“How is she? I know you said she had a rough day.”
“She did. She was pretty sick, but from what the doctor’s said, her side effects are pretty minor. I can’t imagine them worse though. It’s just the most awful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I stand up and pace the room. “Maybe I could come by for an hour or so . . .” I immediately start trying to figure out how to swing everything. I feel so damn torn. I need to be there and I need to be here . . . all for the same goal.
“We’re both going to sleep, so there’s no sense in you coming by, really. The doctors told me to take care of myself because Ever needs me to be strong.” She takes a long pause. “I need you to take care of yourself, Crew. I need you to be strong for me.”
And that’s all it takes to re-focus me.
CREW
I circle the table, phone to my ear. On the fifth ring, a cheery voice answers, “Blackrock Gym.”
“Hey, is Sal in by any chance?” I ask.
“Yeah, I think he’s still here. Who’s calling?”
“Crew Gentry.”
“Hold on just a second.”
Instead of putting me on hold, she lays the phone down. I hear the usual gym sounds trickle through the line. The sound of leather hitting leather, notes of music, sounds of people yelling all filter through the phone. I didn’t know how badly I actually missed it ‘til now. A yearning to jump through the line and join in the mayhem flitters through me. I know what the gym smells like, what the light looks like coming in through the glass doors.
The line is ringing again before it picks up. An old voice answers, “D’Amato.”
“Hey, Sal. It’s Crew Gentry.”
“Well, what do ya know,” he drawls out. “What’s goin’ on, kid? How ya been?”
“Good. I’m good. Just callin’ to see if you have any openings around there?”
“What for?” he asks blatantly. I can hear the skepticism in his voice.
Since picking me up behind Shaw’s, Sal followed my career through high school. He trained me on the side nearly every night after my high school practices were done. He was one of the few people that believed that I could fight at a collegiate level. Without him, I never would’ve gotten the chance.
He’s from the old school. When you train with Sal, he pushes you. He has expectations and doesn’t cut anyone any slack. When you’re on Team D’Amato, he takes care of you. Which I know is either gonna hurt me or help me right now.
“Well, I’ve got myself a fight lined up and I need a trainer.”
“You what?” he barks. “What the hell ya doing, Gentry? You get cleared by the doc?”
I rub my forehead. I knew this would be a sticking point with him and I’m not sure if there’s a way around it. Fuck!
“That doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t!”
There’s a long, tension-filled pause.
“What are ya into, Crew?”
I blow out a long breath. “I have a re-match with Davidson on July 13th. I need a trainer.”
“I heard that part the first time. You have a fight. My question is why?” I know he’s taking off his glasses and shaking his head. I’ve seen it a million times. “Why would you go put yourself in that situation? You’re not an idiot, Gentry. You have nothing to prove against that piece of shit. I sure as hell heard those docs tell you that if you fight again, it’d probably fucking kill you. Don’t be fucking stupid, kid.”
“I need the money.”
“Ah, fuck,” Sal says, probably thinking I’m into something no good.
“It’s not like that,” I say.
“It never is, kid. It never is.”
“My niece has cancer, Coach. I need about fifty fucking thousand dollars so she can get the treatment she needs.”
I hear him sigh and the squeak of a chair.
“I’m doing this with or without you,” I say, my voice steady. “It would give me better odds to have you in my corner. But if you don’t want to do it, no worries. I’ll do it myself.”
He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth like he does when he’s thinking. I wait him out. This can go either way.
“I wish I could talk ya outta this. But if you’re hell bent on doing it—”
“I am.”
“Well,” he sighs, “be here tomorrow night at six. I’ll have the puke cans ready for ya. You better be ready to work.”
JULIA
I watch the poison roll into my daughter’s veins. It’s asinine. We are pumping her full of chemicals that are essentially toxic to her system. I know it’s for her own good, it just seems crazy. This entire situation is just mind-numbing.
Everleigh is watching cartoons. She’s tolerating things so much better today. She’s tired. You can actually see the fatigue on her face, but she’s not as sick. We slept more last night than I expected. I’m getting as used to this little makeshift bed as I’ll ever get.
She squeezes her monkey to her chest and points at the television, the I.V. lines and monitors weighing her little arm down. “Look, Mommy!” she laughs. Her voice creaks like her throat is dry.
“Do you need a drink of water?”
She shakes her head. “No. My belly will get sick.”
The light glances off her head, the absence of dark locks catching my breath in my throat. I think I’m more affected by the loss of her hair than she is.
She hasn’t said much about it. I’ve caught her running her hand over her head and picking up a brush and then setting it back down, but she doesn’t seem upset about it. I’ve tried to talk to her about it and she just changes the subject. Maybe she’s just had so much thrown her way that she hasn’t had time to really consider it. I just know that seeing her without her little ponytail kills me every time I see her.
“Knock, knock.” The door pushes open and Will pops his head around the corner. I haven’t seen him since he took my car for tires; it seems like a year ago. He smiles broadly and enters the room, a bag in his right hand. “How are ya, ladies?”
