“The next time you call me names like you did this morning, I'm going to turn you into a pile of frog spawn…”
“Epi, I'm sorry…” I stopped abruptly, narrowing my eyes when I caught the trace of a smile curving Ben's lips. “Wait a minute – turn me into frog spawn?” Marianne saw my green eyes beginning to flash with anger and nudged my elbow swiftly. I inhaled sharply, making a conscious decision to remain composed and ignore Epi's goading. “Epi, Marianne and I have been discussing…”
“With any luck she has talked to you about controlling that terrible temper of yours…”
“Epi, will you listen to me for a minute!”
All four men stared at me. Lucas raised an eyebrow but remained silent, whilst Ben and Conal both frowned. Epi just continued to glare.
Taking another deep breath, I struggled to control the frustration I was experiencing. The old wizard had that effect, particularly when he was threatening me with being turned into frog spawn. “Nememiah's Children – where did they live in the past?” I waited, holding my breath, knowing everything hinged on his verification of what I believed.
Epi's brow furrowed and he adjusted his glasses. “Well, let me think.” He stood up hurriedly, with flexibility which belied his age. He plunged one hand into his rucksack, rummaging around for what seemed like an eternity. At last, he produced another of his old leather-bound books, flicking through pages while I edged towards him expectantly.
“What's this all about, Sugar?” Conal's long legs were stretched out, his booted feet resting on the table.
“I've been going about this the wrong way,” I muttered, watching Epi calmly turning pages in the book. “The vision I've had about somewhere safe for us to go – I didn't recognize it for what it truly was.”
“Huh?” Conal lowered his legs and turned to stare at us.
“Charlotte couldn't recognize the place she's been seeing,” Marianne explained, “because she's never been there. We think it might be a place the original Nememiah's Children used as a safe haven.”
“Over a thousand years ago?” Lucas questioned. “Would it even exist now?”
“Here!” Epi announced triumphantly, pointing to a page. “Nememiah's Children resided in a place called Zaen, where they lived and trained, a city provided for them by Nememiah. It was, as Marianne suggested, a safe haven for the Angel children, protected by powerful enchantments rendering it impervious to attacks.”
“That's where we need to go,” I announced.
“Wait a minute,” Ben cautioned. “Whilst I appreciate your enthusiasm - and we're all aware of your desire to get everyone to safety - I have to agree with Lucas. We're talking about a city which existed more than a thousand years ago. It may well have been destroyed during the final battle which decimated the Angel children. We don't even know where it was.”
“Ben's right, Sugar.” Conal sounded sympathetic, his dark eyes guarded. “Surely if this place existed, someone would have discovered it before now?”
“Not necessarily,” Epi muttered, continuing his study of the book. “Enchantments powerful enough would render it indiscernible to human eyes. It may have continued to exist throughout the ages and no-one would ever locate it because it's unmappable and unplottable.”
“But after a thousand years?” Ben sounded doubtful. “Surely after a thousand years, it will have deteriorated and collapsed. Disappeared from existence. If it is unmappable, who would know how to find it?”
“I do,” I announced confidently. “Epi, the portals work using sigils?”
“That's correct, child.” Epi lifted his gaze from the book to watch me inquisitively.
“And I portal to places I know, places I can see in my head and the spirits give me the correct sigils?”
“Yes.”
“Then I can get us there,” I declared emphatically. “I can see Zaen, it's in here.” I tapped my forehead with my finger. “I didn't recognize it for what it was, but now I'm certain. Zaen exists and the spirits will provide the sigils so we can get there.”
“Whoa, Sugar. I don't think creating a portal and waltzing through is such a good idea.” Conal stood up and put his hands on my shoulders, his expression sincere. “I know how much you want to get everyone to safety, but we don't know what we'll find on the other side of the portal. You can't be certain that what you're seeing is this Zaen.”
