Sniffling through the words I explained what happened last night with Sin. Giving her credit, she just gave me a sympathetic smile and not the ‘I told you so’ I deserved.
“So you slept with him. Definitely not the end of the world. From what you told me, he at least did you right.” She stood up and walked over to the kitchen to bring me some tissues.
I took the tissue and wiped my splotchy face, then blew my nose and nodded. “I guess it could have been worse.” My heart was hurting, but he’d been a compassionate lover.
“Live and learn, that’s what life is all about.” She winked at me. She went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.
I thought about what she said and felt a little better. Sin had given me a great initiation into the world of sexual pleasure, I could at least be happy about that. It was no one’s fault but my own that I’d wanted more from him. He’d never promised anything.
“Hey I smell coffee!”
Luke walked into the room wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. “Morning.” I was shocked to see him there. Kera seemed to spending a lot of time with him lately.
“Hey blondie.” He winked and traipsed toward the kitchen.
I raised an eyebrow at Kera, wondering what the story was between them. She rolled her eyes before Luke pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly. That kiss didn’t look like something shared between casual lovers.
Kera brought me a cup of coffee to the living room when she finally untangled herself from Luke. He followed behind like a puppy dog. “So you fucking Sin?”
He certainly didn’t waste words I thought. “I’m not answering that!”
“You just did.” He winked and drank a large gulp of coffee.
“It was a one-time thing.” That sounded so lame. Even I could hear the sadness in my voice.
“Was afraid of that. He can’t commit.” With a shrug he nursed his drink. “Those bitches he dated before really fucked him up.”
I shouldn’t ask, but I couldn’t resist. “How so?” I didn’t understand why Sin was the way he was. A part of me hoped knowing would make it easier to go on with my life.
“I probably shouldn’t say anything.” He looked at me and shrugged. “They used him like a boy toy when he was a stripper. One in particular strung him along saying how much she loved him until she found a younger stud to fuck.”
I’d known he was a stripper, but this was part of his life he’d never divulged. “Did he love her back?”
“Yeah, he did. He was head over heels in love with this chick. After she told him to fuck off he lost it.” Shaking his head, he frowned. “He beat the fuck out the younger stripper and it cost him his career. The chick was loaded, and had some big influences.”
Knowing Sin had been in love with another woman gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I also hurt for him in ways that I probably shouldn’t have. There was no doubt in my mind I was in love with him myself.
“I’m telling you this shit because I don’t want you to get hurt. You’re a nice girl. But Sin,” he shook his head again, “he’s just fucked up and I don’t think he knows how to trust.”
“Just look at last night as one time thing.” Kera smiled at me sadly. “I love you hon, and you deserve a lot more than some guy with issues like that.”
I knew Kera was trying to protect me. Maybe she was right, only I wasn’t so sure I could look at what we did as a fling. It felt like more. At least it had until the morning sun had reared its ugly head. “I think I’m in love with him.” Saying the words out loud really made it real.
“Fuck baby, you’d be better off walking away now if that’s the truth.” Luke’s eyes filled with pity and it made me feel like crying again.
“I need that job.” It wasn’t just about the job. True, I needed the money, but I wasn’t ready to give up on Sin yet.
“There are other clubs.” Kera, suggested. “You’ve only got a few more months in school.”
“Even if last night was all I’ll ever have with him, I want to try the dancing. Like you said, school is over in a few months. I can live with whatever happens between us for that long.”
“You keep things separated with Sin. Trust me on this, he’ll use you up if you don’t.”
I couldn’t believe Luke was saying these things. Sin didn’t seem like the type of person who would deliberately use someone. He could be a jerk, yes. What happened between us had been consensual. It wasn’t like he’d forced me into his bed. If anything I’d talked my way in there.
There was no reason to argue about it, I decided. I dropped the subject. Kera and Luke seemed to be willing to do the same. “I guess I should go home and get some rest before I dance tonight.”
“Call me if you need to talk.” Kera stood up with me and hugged me tightly.
“I will.” Hugging her back I smiled. “Thanks for the advice Luke.” Not that I was going to take it, but it was nice of him to offer his wisdom.
“No problem. Tell him I said anything I’ll deny it though.” He gave me a stern look before smiling.
I left Kera’s feeling much better about things. Nothing was solved, but at least I understood Sin a little better. The drive home gave me time to get my emotions under control.
Without classes or the store to keep me busy, I was able to grab a few hours of sleep before going to work tonight. It definitely didn’t help that my dreams were centered on Sin and I making love. I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen later.
I took a long, hot bath. Shaving my legs, and my sex, I wanted to make sure my body was the last of my worries when I walked on that stage tonight. No matter what happened with Sin, I was determined to prove I could do this.
chapTer fifteen
Private Dancer
My nerves were completely shot when I arrived at the club. I had no idea how Sin would react when he saw me, and I was going to be showing it all for the customers tonight. Trying to stop the tremor in my hands, I balled them into fists as I made my way through the front door.
I wasn’t a coward. No matter what happened tonight, I would live through it. Unless of course I fell on my face while dancing and Sin told me I sucked in bed. No! I wasn’t going to allow those thoughts to start running through my mind now.
