by Never, M.
“Tell Benny I say hi.” I hug the trigger
“Tell him your fucking self,” she sneers.
I fire, blowing a three-inch hole in the center of her forehead.
Romeo and Juliet have finally gotten what was coming to them. I lower my gun and sigh. It’s heavy. It’s burdensome and a relief all at the same time.
Someone abruptly starts clapping from behind me, and I swing around, pointing my gun in the air. Then I nearly drop it.
“My sly, little fox.” Benny smiles proudly, walking slowly toward me.
Did I die? Nothing hurts. I want to look down. I want to inspect my body, but I can’t peel my eyes away from the man standing before me.
“You’re dead,” I accuse. “I went to your funeral. I saw you in the casket. I touched your cold hand.” I ramble incoherently from shock.
“Nah,” he waves me off. “You touched a corpse, it just wasn’t mine. It’s amazing what twenty grand and a special effects guy from Hollywood can do.”
I scrutinize the man who miraculously resurrected from the dead. Dressed in all black, like The Grim Reaper himself.
“Is said special effects guy still alive?”
He snorts. “Of course not. Couldn’t risk him telling my secret.”
“I didn’t think so.” I shake my head incredulously. Benny in the fucking flesh. “Why? Why fake your own death?”
The lively expression on Benny’s face evaporates. In its place a stern, cold, malevolent one appears. “Because I was passed over. Not given what was rightfully mine.” He slams his fist against his chest.
“And what was that?”
“C’mon, Stevie, don’t play up the dumb blonde act. You know how this family works. The new boss is appointed, not elected. It’s no friggin’ democracy. And who were the fuckin’ keys to the kingdom handed to? My reject son, Baz the spaz.”
“Benny!” I snap. “Don’t say that. You know nothing about him.” His green eyes reflect like two razor blades in response to my statement. He moves closer. One step. Two steps. Three steps, and he’s near enough now that I can smell his strong aftershave. I used to like it, but now it only burns my nose. A sadness I’ve never felt before overcomes me. It’s heavy, and wet and laced with disappointment. This is the man who made me who I am, and he’s a monster. I always knew Benny wasn’t right, but I never realized how deep his evil truly ran. “It was you, wasn’t it? Pulling the strings the whole time. Regina was just a cover. She never wanted any of it.” I glance down at her and Desmond lying dead on the ground. “She was innocent.”
“She was weak. So was he.” Benny looks at them, disgusted.
“They just wanted to be together. And you manipulated them. You manipulated me. For ten fucking years. You lied about everything. You’re the black sheep. The outcast.”
“Careful, fox, remember who you’re talking to,” he warns, but I ignore his threat.
“I killed her because of you. I killed so many innocent people because of you.” Rage races through me.
“You were the perfect pawn. And the most unassuming scapegoat. No one knew about you. My plan was poetry in motion.”
“Yeah, send me to do all your dirty work, then assume the throne once I moved all the obstacles out of your way.”
“It was genius. But then you went and fell in love with my son. I’ll admit, I didn’t see that coming.” He looks at Regina. “She did, though. She tried to warn me. She didn’t want to send you. But I thought your love and loyalty was too great.”
“I thought it was, too, until I met Baz.”
Benny’s lips curl up into a cruel smile. I cower inside. It’s the same look he gave me right before he was going to do something terrible to me.
“Stevie.” He hums my name like it’s a hymn.
“Don’t do that.” I back away.
“Don’t do what?”
“You know what.” I accuse.
“Show my affection for you?”
“You don’t have affection for me. You tried to kill me, and my husband, and my infant daughter. You’re the fucking Devil.”
“The devil who made you, little fox.” He catches my face in his hands, and I squeeze my eyes shut. “We’re connected whether you want to believe it or not. You may be married to my son, but your heart will always, on some level, be bonded to me.”
“No,” I reject his claim, my pulse striking my neck like a whip.
“Yes. You can deny it all you want. But it’s the truth.”
