I chuckle and look at Julia. “That was it for me. You were in the other room with Gage. When she said that, I got pissed. I don’t remember what I said to her, exactly, but it had something to do with her not understanding who I was. That she liked Gage better than me and was rubbing it in my face that I lost you.” I shrug, as if that would explain things. “I kissed her again and left. And then a few months later when Gage called and said I needed to come home . . .”
I stop talking. I don’t know what to say.
“Were you going to come?”
“I was young,” I say, sadly. “I didn’t really think it was that serious. I don’t know, maybe I was just butt-hurt. But I should’ve gotten on a plane that night. I should’ve been here. But I didn’t and I wasn’t.”
“Were you going to come?” she whispers again, hopefully this time.
“No.”
She looks shocked, her mouth dropping open. It’s what I expect.
“I’m not Gage, Jules. I didn’t know how to deal with everything . . .” I sit down again and take a deep breath. “I called her the night before she died. Did Gage tell you that?”
Her eyebrows sink together as she shakes her head.
“I did. I still don’t think I really thought she’d die, but we talked. Not one of those ‘say everything you wanna say’ talks, but we did have a conversation. I just . . . I know I didn’t handle that right. I’ve not handled a lot of things right . . .”
The current in the room shifts and I know she feels it. She just looks at me.
“I’m sorry, Jules.”
“For what?” she breathes.
“I’ve not handled things right with you either.”
“Crew—”
“No, hear me out. I told you I wasn’t going to Minnesota and then basically just left you. I shouldn’t have been surprised that you moved on.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“No, it does,” she says, sitting the bowl down. “I didn’t just hook up with Gage as soon as you left, Crew.”
I roll my head, my neck now throbbing. Regardless of what she says, this doesn’t matter. It’s done. And I don’t even think I want to hear it.
“When you left, yeah, I was devastated. But even then, I knew I couldn’t expect you to walk away from a scholarship like that. I wasn’t stupid. I just went to school and got through each day and hoped you’d come back. Then one night . . .”
She presses her lips together. She gives her head a little shake, her ebony hair swishing across her shoulders.
“One night, things got bad at home. My parents had been drinking, as usual, but they started fighting. Bad. I locked my bedroom door at one point because things were getting crazy. Things started busting around the house and before I knew it, my dad was banging on my door.
“I finally open it, afraid he was going to bust it down,” she says weakly, “and he barges in. He was yelling, asking me something but I couldn’t understand him through the slur. My mom was behind him, yelling her own slew of things, and I was trying to make sense of it. I just couldn’t, Crew. I didn’t know what they were even talking about. I tried to appease them, to just say yes or no, depending . . .” She swallows hard. Her eyes refuse to meet mine. “He grabbed me across the throat and slammed me against a wall . . .”
“He did fucking what?” I roar, leaping out of my chair. “How in the fuck did I not know this? That’s not what you guys said then!”
“You didn’t answer your phone,” she whispers, her face to the floor. “And then, I’m sure Gage gave you an easier explanation so you wouldn’t go crazy.”
I groan, knowing I should never have left her with them. I wish I could punch myself, tear myself apart for what I’ve done. I’ve regretted it a million times, second-guessed my decision a million times, but it was worse than I ever fucking dreamed.
“Were you okay?”
“Yeah. Mostly. He screamed at me and eventually got sidetracked by my mother yelling and I slipped out the door. I ran down to the gas station. I didn’t even have shoes on,” she laughs sadly. “The lady at the counter let me use the phone . . . I didn’t even know who to call.”
“I’m so fucking sorry,” I choke out. Fury and guilt choke me, drown me in their depths.
“I finally called Gage. I didn’t know anyone else that would come.”
“Jules—”
“Don’t worry about it, Crew. That was a long time ago.”
“Damn it, Jules. Damn it! I . . .” I run my hands across my face, scrubbing at them for some feeling. I feel so many things I’m practically numb. “Ah!”
“Everything worked out. Gage came and took me home with him.” She smiles to herself. “I had to beg him, literally beg him, not to kill my father.”
“He should’ve,” I bite out. “He should’ve sliced his fucking throat.”
Julia leans back on the sofa, her arms across her stomach. “That’s how things started with Gage and I anyway. I was afraid to go home, so I stayed with him and your ma for a while.”
I don’t give a shit about that right now. I’m glad Gage went and got her. God knows what might’ve happened if he didn’t. I’m just pissed he didn’t kill her cocksucker father.
“I never should’ve left you. I should’ve fought for you,” I say, my voice so low I don’t even know if she heard me.
“You couldn’t. You weren’t in a good place, Crew. Things happen for a reason.”
“Fuck that. I could’ve and I should’ve. I’ve never fought for anything good, anything honorable. I should’ve done that for you.”
I watch her watching me and think about the weird way things have happened. She and I are together now, but not together, all because of the baby she had with my brother.
Fucking life.
“I want you to know something,” I say, hoping this is the right thing to do. “I came home that day because I missed you.”
A small gasp escapes her throat as she struggles to sit up.
