by Tara Wylde
Ella rolls her eyes and some of the tension drains from her shoulders. “She can’t get enough of it. If it takes place sometimes in the future, she’ll spend a whole weekend watching it. She sure doesn’t get it from me.”
No, she got it from me. Sci-fi has always been my favorite genre. I’d never considered the possibility of it being something I’d pass on to my child. Then again, until three hours ago I never considered I was ever going to have a child!
“I have an entire library of sci-fi DVDs. You name it, I’ve got it. Everything from every Star Trek episode, the Alien movies, Buffy, Doctor Who, The Twilight Zone. Seriously, my DVD collection is a geek’s treasure trove. She’ll love it.”
Ella clings to the edge of the door. “So, you want—” She sucks in a mouthful of air and tries again. “You’re going to be a part of her life?”
This isn’t a conversation I want to have while I’m standing in the hallway. I step into the kitchen, gently tug the door out of her grasp and push it closed before gesturing towards the living room. “Can we go in there and relax?”
Ella catches her lower lip between her teeth. Her eyes flick back and forth from me to the living room. “I guess that’s okay.”
She proceeds me into the room and sits down on a pretty yellow and blue checked couch. The cat jumps down and settles in a dusty patch of sunlight, throwing a yowl in our direction.
I nod at the place on the couch beside her. She hesitates a moment before sliding sideways in silent assent.
Reaching over, I take one of her hands, cupping it between both of my own. It trembles, the light fluttering reminding me of a baby bird I found and returned to a nest last spring.
I choose my words carefully; after all, my entire future depends on them. “I’ve been thinking about our daughter.”
Ella stares at me with saucer-shaped eyes but doesn’t say a word.
“Your news. It was a shock. Literally, the last thing I expected to hear. I spent seven years dreaming of getting you back in my life, imagining what our life would be like once we reconnected.” Ella gasps but otherwise remains silent. “It never once occurred to me that our lovemaking would have created a child.”
My gaze slips from her face, gliding downward until it lands on her stomach, the place where our child spent nine months growing. My mind conjures up an image of how it swelled. I picture how Ella must have cuddled it and stroked it while she whispered secret conversations with our unborn child. This is followed by images of the first time she held Kelsey, how she reacted when she learned the truth about our child’s health, how she must smile and celebrate whenever Kelsey achieves a new milestone.
Grief grips my heart and holds on tightly. I missed so much. I can’t go back in time and get those moments back, but… If Ella’s open to it someday we can make another child and this time I’ll be an active participant throughout the entire experience.
I shake my head, jerking myself out of my thoughts. Talk about foolish. I haven’t even met my current child, much less resolved anything between Ella and myself, and I’m already contemplating having another child. Talk about jumping the gun.
I jerk my thoughts back on track. “What I want you to know is that I love you and I can’t wait to meet Kelsey. I can’t wait to get to know her and learn everything that makes her special.”
Relief spreads slowly across Ella’s face. “Are you certain?”
“One hundred percent.”
“I didn’t tell you about Kelsey so that you’ll feel obligated to take care of her,” Ella says tentatively, like she’s having a difficult time believing anything I’ve said so far. “Kelsey deserves better than simply being someone’s obligation.”
“Ella.” I cup Ella’s jaw in my right hand, forcing her to meet my eyes. “No one forces me to do anything I don’t want to do. I want to be a part of both of your lives. I’m excited about it.”
Unable to resist, I lean forward and brush Ella’s lips with my own in a kiss that’s sweeter than spun sugar. Ella sighs against my mouth and the tension melts from her body.
“Mmm,” she hums, the sound tickling my lips.
“I agree.” Breathing heavily, I pull back and look deep in her eyes. I slip a finger under the collar of her T-shirt, tugging it away from her throat, and kiss the tip of her nose. Ella lifts her arms, winding them around my neck and threading her fingers into my hair. “It seems like this is a great place to start our goal to make love in every room in the city.”
