She rubbed the back of her head. "You never got over what?"
I have to admit I was pretty bemused by the strength of her reaction. It reassured me somewhat. Okay, I admit it. I was nervous as fuck. I'm no stammering nerd, not anymore, but you know, heart on sleeve and everything.
"My thing. Following you around. Puppy love." She looked blank, so I went straight to the heart of the matter. "The ice cream picnic? The trying to smash faces with you as a skinny-assed punk? The thing you pretended never happened, sweetness?"
Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.
"Yeah, that thing," I said as if she'd replied.
Finally she said, "Sweetness. You just called me sweetness."
I smiled widely, feeling a strange kind of relief. "So I did."
She swallowed, then cleared her throat. "We never—ah, we never really forget our first crush, I don't think."
"If you say so." Especially not if it never completely went away, I politely didn't point out.
She shook her head as if in denial. "That was a long time ago, Ash."
"So? Aura always thought there was something there, she made my life hell about it. And you know what? She was right. I used the truth back there. Maybe it was a dick move. Maybe it was a stupid idea." I neatly brought her back to the real subject at issue here. "But if we're gonna talk stupid, I have to tell you what you're doing with Karl is moronic."
I took her arm while she was still doing her fish-mouth thing and started ushering her swiftly down the sidewalk, away from our interested crew. I headed toward her place, keeping silent to let her think about things. I was confident her conclusions would be favorable toward me. Charis is a reasonable, sane woman, after all.
Three blocks later, Charis broke the silence as I was using my keycard for her building. "You're making no sense. Nothing you are saying is logical."
"Why is that, Spock?" I nudged her gently up the stairwell.
"You told Aura you were splitting up because of me, when really it had nothing to do with me. But now you're trying to claim it did. You're contradicting yourself."
I rifled through her backpack for her key, which didn't jam like my copy. Her door slid smoothly open. I slid smoothly inside.
It seemed to hit her at last that I'd just bulldozed my way into her apartment. "Hey, what are you doing, Norrell? I'm crashing, not socializing."
"Don't worry, you don't have to socialize with me," I said blandly. "As for being illogical…actually, it makes perfect sense."
I backed her up against the door, put my hands on her cheeks and framed her face.
"What are you doing?"
"Touching your face. Why, would you rather I go for your hair? I can do that."
My teasing hid a multitude of reactions. Being close to her, being alone with her, not drunk, did heady things to my system. I felt exactly like that boy of so long ago, getting so fogged up over so little.
I mean, it was just skinny Sloane here, not Jessica Alba. I wasn't a lovestruck puppy anymore. This giddy excitement, this shuddering up and down my body was like traveling back in time ten years. Even sliding my hands into her hair and locking the silky strands between my fingers made my heart pound.
I'd spent so many hours imagining what she'd feel like. Her hair was shiny chestnut and shimmered with red highlights, and whenever she turned her head it would fall against her cheek like a sleek curtain. I'd wanted to feel it feathering me. I'd wanted to touch her skin under her tee shirts.
Today she didn't look all that different from the girl she'd been then. Heaviness pooled in my groin, reminding me I was no raw youth. There was no going back from this.
I licked my dry lips. Go on, Norrell. Bring on the logic.
"You're not responsible for the failure of my relationship. Aura and I did that all on our own. We're not compatible. But aside from that, the deal is, all this time I had you in the wrong box. I was sure we were platonic. But that was because I had you both around, Aura to fuck and you to pl…."
Seeing her expression, I quit before I stepped any deeper into my own shit. Even to my own ears, I sounded like a colossal, arrogant prick of proportions so extreme that no self-respecting woman would put up with me.
Evidently that was her take, too. Her withering stare could decay protons. "Try again, dude."
"Right," I said starkly. "I've missed you, Sloane. Every day I thought about you. Everything was going to shit. Then suddenly it was over with Aura, and I saw you again, and it all got good again. You missed me too, I know you did."
She frowned but nodded.
