by Lucia Franco
"What?" I said, my voice shaky. "What does that have to do with anything?"
Dad shoved one of the heavy dinner table chairs to the side. It fell hard with a clank. "Stop it, right now!" He glanced at Xavier and said, "Grab your mother." The table was so long that he couldn't catch her. He’d take one step, and she’d take one in the other direction.
"Where, Adrianna!" Mom yelled.
I started to shake and a crease formed between my eyes. I had wondered where it came from, but figured it came from another family member. It happened all the time.
"I assumed it came from Dad’s side of the family, just like Xavier's hair and eyes came from yours."
She snickered. "Your father is a womanizing whore, just like your mother was. A slut. Just. Like. You."
Chills zipped down my spine.
I was frozen to the core.
My jaw bobbed up and down. I tried to say ten different sentences at once but all I could muster was huge eyes and a tied tongue.
"My…my mother? But…" I stammered, my head was spinning, and I reached behind me to grab the arm of the chair and sat down. Bile rose in my throat. I looked to my dad, begging for help, then back at my mom as her words echoed in my head in that sickening, slimy tone she used. I searched her eyes for the truth.
Xavier's eyes hardened, and they scared me more than Dad’s. "Did you just call my sister a slut?" he asked, leaning forward with his head tilted to the side, demanding to know if he'd heard right.
"You will not speak of my daughter in that manner!" Dad’s boisterous voice boomed across the room. His white-knuckled fist slammed onto the table.
Mom snickered again and took a long sip, swallowing half the contents in one gulp, then held the glass near her face. She traced her bottom lip with the pad of her ring finger, her eyes trained solely on me.
"I know you're not talking about Adrianna like that," Xavier said.
"I'm warning you, Joy, do not do this because you're angry with me. Go take a nap or something."
Xavier grabbed Mom’s boney upper arms. She tried to yank herself away, but her vodka went flying and splashed onto the floor.
"Mom, you're drunk. Just stop," my brother pleaded as Dad reached them. Mom wasn't going anywhere. A scuffle started between the three. Words were thrown around and it was a clear effort to reel her in and stop her before it was too late.
I dazed off and stared at the marble floor. A slide show of moments flashed through my head, all scenes of my life when I questioned her actions, her comments, her coldness toward me. How I was nothing like her, how I could never be what she wanted, no matter how much I tried. I never did right. I was never enough. How my dad always had my back, how he gave me whatever I wanted and often disagreed with her.
I was beginning to pant at the realization. I couldn't breathe.
No…it couldn't be true.
She didn't mean it. She was just upset.
I looked up and scanned her bleach blonde hair. She had naturally dark roots, so I never questioned the hair, or the color of her eyes, or how our opinions were never on the same page. I never thought to. Many families were like mine with visible differences. Many mothers and daughters didn't get along.
"I'm done trying to keep this family together," she spat at Dad. "Done trying to make us look good when all you want is to ruin this name! I'm done covering up your lies and years of infidelity and making me out to be a fool. It's over! Over! The truth is coming out. You're nothing but a fake bastard!" she screamed like a woman scorned. Never in my life had I seen her behave like this before. But the more I heard Dad yell, and the more I heard my brother beg her to stop, the more it became painfully real. Through blurry eyes, I watched them struggle.
"Ah, I see you put two and two together." She looked directly at me. "You're a little whore, just like your real mother was, trying to seduce men who aren't yours, take what's not yours. It's bad enough this family is a lie, a mockery, but I refuse to be shamed and disgraced in front of the world any longer. I went to the ends of the earth to cover up your father’s accident sixteen years ago because I loved him, but I refuse to do it for you."
His accident…meaning me. My accident…meaning my affair with my coach.
She did it because she loved him, but she wouldn't lie any longer.
She wouldn’t go to ends of the earth for me because she didn't love me.
She had never loved me.
And the worst part of all, after all these years, deep down I had never felt like I had a mother's love either.