Ever watches him carefully. She doesn’t really know Will that much, even though he was around a lot when Gage was alive. I, on the other hand, had the pleasure of growing up with him and the Gentry boys. Will was always their sidekick, the gray to Gage’s white and Crew’s black.
Will Gentry is a goofball but a genuinely good guy. I don’t know much about him anymore. I know that’s partly because I’ve pushed everyone away since Gage died.
I’ve pushed everyone away.
It was a conscious decision, yet looking at things from this perspective; maybe I was wrong to do that. I recall Will bringing by a pizza one night shortly after Gage’s funeral. I thanked him and told him that I would be fine. To go on about his life and let us be. He came around a couple of times after that, but then stopped unless Crew sent him over to do something.
Crew was the only one that didn’t stop no matter how ugly I acted.
The fog that has sat so heavy on a part of my life lifts. Shutting everyone out was wrong. Segregating as much as I could from those I loved before, being too afraid of being hurt again, was wrong. Letting them come around would’ve given them the opportunity to hurt me, to hurt Ever, but it also would’ve given them the opportunity to help us. Not in a selfish way, with money or things, but just as friends. We had known each other forever and I’d denied them the right to be my friend and to honor Gage.
I feel embarrassed. After all the things I’ve said to them, done to them, the ways I’ve made Crew and Will feel over the past couple of years despite knowing them most of my life, here they are. Showing up at the hospital. Taking care of us.
I feel ridiculous.
I look up and see Will’s face blanche for a split second as he takes in Everleigh lying on the bed. “How are you, Ever?”
She shrugs. “Okay, I guess. I want to go home.”
“I bet you do,” he says. “But at least you don’t have to hear that grumpy uncle of yours.”
“Well,” Will says teasingly, “he sent you something today.”
“He did?” She tries to sit up a little but the wires restrict her movement.
“He did. He said to tell you he wants to be here with you, but he has to work today. But he will come as soon as he can.”
“Tell him I miss him. And tell him I love him.”
Will’s face softens and a small grin touches his lips. “I will.” He fishes through a bag and pulls out a box of Laffy Taffy. “He said you really like this.”
“She’s never had that,” I say.
Everleigh giggles and exchanges a look with Will. He hands her the box and she sets it by her side. “Uncle Crew always gives me these,” she tells me.
This is news to me.
Will rustles through the bag again and pulls out a pair of red glittery house slippers. “He said you should close your eyes and pretend you’re at the park. Click them four times and he said he’ll meet you there. He’ll be waiting by the swings.”
Four times . . .
Tears dot my eyes at the randomness, but maybe not quite randomness, of the number. I’m not a little girl needing rescued from my parents, but I do need a knight all the same.
Will’s smiling at me. He reaches across the end of the bed and hands me an envelope and a box of coconut macaroons. “These are for you.”
“He didn’t have to send me anything,” I say, my cheeks flushing. I’m slightly embarrassed, but more than a bit touched, at Crew’s gesture. It adds to the feeling of guilt I have over the way I’ve treated him. “How did he even remember I liked these cookies?”
“I don’t think he’s forgotten anything about you,” he grins. He puts both hands on the end of the bed and peers at Ever. “So, Miss Everleigh. How ya feeling?”
“Icky.”
“I bet. You’ll be home before you know it.”
“Do you know where I live now?” she asks.
“I heard you are keeping that uncle of yours company.”
“We are! We stay in his extra room. He comes home from work and Mommy has dinner made. And you know what? I don’t have to always wear a sweatshirt in there. Our apartment was always cold but Uncle Crew’s is warm. I like it there.”
I squeeze the envelope in my hand and try not to cry. I forget sometimes how aware of things she really is. I wonder how much she understands about what is going on with her. And me. And Crew.
Although I’m not even sure what is going on with Crew and I. I only know that when I look at him now, I don’t hate him. How could I? But not hating him scares me.
I will always love Gage; it isn’t that. More than anything, I don’t want Everleigh to get the wrong impression by us living there. I don’t want her to ever forget Gage or to think that somehow he wasn’t the most important man in the world to us. Because he absolutely was. I will love Gage Gentry until the day I die. But we were parted by death, not by choice.
“I’m pretty sure Crew likes you there, too. He called me last night, crying like a little baby.”
“He did?” Ever giggles.
“He did,” Will sighs dramatically. “He was pouting like a little girl.”
“Uncle Crew is not a little girl!”
“No, but he can sure act like one,” Will winks. He grabs her blanket-covered leg and shakes it a little, making her laugh. He then turns to me and sits beside me on the couch. “How are you doing?”
“Hanging in there.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Will watches me intently. He’s extremely handsome, a mix of ruggedness and playfulness that women find endearing. He’s silly most of the time, cocky and simple, but I’ve seen him serious a few times before. It always kind of throws me off to see him this way without his grin and jokes.
I wonder how much better I’d know him if Gage was around. How many more times I’d fix brownies for a Red Sox game while they sat around and discussed batting averages.
“Thanks for bringing this stuff by.”
He shrugs likes it’s no big deal.
“What? Were you just in the neighborhood?” I laugh.
