“I don’t think accepting is the right word…” I said quietly. “I can’t ever accept what Dana did to you. I can accept what you are, but…not what happened to get you here.”
Mykail nodded slowly, averting his eyes.
“Do you remember it?” I asked, not sure if I should ask or not. He took a deep breath and his wings twitched, his eyes lowered. I felt the muscles in his neck tense under my hand as he took another deep breath through his nose.
“A little bit,” he admitted. “It’s…a little foggy…just like everything else that happens in the Commission.”
I was glad to hear that I was not the only one who had difficulty remembering the Commission of the People clearly.
“I remember the later testing…when the wings were…stitched together…”
I glanced at the feathered wings, not sure what he meant. He glanced at the one surrounding us.
“The muscles were grown, the bone as well, and it was all carefully placed together and connected with my brain…”
“I don’t know how they managed…”
“They have technologies that the world doesn’t even know exist yet,” he whispered. “Originally, I was part of the Machine of Neutralization program…but…after what happened with my brother…” his voice choked and he did not continue. Even though I was curious, I did not think at all to push him to talk. “Anyway, they changed their mind at the last minute…and just wanted to see if they could get someone to have wings and fly…”
I closed my eyes, shaking my head.
“I can’t even imagine…”
He did not speak, his eyes distant as he lost himself in memories.
“At least my testing is finished…” he whispered. “Dana won’t do anything else to me…but…others, particularly Eyna…the Commission will continue to morph them and change them to see what they can do. It’s sickening.”
“I was wondering something…”
“What?”
“What if we were to break Eyna out as well?”
“No,” he said shortly. “No, out of the question.”
“Why not?”
“You saw him?” he asked. When I nodded he took a deep breath. “I’m assuming you saw him during his testing. You have no idea about how dangerous he is. He’s powerful…I’d almost say magical, crazy as that sounds.”
“He could help, though, with that power,” I said.
“No one knows what he is capable of,” Mykail said strongly. “It’s best to just stop Dana before he finishes Eyna and then kill him. Let the technology and data die with him.”
I flinched at the thought.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound harsh, but…he’s dangerous.”
“Aren’t you dangerous?” I hissed before I could stop myself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“No, no, you’re right.” He took a deep breath and slowly let it out with a shrug. “I don’t know…it’s just…he scares me a little, that’s all. He scares all the experiments…”
I did not bring up Eyna again.
* *** *
That Sunday, Becca’s mother answered the door, a woman I had not yet met. She was beautiful in a very natural way and she had a smile that could light up an entire room.
“You must be Lily,” she greeted. “I’ve heard so much about you from your father.”
“From my father?” I blinked. I had stayed up all night with Mykail, which meant I only got an hour and a half of sleep, so I was slow in remembering that she worked with my father. “Oh, right!” I said, embarrassed.
“Oh, you look tired,” she noted, looking me over. “Do you want some tea? I know those Commission meetings run really late.” She motioned me in. I hesitated, my foot hovering over the threshold.
“What do you mean?” I said nervously.
“Oh, sweetheart, we may not know what the Commission of the People talks about, but we do know that Mr. Christenson is a very busy man, and only has time to have the meetings late in the day.”
“Oh…” I said, feeling relieved and strangely confused. I wondered exactly what people in this city knew—or believed they knew—about the Commission of the People.
“So, would you like some tea?” she offered again.
“Oh, no, thank you.”
“Lily, is that you?” Becca called, making her way down the stairs. I smiled at seeing her grin at me. Whatever awkwardness there had been before was gone, and Becca was back to being my first friend in Central, even though we had not really talked about our strange, temporary falling-out yet.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Hey!” she smiled. She grabbed my hand and turned to her mother. “We’ll just be up in my room.”
“I know, I know,” her mother smiled. “Gossiping away.”
“I would never!” Becca said with fake indignation. “Come on,” she chuckled, leading me to her room. I felt happy to see her again, but I was too tired to follow her quickly, so she had to practically drag me, closing her door before sitting on the bed.
“How have you been?” she asked with a small smile.
“I’ve been better.”
“You’ve had us worried for a while,” she nodded. “I mean, the Commish Kids have really been acting strange lately.”
“Yeah…” I nodded, rolling my eyes.
“Are you not allowed to tell me?”
“Probably not,” I shook my head. “But don’t worry. You’re fine.”
Becca hesitated before chuckling. “I was hoping you would say that,” she said quietly. I blinked in confusion as I sat next to her.
“What do you mean?”
“Well…the school’s been saying that the Commission is doing a Sweep.”
“A Sweep?” I gasped. “As in…a post-revolution Commission Sweep?” Becca nodded, her eyes on the carpet between her toes.
“Yeah, I mean, Miranda Jacobs has been missing now for over a week…a few other families are apparently under investigation for treason…it’s getting scary.”
