“I know. “
The two of them continued eating.
“Those are your friends, right?” Amanda changed the subject. She looked towards their table. “I remember that guy. He was with you and Marissa at the show.”
Nathan didn’t have to turn to know that she meant Ashton. He nodded.
“That’s Ashton, my roommate.”
“He looks like the kind of guy who doesn’t miss drinks and fun time on Friday nights.”
“Oh, you’ve got no idea.”
Amanda laughed.
“Ashton may look carefree, but he has his own goals set clear.”
“He doesn’t give that vibe.”
Nathan chuckled.
“Who are the others?”
“The burly guy is Oswald. Easygoing, but serious kind of guy. He’s the old soul of our group. And the girl is Claire, his girlfriend. She’s sweet and flamboyant.”
“She keeps looking our way. I thought she was your girlfriend or something.”
“No. It’s just that Claire is a big fan of yours.”
“She is? I’m always happy to meet fans in person.”
Amanda looked at Claire, who looked like she was in the same restaurant as a movie star.
“Do you all go to school?” Amanda asked.
“Yes, we go to Cornell University.”
Amanda’s eyebrows rose.
“I guess it’s obvious, isn’t it? That’s the only college in the city.”
“How long have you been here?”
“This is my first semester.”
“Ah, no wonder I haven’t seen you. I’m in my junior year. My friends are, too.”
“You’re all juniors! Then that means you’ve only got a little less than two years to graduate.”
“Yeah. Don’t worry, four years go fast.”
“I’m probably graduating in three.”
Nathan blinked, unsure he’d heard right.
“Three years? You just told me you’re a freshman.”
“Technically, I’m a sophomore. I cleared most of my freshman courses in high school by taking AP classes.”
“Hmm. You got a good head start.”
“I’m 19. I skipped a year after high school traveling the world…for personal reasons.”
Nathan nodded, understanding. He’d skipped a year as well, but to save money for school.
“Which places did you see?”
“I went to England, and then to France. After that, I flew back to the U.S. to prepare myself for college. And to continue my modeling career as well.”
Nathan mulled that over. He decided to ask another question.
“What major did you choose?”
“Architecture,” Amanda replied.
“That’s interesting. I heard that you need to know a lot of Math.”
“I don’t know about that yet, but you may be right. I’m taking more math courses than the average freshman does.”
“Are you good at math? I’m terrible.”
“It’s easier than you think,” Amanda said. “What about you? You must have a major, right?”
“Yeah. I chose Pre-Law.”
Amanda raised an eyebrow.
“Impressive. What kind of lawyer do you want to be?”
“A corporate lawyer. It’s one who deals with matters between businesses. Like patents, litigations, and even incorporation. I find that interesting.”
Amanda nodded.
“Your tone tells me you really like that job.”
“I do, though it took me quite a bit of time before I settled on a career I thought fit me best.”
“That’s good. It feels great when you enjoy your job.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
Amanda played with her empty coffee cup. Then she looked around. She checked her Movado wristwatch.
“Nathan, when do you have class?”
He checked the time on his smartphone. He also saw that he had a text from Kayla.
Meet you in class.
“It’s in about fifteen minutes.”
“Mine’s in ten. I need to go.”
“Ha. Time flew when we talked, right?”
“I think so,” Amanda replied, rising from her seat. Nathan followed suit.
“It was nice talking to you,” he said.
“Yeah,” Amanda said, looking distracted. She was searching through her messenger bag. Then she put the strap across her shoulder. “I really need to go. Say hi to your friends for me.”
“Sure,” Nathan said, watching Amanda walk away and exit the restaurant. He looked towards the table his friends had occupied. They’d also left for class.
Nathan couldn’t shake off the Cheshire-cat grin he had after sitting with Amanda. He had held a conversation with her without screwing up once. He felt as though he were back in high school, crushing on the most attractive girl in the class.
Despite feeling so good, Nathan still felt guilty. It didn’t seem right to be so attracted to Amanda while he was in a relationship. He thought he should have fallen in love with Kayla enough to not desire another woman—let alone Amanda—so much.
Ashton and Kayla were waiting outside the door when Nathan got to their class. The former looked like he was waiting to hear about earlier.
“Hey, man,” Ashton greeted, nodding.
“Hi, Nathan,” Kayla said, placing her arms around him and planting a kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t show up for breakfast. It was just Grecia—she has a hangover. She just turned twenty-one, so she went to celebrate with a guy she fancies. The rest, you can tell.”
Nathan nodded, sounding amused. He looked at Ashton, who had an odd expression. Then it dawned on him.
Hmm. Ashton doesn’t seem to like that his ex and some guy got drunk together.
“Remind me to keep an eye on you when you turn that age,” Nathan said to Kayla. She slapped him in the shoulder.
“I’m already twenty-one!” she said, laughing. Nathan knew that, of course. She’d turn twenty-two in late February, the first time Nathan would be celebrating with her…hopefully.
At that moment, their instructor showed up. He unlocked the door, letting the students in. Kayla and Nathan walked in hand in hand. He’d have to find another opportunity to talk to Ashton without Kayla knowing.