It’s not the truth. I don’t want it to be the truth. But a small part of it may be true. A very small part of it. As much as I love Baz, and I do love Baz, Benny is lined within me. I opened so much of myself up to him, he strolled right inside my soul and took up residence like it was a rent-controlled apartment. “Baz will never truly make you happy. He’s weak. A defect,” he rasps seductively in my ear. “Kill him and take your rightful place next to me.”
Never.
“Get your fucking hands off my wife.” My eyes fly open at the sound of Baz’s voice. I break free from Benny and step away.
“Baz, what the fuck are you doing here?” He’s holding up a gun.
“I found your ring on the nightstand. Gianni told me where you were.”
“Rat.” I mumble under my breath.
“Just can’t trust a mobster.” Benny thoroughly enjoys the scene that’s unfolding. “Isn’t this fun? One big happy family together at last.” His smile is disturbing.
Baz scoffs. “The words happy and family never applied to you.”
“You always were such a sensitive child.”
“I’m not a child anymore.”
“Maybe not in body,” Benny all but dismisses Baz like he’s smoke. “But your head is still all jacked up. Riddled with insecurities and inane thoughts. You probably don’t even know what to do with a woman like Stevie. She only married you because you knocked her up and probably feels sorry for you.”
“Benny!” I stomp forward. “Don’t be an asshole!”
“C’mon, foxy, you know me. I’m not an asshole. I’m just brutally honest.”
“You’re an asshole,” Baz bites. The gun slightly shaking in his hand. Benny is getting in his head.
“You really believe she loves you? You?” Benny asks snidely. “She’s stealth and grace and power and you’re . . . you.”
“Of course, she loves me.” Baz is all confidence.
“Oh, really?” Benny challenges. “Why don’t you tell him what you said to me the last time we were together?”
“Benny—”
“What? I just want him to know exactly how you feel about me.”
“Felt about you,” I correct him. “And I’m questioning how real those feelings even were.”
“Oh, they were real, little fox.”
“Stop calling her that.”
Benny relishes in Baz’s torment. It’s disgusting. “I remember those words so vividly,” he reminisces. “‘Benny’,” he quotes. “She was riding my cock while she was saying this, of course.” Baz visually cringes, as do I.
“Benny, shut the fuck up!”
“Are you ashamed, little fox? Ashamed that you professed your undying loyalty to me? Screamed you loved me while you came? Did she ever say those things to you, Baz? Have you ever even made her come?” He tilts his head, his stare dark, like an anaconda eyeing its prey.
Now he’s just hitting below the belt.
“I make her come just fine. And no, she never pledged her undying loyalty, but she did tell me that if you and I were both standing in front of her, she’d pick me. She’d always pick me.”
My heart swells with pride. “I would. I will. I do,” I announce.
Benny lights me on fire with his corrupt green eyes. I see what he sees. Traitor.
Maybe I am. For Baz, I will always be. I would be anything he needs me to be.
Benny sneers. “Damaged goods.” If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he’s actually jealous. He’s most definitely pissed
off.
“You knew that when you found me,” I remind him.
Benny laughs like it’s some kind of private joke. “I wanted you damaged. I made you that way.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I interrogate.
“C’mon, Stevie, think about it. I’m surprised you never realized it before. There just happened to be a cop sitting outside the alleyway I dragged you out of? Don’t you think that was just a little coincidental?”
I stare dumbfoundedly at Benny. Rejecting what he’s trying to tell me.
“I don’t believe you.” I shake my head.
“It’s true, little fox. You were too headstrong, too wild. I needed to break you.”
I nearly puke from his choice of words.
I like to break little bitches like you.
“You had me raped!” I explode, lifting my gun.
“Jesus Christ, she was fourteen fucking years old!” Baz verbally ruptures.
“I did what I had to do.” Benny draws a gun from the back of his waist, and all three of us react.
BANG!
I gasp, opening my eyes to an angry pink sky. “Is he dead?”
“Stevie, thank God.” Baz’s voice is frantic. “Stay with me, baby.”