“I haven’t heard anything about that,” I shook my head. “Besides, it’s not like you have anything to worry about. If anything was going on with your family, I would have heard about it.” I did not want to tell her about the one instance of Dana talking about inducting Mrs. Davis and her family into the Commission.
“Are you sure?” she said, her voice hopeful.
“Is this why you’ve been so nervous around me?” I asked. Becca sighed.
“Lily…I’m sorry. I know you would never do anything to any of us…but, people change when they’re in the Commission. I mean, Felicity and Jill used to be really good friends with each other. Jill told me that when they were still in First Tier that she was a really sweet, but tomboy kind of girl, and then, about three months after being in the Commission, she changed, almost overnight.”
“And you’re waiting for me to change…”
“You already have,” Becca said carefully. I turned to her, frightened by the statement. She pointed at me. “Like right there. You’re constantly afraid. We can all see it, but we don’t understand it.”
“I thought all the Commish Kids were like this.”
“I guess…” Becca admitted hesitantly. “But…not exactly. I guess it’s just you and Clark. Speaking of which,” she smiled at me suggestively, “seems like you two have hit it off. You’ve been spending a lot of time together.”
“It’s not what you think,” I chuckled. “He’s just been helping me adjust to the Commission.”
“Seems like Clark never adjusted to the Commission…” Becca smiled. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a sweet kid and he’s extremely smart…but he’s always looking over his shoulder, never likes to be touched, always thinking someone’s out to hurt him. It’s scary, you know?”
I looked at my hands and took a deep breath. I really wanted to confide in her. I wanted to talk to someone from outside the Commission about what was happening inside the organization that was supposed to protect the peopl
e of America. But I bit my tongue. Literally.
“You know something about that, about why he’s like that…” Becca whispered. I could only nod slowly. Becca rolled her eyes. “How are they going to know if you say anything?” she challenged. “I mean, it’s not like there is anyone in the Commission in this house.”
“No…” I agreed hesitantly. “But…”
“But what?”
“I don’t want to scare you…”
“The Commission already scares me. I’m expecting it.”
“I just…I don’t know if the Commission has cameras or bugs in everyone’s homes or not,” I whispered. Becca barked a laugh.
“There are laws protecting people from such invasions of privacy,” Becca assured. “Otherwise, how could people escape the Commission for so long before being found out?”
“How were they found out?” I challenged. “I don’t know…I’m just paranoid…”
“Clearly,” she chuckled, though there was an edge in her voice. She put her hand on my shoulder. “What is it about the Commission that has everyone falling in line?” she asked. “Is it Mr. Christenson?”
I took a deep breath.
“Can we walk outside?” I asked.
“Outside?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I just…I don’t want to take the chance…”
“It’s cold! We can’t just sit out there.”
“Can we walk through a park or something? Someplace open where we can see all the people around us?” I asked, turning to her, hoping my eyes would show her how serious I was. I was worried that Dana had bugged everyone I knew and that he would soon find out things that would get the people I cared about in trouble. I didn’t mind it so much in my own home, when I was risking such exposure with Mykail. I felt safer with him. But out here, as the one that was inside the Commission’s fold, I had to be sure not to put anyone in danger.
“Alright…” Becca breathed, her expression concerned and frightened. She stood and grabbed her coat out of the closet as I grabbed mine from the back of her chair.
We stepped out of the house and, as we walked through the neighborhood, I turned to Becca.
“Let’s talk about something else for a while,” I said with a weak smile that showed how troubled I felt. I really wanted to talk to her about the Commission, I wanted to explain to her the horrors I had seen and that we were going to fight against Dana, going to stage another revolution, but I was too frightened.
Dana was looming over my shoulder even when he was not there. I was starting to understand what he had said about the monster always lurking behind me. It was him. I silent figure without a face that was so shrouded in mystery he was not only impossible to understand, but he was so frightening that even the thought of his involvement was enough to keep me from talking.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Anything,” I shrugged. “What happened after I left on Friday? It seemed like Jill was pretty happy to hear that I was not interested in Devon.”
Becca laughed and nodded, looking at the ground as we continued walking to the park in her neighborhood. “Yeah, she really likes him. But as much as she was hitting on him, she was also telling us that you had someone you were interested in. That’s why I asked about Clark.”
“Oh…” I said with a nervous laugh. As much as I tried to stop it, I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. “No…not Clark…”
“Oh my God, you do like someone! Is it someone we know?”
“No, you don’t know him,” I laughed, unable to stop myself from giggling and smiling like an idiot at the thought of Mykail as my boyfriend.
“Someone in the Commission?” Becca pressed.
“No…” I said hesitantly.
“You have me really curious.”
“Maybe you’ll meet him one day…”
“Okay, that’s just mean. I’m already curious,” Becca grinned, nudging me. “He’s at university, right? Older guy?”