Kera was already in the club and she walked over and hugged me. “You look like you’re about to puke.” She laughed softly, and dragged me along with her.
We made it to the bar and she ordered us both a shot of tequila. “I can’t drink that. The last thing I want to do is get drunk before I dance.”
“I don’t think one shot of tequila will get you tipsy.” She laughed and pushed one toward me when the bartender sat them down in front of us.
I could use a little liquid courage. Taking the shot I tossed it back down my throat while making a face. I felt the burn all the way into my stomach. George laughed at me.
“You’ll do just fine up on that stage tonight.”
“Thanks. If I don’t fall flat on my butt and forget the moves I’ll be happy.” He really was a nice guy and one of the few people in the club that didn’t look at me like he wanted to jump my bones.
“Come on.” Kera winked at George before pulling me back toward the dressing rooms.
The costume I was wearing tonight was really beautiful and I knew I owed Kera a multitude of thanks for finding it. It was a two piece white bikini, with sequins that glimmered a soft pearl pink in the light. The bottoms were a G-string and wouldn’t be coming off. Topless was all that was allowed at Sin’s. I was thankful for that small allowance tonight.
“George is right you know. You’ll do great. If you miss a step, just smile and bat your eyelids. The boys will eat it up.”
I knew I had the routine down to an art form. Sin had worked with me for hours to perfect it. I’d learned gymnastics routines in a short time frame before, so I knew I could do this. Outside of taking off my top for a bunch of strangers it really wasn’t that much different.
> Taking a few deep breaths I undressed and put on my costume. “Thanks. It’s just a little nerve-wracking to think I’ll be showing my boobs to all these men.” I managed to laugh nervously.
“Just remember boobs are just fatty flesh.” Kera giggled and began working on my hair and makeup.
Smiling at her in the mirror I nodded my head. “Yeah, I guess so.” Looking at it from her perspective made it a little easier.
I hardly recognized my reflection in the mirror after she’d finished. She’d used dark shades on my eyes and lips. “Just think of it as a mask. That way when you go out on stage, you can pretend you’re someone else.”
I looked beautiful. My hair was tossed and teased wildly. It fell down to my butt in a long curtain. It made me feel a little more dressed knowing I had that extra covering. The bikini shimmered even in the dimmer setting of the dressing room. I could imagine how they would sparkle under the stage lights.
“I’d want to take you home if I was a man.” She winked then moved over to her own dressing chair.
“Thanks.” I laughed and attempted a few deep breaths. Kera and two other girls would go on before me. I was the star attraction tonight. I hoped Sin would come back to wish me luck before my act.
Normally the girls went out and socialized with the men before their routines. Kera informed me that with a new dancer they didn’t follow that protocol. It was a whole shock and awe thing. Sin liked to present new dancers as if they’d just appeared from nowhere.
I’d already waitressed here though, so I didn’t think I really fit that image. Waiting for the other women to dance, my nervousness continued to increase. Sin never made it to the dressing room and I was a little disappointed.
Finally it was my big debut. I was so uneasy my legs were shaking. Kera gave me some words of encouragement that I didn’t hear, and then led me to the door that opened up on the stage. Taking a deep breath, I stepped through that door as my theme music began.
The lights were dim, and smoke wafted over the black lacquered stage. Making my way to the pole in the center, I raised my body up the cool steel with grace. Lowering my upper body back, the spotlight landed on my form.
The soft strains of the blues played hauntingly as I lifted my arms to grab the chrome. Allowing my body to hug it like a lover, I slowly lowered to my feet. I couldn’t see anyone. The spotlight was too bright. With practiced ease I moved through the motions. Pretending I was holding an invisible lover in my arms, I gave my desire over to the phantom.
The whistles from the audience barely registered in my mind as I continued to grind my hips with the savageness of the rhythm as the tempo of the song escalated. It seemed natural to reach behind me and undo the strings of my bikini top. Tossing it carelessly away, I never missed a beat.
I was alone in my mind, performing a private dance for the one I craved. Pinching my nipples, I then allowed my hands to lift my breasts, offering them to invisible lips. It was Sin, he filled my thoughts. I wanted his hands there taking the place of my own.
Moving back to the steel hardness of the pole, I spread my thighs. Wrapping one leg around it, I gyrated against it. My lips parted and I cried out softly, enflamed at the desire that raged through my sex. This was how Sin and I practiced. I wanted him between my thighs, taking me further than the simply dance could ever lead.
The lights dimmed again, and the whistles and applause brought me into reality again. I made it through the entire routine without even trying. I lowered to a crawl and picked up the obscene amount of money that was scattered over the stage. That’s when my eyes finally landed on Sin.
The look he gave me was so full of rage it make my breath catch. I didn’t know why he was so angry, but there was no doubt it was directed my way. Had I messed up the routine without knowing it? Gathering the rest of the bills, I stood and gracefully made my way back to the dressing room.
“Holy fucking shit that was incredible!” Kera wrapped me in a bear hug.
The earlier tension I felt faded a little. “Did you really think so?” I truly couldn’t remember any of it.