"Mom…" Xavier said softly, heartbroken. He let go of her arms and stood as shocked as I was.
My heart dropped into my gut. Air seized my lungs. I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. Her cruelness knew no bounds. The woman I knew only as my mother was a monster clothed in Chanel and draped in diamonds.
I was going to be sick. I gripped the arm of the chair and held my stomach with my other hand. Nausea spun like a tornado through me, the vomit climbing up my throat. Any second I was going to lose it.
"How dare you hurt her like that," Dad said, danger coating his every word. "She's our daughter."
"She's not my daughter and she never will be. I never wanted her. I can't stand her! She was your assistant's daughter! Your assistant who was a fucking loser, worthless, and no good. All she had to do was spread her little virgin legs and you went running." She sneered and continued. "A loser who you paid off to keep her mouth shut and disappear. But I'm the loser, too, because you paid me to play house and pretend that Adrianna was mine, didn't you?"
I couldn't take anymore, I needed to get away.
"Mom…" Xavier's voice cracked, but his eyes were a fury of rage. My gaze dropped to his hands. They were balled into fists, the whites of his cracked knuckles showing. "This isn't Adrianna's fault. Why are you doing this to her?"
"Adrianna," she chewed out, disgust laced in the four syllables of my name. "Adrianna is a prostitute's name. I wanted to change it, but your dear old father wouldn't let me change his precious daughter’s name. His whore of an assistant picked it out."
It happened so fast. I didn't see it, but I heard it. The loud, cracking sound that couldn't be mistaken for anything other than a backhanded blow. There was not one ounce of guilt or remorse that came with it.
I wasn't sure what stunned me more—Dad hitting mom right across the face, or when Xavier grabbed him by the collar of his Robert Cavalli shirt and shoved him hard and fast up against the wall.
"Dad," Xavier said low and quiet. Anger poured off him in waves. "You should never hit a woman. Ever." I shot a glance at Mom. She cupped her cheek, her jaw aghast, tears floating in her eyes. "You taught me from a young age to always protect my sister," he said. My heart soared for my brother. I was thankful I had him in my corner. "I don't give a shit if what Mom claims is true. Adrianna is my sister, and she always will be my sister. She's good and doesn't deserve to be called vile names and attacked, but hitting Mom because of that? What does that make you? I will not stand to see a woman hit, especially my mother."
Dad’s eyes narrowed at my brother. "Xavier, stay out of it," he ordered, grabbing my brother's wrists. "You don't know the half of it." Xavier pulled Dad and shoved him against the wall again. The fury radiating off him scared me. He could unravel at any given moment and I didn't have the power in me to stop either of them.
"Mom, you knew Adrianna would never fight back and disrespect you, that's not who she is, and you know that. You went for her jugular knowing she had no defense," Xavier gritted out.
"You want to talk about respect?" Mom said hoarsely. Standing tall, she dropped her hand. A lick of fire still blazed in her eyes, and a deep red mark marred her cheek.
She fixed her stare on Xavier.
"You want to talk about respect," Mom said again, her brows raised high. She pulled her shoulders back. She wasn't finished with us.
"Why don't you tell your sister," she spat, "how you respected her friend so much that you got h
er pregnant. Why don't you tell Adrianna about you and Avery? About how I had to cover up your mess for this family and the Herons." She sneered, shaking her head. She pointed to her chest, sloppily stabbing herself with her index finger. "About the abortion I paid for?" she spat with a bite. She still had fight in her. "And you want to talk about respect?" Mom scoffed. "What a joke." She pointed at all of us. "You all are a joke with not an ounce of respect in any of you. You should be bowing down and kissing the ground I walk on for all I've done for you."
She strode from the formal dining room without so much as a falter in her step, leaving us all speechless.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Chills trickled down my arms. I was stone cold and in shock.
"Is it true?" I asked, not recognizing my voice.