“I walked in and saw the two of you sitting there, your head lying in his lap while you watched TV.” I shake my head, the pit of acid that comes with the image hitting me yet again. “I stood there for a couple of minutes and watched you both. I was ready to grab Gage by the back of the head and beat the fuck out of him. Then I heard you giggle.”
I fix my gaze against a wall, remembering the way it sounded like it just happened. So carefree, so happy, so safe. Three things I knew I’d probably never be able to give her. I was irresponsible, unpredictable . . . even to myself. She didn’t deserve me. What could I even offer her but one fuck-up after another?
“You and Gage deserved each other. You are the best people I’ve ever known.”
I see her irises blur with tears and I smile. “Don’t cry.”
“Crew . . .” She wipes her face with her fingertips. “I had no idea you came home because of me. I thought you’d forgotten about me. Gage and I . . . we never expected anything to happen. It just . . . did.”
“It should’ve. You two being together was the world actually working for once. I fucked up your lives time and time again. Gage did us both a favor by saving you from me.”
“I found something the other day. A letter from Gage.”
“Where?”
“At the bank.” She closes her eyes and I’m not sure if she’s going to continue. “I went to get my ring and when I found it, I also found a letter he’d written to me.”
“What did it say?” I feel my heartbeat pick up, wondering what my brother said.
She laughed sadly. “He told me if anything ever happened, he wanted me to trust you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. I’ll show it to you sometime. But for now, I want to just keep it, if that’s okay?”
I nod, trying to figure out why in the hell Gage would say that.
“He said he loved you, Crew. And that you always had his back and that you would have mine.”
A
pinch pierces the back of my neck and I grab it, rubbing it down. Julia makes a face.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.” I roll my shoulders, trying to loosen the pull.
“Are you hurt?”
I laugh. There’s no fucking way I’m telling her that. “No,” I lie.
She cocks her head to the side. “Maybe you should stop doing push-ups all the time and lifting weights and stuff. I bet that would help.”
“Not likely,” I say, twisting side-to-side. I figure I may as well test the waters. “I might be fighting again.”
“What?” she shrieks. “Oh my God. You aren’t. You can’t, Crew.”
I shrug. “Maybe. It might be fun.”
“If you fight again, I’ll send you to meet your brother,” she says, only half joking. She rises from the couch and yawns. “I think I’ll head to bed. We have a long week coming up.” She starts to leave the room but stops. “Crew? Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I need to tell Ever this weekend what’s going to happen to her. I . . . um . . . I don’t know how to do that. Will you help me?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.” She heads down the hallway again, the back of her tattered blue shirt hanging behind her.
“Hey, Jules?”
“Yeah?”
“You can sleep in my bed, if ya want. I’ll take the couch.”
“You don’t have to do that, Crew.”
“I know. But you’re gonna need a good night’s rest while you can get it.”
She smiles softly. “I can’t. I’ve taken so much from you already.”
“You’ve given me more than you’ve ever taken, Jules,” I whisper. “And, by the way, I didn’t answer you earlier.”
“About what?”
“I’ll never leave you again.”
Her cheeks flush. She dips her head, a small grin gracing her lips, and slides through the door to the guest room.
JULIA
Darkness envelops me as I step inside the bedroom. It’s cool and calm. Ever’s sweet, rhythmic breathing is the only sound besides the wild thumping of my heart.
I close the door and lean against it, my back flat to the wood. I take a few controlled breaths and try to make sense of what just happened. My mind is spinning, already replaying the conversation from just a few minutes before.
I have no idea what just happened.
Everything I thought I knew was just pulled out from under me. I have no idea where I’m standing, except that I’m on shaky ground. Never in a million years did I think Crew came back for me.
I close my eyes and remember hearing his voice call Gage’s name through the house that day. I remember feeling like I was going to come out of my skin when he walked in the room.
I hadn’t seen him in months. I hadn’t heard from him in weeks. Even then, the conversations were short. Impersonal. I didn’t think he cared anymore. And when I looked up at him, his eyes were locked away. They only served to strengthen my conclusion that he had grown away from me, found a more exciting life in Minnesota.
But was I wrong?
I let my head hang forward, hoping the rush of blood to my brain would help me think.
Did I do something wrong? Should I have waited on him?
Was I wrong for being with Gage?
Everleigh’s breathing shifts and she rolls to her side. Her pink lips pucker in her sleep. And I know.
Regardless of why Crew left or why he came back, regardless of when and how I got with Gage, it wasn’t wrong. That little girl proves it. She’s the tie that binds us together, even under these terrible circumstances. She’s what bonded Gage and I together, solidified our marriage. A marriage that I am absolutely certain would stand the test of time if he was still here.
But he’s not.
She’s also what kept me going after losing him. And now, she’s the reason that Crew and I are able talk without killing one another.
I scoot Ever over and climb in the bed. She snuggles against me, resting her monkey on my chest. I squeeze her tight.
This may be one of the last normal nights we have in a long time.
The moon shines through the blinds, casting shadows through the room. Ever’s dream catcher is hanging on the window, right where she and Crew put it the night we got here.