Ella laughs and glances at the cheap black watch strapped to her wrist. “It sounds fun, but we don’t—”
We both hear the kitchen door swing open. Mal the Cat bolts to his feet and races into the kitchen. Childish laughter carries to us.
I push myself away from Ella and sit up. Kelsey. I’m about to meet my six-year-old daughter for the first time. I run my hand through my hair before tugging at my shirt.
“Do I look okay?” I have no idea what I am supposed to say to the little girl I fathered, but who I haven’t yet met. I want to make a good impression, but I don’t have the first clue as to how to go about doing that.
Kissing Ella is wonderful, but now I wish I would have spent that precious bit of time using my phone to google how to handle a first meeting with a little girl.
I’ve never been so terrified in my life.
I start to stand but Ella grabs my sleeve. “Jason, wait.”
The panic in her voice chills my heart. My eyes meet hers and the sheer panic in their depths makes it impossible to breathe.
“What’s wrong?”
Ella shakes her head. Her free hand goes to her throat. I never imagined she’d ever look so vulnerable. Her eyes wheel to the table before returning to me. “Whatever happens, “she hisses between panic clenched teeth, “you need to promise that you’ll do whatever it takes to keep Kelsey safe.”
I assume she’s talking about Kelsey’s health problems. What else could she possibly be worried about? I bend forward and touch my lips to her brow, hoping the touch will calm Ella. “I’ll always take care of you and Ella.”
Ella shakes her head. “No. I’m not important. Kelsey’s all that matters.”
My brow furrows as realization plows into me. Something is wrong. There’s something Ella still hasn’t told me about, something that scares her half to death. Before I can question her, a little girl with wild brown hair bounces into the room, her pretty heart-shaped face creased into a million-watt smile.
25
Jason
Traffic hums outside as Chicago’s nighttime lovers take to the streets. I place the last dinner plate on the drying rack and pull the plug on the sink, letting the soapy water drain out as I walk into the living room.
Kelsey and Ella are curled up together on the pull-out couch. The big gray cat lays sprawled on their legs, a contented purr rattling his body.
I reach out and place my fingertips on Kelsey’s cheek, feeling her soft skin and gentle warmth run up my hand.
I have a daughter. I have a daughter. Pleasure and pride settle over my shoulders like a warm mantle. I’m a father.
I hadn’t expected to spend the evening with a girl whose existence was only made known to me a few hours ago, but I thoroughly enjoyed the dinner of canned ravioli and milk, followed by helping Kelsey with her math homework, which she hates, and then a three-episode marathon of Supernatural, which both of us love.
I’d been briefly introduced to Adele, who upon hearing who I was and my relationship with Kelsey, excused herself, saying she was going to spend the night with friends so that I could get acquainted with Kelsey.
Even though I’ve only known her for a few hours, not even enough time to scratch the surface of the person she is, I’ve already tumbled into love with her, accepted her as my own, as an integral part of my life.
Ella didn’t have to ask me to protect Kelsey, I would do that no matter what.
I brush Kelsey’s soft hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. I always imagi
ned having kids with Ella; it was a natural part of the romantic fantasies I spun around her while I waited for her to reappear in my life, but not once did I ever imagine the possibility that we’d already created a life. And yet that’s exactly what we’d done.
Watching my little girl sleep, I’m painfully aware of the passage of time. In just a few months’ time, she’ll celebrate her seventh birthday. Seven! Before I know it, she’ll be a teenager, then she’ll want her driver’s license, and she’ll start bringing boys home.
I sink down on the side of the thin mattress and jam a hand through my hair. I’m not ready for this. And I’ve already missed so much.
In the dim light cast by the kitchen, my gaze shifts to Ella. She’s been quiet this evening. watching Kelsey and me interact without actually being a part of things. Despite the fact that Kelsey and I both tried to convince her to join in, she kept resisting, though she frequently reached out to hold Kelsey’s hand or to run a hand over her head, like she needed to feel her little girl.
