by Lucia Franco
My stomach filled with butterflies as I flipped through the pages. We'd managed to pass it back and forth a few times over the last couple weeks. We kept it short and sweet, and while we had fun with it, we got to know each other a little better. I got to experience a different side of Kova. He was light and carefree. I smiled at his responses to my mundane questions.
I love cotton candy. I have a bad sweet tooth and have bags hidden in my house.
I questioned if he was a five year old.
I turned to the next the page and reread the entry. He'd asked if I liked top or bottom. Top or bottom of what? He made no sense. A bagel? A bunk bed? A cupcake? I shook my head, I still didn't know what he meant. I had responded...
I guess it would be the top for all. I like the top.
Too bad. I do not bottom for anyone. You have a lot to learn. One day. Timing is everything.
He could be so frustrating, but anticipation filled me at the thought of what more he could teach me. I turned the page to write him a response but was surprised to find another entry from him.
I will always be by your side, that is, if you will have me.
My stomach dropped as the tone turned serious. I didn't know what this meant. Lifting my eyes, I found Kova staring right at me. The hungry look in his emerald eyes struck me deep to my core. It wasn't just sex though. There was more to his stare. More he was trying to say.
If only I could decipher it.
Chapter Forty-Seven
"Adrianna, what's that?" Hayden asked, pointing down to my leg.
I glanced down at the small bruise that marred my lean thigh and dusted the chalk away, the back of my knuckles smoothing over the hard lump. My vitamin injection site had turned into an ugly shadow of black and blue a few days ago, and now there was that brownish-yellow shade surrounding it. I usually applied concealer to the area, but I slept in a little today and completely forgot.
"The bruise? It's from the vitamin B12 shots," I said like it was obvious.
His blue eyes filled with concern. "What are you talking about?"
I shifted on my feet and looked over at Madeline to make sure she wasn't waiting for me. Holly was next, then Sarah, then me.
"Remember the meet where I was dealing with exhaustion?" He nodded, eyes leveled on me. "I have to take B12 shots now because my energy is so low."
His brows furrowed. "How often are you taking them?"
I glanced at Madeline. I was next. "Right now, I take them often, but once my levels are higher, then I can lower it to twice a month."
"And Coach Kova knows?"
I pursed my lips together. "You know, I can't remember. But I gotta go—don't want to keep her waiting."
After I executed a handful of vaults with suggestions from Madeline, Hayden found me again.
"What's up," I asked breathlessly, fixing my ponytail.
His forehead was deeply creased. "Who gives you the shots?"
I sighed. "Jesus Christ, get off my back. You act like someone is beating me. Why are you so concerned anyway?"
"I just am. If you need shots because you're tired, that's an obvious sign you need to slow down." He glanced over his shoulder toward Kova and glowered at him. "Or he's pushing you too hard and overworking you, which wouldn't surprise me if that was the case."
I stiffened. "He's not." I enunciated the T. "Do not tell me what I need and don't need, okay? A B12 deficiency can be from many things other than exhaustion. Look it up on the internet."
"Who gives them to you?"
I looked at him like it was obvious. "I do."
"So you've been giving yourself shots for, what, a month now," he stated in disbelief. "Because you're tired." Another statement, unimpressed this time.
"Ah, yes?"
"You know the reason why I worry about you," he said, lowering his voice to barely above a whisper. I looked around to see if anyone heard him. Reagan eyed us and I gave her a dirty look. I swear I couldn't escape her no matter where I went. She was always there, lurking, waiting, and watching. "But now I'm even more worried. This isn't good."
My brows wrinkled. I didn't need to explain myself to anyone, and I sure as hell didn’t need to explain a goddamn vitamin the doctor prescribed me. If I could give myself a shot in the other suggested areas, I would. But I couldn't reach my arm without angling the needle, and my hip… I shuddered at the thought. It would be like going right into the bone and I couldn't handle that. The thigh was the most logical spot for me. It was the most active too.
All I could do was shake my head and walk away from this utterly ridiculous conversation. I gathered up my gear and proceeded to the next station—the balance beam—when I heard my name called.
Looking over my shoulder, my face fell. Both Hayden and Kova were stalking toward me, their faces grim and brooding. I released an aggravated sigh and forced myself not to roll my eyes. I was just plain old annoyed today and I didn't know why.
Kova's eyes immediately dropped to the center of my thigh. His nostrils flared and a tick started in his jaw.
"Why did you not tell me about these…injections?"
My eyes popped wide at the scowl in his voice, and I turned to Hayden. "What? Did you tattle on me? Are you seven?"
Real mature.
Stone-faced, he said nothing, so I turned back to Kova. "I'm not shooting myself up with heroine!" I retorted. "It's a vitamin."
He blinked. I went on. "You knew I had a shot at the first meet."
"But I was not aware you were still doing them. This is news to me."
"So?"
"So?" He pulled back, his taut voice and glaring eyes only for me. "Do I need to remind you that you are under my authority? That means I need to be notified of every single change in your lifestyle, most importantly, medical changes, such as doctor visits and medication and so on? I need to be aware of everything, Adrianna."
