by Tasha Fawkes
The evening went on like that. Me trying to figure out why he was crying, him crying as I changed his diaper, fed him, and bounced him until he finally drifted off to sleep.
After midnight, I laid down on the bed and fell into an exhausted slumber, and the baby immediately woke up screaming. Which happened it least every thirty minutes throughout the night. And each time, I inwardly swore at Kelli. Damn her! Damn her!
Each time, I gathered every ounce of patience I’d ever possessed and presented a calm demeanor to the baby, to Ethan, whispering or talking very softly. When the kid got going, it seemed like nothing would settle him down. For maybe the twentieth time tonight, I checked his diaper. Dry. He wouldn't take any more milk, so he was full. Why was he fussing? I tried cradling, placing him on my shoulder, rubbing his back, nothing seemed to work. It wasn't an all-out screech, but a lonely cry.
A lonely cry. A subdued, I'm not sure I want to be here kind of cry. Of course, he didn't know me and was probably scared. I felt for the kid, recalling my own strained relationship with my dad.
"Don't worry, kiddo, your nanny will be here first thing in the morning," I soothed. I could understand why Kelli would hire a nanny. She was often away on photoshoots. I wondered about the woman, Sarah. Kelli trusted her. Still, I would judge for myself, thank you very much.
Just before dawn, my eyes heavy-lidded, my hair mussed, wearing only a pair of basketball shorts, I settled a sleeping Ethan carefully on his back in the middle of my king-sized bed. I surrounded him with pillows and blankets. No way in hell would he be able to roll off the middle of the bed.
I’d just patted the last pillow in place when the doorbell shattered the silence.
I froze, waiting for mayhem to burst forth.
Ethan remained sleep. It was a miracle.
I squinted out the sliding glass doors at the backyard and pool, which were barely visible in the darkness and wondered what time it was. Before the bell could ring again, I quickly made my way out to the hall and into the foyer.
When I opened the door, I found myself looking down at a lovely young woman. She was probably in her mid-twenties, average height, maybe five-foot-five and had what I'd call a classic hourglass figure. She wore her brown hair in a high ponytail that was folded into a bun. I stared at her heart-shaped face, exquisitely thin eyebrows, slightly upturned nose, and firm lips. Her hazel green eyes complemented her olive-toned skin to a tee.
Whoa. This couldn’t be the nanny.
Three
Sarah
The cab dropped me off on the street at a circular driveway that led to a gorgeous mansion. A flagstone patio lush with greenery and flowers offered an attractive and scent-filled journey to the front door. I pressed the doorbell, trying to appear nonchalant, like I did this every day—showed up for my nanny position.
My heart pounded. I couldn't wait to pick Ethan up in my arms. It'd been a whole day since I had done so, twenty-four of the longest hours I’d spent since he was born.
Twenty-four hours since Kelli had lifted him from my arms, swaddled him in a baby blanket, and placed him into a large, sturdy wicker basket. I made sure that the diaper bag she was going to deliver along with him contained more than enough supplies to hold Joel for the night. Then I watched her walk away with my heart.
The moment Kelli had left the shelter with my baby, worry eclipsed my every thought. If Joel was the former jerk that Kelli made him out to be, why did she want to get back with him? I'd already asked myself that question a million times, and still couldn't figure it out. More importantly, could the guy take care of Ethan? Would he make an effort? I knew Ethan's habits. I knew when he liked to eat, how he liked to be held while feeding, and what to do when he was cranky. I knew his bladder and bowel routines like I knew my own. It was all part of being a mother.
I had asked Kelli about Joel, about how he behaved around kids. The question seemed to startle her for a moment, but then she flashed a smile and said that the guy loved kids. I wasn't sure she was telling the truth.
The minute the door had closed behind her, I changed my mind. I didn't want to do this. It hadn't even been a minute and I missed Ethan desperately.
But I forced my breathing to calm, my hands to stop shaking. I was doing this for Ethan. For his ultimate protection. I would be without him for twenty-four hours and then I would go to Joel Farrell's mansion and take my place as Ethan's nanny.