I’m disoriented. What happened?
“Is Benny dead?” I try to move, but a sharp pain in my side prevents me from going anywhere.
“He’s dead. You shot him. We both did.” Baz’s face is starting to become blurry as it hovers over mine. “But you need to stay with me now, Stevie. Don’t go to sleep.”
“Concierge ambulance is three minutes out. A private OR is being set up as we speak. Surgeon en route.” I hear Gun’s voice. I look around vacantly to find Bull on my left side, pressing down hard. I can’t feel my fingertips or toes, and the pain is becoming more excruciating by the second. Shit, I was shot. I want to panic, but I’m paralyzed.
“Baz,” I wheeze.
“Stevie, I’m here.” I feel the faint touch of his hands on my cheeks.
“I can’t breathe.”
“Try small breaths. The ambulance is coming.” He rests his forehead against mine. “We’re gonna take care of you.”
Tears escape my eyes. I can’t even control them. “Baz, don’t tell her. Don’t tell her about all the horrible things I’ve done. Just tell her that I wanted her. I wanted her so bad, and I love her.”
“I’m not going to tell her anything. You are. ‘Cause you aren’t going anywhere, do you hear me?” He shakes my head. “You have fought your whole life. Don’t stop now.”
“I’m tired.” I sigh, shivering from the cold.
“Stay awake, Stevie! Stay awake.”
I want to, but I can’t. It feels like I’m fading away, all the colors of the world blending together as one.
“Baz?”
“Mmm?”
“Will you sing to me? ‘I Am the Highway’?”
I hear Baz sob. “Of course, I will.” His voice is choppy. His hands pawing my damp face.
He hums the melody; I close my eyes. He then softly serenades me, the same way he did that morning in Colorado. The day my life dramatically changed forever. He croons the words, setting me at ease, telling me all the things he isn’t—the carpet ride, the blowing wind, the autumn moon. And all the things he is—the sky, the lightning, and the night.
Baz is definitely my night, because in the dark, you can see every star shine brilliantly in the sky.
I unwillingly drift off, dreaming of my daughter’s face, helpless, yet not alone, as I wander into the night.
Baz ~ One year later
I WAKE UP to an empty bed.
Sliding my hand over the cold sheets, a feeling of loss engulfs me.
Stevie.
A shrill cry followed by da-da-da alerts me someone is up. I roll out of bed, already bright eyed. Mornings have never been an issue for me. I wake up with enough energy to run the New York Marathon. I pull on a pair of sweatpants, and make a pit stop in the bathroom to swallow my pills. I inspect myself in the mirror, scratching my fingernails into my scalp, still getting used to my short hair. I cut it all off a few weeks ago. It was time for a change. Sweeping down the hallway to Audie’s room, I find her standing up in her crib, holding onto the edge, bouncing happily on the mattress. She’s always happy.
Her face lights up when she sees me, her four little chipmunk teeth making an appearance. “Good morning, princess.” I lift her out of the crib and toss her in the air. She shrieks excitedly. Placing her on the changing table, I unbutton her moon and stars footed pajamas as she kicks on her back.
Grabbing a fresh diaper, I untape the one she’s currently wearing. As soon as I pull it down, I replace it. “Whoa. Explosion.” I nearly pass out from the smell. “You’re so small. How does all that come out of you?” I clean her up, then dispose of the toxic waste. She giggles the whole time. I know she’s getting a kick out of this.
“Wanna go see Mommy?” I pick her up and rummage through the closet for some fresh clothes. I settle on a onesie that reads “LMDO—Laughing my diaper off” and a pair of little black pants.
Once she’s dressed, I snag a shirt from my bedroom and head out the front door.
The house we currently reside in is situated on ten acres of land, two hours out of the city. It’s peaceful here. Beautiful, and a perfect place to raise a child. She has an outdoor playground as far as the eye can see. Ducks to feed in a pond and hills to sleigh ride down when it snows. I pledge to give Audie all the things I was deprived of. First and foremost, a father who loves her unconditionally. No matter what. No matter if she’s perfect or not. I welcome the challenge. I may be different. I may have trials and tribulations, but I’m capable of unconditional love. Stevie proved that to me when she blessed me with a lovable little girl who has blonde hair like her mommy and big green eyes like mine.