While the instructor was writing on the whiteboard with his back turned, Kayla spoke to Nathan.
“I’ll need you to help me study,” Kayla whispered low. “Do you have time today?”
“For you, always, baby,” Nathan replied, and Kayla’s cheeks reddened. He knew she melted every time he called her that.
“Two o’clock at the library,” Kayla said.
“I’ll meet you at the entrance.”
Kayla and Nathan turned back to the front to continue listening to the lecture.
Amanda was pretending to read her textbook in class. She was flipping through the pages, thinking about Nathan. Amanda liked the way he fancied her, and how his interest in her appeared to be genuine. She wondered if she should give him a chance.
I’m in Ithaca. Hilbert may be a jerk, but he knows I’d be pissed if he has people watching me. He won’t find out if I start dating.
Frankly, Amanda felt tired of being unable to date. She was a woman, and thus she craved to feel loved and wanted. She hadn’t felt that in a long time. Even a secret romance would be good.
Now that she thought about it, Amanda remembered Nathan a bit. They’d attended the same high school in Joliet, Illinois. The first time she had noticed him had been late in her freshman year. He was a junior (about to be a senior). Nathan struck Amanda as a guy who could make friends without difficulty, but who recharged his batteries alone.
Amanda had noticed Nathan’s attraction towards her. Unfortunately, at the time she only had eyes for Liam, whom she had known since middle school. The two had become very close to each other. Liam had felt devotion to Amanda. He’d loved and protected her. They’d been a happy couple until thei
r junior year.
Until the accident happened.
In the now, Amanda felt like she should have paid Nathan more attention. She was sort of sorry. Even then, he’d caught her eye. And Amanda had never given him the time of day. Their schedules didn’t give them much time to be together, but they could still have talked during lunch.
What would we have shared together if I’d given him a chance? Would I have been different?
Nathan did seem like a great person. He was friendly, driven, and though he was no model, Amanda found him handsome. More importantly, he made her feel wanted, desired. And to be truthful, she was tired of her dry spell.
What dry spell? asked a voice in Amanda’s head. She remembered a night when she’d given in to her itch for intimacy. Amanda had used her charms to seduce a random (though good-looking) guy. It had only stopped short of being a one-night stand because Amanda had wanted to keep her dignity intact.
Amanda decided to get closer to Nathan. She was also interested in obtaining Marissa’s contact information. She had great fashion design talent. Amanda had contacts that Marissa could find useful.
Judith nudged Amanda in the shoulder.
“What’s brought that tender look to your face?” she whispered, curious.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just happy,” she tried to brush it off.
“Reason?”
Amanda couldn’t help but smile. Judith gave her a knowing look.
“It’s the guy you met, right?”
“I didn’t just meet him. Technically, I met him when we were in high school.”
“You’re thinking about him, right? He’s handsome.”
Amanda didn’t reply to that.
“Are you going to ask him out?”
“Who ever said I planned to do that?”
“I can see it in your eyes, girl. You fancy him.”
“I don’t know if I can hold a relationship right now, Judi. I’m a busy woman.”
“Life is not all work and study, friend. You need to set some time aside for yourself. I haven’t known you to date anyone since…well, you know.”
Amanda stared at her book without looking at it. Thinking about Liam pained her. Even after the time that had passed, his death was still an open wound.
“I just haven’t met anyone yet.”
Judith quietly snorted to avoid drawing looks from the instructor, or the students.
“Nathan is not a painting.”
Amanda stopped herself from rolling her eyes.
Nathan was waiting for Kayla at the entrance to the Olin Library. He was sitting on one of two tables a little distance from the side of the door. Nathan pulled out his smartphone and checked his social network profile. There were messages from Marissa and Claire, but they weren’t too important.
A few minutes later, Nathan looked up to see Kayla walking towards him. She stopped in front of his table.
“Thanks for waiting, Nathan. Sorry for taking a bit of time. I went back to my dorm for some books.”
“No problem,” Nathan said, standing up and taking both of Kayla’s hands in his. Then he gave her a passionate kiss on the lips. It surprised Kayla, but she took it in stride.
“I like to see you study,” Nathan commented after breaking the kiss. “I hope it doesn’t seem weird, but I think you look hot when you concentrate.”
Kayla laughed.
“It’s not weird. I find it cute.”
Nathan released one of Kayla’s hands and led her inside the library. They walked hand in hand towards a table and sat down.
“There are some books I need to find,” she told him, leaving her backpack on a seat. “Could you take care of my pack while I look?”
“Sure.”
Kayla left to browse the books while Nathan sat down. He passed the time by reading his Government textbook. That was the subject Kayla needed help with.
After a couple of minutes reading, Nathan felt he wasn’t focused enough. He ran his hand through his hair.
Nathan pulled his tablet computer out of his backpack and switched it on. After logging in, he started his browser and navigated to Amanda’s Tumblr.
Yeah, I’m obsessed with Amanda now.
There were a few new photos, which appeared to be recent. Nathan clicked on a portrait of Amanda. Someone had Photoshopped it a bit, mostly to enhance the colors. Amanda was so beautiful.
