by Lucia Franco
"Shhh…just let it out," Kova said, rubbing soothing circles on my back. "It is okay."
When my cries and hiccups subsided, I sniffled and expelled a huge breath. I felt like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe again.
Stepping back, Kova tried to lift my chin, but I kept my gaze cemented to the floor. I was too embarrassed. I didn't like crying to begin with, and I sure as shit didn't want to show him my tears. Tears showed weakness, and I wasn't weak.
He tried to lift my chin again, and when I didn’t budge, he sighed and got down on one knee so he was eye level with me.
"Jerk." A sad chuckle escaped my lips. "You always find a way to get what you want."
He cupped the side of my face and wiped away a few tears. He was sweet, but concerned, and I appreciated it.
"Stop crying. She is not worth your tears."
"I'm not crying because I'm sad, Kova."
"I know you are not."
I swallowed. "How do you know?"
"I spend more time with you than she does. You think I do not know you by now?" he asked and stared at me. "I know more about you than you think." One corner of his mouth pulled up. "I watch the way you walk, the way you talk, how hard you work, your dedication with anything you set out to do." His eyes softened as he continued. "I know the intonation of your voice lifts during certain topics you are passionate about. Your eyes lighten or darken depending on your mood. You do not even need to speak for me to feel your emotions. You have so much compassion inside. I see it. I see you, Adrianna."
The honesty in his green eyes suffocated me. I took in everything he said and clung to his words. I held on to them as they breathed life into me.
He saw me.
Not just as a coach looking to polish the flaws of his athlete, or in a carnal way full of sexual desire. He saw me on an entirely different personal level. He cared about me and wanted to see me flourish. He paid attention to me and my needs, both on the mat and off. He didn’t look over me.
"I was going to ask how things were with your mother since New Year’s, but I guess I do not need to now."
"You know what my mom used to say if I cried?" I asked. He shook his head. "Crying gives you wrinkles. I wasn't allowed to cry, at least not in her presence."
Kova brushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen from my ponytail. "While I am unsure about that theory, I would rather you not cry at all simply because I cannot do anything to help you. No man knows what to do when a woman is crying. We are useless creatures when that happens." I sniffled, and clenched my eyes shut to hold back the tears. "Use your anger and frustration to fuel you, Ria. Make it your energy. Do not let her bring you down, you are better than that. Make her eat her words." He paused, and then quietly said, "Prove it. Prove her wrong and do not let her win."
I desperately wanted to hug him. I needed it.
"You love saying that, don't you?"
He shrugged, his face softening along with his eyes. "It packs a punch, yes?"
I sighed. "I suppose so."
"Good."
Kova stood and looked down at me. Stepping close enough so his body was pressed to mine, he cupped the back of my neck with both hands and his thumbs grazed my jaw. My arms automatically wound around his back and I held him tight, getting the hug I so badly needed.
"For the record, I would never give anyone ammunition to use against you. Ever. Remember that." He dipped his head. "Now get back up on that beam and show me what you are made of. Do it with determination, do it with intent. Use your body and show everyone you want it without having to utter a word." Kova played with my ponytail a few times, twirling my thick locks around his fist, and then letting it go. "Your silence will be your success."
I nodded. Before I could react, Kova dropped a kiss to my forehead then stepped back.
He was right. I needed to be silent but strong if I wanted to come out on top. He regarded me with hope and confidence, then he walked away.
Strength didn't come from what you could do, it came from the power within one’s heart, a determination unlike no other to thrive.
Sometimes I needed someone to remind me of that.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
My thigh muscles were tight, burning from jumping rope so long. Like tiny fire ants creeping up my calves and into my legs. I wanted to stop and take a small break, but I knew if I did I'd only regret it. Instead, I focused my eyes ahead on the wall and endured it. I took long, calm breaths and I kept going until I hit three hundred jumps. I stopped on the last one and exhaled loudly, my back slouching over. That was way harder than I expected.
"Nope. No way. Do another set."
"What? Why?" I shrieked, glaring down at him. Coach Kova was back and he was insane. No, he was certifiable. I already knew this. Gone was sentimental Kova, and in his place was Coach Dick. I just completed two hundred more jumps than he asked for and he wanted another set.
"You do not finish with showing exhaustion," he yelled at me with fire in his eyes. "You finish as if it cost you nothing. Like it was a walk on the beach. Not like you are a dying cat. Suck it up and do it again."
A dying cat. Kova could kick rocks. I swallowed back my words, it wasn't easy, but I managed and did as he ordered like it was no sweat off my back. After all, I promised not to talk back.
"Toes!"
He muttered in Russian under his breath. "Remember to breathe properly."
A cramp resonated in the arch of my foot. I chewed the inside of my lip and held my breath, blinded by the discomfort. It throbbed wildly, and I wanted to stop for a second to flex my foot. The spasm rippled, tightening and contracting into a hard ball. I gritted my teeth to ignore the pain and made a mental note to drink more water. By the end of another set, a fiery burn vibrated in every indentation of my abs. Gymnastics was all core strength, so no matter which drill I completed, I had to use my stomach to balance my center and keep my body tight.