“Are you kidding me? Every woman here is green with envy over how you worked that stage!”
I placed all the money on the dresser and gasped. “I can’t believe how much money these men throw at us.” Grinning, I knew that I wouldn’t be worrying about my cash flow for a few weeks.
“They loved you babe.” Kera was smiling from ear to ear and her happiness was contagious. I was just glad to know I didn’t have to worry about bills for a while.
“To my office, now!” Sin stormed into the dressing room, the look of fury on his face even darker than when I’d caught a glance of it earlier.
Kera looked at him like he’d lost his mind, but I followed along timidly. What was he so angry about I wondered? Apparently the dance routine had went off without a hitch. I tried to keep up with his angry strides as we walked to his office.
He slammed the door behind us when I entered and I heard the sound of it locking. “Why are you so mad?”
Whatever I’d done, I wasn’t clued in on.
“You will not be on that fucking stage again dancing. Do you understand me?”
He hadn’t even given me time to get dressed again, thankfully there was a back hall to his office or I would have been undressed while walking around the club.
“No I don’t understand you. What did I do? Kera said the dance was great?”
The way he glared made me take a few steps backward. This was a Sin that scared the crap out of me. Obviously he didn’t like my movements because he grabbed me by the waist and pushed me backwards until his desk stopped us.
It was like someone else possessed him as his hands reached for my breasts and he squeezed them painfully. “Sin, stop.” He was really starting to freak me out. The tender lover from last night was gone, and this monster was groping me now.
“You will not be eye candy for those hard dicks. You feel me.” His hand moved quickly between my legs and cupped my sex. “This pussy is mine, and you damn well better fucking remember it.”
I was shocked silent at his possessive words not to mention his actions. He pulled down the bikini bottoms, until they rested around my ankles. With no warning, he turned me around to face the desk, bending me over.
His mouth wasted no time as it found my sex and he ravished me. I was turned on and terrified at the same time. “Sin?”
He didn’t answer me, only pulled back. His finger took the place of his mouth and he rode me without gentleness. “Your sweet little pussy knows who it belongs to.” I hated that my body was tensing, on the verge of release. I didn’t like how he was treating me. It wasn’t how I wanted to be with him.
He added another finger, and rode me until I almost came undone. Then his fingers slid free. I heard the sound of his zipper sliding down, and I rested on the cool wood of his desk, shocked. I had no idea why he was acting this way, and I needed time to collect my thoughts.
That time never came, he was inside me. I gasped as his huge length filled me to overflowing. God I felt stretched beyond capacity, but I wanted him. He began to ride my body with forceful thrusts and I was breathless. The sensation was heaven and hell and all I could do was hold on to the desk as he took my body.
My sex clenched around his massive shaft as he continued to plunge into me like a man possessed. “Sin!” I wasn’t sure what I wanted as my body began reaching toward that plateau. He grabbed my hips and rode me ever faster. I felt torn between need and the raw ache that he left in the wake of his passion.
I came undone, his name spilled from my lips. This man was a stranger but there was no denying how much my body craved what he did. Sobbing at the storm of emotions that raged through my mind, I could only feel as he continued to thrust until pulling from me with his own shout of fulfillment.
My sex was sore as I laid there in shock. My mind couldn’t deal with what he’d just done. Part of me loved that he’d controlled me so completely, the other wa
s like a frightened little girl who’d experienced too much and wanted to hide away.
“Fuck!” I heard him rustling around with his clothes, but I was still mentally paralyzed. “Shit, little lily, I’m so fucking sorry.” He reached down and pulled me away from the desk and into his arms.
I was so confused and scared I didn’t know whether I wanted to hold him so tightly that he never let go, or run from the room crying. I clung to him. I don’t know why I started crying. I couldn’t feel anything at that moment. My mind was physically numb.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He whispered into my ear, while caressing my hair. “I didn’t mean to scare you baby, I just lost it.”
“I don’t know what I did wrong.” The words sounded pathetic. I really couldn’t get my mind to focus.
“It isn’t you baby, it’s me. I fucking lost it when I saw all those men looking at you like they wanted to slide between your legs.” He let me go long enough to pull up my bikini bottoms. His hand went under my chin, forcing me to look at him. “You can’t dance again.”
His words were enough to clear some of the fog from my head. “I need to do this.” I couldn’t let him take this away from me. What we’d just done, I didn’t even know how to label it. I knew some serious soul-searching needed to go on about that later, but right now this was more important.
“You don’t need to do it. All those men wanted to pull out their dicks and fuck you tonight.”
I don’t know where I found courage, but his words ticked me off. “But they didn’t, did they? You did.” I realized he’d just taken me on his desk like a common whore. It took a few minutes for that to filter in through my brain.
“I was pissed off. They had no right to look at you that way.”
Crossing my arms over my breasts I stared at him incredulously. “And you had a right to screw me like some prostitute you picked up off a corner?” Oh yeah, I was fuming mad now!
“You’re not dancing again.” He hadn’t answered my question and that look of anger filled his eyes again almost making me back down. I lifted my chin. He wasn’t going to frighten me into submission. He didn’t own me.
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