Nathan looked furtively around, feeling Kayla would not take much longer. He didn’t want her to catch him ogling Amanda. That would be tough to explain.
After closing the tab on his browser with Amanda’s blog open, Nathan opened another tab. He navigated to Kayla’s author Web site. Her latest update was from a couple of weeks ago. Kayla had written about her progress through her latest novel and had announced that she would reveal the book cover art soon.
Nathan saw a Goodreads widget on the Web site and saw the novel Kayla was currently reading. He made a mental note to find more time to read. He couldn’t fathom how he was a writer’s boyfriend and not read much.
Kayla returned carrying a couple of books she’d found. She sat down and opened one of them.
“I found what I need,” Kayla told Nathan, and he opened his Government textbook. “I need you to help me study the current chapter. The instructor said there would be a test for next Wednesday.”
“Then let’s get going,” Nathan said, getting to work. He liked being busy, but the next best thing was being busy with a gorgeous woman. Helping Kayla was all he needed to keep Amanda out of his mind.
Meanwhile, Amanda was sitting on one of the benches outside the entrance to the Olin Library. She pulled out her MacBook and set down her messenger bag on the seat next to her.
Amanda opened her Web browser and surfed to the Houzz.com Web site. As an aspiring architect, she’d found the site a year ago after looking for house designs online. The site was fantastic. Since Amanda found Houzz, it had become one of her favorite Web sites. The designs there were outstanding. She’d even bought herself house design software and played around with it. She envisioned what she thought her dream house might look like.
As she browsed new designs, Amanda bookmarked those she liked best. She then went to an online store to see if she could find some of the stuff she saw. Amanda had bought a few items she’d liked on Houzz, including a great, stylish bedside lamp.
There was a beep sound. Amanda checked her phone. She’d just received a text from Emmy. Amanda sent her reply and then continued what she was doing.
While she once again checked her school e-mail for new homework, Amanda looked up. She found herself looking right into Nathan’s eyes. He had just walked out of the library, followed by an attractive raven-haired woman.
Who is she? Amanda thought, surprised to feel a pang of jealousy coursing through her. The woman did not notice her, but Nathan did. He seemed like he wanted to sit next to her, but continued to walk forward. Nathan looked back at the woman. They began talking.
Does he already have a girlfriend? If so, what the hell is he doing, acting like he’s interested in me?
Amanda shook her head, determined not to look too much into it. For all she knew, the woman was just Nathan’s friend. No need to blow things out of proportion. Amanda barely even knew him.
To distract herself, she started on her homework.
Nathan walked back to his dorm after leaving Kayla at hers. He dropped his backpack at the foot of the couch and then sat down. He began to think.
What am I going to do? Nathan thought. He never thought he would be torn for two women, even though he’d known it was possible. Nathan had hoped he wouldn’t have to go through such an ordeal.
Nathan still wasn’t sure whether Amanda’s return would spell trouble for him or not. All he wondered is whether he’d be at peace. If Nathan couldn’t have Amanda, it would feel like torture, no matter how beautiful Kayla was.
I can’t hurt her, Nathan thought, picturing Kayla’s face in his mind.
At that moment, Ashton walked out of his bedroom.
“Hey, bro,” he greeted Nathan, who looked up. “I heard you entering. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired,” Nathan said, sighing.
“Still lusting after Amanda, right?”
“You know full well it’s not lusting. I loved her so much back in the day.”
“Do you still do?”
“I like to tell myself that I don’t. Kayla is the woman I love now, Ashton. I don’t want to break her heart. She’s crazy about me.”
“So you love Kayla, right? But you desire Amanda so much?” Ashton clarified, and Nathan nodded. “Why don’t you try dating Amanda? You could find out which of them you’d rather have. Which one you like the most.”
“That sounds simple when you say it that way. But that would mean I’d be cheating on Kayla.”
“She doesn’t have to know you’re seeing Amanda.”
He didn’t just say that.
“Ashton, that’s exactly the definition of cheating. I’m not having a tryst with Amanda behind Kayla’s back. No way.”
“Your loss, man. Resisting her is like resisting…well, I can’t find a suitable comparison.”
Don’t I know? Nathan thought. How tough resisting Amanda is?
“If you can’t have them both, then choose one. I must admit it’s a tough choice. The two of them are gorgeous.”
Ashton retreated into the kitchen to find something to eat. Nathan remained in the sofa, frustrated.
Why did you have to return, Amanda, why? When I can’t have you?
Nathan wondered whether it would be worth it to pursue a relationship with Amanda.
Worth it? Of course Amanda’s more than worth the effort. I should take a leap of faith.
Nathan laughed at the absurdity of his wish.
Leap of faith. More like leap of madness. I’m ordinary. Wanting to date Amanda is like wanting to date Emma Watson. They’re the ultimate unavailable girl.
Nathan stood up, debating whether he should take action or let the chips fall where they may.
The following day, Nathan used his lunch break at work to call Marissa. He’d spent almost the entire day trying to convince himself that he should make that call. There was something he needed to ask her.
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