I felt like my privacy, real privacy, had been invaded.
"You've been notified over everything that warrants reporting. Do you need to know that I also have my period, Coach? Because that's a significant change in my life I must make adjustments for every month. I took some Pamprin this morning. The cramps are crushing my soul this time around, and my boobs"—I palmed both of them—"are heavy and aching and so tender I want to cry. I can barely run they hurt so bad. Not to mention, my flow is stupid heavy this time. I have to change my tampon every two hours."
Kova didn't flinch, but Hayden blushed seven shades of red.
"Pamprin is not allowed," Kova stated blandly. "It is an anti-inflammatory."
This asshole.
I hated that he was right. I wasn't supposed to have any kind of anti-inflammatory because of my Achilles treatment; but more importantly, I hated that he knew what was in the drug at first mention, and I didn't. My face showed it and he gave me that knowing look.
Worked up and angry over something so minuscule that did not deserve this attitude or attention, I lowered my voice and stepped closer.
"I'm glad you're up to date on medications designed for menstrual cycles, I'm sure you and Hayden could exchange Cosmo magazines and experiment on homemade face masks together since you're so into girl shit, but this is ridiculous. You both are acting ridiculous over a fucking vitamin."
Kova's entire body tensed. He froze. A wall went up like I offended him. Hayden just stood there like he was used to the same treatment from his sister.
"There is clearly an underlying issue that you cannot see. I told you weeks ago I was worried. You should not need this many doses, Adrianna. I am extremely concerned."
"Save it."
"Adrianna," Hayden said gently. I glared at him like I wanted to strangle his neck until his head popped off. He recoiled, and both Hayden and Kova looked at each other, staring for a long moment as if they could read each other's minds. "We're just worried about you," he said.
"You two are like the husbands I never wanted—brooding and overbearing. I'm done with this conversation."
&nbs
p; * * *
After an exhausting day at the gym, I was finally home and showered. My stomach rumbled, but I didn't feel like eating because my headache was so intense that it made me nauseous. I'd give anything to go to bed, but I had a few things I needed to do first, like catch up on school work and clean out my gym bag. Once I completed my school work, I found my duffle bag and began cleaning it out. I hadn't done this in weeks and desperately needed too since it was becoming full and difficult to find anything. Smashed protein bars I never ate, and multiple bottles of Motrin and opened coconut water that I never finished lined the bottom of my bag. I threw it all out save for the Motrin. Extra clean leos covered in chalk, and hair ties and tampons were scattered everywhere when I came across the notebook I shared with Kova buried under everything.
I'd completely forgotten it was in there.
Taking it out of my bag, I sat on my couch and stared at the front of it. Between Kova and Hayden today, my emotions were flying wild. I was already stressed about gymnastics in general. I didn't appreciate them bombarding me about my health on top of it. I was fine, just overworked. A little B12 was nothing to phone home about.
My fingers slid down the front of the hardcover. Flipping it open to the newest entry, my brows pulled together wondering when he had time to sneak this in.
Please. I am worried about you. Talk to me. You did not act like yourself today. What can I do to help?
I ground my teeth together. There was nothing to talk about except my aching boobs and heavy period. I was a little hormonal at the moment, but Christ on a stick, was I not allowed to have an off day?
I HAVE MY PERIOD. GET OVER IT. IF YOU WANT TO HELP, GO GET ME SUPER-SIZED TAMPONS AND DARK CHOCOLATE. AND NOT THE CHEAP SHIT EITHER.
I slammed the notebook shut and threw it to the side with an irritable sigh. Standing up, I marched into my bathroom and took out the B12 shot. I shoved my shorts down, took a deep breath, and jabbed the needle into my hip…and cried.
I hit my fucking hip bone.
Chapter Forty-Eight
As long and as tiring as my practice days were, they flew by in a blur. I blinked my eyes and another competition was in sight.
Before we left, I had another round of the platelet rich plasma injected into my Achilles, though, I didn't mention it to Kova. I also gave myself an extra shot of vitamin B12 because my energy was low to the point I could hardly keep my eyes open at practice. I never thought the day would come where I would leave early, but I think Madeline saw how bad off I was. She didn't hesitate or give me a hard time when I asked to go home. She just said she'd see me tomorrow.
I crashed the moment my face hit my bed. I slept for a solid thirteen hours straight and woke up completely disoriented and in the same position I'd fallen asleep in. I did some reading online and found that my iron levels could be down, so I ran to the pharmacy and picked up a bottle of iron. I took two then, and another two later in the night. I figured it couldn't hurt.
I wondered if Kova would've let me leave early the way Madeline had. I missed half a practice plus tutoring and then another half the following day. But he wasn't there, and he wasn't going to be at the meet, so I didn't see the need to tell him. Madeline had just as much authority as Kova.
Kova hadn't been at practice all week, which I found extremely strange. Madeline was tightlipped and all she told us was that he was home and extremely ill. I didn't inquire too much because that would raise suspicion, and neither did any of my teammates, but I found it difficult to believe Kova would miss practice if he was sick.
With Kova absent from this meet, I felt naked and empty. Like my other half was missing. We'd been glued at the hip since I came to World Cup, so not having him with me was foreign.