“I know it in here, Conal.” I pressed my fist against my chest. “Sitting around waiting for the Drâghici to locate us again isn't solving anything. Neither is moving from place to place with five minutes warning.” Tears formed in my eyes, blurring my vision. “Every time I sleep, I witness what the Consiliului are doing to anyone who won't agree to their enforced rule. I see people being killed and tortured… babies and children being murdered because they're not pure bred.” I took a trembling breath, trying hard not to break down completely. “I'm not sitting around here any longer. This is a chance for us to find some safety and security.” I shrugged his hands from my shoulders impatiently and turned to Lucas. “Please, Lucas. You know me… you trust me. We need to try this,” I pleaded.
Lucas returned my gaze, blue eyes regarding me seriously before he stood up. “Charlotte's right. We can't keep moving week after week, we need somewhere secure to live, somewhere other groups can join us. If this place exists, it would give us a place to train and try to overcome the problems we have defeating the demons.”
“But if we go through the portal and there's nothing there?” Conal asked quietly.
“Then we come back and think of another plan. But if we don't try, we won't know.”
“Lucas is correct,” Epi agreed. “We must try this. Our current situation is tenuous and the attacks will continue, of that I have no doubt.”
Conal's gaze flickered to Ben and he nodded. “Okay, Sugar. We'll try to find this Zaen.” He glanced at his watch. “It's too late to set out now. How about first thing in the morning?”
With a bright smile, I threw myself into his arms and hugged him. “But Epi will need to move our group to a new location before we go, somewhere I don't know about. That way, if they put Archangelo into another induced sleep they'll be safe.”
“Agreed,” Epi said. “That seems wise. It also means we can concentrate on our attempt to locate Zaen without worrying about what's happening back here.”
My eyes widened as I stared at Epi in astonishment. “You're coming with us?”
“Of course, child. I know more about Nememiah's Children than any of you. You will need me.”
“Conal, Nick, Epi and I will accompany you, Charlotte. Conal, will you go and find Nick, bring him up to speed?” Lucas requested. “And let everyone know they'll be on the move in the morning.”
“Are we telling them about this Zaen?” Conal asked quietly.
“We'll investigate first. Tell them we might have a place and are checking it out, but they're being moved for their own safety in the meantime.”
Conal nodded and slipped through the tent opening. The squaring of his broad shoulders suggested that despite his doubts, he felt good about having a plan.
Epi was rummaging through his rucksack, shoveling things from side to side and extracting books, arranging them on the table in preparation for our journey. Marianne hugged me tightly, offering me a sweet grin. “I love you.”
“And I love you.” She kissed my cheek and danced from the tent, happier than I'd seen her in days. Conal was right – it felt good to be doing something constructive and for the first time in ages, it felt like we might have something to look forward to.
I sensed Ben move to stand beside me and looked up into his calm face. “Charlotte, Jerome can give you something to help you sleep. It might stop the nightmares,” he suggested, examining the dark circles rimming my eyes.
I huffed out an impatient sigh. “Ben, we've been over this. The nightmares give us an indication of what the Drâghici are doing. Although the spirits warn of impending attacks, they don't tell me what's g
oing on in other places. The nightmares, visions - whatever you want to call them, they do. I think it's more important to know what's going on, more vital than worrying about a peaceful night of sleep.”
“One night won't do any harm,” Ben countered. “And I'd feel better knowing you were heading off on this reconnaissance with a good night of rest.” He rested his hand against my shoulder, his eyes betraying his concern. “You may need a clear mind to deal with what you find.”
“Ben's right,” Lucas coaxed huskily. “You must sleep.”
It seemed easier to acquiesce to their quiet determination and I nodded tiredly. I was exhausted, it was true. Ben hurried off to find Jerome and extract some sleeping pills from him. I glanced up at Lucas and he smiled warmly, pressing a brief kiss against my cheek. It reminded me of the conversation with Marianne and I lowered my gaze, a flush of desire warming my body. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“I have always believed in you, Charlotte,” he murmured. “Go back to your tent, I'll bring the medication to you in a few minutes.”
Leaving the tent, I caught sight of Conal calling his pack together for their meeting. Turning in the opposite direction, I headed towards the small tent I called home. Kneeling down, I crawled inside and fell tiredly onto the sleeping bag. I wanted to resolve this situation with Conal and Lucas and knew Marianne was right. The heated glances, the desire which hooded their eyes when they looked at me – I wasn't being fair to either of them, or myself.