A few times I got the impression that she was afraid I’d suddenly whisk Kelsey away, which is why I think that, instead of going to her own bedroom, she crawled into bed with Kelsey. After the stress of telling me about my secret child, I think she needs the connection that can only be provided by touch.
She’s a wonder. Raising a child, even a healthy one, on her own wouldn’t have been easy. But to deal with a child whose life is already in danger before she’s even born. The strain… I can’t even begin to imagine what she must have gone through, what she still goes through whenever Kelsey gets a sniffle or has a doctor’s appointment to check out her heart.
Love and respect crash over me in a huge tidal wave. I’m humbled by Ella’s strength, her resilience. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such an amazing woman, but I know I’ll do my damndest to provide her with the kind of life she deserves.
I reach out and stroke a hand through her hair, loving how the silken strands bleed through my fingers. Even in sleep, there’s a worried line between her brows and I wonder about what other secrets she’s still holding on to.
One way or another, I need to get her to understand that she can trust me. Sleep tugs at me, and I stretch out beside them. The cat cracks one yellow eye open, watching me with undisguised curiosity as I rest one hand on Kelsey’s side, driven by a need to feel her breathing, and link the fingers of my other hand with Ella’s before closing my eyes and letting sleep steal over me.
26
Ella
The sound of light tapping gradually pulls me out of sleep. I open my eyes and blink up at the living room ceiling a few times, getting my bearings. My eyes feel gritty, my throat’s a little sore, and there’s a faint pounding behind my temples that’s more a warning than actual pain.
Not the best way to wake up; still, it could be worse.
I hold up my wrist and squint at my watch. 5:48. Just a little over half an hour before I need to shake Kelsey awake and help her get ready for school.
I nudge Mal off my legs, eliciting a soft, disgruntled growl from him as he rises and stalks to the opposite side of the mattress and curls up behind my daughter’s knees.
“Careful, mister,” I warn him in a low undertone. “Kelsey might have been the one who found you and begged me to let you stay, but I’m the one who made the final decision and I’m the one who keeps your cat food stocked. The last thing I need right now is an ungrateful cat, so if you get too mouthy with me, I’ll kick you out of here.”
Mal tucks his nose between his forepaws and closes his eyes. He’s not stupid. He knows a bluff when he hears one. A moment later he starts to snore.
“Ungrateful cur,” I mutter as I climb off the bed, grimacing as my body reminds me that it’s really not designed to spend the night on such a cheap mattress. Hard to believe that it’s the same body that managed to remain limber after spending an entire night on the floor of a lifeguard station all those years ago.
I stretch and twist my upper body, trying to force some of the kinks out, before padding towards the kitchen and the strange clicking sounds.
The sight of Jason bent over my battered five-year-old laptop startles me. I blink at him. “I thought you’d left.”
Jason jumps, the movement nearly knocking over the cup of coffee by his elbow. I rush to steady it before it tips onto the computer’s keyboard. Death by coffee to the keyboard is an accident I can ill afford right now.
“I, uh, I wanted to stay,” Jason speaks slowly, like he’s been lost in another world and is struggling to return to the present. “It felt right. I hope you don’t mind.”
I should. His presence should upset me. It’s been just me, Kelsey, and Adele in this place together for the last six years. Having a man around should disrupt the natural order of things, but my gut tells me that this is right, how it should be. Besides, I don’t have the energy to be upset. I’m too stiff, tired, and worried about how the hell I’m going to pay Abe tomorrow.
`Not for the first time, I consider asking Jason for a loan. He’s rich. He can afford to pay off my entire debt if he wants, but I don’t want to. It’s not that I’m not willing to swallow my pride and ask, but rather that I’m afraid of what how Abe and his father will react when they find out where the money came from.
There’s no doubt in my mind that if they find out he exists, then sooner rather than later they'll find a way to use my connection to Jason to put the squeeze on him.
