Corwin gave her a smile that reached his eyes and made her heart flutter. “I’d like that.”
Mason, unfortunately, had other things in mind.
“I’m sorry, love, but I’ve yet to see that first murder through your eyes, and I’m afraid it can wait no longer. Pierce, are you feeling well enough to take her reaps?” When he nodded, Mason added, “Corwin, you can join Pierce.”
With all that had occurred, the last thing she wanted was to have Mason digging through her head. She wanted to protest, but knew it would do no good and didn’t want to worry Corwin. “If you must.”
“Did ye witness a murder?” Corwin’s brows were drawn together, worry in his eyes. He then turned to Mason. “I hope ye’ve not been putting her in danger, sir.”
“If you know Lilly at all, then you’re fully aware that she needs no help getting herself into trouble. As for the murder, she may not have witnessed it, but in this case, she is the only one who can reconstruct what occur.”
She inwardly groaned, hoping she’d not have to explain why exactly she was the only one to have that pleasure. It was clear Corwin knew she had relations with Mason, but she’d rather not discuss the men who’d shared her bed since becoming a reaper. Though Corwin looked at her in question, he said nothing and did not pursue it. Problem was, he was an intelligent man who missed little—and anything he missed, she was sure Pierce would be happy to explain, his loyalty to mischief and Mason trumping all else.
Lilly turned to Mason. “Let’s get this over with. But when we’re done, I want some time alone with Corwin.”
“Well, I doubt you’ll be in any condition to go wandering about the city on reaps.” Mason sipped his tea as if he had not a care in the world. “Besides, I have plans to find Jack’s hiding hole, and you my dear, are going to help me.”
Lilly took a deep breath to keep from groaning yet again. “And how do you plan on doing that?”
Mason shrugged, a smirk upon his lips. “Jack strikes me as the sentimental sort—when he’s not hacking women to pieces. Wouldn’t you agree?”
She was shocked that Mason could be caring and understanding just last night, and now, in the light of day, he was back to his old ways and being a bastard. A headache started to throb at her temples, the pressure in her head making it feel like her brain would start to leak out her ears. She could feel Corwin’s gaze on her, only making matters worse.
“What do you want from me, Mason? Do you think I don’t know what you’re trying to do?”
He looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “My dear, I know not what you’re implying. What I do know is if Jack holds certain events close to his heart, then perhaps he’d return to where they occurred. That cottage by the sea—it appeared to be a memorable moment for the two of you. Or am I mistaken?”
Her cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment and anger. “Why do you do this, Mason?” Furious and hurt, she pushed away from the table and left the room, unable to look at Corwin. Heated words could be heard coming from the dining room, but she did not make her escape fast enough, and Corwin caught up to her in the hall.
“Lilly… Are ye all right?” He ran a hand down her arm, though her back was still to him, unable to find the find the courage to face him. She could only imagine what he must think of her.
He gently turned her around and lifted her chin, so she’d be forced to look at him. “Och, love, ye know I’d ne’er judge ye.”
“How can you not? I’m certainly not the woman you were once betrothed to.” A tear escaped, though she’d not apologize for the things she’d done or the person she now was.
He brushed her tear away. “I know nothing of this world or what ye’ve been through, but ye’re still the woman I fell in love with. Yer heart hasna changed, and I’ll not question the decisions ye’ve made.”
She took a deep breath and steeled herself, for she’d not dance around the truth. “Even if I’ve willingly shared my bed with others?” She locked eyes with his, daring him to go against the words he’d only just spoken.
She saw the hurt, but she also saw him push it aside. “Ten years is a long time to leave a bed empty, my love.” He cupped her face in his hands and nuzzled her, his lips only a breath away. “And I cannot judge ye when they’re my own sins. I ne’er married, but truth is I was lonely without ye.”
Lilly gave Corwin a quick kiss, unable to stay away when he was so close. “You still mean the world to me. I don’t know if we can pick up where we left off, but I’d certainly like to get to know each other once more.”
Mason cleared his throat to make his presence known. “I don’t mean to interrupt your happy reunion, but there’s work to be done.”
“You can go through my head and recreate the murder, but I then want to spend the remainder of the day with Corwin. If you still want to go to the cottage, we can go tomorrow.” She cared not that she was being bold.
Mason held her gaze, and she could see him debating whether he should be amiable or whether he should force her to do his will as chancellor. He let out a weary breath, his decision made. “Very well. You can have your day once we’re through, but tomorrow, you’re mine, Lilly. I’ll need your head cleared of distractions. ”
Corwin had been carefully watching them, and now tilted his head in Mason’s direction. “Is he yer lover?”
Her cheeks flamed while her heart raced. The mere pounding of it threatened to drown out her voice. “He is. I’ll not lie to you.”