I traced the furrows in her forehead. "You," I said like an imbecile, tracing her lips again. "You."
"Me." She yanked her face away from my touch, but her voice sounded tremulous. "Me…what?"
What I wanted to say was complicated.
You make all the blood in my body pool in my cock.
The days I don't see you I feel incomplete.
The idea of you with Karl torments me.
You're the center of my thoughts.
You're the person I know best in the world, and I want to know you even better.
But she wasn't ready to hear all that.
So what I said was the most important fact of the moment, the issue that was damming everything up.
"You can't marry my brother. He won't be into you. He won't stick to you. He'll make your life miserable."
She blinked. "He won't be into me? What exactly are you implying?"
"Nothing, it's not important," I dismissed. "The important thing here is the making you miserable part."
The way she was eying me, I knew—I just did—she wasn't trusting anything I was saying right now. An all-too-familiar sensation after dealing with Aura so recently.
"No, tell me, Asher. I don't know what it is you're up to, but I'd really like to hear why your brother who wants to marry me won't be into me. Go on, say it. Let me help you out. It's because I'm not a goddess like your girlfriend, right?"
I was floored by the question. Charis sometimes spoke self-deprecatingly about her attractiveness, but that was in a joking manner. Now with this goddess comment, I was getting shades of Aura again. Was she turning into an Aura before my very eyes?
"Don't worry," she said tightly. "I'm fully aware of the situation. I know what all the Norrell men go for. Someone like your mother and sisters, with curves on their curves. You may be surprised to know I…don't…care." Now Charis was on her tiptoes, shoving her face into mine. I loosened my grip, not wanting her to hurt her scalp, but I wasn't about to let her go so she could wiggle away now.
"You don't care." I echoed, relieved.
That was the Sloane I knew—you could always take her at face value.
"No, I damn well don't." Her face was pink and she looked no less pissed then before. "I also know that Karl is the honest one in this scenario. He doesn't pretend a fake passion for me or act like we're anything more than friends. Which is fine by me, so I would really appreciate it if you'd stop with this I'm-hot-for-you crap. You must have learned that kind of manipulative behavior from Aura. I'm not impressed. I'm going to marry your brother. There's no need to try to save me from myself by preten—"
The laughter exploded.
"What is so funny, you ass?"
"Nothing. Not a thing is funny about your intention to marry Karl, Sloane. It's just the irony here, that you're so clueless at your advanced age. I've wondered. Sure, you're practically old enough to be my grandma, but—"
Kick on my shins. Whap on my forearm. Stoically I accepted the cost of my sarcasm and finished, "—but sometimes you act like you've never even kissed a man. Case in point."
Abruptly the attack stopped.
"Is that another insult?"
"Insult? It's a fact."
"It's not a fact that I've never kissed a man. That is false."
"But it is a fact that you act like it."
"Huh." That was Charis at a loss for words.
I exhaled. Her
contrariness had made me forget the cardinal rule that actions speak louder than words. With slow deliberation, I gathered up her hair and brought her higher so I could hover my mouth above hers. She smelled wonderful. I bemoaned not spending the last decade sniffing her at every chance.
"If you were a real kissing pro, old lady, you'd know I'm not even remotely faking it," I murmured, so close our breaths touched. "I mean fuck, Sloane…how can you…even…think that?" With the last word, our lips touched. When my mouth began to move, hers did, too.
That small response was encouraging. I pulled her close, and it was almost perfect, except for the cold, slick microfiber of her coat. I released her and began working on the buttons.
Without any hesitation, let me add. As though stripping off her outerwear was a normal thing between us.
It honestly didn't occur to me she'd consider it a bold move until she batted my hands away.
"What the freaking fuck are you doing?" Her voice was breathless, all out of proportion to her words.
I narrowed my eyes. Back on the street, she'd responded to my kiss. Now her thin voice told me she wasn't unaffected by me. Her reddened cheeks, her parted mouth, also reddened…fuck, the girl was in heat. She was fuckable. The signs were there. Was it the first time? Or had I missed it before?