Both my dad and brother looked at each other, their eyes shifted back and forth at one another, searching for an answer. They looked confused as to who I was talking to, and truth be told, I wasn't sure which one of them I questioned. I just knew I needed answers. They both had lied to me so bad that I didn't know where to begin.
I stood and took a few steps until we were all standing face-to-face. My stomach was heavy and twisting with cramps, like my intestines were wrapped around stones with gritty edges. I pressed a hand to my belly. God, I felt so small staring up at them, wishing on a prayer it wasn't true. Hoping that what Mom said was all a drunk lie to hurt me because of something Dad did to her, or Xavier getting on her bad side.
But deep down, I knew the answer. I wasn't a fool.
"It's true, isn't it?" I asked again, looking my father in the eye. I started with him. I'd never seen him so torn with guilt. He'd always been so strong and sure of everything. Now he looked shattered, too devastated to speak. Not the father I knew. He couldn't give me the satisfaction of an answer either, even if it was a bittersweet one.
I turned toward Xavier. "Did you know?"
He shook his head frantically, innocent in the shocking reveal. "No. I had no idea until just now."
"He didn't know. No one knew except for me and your mother."
"But she's not my mom."
His eyes hardened. "She is your mother."
"Were you ever planning on telling me?"
"No."
My mouth parted, a faint gasp rolled off my lips. My heart began to speed up at the thought of being lied to my entire life by the one person who I thought I could trust and would support me.
"Why? Why wouldn't you tell me."
"To protect you," he stated like it was obvious.
I tilted my head to the side. "Protect me from what exactly?"
"To protect you from the backlash you would receive. You must understand something, Rossi Enterprises was on the rise at the time; our name was everywhere. Investors were coming out of the woods. Everyone wanted a piece of what I was building because anything I touched turned to gold. I'm a phenomenal businessman, but one slip up, one mistake that shed a negative light on our family, and we could've lost it all. It was a different time. What happened in the dark never saw the light. It was a game of politics and it had to be played a certain way."
"So you did it for yourself, not me."
"I did it for us."
"No." I shook my head. "You did it because you love power, but you love money more. If your slip up"—I almost choked saying the word—"got out, you'd lose everything. I was a risk you couldn't chance. You needed the picture-perfect family to keep everything intact, and Mom was willing to give it to you."
Something dawned on me and my chest hollowed out.
"Even though she hated me for what you did, she covered up your mistakes because she loved you and believed in you. But what did you do this time that she refuses to play along? Why is she taking her resentment out on me?"
Dad's mouth pulled down. "I tried, Adrianna. I really did. I tried to make up for it by giving you everything you ever asked for."
"You wanted to buy me."
"No, it isn't like that."
"Then what's it like!" I yelled. "Everything I've known is a lie. I deserve to know the damn truth. If anything, it would've all made sense had I known."
My blood was boiling faster than it ever had. My fingers tingled, and my heart was about to beat through my ribs. I was a fusion of hurt and rage, fire and ice.
"Mom's hatred toward me. The way she's never supported me or my dreams. How she would incessantly nag me over my weight. I was never good enough, and the worst part of all, you watched it happen. You knew the reasoning behind her behavior and never did anything to stop it. "
I stepped back and turned in a circle, giving them my back, thinking about all the ways she’d treated me over the years. Tears burned the back of my eyes and I didn't want them to see that. I tipped my head up to stare at the ceiling, I refused to let them fall.
"She's hated me since the day I was born…and you know she has, and yet you never did anything to protect me from her wrath."
I wasn't sure how much more I could take before I broke. I was supposed to remain a lie until I died, and long after. I tried to speak again but the knot in my throat prevented me. I placed my hand on my hips and bit the inside of my lip to fight the emotions clawing inside me, begging to spill out.
I was strong, but this…this was a sucker punch that nearly knocked me out.
"Aid," Xavier said gently. "Dad loves you more than anything in the world. He’d never purposely hurt you. You know that."