Codependency and all that jazz was a real thing. I missed the arrogant Russian and his encouraging words of wisdom. I needed him with me.
I glanced down and my eyes caught the fading yellow circle on my leg as I slipped on my wrist guards. Injecting the B12 into my hip had been more painful than I expected, especially the following days when I worked bars and my grip slipped, causing me to slam my hips down. The pain took my breath away. The injection site on my hip was still tender, but it hid the bruising well, so I forced myself to grin and bear it.
This meet was a little bigger and on podium again. I had more competition this time around, but nothing I couldn't handle.
"Ready to roll?" Madeline asked. I nodded with a straight face and she waved me toward her. I pushed any pain my body was going through out of my mind. I relied on Madeline a lot and I think she noticed it because she kept checking on me. I stuck to her side as much as I could and absorbed every little thing she said.
I'd been to hundreds of meets since I started gymnastics over ten years ago, and every time I got butterflies in my stomach. Every time my nerves went haywire and it put me on edge. I shook it out, but the truth was I loved the adrenaline rush because I loved to perform.
"Remember, what we discussed. You've got the handspring and block down pat, just drive those heels and stay tight. Chin down and crank it hard." I nodded again and remained tight-lipped. She patted my shoulder. "Show them who owns the vault."
I smiled. Vault was my specialty, but one of my biggest fears was that I would trip while I was running.
Chalking up, I eyed the vault, visualizing my skill. When the judges gave me the okay to go, I only had a few seconds to salute them then step behind the white line. From the corner of my eye, I could see Madeline nearby, hands on hips, ready to study every detail when I took off running.
Within seconds, my feet punched the springboard and I was flying in the air, executing my skill, one that put me ahead of the other competitor's due to the difficulty of it. I stayed as tight as I could, legs together and straight, as I quickly thought about my coach's suggestions. Just like me, judges had one chance to take it all in. There were no instant replays in gymnastics like other sports. Judging is done in real time and it happens real fast.
When I landed, I knew. I knew I stuck my dismount. Not because I didn't move my feet, or take a step, but because my form was perfect in flight along with my dismount. I could feel it in my heart that there was no possible way it could have been any better. A stuck landing in gymnastics was monumental and always exciting because it was so challenging to achieve due to the complexity of the skill—and physics.
My teammates, my coach, the crowd, they all cheered and clapped. A massive smile shaped my face as I saluted three times before I leaped down the steps to greet Madeline.
I received high fives and smiles from all the girls.
"Gotta give it to you, Red, that was pretty incredible," Reagan said. My heart raced as I caught my breath. The amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins gave me a high like I could take on anything. I couldn't stop smiling. I felt like I was six-foot-three in a five foot, ninety pound body.
Madeline rushed me, pulling me into a hug so tight I could barely breathe. She pulled back and gripped my shoulders and shook me with excitement. "Well done! It couldn't have been any better! Girl, you keep on impressing me. What a way to start the competition. You're a true performer," she said. "How are you—" She started but my score flashed. We both glanced up at the same time and read the numbers.
My heart dropped.
Chills broke out on my arms.
Silence surrounded me.
I stared at the numbers, not believing what I saw. Madeline mumbled as we gawked side by side. She was just as stunned as I was. There was no way I had received that score. There was just no way. A perfect score was rare and incredibly difficult to accomplish. My score was too good to be true because that meant my vault had been nearly flawless, nearly perfect, nearly the best. I knew in my gut I had done well, I just didn't know how well.
My smile grew until my cheeks throbbed. I was only a tenth of a point from getting the perfect score. That meant I got all the points for difficulty.
Madeline glanced at me, her eyes gleaming with p
ride. I threw myself into her, jumping into her arms, something countless gymnasts have done when they're overcome with excitement. She squeezed me so tight and I smiled against her.
"Excellent, Adrianna. Unbelievable job and score. I knew you had it in you, but you continue to surprise me every day," she said.
Madeline released me, and I stood before her, so ecstatic I could barely see straight. That score put me in the lead on the first rotation.
"Keep that up and you'll be unstoppable."
"We will be unstoppable," I corrected her. She was just as much part of the team as Kova was, and I wanted to make sure she knew that.
"Get your mind focused on bars. Execute another flawless routine like you just did on vault and no one will be able to beat you today." I nodded. "I'm telling you, girly, you're one of those gymnasts who come out when they perform. I didn't expect it." Madeline turned away with a smile.
Bars was also my jam. My heart fluttered just thinking about it, anticipation flowing through me. I wasn't worried in the least when it came to bars, not anymore. I moved between the high and low bar effortlessly and smooth as silk. Vault and bars were my specialty events, the ones I did extremely well on and could perform more difficult skills the majority could not. Whereas beam was Reagan's specialty.
Once I had bars behind me, another almost perfect score, the rest of the competition flew by. I was on cloud nine and dominating the meet. My scores continued to blindside me—and my coach—and when more than one gold medal was draped around my neck, the only eyes I sought in the sea of coaches and gymnasts were a pair of bright green eyes that had made this all possible.