Lucas appeared a few minutes later, carrying a small packet of tablets and a glass of milk. He knelt in the tent beside me, passing me two of the tablets and then the milk, watching as I swallowed the tablets down. “I'll leave you to sleep,” he announced and turned to go.
“Lucas, wait.” I levered up onto one elbow, supporting my face against the palm of my hand. Biting my lip, I tried to compose what I needed to say in my head. “I'm… I'm sorry about everything,” I admitted quietly. “I wasn't being fair to you or Conal by refusing to be involved with either one of you.”
His expression hardened visibly and when he spoke, his voice was cool, which sent a tingle of anxiety straight up my spine. I'd expected him to smile and draw me into his arms, then kiss me until I was breathless. The tone of his voice warned of a vastly different scenario. “Charlotte, you've made your choice and you were right. I am vampire. You're not. A relationship between us was doomed from the start. You made the right decision – for both of us. I belong with another vampire, someone of my own kind. I would be… happier with my own kind.”
I stared at him in disbelief, my heart hammering wildly in my chest. “You… what are you saying? I've seen the way you look at me! Now you're suggesting you… you don't love me anymore?”
“I'm afraid so. I'm not certain I truly loved you in the first place. I shouldn't have allowed this to continue for so long. The desire you see,” he glanced away for a second, then back, “is my normal desire for blood, nothing more. I can see now I was infatuated, the scent of your blood overwhelmed me with desire which I mistook for something else. Now that I've tasted you, controlled the thirst, I can see it would never work between you and I. It's only the scent of your blood which affects me, and I can control it now. You'd be much happier with Conal, he's a better choice for you.” He paused, eyes cold and his jaw set in determination. “Go to sleep, Charlotte. You have a big day tomorrow.”
Chapter 15: Shock
Lying flat on my back, I stared at the canvas overhead, my mind in turmoil. What had just happened? Over and over I repeated the conversation I'd had with Lucas, trying to figure out where it had gone so wrong. I'd seen the way he looked at me – had I really mistaken love for blood thirst? I cursed Marianne silently, she'd pushed me to make a decision and what had it gotten me? Certainly not what I'd expected. I'd gone from the comfort of knowing Lucas loved me, to having him assure me he didn't. I was better off before I'd opened my big fat mouth, when I'd at least had the illusion of there being a chance to resolve this. His words echoed over and over in my mind. He didn't love me, wasn't sure he ever had. He'd only wanted my blood, from the very beginning. Was he telling the truth?
There was only one person to blame for this disaster and that was myself. I'd made so many mistakes, errors of judgment I couldn't take back, couldn't erase. The responsibility rested squarely at my own two feet. If I hadn't left Puckhaber when I did, if I'd stayed in Montana – maybe we'd still be together. Or would Lucas have come to this decision regardless of the decision I'd made? Had he really only been with me because of my blood? It had the taste of truth, I knew how he'd struggled with bloodlust around me. Maybe tasting my blood had been enough to clear his mind of any lingering doubts. He'd even seemed relieved to admit how he felt. Ambrose's words came back to me – 'I thought he'd tired of his little pet'. Was that all I'd ever been?
The sky was darkening outside, the light dimming as the sun lowered overhead. I had no idea how much time had passed and was ignoring the sounds of movement outside the tent, until Conal popped his head through the small flap. “Sugar, are you asleep?”
“No.” I sat up in the sleeping bag, pushing my hair back from my face. “What's up?”
Conal slipped inside the tent and sat cross-legged on the floor. “I was going to ask you the same question. What's up between you and Lucas? Why the decision for Ben to go on the search for Zaen tomorrow? Lucas says he's not going, says Ben's taking his place.”
I sighed. “I tried to talk to Lucas earlier. It didn't go well and I guess] he's decided against being around me for now.”
Conal gazed at me, his expression thoughtful. “May I ask what you talked about?”