I watch the shadows dance on the walls and feel a sense of peace start to wash over me. It’s soothing and I feel settled in a way I haven’t in a very long time. The quietness of the room, so unlike the apartment, is a simple pleasure I didn’t even realize how much I’d missed.
I force my eyes shut, but Gage’s eyes don’t come for me like they usually do. Instead, I see Crew’s face from moments before.
Did I misjudge him this entire time?
No. I know I haven’t. He’s irresponsible. He’s a hedonist.
The dream catcher twists as the vent beneath it turns on. I watch it spin. Crew and Ever placed it carefully so it would pull the most light from the streetlamp outside. He’s so careful with her, so tender. He’s sacrificed so much of his life to help her.
To help me.
I hear Ever moan. Her hand shifts under the blankets and holds her stomach. She moans again and the sound shakes me to the core.
I make sure she’s settled and then feel my worries take over.
“Mrs. Gentry, I’m sorry,” Dr. Perkins says, his voice controlled. “The insurance has denied Everleigh’s admission into the therapy program. We’ve filed an appeal on her behalf, but we haven’t heard back yet.”
“What does this mean?”
A million thoughts fly through my head, making me dizzy. This can’t be happening!
I toggle the phone in my hand. I shouldn’t have answered it in the parking lot of the grocery store. I knew better. I should’ve let it go to voicemail and called him back.
I turn to smile at Ever in the backseat, safely buckled into her seatbelt in the parking lot of the grocery store. I whisper to stay put and then exit the car, leaning against the hood. “What do you mean she’s been denied?”
“Unfortunately, this treatment isn’t a standard procedure. Insurance companies are more hesitant to approve these things because they’re very costly and unproven in the long run.”
I can’t breathe. I feel like my chest filled with cement. Things start spinning around me and I squeeze my temples with my free hand, trying to stay clearer minded than when I got the original diagnosis.
“So what does this mean?” I ask. “What do we do now?”
“We wait and see what they say. We’ll talk about it more on Monday. I know this is not the news you wanted to hear. It’s not the news I wanted to hear either and, honestly, not the news I expected to hear. Regardless, we will keep pushing on our end.”
“What if she doesn’t get in?”
“If she doesn’t get in, we’ll modify our game plan and go with Plan B. I don’t want you to panic over this. I just want you to know where we stand so if you do have resources to fall back on, now would be the time.”
I snort. Who has an extra $50,000 to ‘fall back on‘?
What if we can’t get her into the therapy? What can I possibly do to get that much money?
I know there’s nothing I can do. I don’t have those types of resources. I can’t even dream up a scheme, short of robbing a bank, to get half of that amount.
Crew walks down the hallway outside the door. I hear the floors squeak as he enters the bathroom. I listen to him run water and then the light switch flips off. The floors bend again with his weight and his bedroom door shuts softly down the hallway.
Just knowing he’s close makes me feel a little better. I know it makes Ever feel better. She’s mentioned a few times that she likes not hearing the neighbors fighting and her little face lights up so brightly when Crew walks in. Aside from making us feel a little safer, I pray that he can finally follow through on a promise and actually help me figure this out.
CREW
“Gentry!”
I toss the bag on the dock and turn around. My boss gestures to me and yells, “Take your break!”
I walk across the shipyard. The weather is calm and warm, the last cold front ushered in warmer weather. It’s a near-perfect day and I wish I could appreciate it. But I’m too torn up about Everleigh to enjoy anything.
I slept like shit the night before. Too many damn things on my mind. One thing bled into another and I watched the time switch on my clock and I turned off the alarm before it had a chance to ring.
My brain could’ve at least figured some shit out after being awake all night. But it didn’t. Ever still has cancer. I still need to come up with a ton of fucking money. Julia probably still thinks I am a fuck-up.
When I rolled out of bed, the only thing different than the last few mornings was that Julia had made me coffee. She wasn’t around and there was no note or anything, but the pot was full when I ventured into the kitchen.
Inside the small break room, I open my locker and grab a bottle of water. I take a drink, grateful to be alone for a few minutes. The cool water feels good as it trickles down my throat. I rummage around and find my phone and turn it on. One missed call. I press the voicemail button.
“Hey, Crew. It’s Brett from Boston 15. I wanted to let you know that I’ve filed my report from our talk with the station and it’ll air tonight at ten PM. I’ve penned a little column for the website and posted it this morning. Just letting you know in case you get any calls or want to check it out for yourself. Thanks again for meeting with us. I wish you all the luck in the future.”
I look to the ceiling as my throat squeezes shut.
Holy shit.
I hope Brett took what I gave him and ran with it. He bit, but did he bite hard enough?
I can’t ignore the touch of anxiety growing in my stomach. I need to make this happen, but I know for it to happen, I need the stars to align. I need the right people to see it, to share it, for it to hit the right nerve with the right people.
It’s such a long shot it probably isn’t even a shot at all. For all I know, Hunter Davidson already has another contender lined up.
Sacrifice Page 14