I didn't have the answers, but one thing was sure—the very idea of Charis in heat made my blood cells float.
I said innocently, "Don't you want your coat off?"
She clutched her lapel together. "I'll do it, thanks."
"So do it then."
Her eyes widened to owl-size and she hesitated.
"Take it off," I coaxed.
"What is with you, Norrell? Is this all some huge practical joke and I'm the last one in on it?"
"Nope. I just want you in a coat-free state. There you go, no, don't hang it up, just throw it down somewhere. Wasn't that easy?"
"You're crazy."
I took a few steps backward to give her a good, thorough survey. I had to smirk at the sight before me—a long, slim figure prudishly enclosed in a red polo shirt buttoned all the way up and loosely tucked into a pair of roomy black slacks. No hint of breast or hip. But there was no mistaking her for a guy.
"Now what's funny?"
"I'm not gonna say. A gentleman never insults a lady's clothing."
"Too late, you just did. Besides, we both know I have no fashion sense. So what. Is. Funny."
"Your whole lack-of-men diatribe before, when you go around dressed like that. Only you, Sloane."
"Still not getting it, Norrell." Tough as she tried to talk, she was almost whispering.
"Just that your clothes leave everything to the imagination. If dudes aren't lining up, it's not because of your brain, Sloane, which FYI is sexy as fuck. It's because you hide your body in neutering clothes. Guys have no idea what's under there."
"I don't dress for others," she said fiercely. "I dress the way I like."
"Really? I thought you didn't give a shit how you dressed. That's what you're always saying."
She leaned against the wall in an obvious attempt to look indifferent. "I don't. If guys can't see beyond my clothes, that's their problem. I know you think I dress like a boy."
"Sometimes," I admitted. "But you move like a woman." It was true. Charis had never done the tall-girl slump—a legacy of her ballet dancer mom, probably. Even when we tussled, I'd noticed she twisted and flailed like I'd only seen girls do.
"Oh," she said. "Well, uh…"
"What?"
She chewed on a corner of her lip. "My brain is sexy?"
"As fuck," I agreed, then added the truth I'd barely admitted to myself, looking her up and down deliberately. "I get hard-ons when we debate."
I didn't add, And I tamp them right down because you're forbidden fruit, then I head straight for Aura and fuck her for three hours straight.
Because that would make me look bad.
And I didn't want to look bad to Sloane. I wanted her to admire me.
Abruptly she straightened, her body buzzing with tautness, her hands clenching in and out of fists in a nervous gesture I must have seen her do hundreds of times.
And since I was looking, I also noticed something else. Charis's nipples were pushing the material of her shirt like two furiously pointing fingers.
I didn't bother to hide my stare at those hard, jutting points.
Damn, I liked Charis in heat.
"Oh, babe, that's really…" I let my voice drift off. If I hadn't been looking right at them, I'd have missed how those sweet tips rose again at my words.
"Oh, shit," she choked.
I met her eyes, saw the alarm there. And something else—pupils dilated almost to iris size. A textbook sign of sexual arousal.
What else gave it away? Her mouth, yep: swollen lips. And her chest was rising erratically with her labored breaths.
Inevitably my attention returned to her nipples. Lord, they weren't the shy little things I'd envisioned, not they way they stuck out at the world. No, my bestie's breasts literally stood up and demanded to be suckled, rolled, pinched.
Everything about her was signaling, hot, hot, hot. If she was a robot, I'd have to approve her sensor array.
My tongue felt thick in my mouth. I had the really, really, really strong urge to haul her shirt out of her pants and raise it so I could see exactly what those breasts looked like sans all barriers.
Like before, there was this feeling that she was mine.
As if I had a right to strip her.
But I didn't have that right—yet.
So I merely wrapped my arms around her. I kept my hands at her waist, taking care to maintain a distance between our hips. If she brushed against my cock, which was highly combustible right now, I was truly afraid of what I would do. Screw this up, no doubt.