"See? Was that so difficult?" Kova asked. "Jump down."
"I had a cramp in my foot."
He looked down at me, baffled. "And? What would you like me to do for a cramp? Baby you? Drink more water and watch your diet. Toughen up." Before I could bite back, he said, "Turn around and face the beam. Curl your toes under and bend your knees."
Nothing but orders from this man. It wouldn't kill him to be polite every once in a while.
I did as he requested and held the beam to steady myself. Kova came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed down against my body. My thighs hardened and flexed to hold myself up, just bouncing slightly. He used the ball of his foot to press on my heel and push it forward to extend the arch and stretch it out. He did this repeatedly on both feet. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt at all. The pull felt good. I was one of those weird athletes who liked stretching and conditioning.
"Good. Stand up and turn sideways. I want you to place your hands around your foot and extend it up. Hold it there." Once my knee was flat to my chest, he stepped closer. "Eventually we will do this on beam, but for now we will work it on the floor. Lock your knee then relevé. We want your hips squared but relaxed. We do not want any tightness. You would be surprised to hear how many gymnasts have weak hips, how their leaps and jumps are not one eighty. As you know, points are deducted for anything less than one eighty. This will help with that."
Holding this position was much harder than I thought. Unless he was up on the beam with me, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do this. It took complete control. I swayed to the side but Kova caught me. He slapped my thigh, silently advising me to tighten up, and pressed his fingers into my skin to hold me steady. Leaning into me so his body was flush against mine, he reached around to press on my glute to open my hip, then he angled me forward, still holding on.
He counted to five before we switched legs. Then we completed the drills again, this time in an arabesque with my leg extended behind me and my chest forward, and then with my leg to my side nearly meeting my ear. Once I
did all three positions, Kova had me work them in order with him directing me the entire time. He made sure my hips were in and my legs locked. Each pull and stretch improved my range of motion and flexibility. By the time we finished those, I felt fantastic.
"Good. Now get on the low beam and raise your arms." Kova moved behind me and kept one foot on each side of the beam. The low beam was the perfect apparatus to test new skills as it was only raised off the floor by a few inches.
"You are going to do a stretch jump. The key to the jump is to stay firm and straight because I am going to twist your body around fast. If you are loose, you will swing out and hit me, and seeing as I am going out of my way to help you today, I would really like to avoid that. I am not going to tell you which way I am turning you, just stay tight and try to land on the beam."
I nodded.
Kova's hands found my bare waist and gave a little squeeze. His fingers gently pressed into my skin and his breath danced across the back of my neck. Memories from the last time I’d worn only shorts and a sports bra to the gym flashed in my mind. It had been a Sunday then too and no one was here; I had the place to myself. I was in the dance room lost to the music when he had showed up. My body temperature rose as I continued to think back on that night. What started out as Kova insisting everything I did was wrong, as was typical then, led to one of the most unexpected and erotic nights of my life that opened the forbidden door.
He had kissed me in places I'd never been kissed. He had touched me with skill and brought me pleasure so intense I had to question if it was normal. Wetness formed between my thighs as my thoughts scattered. It would be easy for him to slide his hands toward my pelvis and slip his fingers into my shorts. I'd lean back into him where he'd nuzzle my neck and dust my jaw with wet kisses. Then I'd reach behind me and stroke his cock until he was rock hard. I exhaled a silent sigh as the throb continued to grow while I pictured him bending me over the balance beam. I loved his hands on me. The way he was precise with every touch, every graze, meticulous about where his hands went.
A slap on my ass made me jump. I dropped my arms and turned around to face Kova.
"What the hell was that for?" I said.
He snapped his fingers repeatedly in front of my face. "I have been calling your name, but you were ignoring me. You were in la-la land and that was the only way to get your attention."
I flattened my lips and tried not to laugh. "La-la land, Kova? You did not just say that."
"Okay, fine. You were daydreaming."
"So you thought the only way to get my attention was to hit me?"
Kova gave me a droll stare. "Do not exaggerate. I did not hit you, I merely tapped you. Your attention was elsewhere when it should be focused on me, what I am telling you to do. Nothing else. Why must I constantly remind you? Am I wasting my time?"
I was certain my face turned ten shades of red by how hot I was. Little did he know he had my full attention, just not in the way he expected.
"My attention was on you, I swear. It won't happen again."
The silence between us thickened while Kova watched me. He was an intuitive man and sometimes that worried me. He saw too much.
"You are a terrible liar."
I moved to stand in front of him again, giving him my back. "I'm not lying, but whatever you say."
"I am sure that muttering of yours came with a classic eye roll."
He replaced his hands on my waist, and I raised my arms again so they were close to my ears. Just before I sprung up, I said, "Kind of like when you speak in Russian. I guess you'll never know what I was thinking, just like I won't ever know what you're saying." The moment the words left my lips, he spun me around so fast and stopped me right in front of him to complete a half-turn. His hand landed on my stomach to balance me. I exhaled a huff of air into Kova's face. My toes curled around the four-inch beam tightly so I wouldn't wobble.