I put my arm up and gave him the back of my hand. "I have nothing to say to you," I spat. "Of all people, you just had to have my best friend too." God, I was sick to my stomach. I couldn't handle that confession too or else I'd surely break.
By some miracle compelling me, I strode from the dining room, found my car keys, and left.
* * *
It took less than a handful of minutes before I was sitting on the ivory sand, staring at the roaring teal waves and white caps crashing on the shore.
The beach was my savior, my serenity. The smell of sand and salt was my tonic. It was the one and only place I felt could remedy anything I was going through.
Salt water cures everything are words Floridians lived by. Words I lived by. Anytime I was dealing with something—grave or minor—I found myself sitting at the beach and staring at the water. Every burden, every grain of anxiety washed away with each kiss and retreat from the waves on the powdery shoreline. The sand over my toes and the wind in my hair revitalized me. It was a place where I could find myself when I felt like I was at a fork in the road, a place that would help guide the way at the sound of crashing waves.
I sat with my elbows perched on my pulled-up knees, gazing at the beauty of the sea, trying to process what just happened. Goose bumps covered my arms. The wind was chilly today, but I didn't feel it. I was too numb, overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions to handle them.
My mom wasn't my real mom, and Avery and Xavier were together. So together they made a baby…then aborted it.
I was embarrassed to admit that I didn't know which one hurt more.
Joy not being my real mother should cause more of an impact than Avery lying to me, but it didn't. And what kind of person did that make me? I loved my mom, but I was never close with her. I had never confided in her. She was never the first person I ran to with a dilemma or looked to for advice. There was always some sort of disconnection between us despite being related. I'd made the effort for years, but we never had that mother-daughter bond. I always figured I was too much of a daddy's girl for anything else, but after today…
And I was oddly okay with that, which made me feel even more like shit. It should affect me, yet it didn't.
Or maybe I was blocking it out.
What she had said to me, the harsh way she delivered it, I'd never forget it. She was deliberately cruel. Revenge was a piping hot, bitter coffee served in a foam cup, and that's what she had planned for me. She wanted to burn me and watch me dissolve through a flimsy barrier.
But Avery
was a different story altogether. Her lies and deceit hurt more than anything.
A gust of wind blew past me and I inhaled the salt air deep into my lungs. I would rebuild myself from here. It was just going to take a minute or two.
As much as I wanted to talk to Avery, I needed to speak with Kova first. What happened between my best friend and my brother wouldn't bear an impact on my life the way the secret of Kova and me would.
Exhaling a heavy breath, I picked up my cell phone and dusted off the tiny grains of sand. I was about to delete the text messages but decided against it. I needed to reread them to see what she saw through her eyes.
I also needed to change my passcode.
I dialed Kova's number and pressed the phone to my ear. After two rings, it went straight to voice mail.
I sulked. Maybe his phone had died, or the call didn't go through, or the signal was lost. I dialed again, this time it rang three times before being abruptly cut off. I tried once more and got one ring.
Pulling the phone away, I glanced down at the blank screen…
Kova had hit the fuck you button on me.
A somberness settled quietly over me. Tears prickled my eyes. The feeling of being unwanted and alone struck me and I retreated a little bit, nestling myself further into the sand, into myself. My emotions climbed as fast as my rising chest, further and further until tears blurred my vision and the waves rolled into a mirage before me.
I didn't know what to do. I was breaking inside, the pain in my chest squeezing until I could barely breathe.
I tried Kova one last time.
And once again, he rejected the call, which both puzzled me and angered me all the same. If he saw me calling more than once, and repeatedly like I was, then he had to know there was a serious matter at hand, right?
I pulled the phone away and swallowed back my tears. I would not cry. Against my better judgement, I sent him a three-worded text that would sure catch his attention this time.
Me: My mom knows.
He called immediately. And immediately, I hit the fuck you button.