“Nah, I was really on the other side of Boston. So it was kind of a pain in the a—” He looks up to Ever who’s engrossed in another episode of television.
“She’s heard it before.”
“I bet. Especially now that you’re staying with Crew.” He says it in a way that I know he’s leading me, but I stay quiet. Will runs his hands through his hair. “He won’t be by tonight, I don’t think.”
My shoulders sag. As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve been hoping to see him. I miss him. “That’s all right.”
“Jules, if he could be here, he would. It’s killing him not to be here. Believe me when I say that. He’s just . . . working on getting everything figured out financially, you know?” he says with a quick glance to Ever. “Just give him some time. Everything he’s doing is for the two of you.”
“The diner I work at part-time is having a benefit for us this Sunday. They said they put together a fund for us, too. I’ve got a few more calls in for loans now and the doctors are appealing. I don’t know what else to do.”
The corner of his lips turns up and he places one hand on my knee. “There are no guarantees, but I think Crew has some things worked out.”
“I know he took on a side job.”
Will laughs and stands up, an awkward smile on his face. “He did. And it’s gonna be a hard-hitting three months.”
I put my head in my hands. “I hate he’s doing this. I hate he’s halting his life because of this.”
“Hey,” Will says, patting me on the head until I look up. “Crew is right where he wants to be, all right? Don’t feel sorry for that mother—” He catches himself and shakes his head.
“I know. But that doesn’t make it any easier to accept. So many lives are changing . . .” I look up to my daughter again and she’s licking a piece of taffy, her tongue darting out tentatively. I hope it doesn’t make her sick.
“They are. But that’s how things go, right? Things change.” He looks me right in the eye. “When you love someone, you’re willing to make sacrifices for them. And what Crew’s doing right now . . .” A dark cloud flashes across his face before he shrugs and grins again.
I eye him warily, not sure where he’s going with this.
“Did I say something wrong?” he laughs. When I fail to laugh in return, he says, “I’ve been around from the beginning, Jules. Just remember that.”
That’s true. He’s been around since the first day I met the Gentry boys. And he’s known Crew longer than I have, which seems funny because I can’t remember a time in my life, really, that didn’t include him in one form or another. Will has seen every change in my relationship with both Gage and Crew. If anyone understands the complexities of the situation, it’s him.
The door opens and Macie walks in, her eyes on a chart. “Hey, ladies,” she says cheerfully before looking up. Once she does, her face falls. “Oh. I’m sorry . . .”
Will jumps to his feet, looking directly at Macie. “What are you doing here?”
“Working,” she says flatly. “What are you doing here?”
“Visiting friends.”
I look between them, not sure what’s going on. “You two know each other?”
“Yes,” Will says at the same time Macie says, “Kinda.”
I laugh. “Okay then.”
“I’ll come back in a bit,” Macie says, giving Will a tiny, flirty smile and walks out.
“That was interesting,” I mutter, looking at him.
“Fact as fuck,” he mutters under his breath. “You have no idea.”
He flashes me a trademark Will grin, says a few things to Ever, and is out the door before I know it. My daughter goes back to her cartoon and I open the envelope.
There’s a gift card to a local eatery and a note.
Jules,
I
know you won’t leave her, but you gotta eat. Order stuff and have it delivered. I mean it. I won’t be able to get by there much this week, but I can’t wait to see you guys when you get home. It isn’t the same without you two here.
Tell Ever to keep fighting. Make me proud.
Call me if you need anything.
Crew
I look up at Everleigh. She’s trying to put on her new slippers, the cords getting wrapped around her arms preventing her from getting them situated. I stand and help her get them on her feet.
“I love these,” she says, admiring the sparkle woven into the red fabric. “They remind me of Dorothy’s.” She watches them catch the light before looking at me again. “Since we live with Uncle Crew now and he loves us, are we his family?”
“We were his family anyway, Ever. Remember? Uncle Crew and Daddy were brothers.”
“But he’s my daddy now, too, right?”
“Oh, Ever. No. No, he isn’t. You only have one daddy.”
She twists her head and peers up at me. “My friend Kenley, she has two daddies. They live in different houses. She used to kinda think it was weird, but her second daddy is really nice to her and her mommy. So now she thinks she’s lucky because she has two and most kids have one.”
“That’s a nice way for Kenley to see things,” I say, figuring her parents are divorced. I tickle the inside of her arm, causing her to squirm. I hope this conversation is over.
“Well, that’s like me, Mommy. My first daddy lives in heaven and my second daddy lives with us now. See what I mean?”
“But it’s different for Kenley,” I say in a rush. My hand is shaking as I untangle the wires on the side of her bed.
“How?”
“Kenley’s mommy probably fell in love and got remarried, so now she has a daddy and a step-father. I didn’t get remarried, baby girl. You have a daddy and an Uncle Crew.”
“You’re silly, Mommy. Uncle Crew loves you and me.” She rolls her eyes in a six-year-old kind of way and turns her attention back to her cartoons, leaving me speechless.
I sit down again and roll around what she just said in my head.
Does Crew love me?
Sacrifice Page 18