Unless he refused me. But why would he? He would see how good I was with Ethan, how much I cared for him. That I couldn't disguise. Kelli had warned me not to act like Ethan's mother, but merely his nanny.
I’d gazed dubiously at Kelli as she awkwardly lifted Ethan from his crib and prepared him for his quick trip to Joel's mansion. How was she going to pull off acting like she was Ethan's mother when she couldn't even hold him right? I had to remind her several times to always place a supporting hand behind Ethan's head and neck. The whole time she was wrapping my baby in that blanket, I resisted the urge to thrust out my hands and say let me do it.
Now here I stood, in front of a gorgeous stucco, wood, and aged-brick estate with sparkling windows. From its location atop a low rise, I caught the oranges and pinks of a southern California sunrise coloring the sky. I knew the ocean was only a mile or so in the distance.
I pressed the doorbell again. Was he sleeping? If he was sleeping, how was my baby? My heart fluttered with uncertainty, but before the sensation could burgeon into true fear, a shadow of a figure moved behind the multi-diamond-cut glass of the door.
My mouth grew so dry I was afraid I'd choke. I tightened my grip on my purse and on the strap of Ethan's bag filled with additional supplies, to hide the trembling of my hands I knew wouldn’t stop until he was in my arms.
The door swung open, and I barely prevented my mouth from dropping open.
Joel Farrell was not an ogre, and not at all like Kelli had presented him to be. He was maybe in his early thirties, and a good six or seven inches taller than me, as I came up to his chest. A bare, chiseled chest that I had to force my eyes away from. His dark brown hair, longer on top and shorter on the sides, was tousled. His eyes were bloodshot behind the glasses he wore, but a deep blue that contrasted with his pale complexion. The way he held himself told me he was tired and stressed.
"You're Sarah Taylor? The nanny?"
"Yes, I am," I replied hoarsely, my throat finally opening with my access to where Ethan was.
His shoulders sagged with relief and he swept a hand through his disheveled hair, letting his head fall back as he closed his eyes and swallowed. "Thank god."
"Why?" I asked, alarmed. "What's the matter? Is Ethan all right?"
He jerked back to awareness quickly and stepped back, opening the door wider. "The kid's fine. I can't say the same about me." He offered a tired grin. "I've never taken care of a baby before."
My eyes widened with alarm. "Did you…"
He gestured for me to follow him and I did, barely catching a glimpse of the house. What I could see of it from the foyer was staggering, but I didn’t care about that right now.
He quickly turned right, led me past what looked to be an office or study of some sort. Just beyond, we entered a short hallway, then passed through the doorway to a massive bedroom that overlooked a swimming pool in the backyard.
I did a double take. There, in the middle of a king-sized bed, sheltered by pillows and rolled up blankets, was my son. While Joel looked exhausted, like he had hardly slept a wink, Ethan slept well, on his back, arms flung out to his sides, his mouth making little sucking movements.
My heart melted as I smiled, barely able to resist the urge to rush to him and lift him into my arms. Instead, I walked slowly to the bed and inspected every inch of him. Both him and his onesie were clean, and he smelled fresh.
I glanced at Joel, startled to find him watching me oddly. Had I given myself away already?
"You're fond of the little guy, aren't you?" he asked simply as he rubbed one eye, smearing his
glasses.
I smiled again, returning my gaze to Ethan. "Very much so. It looks like you did all right by him.”
"Well let's see, since yesterday morning he's been fed about seven times, I've changed a million diapers, I gave him a bath in the sink and he spit up on me once." He frowned slightly. "He needs more clothes. Kelli didn't bring me enough, and that t-shirt he's wearing is the last clean thing I've got for him."
I glanced at Joel only to find him grinning, once again swiping a hand through his hair as he shook his head. "I have more clothes in the bag I brought with me."
"I never could have imagined something that small being so terrifying."