"This isn't a joke, is it, Asher?"
"Nuh-uh. No joke, sweetness." I wanted to touch the flesh below my splayed fingers, spread them out further to discover just how tight and soft her ass was.
"Well, nor is my engagement to your brother a joke, so stop calling me that."
My hands tightened at the reminder. "I'm not laughing, believe me. If you weren't engaged to Karl, I'd be kissing you right now."
That got me a recoil. But she didn't move away. It wasn't disgust she was feeling. I was pretty sure I knew what that recoil was about.
Our damn age difference.
It had always been there between us, a nasty, intrusive stage hog.
"I'm a man," I said firmly. "Not a kid."
She shook her head frantically. "But it's like you are."
"No," I said. "It's not."
"I took a family psych class, Norrell. The thing is, since your childhood, you've associated me with your sister Mel, so for you it would be the equivalent of incestuous—"
"B.S. Bull and shit. Defecation d'bull. Is that clear enough for you, Sloane? There is no fucking incest here."
Her chin rose. "Mel agrees with me."
"Does she? Maybe you should talk to her again. Not that it really matters what Mel thinks, unless she's the one who wants to kiss you."
She looked skeptical. "This is all happening because you're still in shock over Aura."
"Yeah, no."
"You can't be over Aura already. Seriously, emotions like love don't just disappear overnight."
"They do if they were never all that intense in the first place."
"You and Aura are plenty intense together, believe me." She snorted.
"Were. And that was just sex. Believe me."
"For your information, sex and emotion go hand in hand." She inhaled and raised her finger. "I read a study surveying seventeen through sixty-five-year-olds that found that even amongst those in a non-monogamous relationship, a surprisingly high prop—"
I scoffed, "Listen, you-who-has-no-direct-personal-experience-with-mind-blowing-sex—"
"Wha? How can you know that? What makes you so sure?"
I was
very sure, but I didn't know how I knew. "Deny it all you want. Suffice it to say, for a man at least, it is eminently possible to fuck a woman unconscious and forget her an hour later."
"Okay." Her face had gone beautifully red. "Okay, I can see how sex differentiation possibly applies here. But that is not how it was with Aura and don't you even try to tell me it was."
"No," I admitted. "I felt something for her. I loved her insanely at first. Then it became a rollercoaster ride between heaven and hell for years."
"The love-hate duality. Euripides. Poe. Shakespeare." She nodded, slipping out of my hold. I had to fight myself to let her go.
"It wasn't even that strong. And eventually it fizzled into…what it was. You know what, Sloane, if that was love, it was no good to me. I'm not ever dealing with that shit again. I've wised up. Next woman I'm involved with is gonna be secure in her body, sexually confident. She's not gonna play manipulative games. She's gonna make my life better, happier."
I saw her stiffen and cursed myself for my lack of tact. Had I put my foot in it? It must be pretty obvious she was the "next woman" I wanted to be involved with. And she should know she didn't have to worry, she was all those things—well, maybe except the sexually confident part.
Hell, was that her issue? I could have told her it wasn't sexual experience I needed.
What I needed was for my woman to believe in me. Sure, I was guilty of harboring a secret attraction, maybe more than that, for Charis. But that didn't change the fact that I'd loved Aura, I'd been faithful, I'd bent over backward to make us work…and she'd torn me up again and again by doubting me. Her lack of faith in me had wrecked any odds we'd had of succeeding.
And now damned if I wasn't afraid Charis didn't believe me, either.
"Well, good luck with that, Norrell," she said, bending to swipe up her coat. "I hope it all works out for you finding that perfect low-maintenance woman. Now will you please go away? My day is kind of shot. I might as well grade exams."
CHAPTER 14
Two years Ago—A Slip of the Hand
Charis: Do you think you could ever date a woman taller than you?
Asher: So that would be…six foot four or more.
Charis: I guess. Yeah.
Unfriended: A Geek and Stud Romance (Love in New Highland Book 1) Page 11