I can’t let that happen. Jason’s my one shot at keeping Kelsey safe if I can’t figure out a way to get myself out from under this debt.
“Nah.” I cross to the coffee pot and pour the fragrant brew into my favorite oversized coffee mug, the sunshine yellow one Kelsey gave me for Mother’s Day two years ago. The word ‘mom’ is painted in bright pink, childish handwriting on the front. The cup never fails to make me feel loved.
I take a generous sip, ignoring how the liquid sears the roof of my mouth before burning a trail down my throat. Feeling marginally more human, I wrap both hands around the mug and prop a hip against the counter top, waiting for the caffeine to kick in.
I direct my attention to Jason. He’s wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday, though they’re considerably more wrinkled and they’ve acquired a ravioli sauce stain. His hair is standing up on end, like he’s been running his hands through it. Shadows have formed beneath his eyes.
“Did you get any sleep?” I ask. Having him here in my kitchen, with so much between us, should feel awkward, but it doesn’t. It feels right. Comforting.
He shrugs but his attention doesn’t waver from the screen. “Some. I laid down with you and Kelsey for a few hours.” His lifts his eyes, meeting mine. “That mattress sucks.”
My throbbing back agrees with him. “It gets the job done,” I say quietly. “If you were uncomfortable, you should have moved to my room. My bed’s better.”
Humor and the first stirrings of desire brighten his expression. The corners of his mouth kick up in a small smile. “I want to put that to a test. Maybe later this morning? After Kelsey leaves for school?”
A blush warms my face as a few different possibilities flit through my mind. “I have to work today,” I quietly tell him.
“Call in sick.”
God, talk about a luxury I can’t afford. “That’s not possible.”
“Pity.” Jason’s attention drops back to the computer screen. “There’s a few moves you and I haven’t tried out yet. They look…interesting.”
Suspicion blossoms and I push myself away from the counter. “Exactly what are you doing with my computer? So help me, Jason, if you’re using it to look at porn… Your daughter uses it for her homework.”
I round the end of the table and skid to a stop beside him. I grab the computer, angling it so I can see exactly what’s on the screen.
“Oh!” My stomach drops and my heart constricts as I check out what he’s been studying. Instead of lewd images or the dirty video I expected to find, I’m l
ooking at a very familiar website. My shoulders slump as a bright and sweet sensation shifts through me. “The hospital that did Kelsey’s surgery.”
“Yeah.” Jason takes my hand in his, lifts it to his mouth and kisses my wrist. “I’m trying to learn as much as I can about what she, what both of you, went through and what options are currently available. I also sent an email to my insurance agent, letting her know that I need to meet with her. I want to get Kelsey booked onto my health insurance plan right away.”
“Jason,” I start to say, awe coloring my voice.
There are so many ways he could have handled this situation. Many of the women with apartments in this building are hardworking single mothers like myself. I’ve seen the men in their lives put them through hell, so I know all about the different ways Jason could have reacted to finding out that he’d fathered my child.
He could have called me every name in the book. He could have threatened to take Kelsey away from me, or accused me of lying. He could have denied her forever. But he hadn’t. Instead he has proven to be the sweetest guy in the world. A prince in a world of paupers.
My heart rolls over and swells.
Please, I silently pray, let me come up with a solution to my money problems. I can’t bear the thought of him finding out just how much trouble I’m in.
Jason cocks his head to the side and raises an amused brow. “Yeah?”
I start, realizing I began to say something only to get lost in my own thoughts.
I swallow, trying to push away the lump that’s suddenly formed in my throat while blinking back the tears collecting in the corners of my eyes. “You don’t have to do that.”
He snorts. “Ella, I know you’ve done your best, but I looked at the health insurance plan Abutilon provides. It sucks.”
He’s not wrong, but I still feel the need to defend it. Some sort of misguided pride, I suppose. “It’s better than no insurance at all.”