I laughed softly. He didn't seem like an ogre. He'd taken care of my baby, and from his appearance had put his own needs aside for Ethan. I restrained myself from picking up my son and cradling him close, desperate to inhale his scent and feel the soft brush of his hair against my cheek.
"He's still sleeping, so why don't I give you a quick tour of the house."
Loath as I was to leave Ethan, I knew he was all right for now and looked more than comfortable.
Joel gave me a quick tour and told me I could explore more at my leisure.
The place was massive. Its highlight was a dining nook set into an octagonal-shaped glass wall that overlooked the lanai and an even more gorgeous swimming pool surrounded by precisely laid antique brick. Every room was oversized, the huge step-down family room striking with a view of a patio complete with an outdoor kitchen space with range, barbecue, and all-weather outdoor seating. The family room looked like the most lived-in part of the house, with an enormous giant flat-screen TV mounted on one wall, a huge, wraparound couch on the other, plush carpeting, and wildlife paintings on the walls.
I couldn’t take it all in.
Joel pointed to a door on the opposite end of the family room that led to a short hallway. "There's a bedroom for you here, next to a bathroom."
I peeked in.
"For now, since the bedrooms are attached, we can convert this smaller bedroom into a nursery for Ethan, and you can have fast access," he said.
"These are just fine." I nodded. They were more than fine. They were a dream come true.
"What kind of baby furniture does Kelli have?"
For a moment, I stumbled. Kelli didn't have any furniture because she didn’t have a baby. How was I going to explain that? I couldn’t mention the second-or third-hand crib and rocking chair that were crammed into my small room at the shelter. Kelli wouldn't have deigned her baby to sleep in a used crib or a creaky rocking chair.
I offered a quick lie. "I've been letting her borrow one that I've used for years, given to me by another family. Until she finds—"
"Are you telling me that Kelli hasn't even bothered to buy her son… our son… a new crib, a changing table, any of the things that I assume a new mother needs?"
I stammered. "I suppose she's trying to find something that will fit into the décor of her apartment." I shut my mouth before I said something I wasn't supposed to. This wasn't part of the plan. Kelli hadn't prepared me for this, and I certainly didn't want to say something that would get back to her. "I really don't know much about Kelli's business, Mister Farrell. I'm just a nanny."
He frowned. "You can call me Joel. And it's all right." He sighed. "While I was up last night,
I got online and ordered some furniture. It will be delivered this afternoon." He gestured toward the smaller room. "Later on this afternoon, I'll help you get it set up."
I nodded.
"Did Kelli tell you that you would be a live-in nanny? She did, didn't she?"
"Yes, she did," I replied, my heart once again thudding in my chest. I was still focused on the fact that Ethan was going to have his own room, his own nursery, and it sounded like Joel was going to make sure that he had everything he needed. The bedroom that I would be sleeping in was beautifully appointed with a full-sized bed, an oak dresser, and a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall over it.
"Well, where are your things?"
My things? Yes, I would have some things, wouldn't I? If I weren’t such a mess.
"I'll be bringing them over tomorrow," I lied.
I’d brought Ethan a small tote full of clothes, all of them donated, hand-me-downs, or secondhand, but they were in good condition and would be more than adequate. I had a few changes of clothes, but not more than I could fit into the tote along with his. Would Joel find that strange? When he questioned me, would he figure out this was nothing but a ploy?
He stared at me a moment, then blinked.
Before he could say anything else, I spoke. "I'll go take care of Ethan. You look like you could use some sleep."
He hesitated, and my heart thumped again. What would I do if he said no? What would I do if he said that he could take care of Ethan without me? A surge of panic caused me to stiffen my back, my hands balling into fists. If he tried to send me away, I would expose this whole plan. No way in hell was I leaving my baby here.
Much to my relief, Joel nodded, grinned, and turned back toward the master suite. Once there, he moved away the pillows and rolled blankets before placing a knee on the bed and reaching down carefully for my son. Once again, my heart thundered in my chest. I watched his huge hands snuggle under my son's neck and head, the other under his butt cheeks, and then he carefully lifted Ethan up with barely a jostle. My baby remained asleep in his arms.