Mason stepped to her side and brought her hand to his lips, though his eyes were on Corwin. “At least you still have honesty between you, even if you don’t share a bed.” He then turned to her with a sweet smile. “Are you ready, my dear? There’s a lot we need to get done.”
She could have strangled him in that moment, just like the million times before. “Just a minute. If you’d be so kind?”
Mason nodded and left them. When Lilly turned back to Corwin, it was to find his jaw set tight, his eyes on the door Mason had walked through.
“Does he love ye?” Corwin turned his gaze on her, his piercing green eyes commanding her to answer him.
She shrugged her shoulders. How could she possibly answer him when she wasn’t sure herself. “I wish I could tell you, but if Mason’s involved, then the matter is never a simple one. He says he does and I’d like to think so, though I doubt he even knows himself.”
“Then there is no hope for us?” Corwin held her gaze as his eyes silently pleaded for a chance. “Tell me I’ll not be forced to watch you love another for an eternity.”
Lilly’s heart broke at the thought, though she could not give him the reassurance he was looking for. “I wish I knew. It’s only recently that my relations with Mason turned more serious. But he knows I’ve never stopped loving you.” She wasn’t sure if she was making matters better or worse.
“And do ye love him, lass?” Corwin slid an arm around her waist and pulled her close, nuzzling her cheek.
She struggled to find the words to explain her feelings for Mason, but having Corwin so close did nothing but distract and confuse her further.
Corwin continued, his lips just a whisper away. “Was he able to steal yer heart in my absence or do ye just need to remember what we had together?”
Before she had a chance to answer, he kissed her until her knees turned to water and she was left clinging to him for support. When he pulled away, they were both short of breath, his words but a murmur against skin.
“I love ye, Lilly, and I’ll not give ye up without a fight.”
***
Lilly got ready to have memories and mind violated, while Corwin left with Pierce for an introductory lesson on reaping. She knew Mason would make it as easy for her as possible, but it was still one of the most unpleasant experiences she’d ever endured.
Mason poured himself a whiskey and then lifted the bottle in question. “Will you have some drink to help numb things?”
“I might as well. Anything to help with the pain.”
She took the glass Mason offered her, and then took a big gulp, hoping to speed along the spirit’s affects. By the time she finished her glass, she was feeling lightheaded.
“One more for good measure, aye?” He refilled her glass and his own, though he looked no more drunk than when they had started drinking.
She sat by the fire, feeling chilled on this rainy and cold day. In a way, it reminded her of the rainy day she spent with Jack, the one she used to recall the murder. Or perhaps it was on her mind because of Mason’s intentions to take her back to the cottage.
Mason sat by her side and pulled her close. “So, how did Corwin take it?”
She was annoyed with Mason for mentioning Jack the way he had, but as always the case, she couldn’t stay mad at him long. “You could have given me the chance to explain my relations rather than dragging them out in the middle of breakfast.”
“It’s best he knows from the start that he’s no longer in the world of the living. Things are different here, and the faster he figures that out, the better off he’ll be.”
“It wasn’t your place to tell him, Mason.” She let out a ragged breath, weariness settling into her heart.
“Perhaps not.” There was a long pause, and when he spoke again the tone in his voice had changed. “Do you not think it difficult for me to see the way you look at him; the way you touch him? To know you nearly sacrificed everything for just an evening in his presence. To know he was…” He shook his head, but said no more.
“He was—what? What were you going to say, Mason?” She held his gaze, and in that moment she knew. Every muscle in her body tensed, but she still managed to get the words out through clenched teeth. “How long have you known?”
She felt as if the earth had fallen away from under her feet.
“Damon told me.” He reached over and touched her cheek, but she pulled away. “It makes no difference, love. You know society’s rules don’t exist here. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, aye?”
“How can you say that?” She squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to let her emotions get the better of her. It then occurred to her. “And Nelson? He knows, doesn’t he?” Mason punched him for a reason and now she knew why.
He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. “Nelson’s a bastard, aye? But I’m telling you, love, it changes nothing.”
“It changes everything.”
The shame and guilt returned once more, as if she were sitting there in her parent’s sitting room after telling them she was with child. She’d never forget her father’s harsh words and the look of disgust on his face. Heat flushed her cheeks as she wondered who else knew. Pierce? Amara? Hell, half the reapers probably knew by now.
She could not look at him. “You should have said something when he told you.”
“It was not my place to bring up something of such a personal nature. But I love you, Lilly. And I’ll not fault you or think less of you for something that should have brought you joy. It’s no wonder you’ve had such a hard time letting go of the past. I’m only sorry you didn’t feel you could trust me with such a matter.”