I carry Audie up one of the hills by the house where a weeping willow stands impressive and proud over the property.
As we come closer, a small cross at the base of the tree comes into view. My feelings are conflicted every time I see it.
A high-pitched scream that nearly punctures my eardrum escapes from Audie when she sees her mommy.
Stevie turns, startled, then a huge smile breaks out across her face.
“You were supposed to wait for us.” I place Audie on her feet next to Stevie then drop down onto the blanket she’s sitting on.
“I know, I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep, and the two of you were just so peaceful.” She pulls Audie into her arms and kisses her all over her face as she squirms and giggles. “Morning, princess.”
“Where’s mine?” I ask expectantly.
Stevie’s smile grows. “Right here.” She leans over and delivers a heart-stopping, blood-oxidizing kiss.
Mmm
“Am I forgiven?” She bats her long lashes.
“Forgiven, but I hate waking up alone.”
“Don’t be such a cupcake.” She stares me down with those fucking whiskey-colored eyes. The ones that make me drunk and sober me up all at the same time.
My wife’s beauty is beyond comparable. Superior to a supermodel. She’s ethereal. A living angel right here on Earth. My angel. My angel of light, and goodness, and death.
She’s given me everything.
Stevie once told me I made her feel real. Like she wasn’t a ghost. She does the same for me and so much more. I thought I was destined to spend this life alone. Invisible, isolated, secluded from the world because I’m not the same as everyone else. But she changed that belief along with my entire life.
She walked through the flames of my embroilment like they weren’t even there.
Stevie was “it.” I knew it the minute I laid eyes on her. She was meant for me. Chasing after her was the best decision I ever made, despite all my insecurities and worries and afflictions hanging over my head like a gauntlet. I had never pursued anything or anyone the way I pursued her. It was a pivotal moment.
; As pivotal as the moment I thought I lost her. A part of Stevie did die that day. The part that bound her to an existence she never wanted. A life that was so opposite to who she truly wanted to be. Today is the one-year anniversary of that night. The night she took matters into her own hands to preserve not only her family, but the machine that made her what she is, or should I say, was. All three of us were supposed to come up here together and watch the sun rise over her cross. It’s something she likes to do, and she does it often.
Stevie paid her debt in spades, and now she’s free. We both are. I finally passed over my title to its rightful successor. Gianni has always been the boss in one respect or another. Even when my grandfather was alive, stepping in while he was on his death bed. I never did understand why the old man chose me over him.
“Baz! Oh, she’s trying to walk!” Stevie holds out her hands as Audie balances on her chubby legs. “Where’s your phone? Take a video.”
“I didn’t bring it. We’re completely unplugged.”
“Shoot!” Audie takes one small step toward Stevie and then lands on her butt. She claps happily.
“So close, munchkin.” Stevie scoops her up into her arms. “You’re growing up too fast.” She cuddles her sadly.
“We could always have another one.” I offhandedly suggest, picking at some grass.
Stevie tries to hide her elation behind Audie’s blonde head. “You want another one?”
“Don’t you?”
“I want ten,” she confesses.
“Ten?” I laugh.
“Okay, maybe three,” Stevie negotiates.
“Maybe three,” I contemplate, looking out contentedly over the miles of green grass, meadows of colorful flowers, and hills as far as the eye can see.
“Maybe we can sneak in some baby-making time before everyone gets here.”
I slide my eyes over to my wife. She’s completely irresistible. And devious. And I love the way she thinks.
“Time for your nap, baby,” I inform Audie.
“She just woke up.” Stevie giggles. “We’re going to have to tire her out.”
“Then I can tire you out?”
“Yes, then you can tire me out.” She kisses me, a soft, lingering kiss full of promise.