I flattened my lips. The back of his hand tapped my stomach and I flexed. His attention shifted to my arms and he slapped my bicep. I hadn't realized I let go when he spun me. I straightened my loose arm and hardened my stomach. He was in the zone, and I loved when he was like this. He wasn't thinking of illicit thoughts like I was. He was doing his job and doing it well.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I did many more half-twists before we moved on to full-twists. The first few half-twists surprised me, and my leg flew out to the side a time or two. I was loose. Kova steadied me and a second later we were moving again. We both stayed silent except for Kova's counting. When I jumped, he jerked me both left and right since the requirements for balance beam called for elements turning in both directions. Naturally, I favored one side more than the other, all my tumbling started with my left leg, but with gymnastics, we had to work both sides for it to count. Once he was satisfied, he had me climb back up on the high beam and complete the drill without him. A few times I shook, but I stuck it and thankfully didn't fall. Back flips and front flips were a piece of cake on the balance beam, but any turns, leaps, or jumps, and there wasn't one gymnast who hasn't wobbled. It was always the damn turns that inevitably got us.
"Okay, let us break for some water, use the restroom if you need. Come back here in two minutes."
I nodded and took off for the ladies' room to quickly relieve myself. Then I grabbed a bottle of water from my duffle bag and took a hefty swig and recapped it. Hearing and feeling any liquid move and swish around in my stomach bothered me. I just needed enough to hold me over until I got home.
I made my way back to the balance beam and spotted Kova pacing the floor with his cell phone pressed to his ear. He was speaking in his native tongue. Even though I had not one iota of what he was saying, the rise and fall of his clipped words, the bite in his tone, the hardened look on his face, along with his whitened knuckles told me he was arguing with his girlfriend again. Probably because he was here with me.
Kova's voice rose one last time before he pulled the phone away and hung up on her. I could hear her high-pitched voice until the last second. He took a deep breath and released a ragged sigh when his phone started ringing again. He silenced it, then dropped it to the floor facedown.
I stood next to the balance beam, casually swinging one leg forward and backward as I waited uncomfortably. There was nothing I could say to make his situation better, mainly because I had no idea what the hell they had talked about, but also because it was just an awkward situation all around.
Clearing his throat, he strode up next to me and stared off to the side, lost in thought.
"Trouble in paradise?"
Kova scowled.
"Want to talk about it?"
"No."
"If you need to go home, you can. I don't plan to stay all day anyway."
"It is not up for discussion," he snapped.
I looked at him and felt the tension radiating from his body. "I'm serious, Kova. You should go home to keep the peace. I feel bad."
He scoffed. "Please. You do not feel bad."
I shrugged. I really didn't.
"Place one hand on the beam and the other out to the side." Kova moved to stand on the opposite side of me, behind my shoulders. "You are going to swing your leg forward, back, and then forward."
I sighed and did the motions as he spoke. I knew by familiarity with how slowly he enunciated the words that he wanted me to complete them. So I did. I just wished there wasn't this awkward tension between us now.
"No, do not bend it. Here, give me your leg." I lifted my leg behind me. Using one hand, he held my calf and raised my leg, his other hand gripped my shoulder closest to the beam, and draped his forearm across my clavicle to press my chest back toward my leg behind me.
"The key is to lay your shoulders back, relax them"—he shook me a bit to loosen me up—"because we want your shoulders to meet your hamstring. No, do not bend it. Just lift it for now." He glanced down. "Relevé. Yes, perfect. Gymnasts have a bad habit of dropping the knee to the side. It is ugly and looks like a dog pee
ing. We do not ever want that. We want grace and beauty. Effortless, elegant gymnastics. Now, bend." I bent my knee and spotted my toes. My foot was so close it could touch my forehead. "This. Feel your body? Feel the position you are in? How it is like a ring? This is where we want you. It will make a world of difference points wise with your ring leap and sheep jump. If your head is up and not relaxed, you will get a tenth of a deduction. We want your head almost touching your foot. In order to get to this, we will work on your swing, then bending of the knee. Once we get your ring kick mastered, it will help tremendously."
Kova slowly let go of my leg and I dropped it to the side. I glanced at him. "We are doing both sides, correct?"
"Of course."
I nodded and then started up, just kicking front to back without bending my knee. I knew this was to prep for my jumps and leaps. If I could stick the skills beautifully, any balance check I made could counteract it.
Because let's face it, I knew a balance check or two would happen.
With every kick, Kova guided me. He sped me up and slowed me down. He made sure I was precise and performed to the best of my ability. He corrected my arms and hands, making sure they were back and inverted, not out. He took time out to stretch my shoulders too, made them a little more elastic and said he'd do it before each practice as well. He had me practice the jumps on the floor using a piece of white tape as my balance beam.
And the entire time his brows stayed pinched together and his forehead creased with lines. I knew he was trying not to think of his phone call.
"Move on to sheep jumps."
I nodded. A sheep jump required me to keep my bent knees glued together as I jumped and arched my back, making sure my toes just about tapped my forehead. And of course, a relaxed head. I needed to create a circle with my body.
After I completed ten, Kova scowled in disgust, and said, "Your knees are coming apart. Put some chalk between your thighs."