Her anger and hurt wavered, for she knew, Mason of all people, would not judge her. “I could not bear to speak of it, and I worried that the Elders… I worried they might harm her if I didn’t obey them.” When she let out a weary sigh, he wrapped her in an embrace, and nestled her under his chin. “Not even Corwin knows.”
“Will you tell him, love?”
“I’ll have to eventually, though it won’t be easy, especially when he’ll not be able to go find her.”
She did not think Corwin would think anything less of her, seeing as he was a willing participant. And yet, it had brought her such disgrace when her family sent her away lest she soil their name. She could not help but wonder how he’d react, especially when he’d only just left that society and its way of thinking.
“You’ll know the right time when it comes along.” Mason kissed the top of her head. “Should we get started then or do you need a little longer?”
“We may as well start.” She just wanted to get it over with. The sooner, the better.
“It would be best if we take it slow. If you’re at ease, it’ll be less painful.” Mason twined his fingers with hers and brought her hand to his lips. “Shall I get you another drink?”
“I suppose. Anything to be oblivious to the pain.”
He refilled her glass and waited for her to finish it. By the time she did, it was an effort to even keep her eyes open. When he pulled her into his arms and cradled her head against his chest, she went willingly.
“I’m going to start, love. Are you ready?” When she nodded, he got to work as she kept her breathing slow and steady. “Think of that intimate memory with Jack.”
She did as she was asked, but a moment later, her head throbbed and Mason was in there with her. Now fully awake from the pain, she took several deep breaths to try and cope. He waited for the pain to subside and she forced her body to relax once more before he continued.
“Return to the murder and let it play out for us.”
Her head hurt again as he held onto her thoughts while she recalled the scene in the alley. Again, just like the last time, Jack stood above the body of a woman, her throat cut, and his knife dripping with blood. She watched as Jack plunged it into the woman’s abdomen, when Mason stopped her.
“Where’s the beginning? Why do we not see that first blow? Go back and try again, love.” Another sharp pain spiked through her mind as Mason tried to push the scene back to the start of the event.
She winced in pain, but nothing more would come. “I can’t, Mason. That’s all I see.”
Releasing the image, it all played out before them, finally coming to an end with the grizzly mutilations completed.
The pressure in her head eased as Mason withdrew from her thoughts, though neither the throbbing pain nor the gruesome images had yet to subside. She wondered how many times she’d be forced to live the nightmares, and how many more women would be brought to their deaths, torn to pieces.
When she turned and faced Mason, it was to find him deep in thought. Something was eating at him, for he seldom looked this distracted. “What is it?”
“I didn’t see the first murder through your eyes, but you said it started with the woman already dead. Then there were the two murders we were able to recreate, but again, none started with the actual deaths. We know Jack’s there with a knife in his hand, hacking at the woman, but why don’t we see the start of it all? It seems like the recreations only start once the women have had their throats slashed.” His brow furrowed in concentration, his gaze lost in thought. “I wonder if you’re unconsciously blocking out the women’s actual deaths because of your closeness to Jack.”
“What’s happened when you’ve done this type recreation with other reapers? Was there ever any portion left out?” As chancellor, he must have had plenty of practice with this technique.
“Though I’ve gone through other’s thoughts before, we’ve rarely had reapers turn to murder. Still, Jack’s energy should link with the woman’s when they come in close contact with each other. That’s how we’re able to retrieve what happened—it’s the energy that’s linked to the body. We should see the beginning.”
Lilly tried to think of an explanation, but her head was still lolling around with drink, exhaustion setting in. “I don’t know what it could be then.”
“I don’t know either, love, though I wish I did.”
***
Lilly led Corwin through to the sitting room of her home. “You can stay here as long as you’d like.”
When he closed the distance between them, she felt her heart trip over itself. “Will ye also be here?”
One more thing she’d have to try and explain. “I’m afraid not, though that may change soon enough. There was a recent incident with a stranger, and it’s probably best if I remain at Mason’s for now.”
“An incident? Lilly, I must admit, the little I’ve
seen of this life has me wondering how suitable it is for a lady.” Worry lined his forehead, as he brushed a stray lock from her face. Her heart raced at his very touch, but his words nagged at her.
“I stopped being a lady when I became a reaper, Corwin—and when the alternative is being dead, I’ll take my chances with this life being a bit unsuitable.”
Her tone was harsher than she’d intended, but his words only reminded her of how very unladylike the end of her life had been. She reminded herself to be patient with him—he did not know of their child and was still new to this life, his words only spoken out of concern.
Feeling guilty, she gave his hand a squeeze. “I know this life is far from conventional, but it has its advantages.”
Jack - A Grim Reaper Romance Page 18