I couldn’t get past the nauseous feeling I had.
It was Friday morning and I was up in my room preparing for the trip to Cape May when Mama peeked her head in the doorway.
“Packing for the weekend?” she asked.
“Yup,” I replied as I placed my other favorite pair of flip-flops in the open suitcase.
“Dani, can we chat for a second?” Mama asked while she slowly made her way to my side of the bed. She sat down and patted the blankets as an invitation for me to sit next to her.
“Sure, Mama.”
“I just want you to know that you can tell me anything.”
“Okay,” I replied confused. “But I have nothing to tell you.”
“I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about you and Ben. I know you’re all grown up now, but he’s much older than you and he has more - ” She cleared her throat, “ - experience.”
“I know he’s older, Mama, but that doesn’t matter to either of us. We haven’t had sex yet, if that’s what you’re getting at.” I lied. I never lied to Mama before this summer and it made me feel horrible, but I also felt as though I was old enough to make my own decisions. I’d tell her when I was ready.
“Danielle Grayson, I do not care to know about your sex life, but if I did, I would hope you’re using protection.”
“OH-MY-GOD, Mama. You do care because you’re sitting here whispering like we’re about to get in trouble for talking about it.”
“It’s not a comfortable thing for me to discuss with you and I know you’re a very responsible young woman with a good head on her shoulders. I’ve just never seen you like this before - so into a boy.”
“I know, that’s because I’ve never been in love before now.”
“Are you sure you’re in love with Ben?”
“I think I am, Mama. And he’s in love with me. I can’t wait to meet his family this weekend and see where he grew up. I know it’s going fast, but at this age, I know what I want and that’s Ben.”
“Honey, you’re only eighteen. You have your whole life ahead of you. Just be careful. You’re young still.”
“Okay, Mama, enough of the serious talk. What do you think I should wear to meet Ben’s parents for the first time?” I knew she wanted to discuss this more, but I had my mind on other things. Our conversation got a bit lighter after I changed the subject. Mama practically dumped my entire suitcase out on the bed and repacked other clothes for me to take - clothes that would show me off better, as she put it.
“You and Ben are stopping by Cape May before going to his parents’ house, right?” Mama asked as she folded the last shirt into the suitcase and zipped it up.
“Yeah. I think just for the day, though.”
“That will be nice.”
Mama and Bill thought Ben and I were just going to Cape May for a little vacation before seeing his family, which was partly true, but I mostly wanted to see what I could find there. I hoped I’d recognize some buildings, but I didn’t expect much since it was over 130 years later.
After double-checking that I had everything I needed for New Jersey, I sat at my desk and applied very light pink blush to my cheeks and some mascara to one eye. The slamming of a car door outside made me jump and I painted my other eyebrow black with the mascara brush. I looked out of my window and could see that it was Eric.
He looked up at me as I came quietly dow
n the stairs. “Dani, can we talk?” Eric asked as he gestured to the front porch outside.
“Yeah, sure.”
I set my suitcase down at the base of the steps inside and followed close behind him.
“I know I told you to forget the conversation we had the other day about how I feel about you, but I don’t want you to forget it,” Eric said.
“Okay, you’re confusing me.”
“I know. I’m confusing myself.” Eric shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He did this when he was nervous, but I had never seen him do this with me. He quickly took his hat off and ran both hands through his hair. “I don’t know how to say this, but I got accepted to Northeastern. I leave next week.”
“Oh, Eric. Why’d you do that? I told you not to go because of me.” I gritted my teeth in anger.
“It’s not just because of you. I realized after we talked that I want to go mostly to figure out who I am. I need to get away from Sugar Hill and Gainesville and you made me realize that.”
“Don’t blame this one on me. Geez ... I want you to stay here more than anything. I didn’t make you choose this, Eric.” How could he insinuate that I somehow pushed him into the decision?
“No, I’m not saying it was totally you. Shit. Look, I just want you to know that you made me really sit down and think about what I want. My parents are always fighting, Shannon and Brad have each other, and now you have Ben. I’m not even sure I fit in here anymore. I have to go, Dani. I have to figure out what I want to do with my life and I can’t do that here or at Gainesville. Does that make any sense?”
I nodded my head in agreement.
He grabbed my face in his and we stared into each other’s eyes for a moment.
Then he kissed me.
I pulled away immediately as our lips touched and gave Eric a slight push. I stared at him and lowered my chin, letting out a low growl.
“What the hell, Eric?”
“Sorry about that,” he said as he put his hands up in surrender.
“You know, I just don’t even know who you are anymore.” I turned and slammed the front door, leaving Eric on the porch. In a matter of weeks, we had gone from best friends to an awkward pair of individuals I didn’t even recognize anymore. As far as I was concerned, it was all Eric’s fault. I watched from the kitchen window as Eric sulked his way down the front porch steps slowly to his car. He glanced back and I quickly ducked. I didn’t want him to think that I cared about how we left things. Why did he have a way of ruining so many perfectly good days for me lately? It was always when I had plans with Ben. I began to think that Eric had some sort of Ben radar and could sense that I was happy so he felt the need to bring me down.
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