I was touched at how careful he was being—I didn't even need to tell him to embrace his neck. Then my stomach clenched at the smile on his lips as he gazed down at my sleeping son. When he handed him off into my arms, I pressed him so tightly to my chest that he woke.
Where was this monster that Kelli had described to me?
Three days passed as I pretended to be Ethan's nanny and the three of us settled into a routine. Joel spent much of his time in his study, talking on the phone, or once in a while an associate from work would drop by.
I had no idea what kind of arrangements Kelli had told Joel about as far as paychecks for me. All I knew was that Kelli was depositing money into the account she’d created for me—I’d checked online. And I was living a life I would never have imagined, the only downside having to pretend that Ethan wasn't mine. Living here was like some of the TV shows I’d watched. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, without the housewife part. I knew people lived this way, but I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I'd even come close. Every time I began to think like that, I had to remind myself that this was just temporary. This was just a game of sorts, at least to Kelli.
Joel didn't talk about her. At all. I had no idea what was happening with their relationship or reunion.
Every afternoon, I was supposed to give Kelli an update on the burner cell phone she’d purchased for me.
After I put Ethan down for his nap, I sat in the rocker Joel’d had delivered and texted, All is well here. Ethan and Joel are adjusting. I never texted anything that would give me away, in case I got careless and Joel saw a text.
She replied quickly, I’ll be arriving at the house tomorrow or the day after.
I felt a bit disappointed. Then angry that she had not asked anything about Ethan. Which was stupid, because he was mine and this whole thing was a ploy. Still, she came off as a very selfish person.
Sometimes, I wondered if what she’d told me about Joel was true. I’d developed a relatively easygoing relationship with Joel. He was polite, very attentive to Ethan, and self-sufficient. I had a feeling that with a little bit of practice, he would easily be able to take care of Ethan. But the more time he spent with Ethan, the more concerned I grew.
What would happen when Kelli appeared on Joel's doorstep? Based on the history she’d given me, I had no idea how he would react to her intention to move back in. Today, Joel had shared that he planned on working more from home in the future so that he could be around more. He would Skype with his office staff and continue to work on his coding or graphics, or whatever it was he
did on his computer.
From what I'd gathered over the past couple of days, it appeared he was dealing with some kind of crisis at work, at least from what I could gauge from the one-sided conversations. He would roam around the house on his phone, often stopping in the family room, which wasn't at all far from my bedroom.
Now, when I entered the family room, Joel was on the phone, a strained expression marring his gorgeous features. He plunged his hand through his hair. “There’s nothing we can do to prevent this takeover?” Then he saw me, tried to smile, and staggered into the kitchen, still on the phone.
I’d tried to assure him that Ethan would be just fine if he wanted to go to his office, that I was used to taking care of him for sometimes days at a time while Kelli was off on her photoshoots. That he could go to work and deal with whatever issues were pressing. Still, he was reluctant, refusing to leave the two of us alone at the house. I hadn't a clue whether his behavior was due to the possibility that he didn't trust me enough to leave me alone in his home, or whether he didn't trust me enough with Ethan. Or, god forbid, he was beginning to develop paternal feelings toward Ethan.
I just didn't know, and that worried me. I hoped this whole thing wasn’t going to blow up in my face. Taking a deep breath, I told myself I had to take it one day at a time. When Kelli showed up, we would have to have a powwow to discuss some of the issues that had come up. I didn't know how to answer some of the questions that Joel had been asking, which I was sure struck him as unusual for a nanny who had been with her charge for the past few months.
Since Ethan was asleep and I’d picked up the baby monitor, I slipped out the sliding glass door to give Joel some privacy. Sitting outside on the covered lanai, knowing Ethan was safe and warm and well-fed, it was easy to imagine myself living like this—in a gorgeous mansion, with a loving, caring husband.