“Nothing that was helpful,” I responded morosely. Inhaling sharply, I let the air exhale through my nose. “Marianne spoke to me earlier, made me see I wasn't being fair to you or Lucas. I guess she made me admit to myself that even though I love you, my emotions for Lucas are stronger.” I peeked up at him anxiously, worried about his reaction. “I love him, Conal. I belong with him, but when I tried to tell him that,” I choked back a sob. “He told me he doesn't want me.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I told him I was sorry and that I'd been unfair to him and you.”
Conal gazed at me for a long while, black eyes solemn. “Sugar, you know he's only saying that because he wants to make this easier for you, right?”
My breath caught in my throat. “What?”
“I'm betting he lied to you,” Conal stated evenly.
I shook my head. “I don't understand.”
Conal sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair. “Charlotte, you've made this much more complicated than it needed to be. Before Lucas got back, you'd made up your mind what you were going to do. I accepted that – I told you I accepted you were going back to him.” He smiled, his eyes filled with warmth. “I love you, Charlotte, but I've always known you love him more. I think Lucas heard you say you hadn't been fair to either him or me, and he decided to let you off the hook. He told me a couple of weeks ago that he would do whatever it took to make you happy. He said if he thought I was the better choice for you, he would give you up. I'm guessing he thought you were trying to make a decision, and by telling you he didn't want you – it was his way of stepping out of the picture.”
“I didn't want to ever hurt either one of you.” Tears welled against my eyelashes.
Conal caught my hand in his. “Charlotte, this was inevitable. You will go back to him, you were always going back to him. I knew that. You and him, the relationship you have is almost symbiotic. He can't live without you and you can't live without him.” He brushed his thumb across my cheek, rubbing the tears away. “I told you before, I will always be here for you. Always. You're my best friend.” He leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss against my lips. “You need him, Sugar, you always have. He completes you.” He got to his knees and crawled towards the tent flap. “Go and find him, Charlotte. When I saw him an hour ago, he was devastated. Ta
lk to him and get this sorted out, so we can get on with doing what we need to do.” He slipped out through the flap and left me alone with my thoughts.
I stared after him, long after he'd disappeared, thinking through what he'd said. In a sudden burst of frenetic energy, I slipped on my boots and crawled out of the tent. I walked through the camp, trying to see Lucas amongst the crowds of people who were sharing this area of the forest. I stopped at Epi's tent and found the old man, Ben and Rowena sitting around the table. “Do you know where Lucas is?”
“I believe he's going for a walk, he head out towards the south an hour or so ago,” Rowena explained. “But Charlotte…”
“I'll be back later, we'll talk then,” I promised, hurriedly turning and heading off at a jog towards the south. Leaving behind the tents and detritus of our encampment, I entered the forest, finding the tranquility a sharp contrast to the hustle and bustle of our tent city. Slowing down to walking pace, I inhaled the scent of the trees overhead, listened to the rustle of the leaves beneath my feet as I wandered. This would be easier if I had vampire abilities but I was confident I'd run across him eventually.
Lucas. With that one word, my stress fell away. Conal was right, I belonged with Lucas and always had. He was the one I wanted to be with. Conal had promised I wouldn't lose him and I had to believe that. He would always be my friend and a surge of hope rose in my chest. This had always been the way it should be, it had just taken a while for me to figure it out.
I walked further into the dense woodland, so deep that no sound penetrated, the only noise coming from the soft whisper of leaves rustling overhead. I stopped walking, listening for any sound in the forest with me. Closing my eyes, I processed the miniscule sounds that reached my ears, until I picked up the softest murmur of a voice. I listened carefully until I could be confident of the direction, then set off, my feet muffled by the heavy growth of moss underfoot. I walked for maybe another ten minutes and the closer I got, the more clear the murmur of two distinct voices became. Lucas must have brought someone with him, I thought, as I twisted and turned on the makeshift path. It didn't matter who it was - I'd ask them to give Lucas and I some privacy so we could discuss our relationship and sort out the confusion between us.
Knowledge Hurts (The Nememiah Chronicles Book 3) Page 12