I did not want to give her any more information, so I just smiled and shrugged, shoving my hands deeper in my pockets to fight the cold October air. Becca’s face fell and I felt a panic grip my chest, worried she had taken the gesture the wrong way.
“Is it Dana Christenson?” she whispered.
“No!” I gasped in horror. “No, no, no! Of course not!”
“Okay, okay,” she said, raising her hands peacefully. “I just figured he had something to do with all this.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, everyone always gets so nervous when he’s mentioned. You didn’t even want to talk inside because of the Commission…” Becca said motioning to the park we were entering. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
I took a deep breath and debated with myself about how to answer her question. I wanted to tell her about everything about the Commission and Mykail and Dana and the plot to rebel, but there was no way of knowing her reaction. If I told her about everything, then she could think that I was just being used by the Commission to lure her into traitorous acts. I also realized that the rumor about the Commission doing a Sweep would make it far more difficult for us to get people from outside the Commission behind our cause.
“It’s not something I can talk about…” I said. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do you think that things would be better if the Commission wasn’t around anymore?” I asked, looking around the park nervously. There were children playing on the jungle-gym and the swing sets, laughing and giggling as we walked through the park. I stayed away from trees and bushes where people could be lurking.
“I don’t know,” she said honestly after a short pause. “Why do you ask?”
“I’ve just been wondering why we kept the Commission around once the population was cleared out,” I mused. “Don’t you think that we don’t need it anymore?”
“The Commission doesn’t just handle the people though, it also handles the government. The Leader imposes rules on the Commission and the Commission is sure that those in Leader’s cabinet adhere to the rules the people set. It’s a balance.”
“What if it wasn’t a balance?” I hissed. I looked around the park, not sure if I could talk about this anywhere. I had hoped to tell her what Mykail and I were planning, but the closer I got to breeching the subject, the more nervous I became. It felt like Dana was waiting for me to say something before appearing out of nowhere and attacking.
“Now you have me worried…” she said, also looking around. “You’re in the Commission. You shouldn’t make accusations like that.”
“I’m not,” I defended. “I’m just asking what you think.”
“How could the Commission not be a balance to Leader’s cabinet?” Becca asked. “If the Commission was doing something out of line, then Leader Simon would do something to correct it, or maybe even remove the Commission.”
“Do you remember what we read in An Angel Without Wings?” I asked, stopping at a bench near the middle of the park. I glanced around at the kids and parents, keeping an eye out for anyone approaching us. Becca was doing the same.
“What are you trying to say, Lily?” Becca pressed, sitting with me on the bench.
“The Second Revolution happened because the government had gone unchecked and became so corrupt that it could not even correct itself. What if the Commission has been doing something so horrific that, for the government to correct it, it would be more embarrassing and hurtful to the public? What if Leader Simon was afraid of the Commission?”
Becca was silent.
“I really wish you could just tell me what you were trying to say…” she groaned, rubbing her forehead.
“Believe me, I do, too.”
“The two most powerful men in the country are Leader Simon and Dana Christenson, right?” Becca said. “They are supposed to balance each other out. If Leader Simon found something wrong with what Dana Christenson was doing in the Commission, then he would shut it down.” Sh
e leaned closer. “Is there something going on in the Commission that Leader Simon doesn’t know about?”
“No,” I shook my head. “He knows everything. That’s the problem…”
“The Commission has some strict rules. I mean, Bryant Morris and Thomas Ankell created it together. They both knew that what the Commission was doing was not glamorous, but it had to be done in order to preserve our way of life.”
“Did you ever wonder what happens to the people who are brought into the Commission?” I hissed. As soon as the words left my mouth, fear consumed me. It was alright to pose the question, but if she asked me the right questions, I could let something slip, and as much as I trusted Becca and wanted her help, I didn’t know if she would be scared enough to report me to the Commission…to report me to Dana.
I stood.
“Never mind,” I shook my head. “Just forget about it.”
“Lily,” Becca said, grabbing my wrist sharply as I started to turn away. I turned back as she stood. “You’re scaring me…”
“I know, I’m sorry,” I blurted. “I just…I don’t know…I’m tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Lily…” Becca sighed, releasing my wrist. “I want you to tell me what’s bothering you. I’m your friend…I’m worried about you.”
“I just…I can’t,” I shook my head. “I’m…I’m afraid.”
“I can tell,” she nodded. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid of the Commission. I’m afraid of Dana Christenson…” I looked at her pleadingly. “I want out,” I barely managed to say as my voice cracked.
Becca didn’t respond. Instead, she stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. I held my tears back with all of my will as she hugged me.
“Okay,” she nodded, pulling away as I quickly lifted a hand to push away the tears that had gathered on my eyelashes. “I’m sorry. I’m here to listen. I want to help you.”
“I don’t know if you can,” I admitted, sniffing and clearing my throat. “I just wanted to know…if we had to have another revolution, would you fight for the system we have now?”
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